The Season of Falling

3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

Kasey

I sat in the hospital waiting room for at least an hour, anxious for any word on Dean and how he was doing. Finally, one of the nurses asked me what I was there for, and after shakily explaining, she promised to find out what she could. My heart picked up pace when I spotted her walking toward me, but her news wasn’t the most reassuring.

“I’m sorry, ma’am. It seems like he’s still in critical condition, and the doctor’s aren’t allowing any visitors.” She must have seen the tears fill my eyes because she hurried to add that the doctor she had spoken with expressed confidence that Dean would make a full recovery.

“But how long until they allow visitors?” I was pleading, but I didn’t care. “I promised his sister that I’d keep her updated on everything.”

“Unfortunately, we can’t disclose any patient details except to those given express access. As for visitors, I’m afraid it will probably be some time.”

I wanted to argue. Sarah was his only family and she wasn’t nearby. And I had no idea if she even had permission to receive his medical details. The nurse started to turn and I reached a hand out to stop her. “Can I stay and wait?”

“The waiting room is open, of course. But like I said, it will likely be quite some time before visitors are permitted. I can only recommend going somewhere you’ll be comfortable.”

“Thank you,” I said softly, wiping away the few tears that had trailed down my cheeks. She smiled encouragingly at me before turning and walking away. I had more questions than answers. What kind of critical condition was Dean in? How many injuries had he gotten? And most importantly, when would I be able to see him?

I paced in the waiting room for a while before deciding to leave the hospital. I needed to go somewhere, to do something. So I drove to the Greenway, got out of my car, and took one of the paths along the edge of Lake Champlain. My mind was full to bursting, and I didn’t know what to do or how to process what I was feeling. I had seen my best friend get hit by a car. Nothing in life prepared you for something like that. I had the thought to call and let all our friends know, but I wasn’t ready to rehash the accident four more times right then. I’d let them know about the accident, but it could wait until I had more details to give them.

There was a bench up ahead, and I made my way toward it, ready to sit after wandering the trail for close to an hour. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, hoping to see anything from Sarah. When not a single notification appeared I put it back and slumped forward, resting my elbows on my knees. I stayed that way for a long time, barely registering the uncomfortable bench that made my backside go numb.

I was pulled from my thoughts when my phone started ringing. I grabbed it from my pocket, and my heart picked up speed when I saw Sarah’s name on the screen. I quickly scrubbed a hand down my face to clear the tear tracks I knew were there.

“Hello?” My voice came out rough from disuse, and uncertain as I braced myself for what could only be bad news.

“Hey, Kasey, is now an okay time to talk?”

I nodded absently before clearing my throat and speaking. “Yeah, now’s fine. Did you hear from the hospital? They hardly gave me any information when I was there this morning.”

“I just got off the phone with them.” Sarah sighed. “It’s a good thing that the car wasn’t going faster or Dean would be way worse off. But luckily his physical injuries aren’t too serious. He sprained his elbow and has some nasty bruises, including some bruised ribs, but all that will heal quickly.”

My mind couldn’t let go of what she’d said. “His physical injuries?” I asked. “Are there other injuries?”

“Apparently Dean has amnesia,” Sarah answered. “The doctor didn’t think it was anything to be seriously worried about, though. He told me that Dean seems to have little to no memories from the past year or so, but remembers everything before then fairly well. He said that he expects all of Dean’s memories to return in time, but that his short-term memory could be affected for much longer.”

I scrambled for something to say, unsure how to respond to the news she’d given me. “Did the doctor say when Dean can go home?”

“They’re going to keep him for a week, and then they’ll evaluate how he’s doing and if he’s ready to be released. They said I could visit now, but that non-family visitors wouldn’t be allowed until Thursday or Friday, depending on how he’s doing.” I could hear the weariness in Sarah’s voice as she spoke again. “I can’t leave work right now. Of course I’ll try to come visit soon, but Noah and Ivy—” she broke off, clearing her throat. “I just can’t afford to take that much time off right now. Will you visit him as much as you can? Make sure he’s okay and keep me updated?”

“Of course I will. You don’t even have to ask. I’ll call you as soon as they let me visit. And please let me know if the hospital calls you with any other updates as well.”

“I will. And Kasey? I’m so glad you were there. It must have been a horrible thing to see…” her voice trailed off for a moment before she continued. “But there needed to be someone there who knew him, who could make sure he got what he needed. And you did that. So thank you.”

We said our goodbyes and hung up, but my mind kept turning over what she’d said. I understood that me being there when it happened and able to give the emergency responders Dean’s information meant that Sarah and I knew what was going on and would continue to be updated. And that was a good thing. But I couldn’t forget the horrible sound Dean’s body had made colliding with that car. Or the way he had looked so still and lifeless sprawled out in the middle of the road. I could feel the pressure building behind my eyes again, but I blinked furiously, trying to keep the tears at bay. I didn’t want to cry anymore until I was safely home where it didn’t matter how red and puffy my face got.

As soon as I pulled my front door closed behind me, I sank to the floor and finally let the tears free. I cried for Dean, lying in a hospital room all alone. For Sarah who worked so hard to keep her two little kids fed and safe and therefore wasn’t able to run to her brother when he needed her. And for myself. For the pain of almost losing my best friend. I cried for what felt like hours but was really only a few minutes.

It always amazed me how many tears one person could have. I had already cried multiple times that day. Where were things like tears even stored in a body? I let out a strangled laugh that was more like a sob and tried to calm myself enough to get off the floor.

“Kasey? Is that you?” My sister Kendra’s voice floated down the stairs to me, still sitting on the floor with my knees pulled up to my chest. In everything that had happened that day, I’d completely forgotten that Kendra was coming to visit for the week. I hurried to my feet, rubbing my eyes before making my way up the stairs to the guest room where she was sure to be.

I walked in to see her lounging on the bed, a mountain of popcorn already popped, and a movie in full swing.

“ While You Were Sleeping ? Again?” I tried to sound upbeat but it fell flat.

“You know it’s my favorite,” she replied before glancing over at me. Instantly her brow furrowed in confusion. Kendra picked up the remote and paused the movie, TV screen frozen on Sandra Bullock’s anxious face. “What’s wrong? You look like somebody died.”

I flinched, and her mouth dropped open.

“Oh my goodness, did somebody die?”

I hurried to reassure her and then slowly told her everything that I had been through that day.

She grabbed my hand, pulling me down beside her on the bed, and wrapped her arms around me. “Oh Kase, that’s awful. I am so sorry. When can we go and visit him?”

“Sarah said it should be Thursday or Friday,” I sniffed.

“We’ll go see him on Thursday when we go with Grandpa for his dialysis.” Kendra squeezed me tighter, and I sighed, resting my head on her shoulder. She may be years younger, but Kendra was an old soul, and she knew how to care for people. She’d always been like that, even growing up. And I appreciated it more than ever in that moment. We stayed that way for several minutes before I sat up and grabbed a tissue from the bedside table.

While telling Kendra about everything hadn’t been easy, I now felt like I was in a place where I could let our friends know. I didn’t have it in me to call each of them, but I sent a voice message to my group chat with Ro and Hazel telling them what had happened and asking them to let Max and Jace know as well. After Dean, Ro and Hazel were my best friends. I knew that when I asked them to give me a little space and time to process that they would respect that. They both sent a text back with lots of hearts, telling me to call them if I needed anything, but other than that, they let me do what I needed to do. And I loved them for it.

Kendra didn’t push me, either. She volunteered to make us dinner and went down to the kitchen, pulling out everything she needed to make us a gourmet meal of spaghetti and salad, which I’d hopefully remembered to get at the store. I was grateful for my sister and sat on the couch, listening to her describe all the classes she’d signed up for at Middlebury College where she’d be starting her freshman year in only a couple weeks.

“I’m most excited for my creative writing class,” Kendra explained, pouring spaghetti sauce into the pan. “I took one last year, and it was great and all, but I know a college writing class is going to be so much better!”

I smiled. Kendra was about as dramatic as I was, and it was plenty entertaining. “What’s going to make it so much better?”

“Well, for one, there will be college boys there.” She batted her eyelashes at me and then laughed. She was saying it for my sake, but I also knew it was true. Kendra was a hopeless romantic who was obsessed with anything romance related. Books, movies, men. You name it, and she loved it.

“College boys can be pretty great,” I agreed, “but they can also be pretty awful too. Just be careful. I don’t want you getting your heart broken or anything.”

“Everyone’s gotta get their heart broken in order to find true love,” Kendra replied with a shrug, but her voice sounded a little wistful. I rolled my eyes and laughed lightly, getting up from the couch to help her set the table.

I ended up taking the whole week off from work. I couldn’t focus on much of anything and decided that spending more time with Kendra would be good for my soul. We watched movies, mostly rom-coms of course, ate way too much ice cream and went for walks in the evenings.

“Would you ever consider moving back to Middlebury?” Kendra asked on one of our daily walks. The topic was out of nowhere but I welcomed the distraction from my endless worries about Dean.

“I don’t think so. You and Grandpa were the only reasons I went back to visit. And now Grandpa is here and you come up often enough that I don’t even have to make the long, perilous journey.”

Kendra and I had grown up in Middlebury. It was about an hour from Burlington, but I didn’t go back often. Of course I had good memories from growing up. That’s where my love for Vermont grew, but there were plenty of unpleasant memories as well. Ones that had led me to leave the state for college and then search for jobs that wouldn’t take me back. Kendra was the only good thing about Middlebury anymore.

She laughed and bumped into me. “Well lucky for you that I’m willing to make the journey then.” She grew quiet, and I could tell she had something on her mind.

“What’s up? You’ve got your thinking face on.”

“I think once I graduate, I’m gonna leave Middlebury too. Maybe even leave Vermont.” She sighed, and I studied her face. My baby sister was growing up. And trying to make adult decisions, which I knew from experience weren’t always the funnest to make.

“I left the state for college, so I wouldn’t blame you for that. And I certainly won’t blame you for leaving Middlebury.” Mom had died almost seven years ago, and it had been hard. So hard. I had tried to fill her role in Kendra’s life as best I could, but an eleven year old needed a mom, and I wasn’t that. Ever since then our home had seemed empty. Impossible to fill up again with her absence. And then one year ago Dad remarried. Charlotte was fine, really. But she wasn’t our mom.

“I feel kinda bad though if we both just leave Dad.” Kendra chewed on her bottom lip, a nervous habit we both shared.

“Hey, Dad is a big kid. He can take care of himself. Besides, it’s not like he’ll miss us much.” I laughed dryly. “Not with Charlotte around.” They had recently left on their late honeymoon slash retirement celebration trip to Europe for a few months. Even though Middlebury was less than an hour away, I hadn’t even seen him in almost six months, except for the occasional family video chat. He didn’t make an effort to come and see me and I reciprocated.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” She sighed.

“But I will be sad if you leave Vermont. It means I’ll get to see you less.” I poked her in the side. She slapped my hand and squirmed away from me.

“Oh, I’m sure we can figure out a visitation schedule,” she said with a toss of her long dark hair over her shoulder.

“Every other weekend and the holidays?” We kept straight faces for only a few seconds before laughter slipped out of us both. I’d miss Kendra wherever she went. But I wanted her to spread her wings and fly as high as she could. And I’d be here for her whenever she needed to come back down and take a break.

Dean

My eyes felt like they were weighed down by a ton of bricks. I tried to force them open but quickly gave up. My head was pounding, and I couldn’t tell for sure, but I didn’t think I was in my bed at home. I could hear voices, but it sounded like they were coming from far away.

Gradually, everything got louder and more intense, like I was swimming up from the bottom of a lake and had almost reached the surface. The voices grew clearer. I heard words like “accident,” “ambulance,” and “amnesia.” I struggled to think, to remember what had happened.

But the more I tried to push through the surface of that water, the more it felt like I was sinking. The voices faded, my limbs grew heavier, and slowly, I slipped back into the dark.