The Season of Falling

4. Chapter 4

Chapter four

Kasey

Time crawled by. Like a snail. Inching its way through molasses. In December.

But finally, Thursday arrived. Sarah had called a few times to give me the updates from the hospital, but they didn’t have much. Mostly the doctors reassured her that they were doing all they could for Dean and that he seemed to be recovering well. They did confirm that non-relative visitors were now allowed, so I sent a text to all our friends in the group chat and let them know that today was the day to see Dean.

We all lived in Burlington except for Hazel and Max. After graduation Hazel, Ro, and I went to Europe for a few months to travel and make memories. At the end of the trip, Hazel found a job back in Wisconsin where she still worked at an ad agency. Max had moved to D.C. Even though we didn’t all live in the same state anymore, we still had our group chat to keep everyone in the loop. And this was something everyone would want to know about, whether they could visit Dean or not.

But before that, we needed to get Grandpa to his appointment. Hank Whiting was the sweetest man and grandfather to ever walk this planet. Ever since we were little girls, Kendra and I had spent long summer days with Grandpa. We explored his old colonial style house even though we’d done it numerous times before. We played Hide-n-Seek, even convincing Grandpa to join in on occasion. And we’d stayed up late watching movies, camping in the backyard, and listening to Grandpa tell stories about Grandma Whiting. She had died before either of us were born and we loved hearing him talk about how they fell in love and lived a happily-ever-after life.

Once Grandpa got sick though, he’d sold his house near Middlebury and moved to Burlington to be close to a bigger hospital for his kidney dialysis. One of his appointments was on Thursdays, and even though I couldn’t make it to all of them, Thursday was our standing date. Dialysis and lunch. It was our thing. He was one of the reasons I had moved to Burlington after college. The other reason was currently lying in a hospital bed.

Kendra and I climbed into my little Honda Civic, and I started the car. As I went to shift into drive, I found my hands shaking so badly I couldn’t do it. I stared at my hands in bewilderment.

My sister looked over at me with concern evident in her blue eyes. “Are you okay?”

I shook my head, just as concerned as she was. “Yes,” I replied but it definitely came out sounding more like a question. When my hands didn’t stop shaking, I turned to look at Kendra again. “Actually, I don’t know what’s happening.”

“Maybe your body is catching up to the fact that you literally watched a car accident happen. And now you’re justifiably worried about driving.”

“But I’ve driven multiple times since then,” I protested.

“That’s why I said ‘catching up’. Maybe your brain and body are finally realizing what happened.” She paused for a moment before continuing, “Have you considered going to therapy?”

I shook my head, “No, I’m fine. Really.” I didn’t have anything against therapy as a general rule. Kendra had even started going after our mom died, and it had helped her a lot with adjusting and managing all her feelings. But I didn’t really feel like discussing my problems with a stranger.

Kendra speared me with a look. “I hate to be so blunt, but you watched your best friend get hit by a car and rushed off to the hospital. That’s enough to shake anyone. I’m not saying you need to go forever. But I think you should. For this, and maybe even to help you work through your anger at Dad.”

I kept my eyes focused on my hands as I spoke. “I think I’m doing pretty good, all things considered. But,” I continued when she tried to interrupt, “I will think about it, okay?”

“I’ll take it.” She gave me an exaggerated thumbs up that made us both laugh. “But you better let me drive for now.”

As we switched seats in the car, I couldn’t help but think how much Kendra had changed and grown up in the past few years. She was only eighteen, but sometimes she said things that made me forget I was the older sister. Like urging me to go to therapy. Wasn’t that something I should already have figured out and should be helping my baby sister with?

Deep down, I knew that therapy was probably a good idea for me. I generally didn’t have a problem sharing my thoughts and feelings with the world. But this whole thing with Dean had really shaken me. My mind went back to the first few moments I had seen him laying on the road. Those horrible few seconds when I had thought he was dead. I shuddered at the thought. I knew that it would take a long time for me to get over that. And maybe I never would. You didn’t just forget something like seeing your best friend and unrequited love of your life almost die in front of you.

And she had another good point as well. As much as I liked to deny it, I was mad at Dad. It wasn’t even that he had gotten remarried. I knew he loved Mom, and I didn’t expect him to stay alone for the rest of his life. But it had been so sudden. One day nothing, and the next there’s Charlotte, moving in and taking over the space that had been Mom’s. Dad hadn’t even warned us. Sure he’d mentioned in passing that he met someone, but he never let on to how serious it was. That he was going to propose.

I reined in my thoughts as we pulled up to Grandpa’s house, running inside to help him out to the car. His face lit up when he saw Kendra sitting behind the wheel.

“Kendra! It’s so good to see you. I forgot you were coming down.” I helped him into the passenger seat, and Kendra leaned over to place a quick kiss on his cheek.

“Hey, Grandpa. It’s good to see you, too. How have you been feeling lately?” As they talked, I let my mind wander to the coming hours. I was going to see Dean, and that it was going to help settle some of my anxieties. Seeing that he was okay would be just what I needed. And hopefully his amnesia and other injuries would heal quickly so he could leave the hospital and get back to normal.

We pulled up to the hospital and made our way inside the dialysis center. It didn’t matter that the center was technically separate from the hospital, it still smelled like sanitizer, Bandaids, and dread. All the nurses and doctors knew us by now and simply waved or nodded pleasantly at us as we walked through the stark white hallways. Despite the friendly greetings, I always felt jumpy when we came. Maybe it was the feeling that death lurked around every corner, waiting to jump out at you when you least expected it.

Kendra and I sat and chatted with Grandpa for a bit as he got all hooked up and started his dialysis. He wanted to know all about Kendra’s summer and what classes she was enrolled in for the upcoming semester. I tried to focus and let their conversation take my mind off of Dean, but there was no use. Over the next few hours, my thoughts continually strayed to him lying in a hospital room somewhere close by. I gave vague answers to any questions asked of me, but after several attempts at drawing me into their conversation, they gave up.

Kendra sighed in fake exasperation. “What time are you all meeting?”

“We planned to meet at 1,” I replied, glancing up at the clock on the wall. My eyes widened. I had been so busy thinking about Dean that I hadn’t even noticed the time. “Oh shoot, that’s like now.” I looked over at Grandpa, trying to decide what to do, but he only chuckled.

“I come here often enough without you, I know how it works. Besides, Kendra can stay and keep me company while you go and visit that young man of yours.”

I rolled my eyes, trying to stop the heat creeping into my cheeks. “He’s not mine, Grandpa.”

His face said that he didn’t believe me for one second, but he didn’t argue and just gestured for me to hurry on out. He didn’t have to tell me twice. I told them I’d be back soon and headed over to the patient wing. As I walked I sent a quick text to Sarah letting her know I was about to visit Dean. And then I saw Ro at the end of the hallway.

“Kasey!” she called. A few nurses gave her dirty looks as she all but sprinted to my side, but she ignored them and threw her arms around me. “Oh my goodness, I’ve been so worried about you. Are you okay?”

Aurora Hensley, or Ro as she insisted on being called, was one of a kind. She grew up in Georgia, would eat grits for every meal if you let her, and had that sweet southern drawl to go with her sweet-as-pie personality. She had curly red hair and piercing green eyes that were currently drilling into mine.

“No need to worry, Ro,” I insisted with a pat on her shoulder. “I’m doing just fine.” But Ro did not look convinced.

She narrowed her eyes. “Your best friend is in the hospital, and you saw the accident that put him there. There’s no way you’re doing ‘just fine’.” The air quotes as she repeated my words caused the gold bracelets on her wrists to jangle.

Every friend group has the eccentric one, and that was Ro in our group. She loved fashion and had her own unique style, which would look strange on anyone else, but on her it worked. Today she was wearing burnt orange flair jeans with a floral gray sweater vest and her favorite white converse.

“I’m doing fine enough to go in there and see how Dean is doing,” I insisted again. She sighed, and I knew she wanted to continue the conversation, but I grabbed her hand and tugged her toward the door I’d seen her standing by. “Is this his room?” When she nodded I twisted the handle and we stepped inside.

My eyes immediately found Dean. He was sitting up in his hospital bed with pillows behind his back to prop him up. Jace was already there, talking and laughing with him. They seemed to be on a video call, and as we crossed the room, I heard Max’s familiar voice through the speaker. I looked over at Ro to tell her we should call Hazel as well, but she already had her phone out and was scrolling through her contacts. I smiled at our best friend telepathy and turned my attention back to Dean.

He looked way better than when I’d last seen him. I took some mental notes about how he was smiling and laughing with Jace and Max and how his coloring looked really good to include in my update to Sarah. The boys had apparently been having a riveting conversation because neither of them had looked our way. But as I took a few steps closer to the bed, Dean’s eyes snapped up to meet mine, and a huge smile spread across his face. The kind of smile that made your tummy swoop and your heart squeeze.

I couldn’t have helped my answering smile even if I’d wanted to. It was an automatic reaction. Like my happiness was tied to his, and even the mere sight of his broad smile and dimples was enough to fill my soul with warmth and joy. Like butterflies and rainbows and—

“Kasey!” Dean exclaimed, interrupting my pathetic poetic thoughts. “Ro! How are you guys?”

“How are we ?” Ro snorted. “The real question is how are you ?”

Dean chuckled and then winced slightly. “I’m good, although if you could not make me laugh my bruised ribs would appreciate it.” At our concerned looks he quickly continued. “No really, I’m doing well, all things considered. It could have been a lot worse.”

If you could ignore the fact that we were in a hospital, it was almost like old times. All of us gathered together, talking and laughing. We spent the next half an hour making jokes and reminiscing about other past injuries we’d each sustained, careful to avoid referencing anything in the recent past.

During a lull in the conversation Dean locked eyes with me, and his voice softened. “Kasey, I need to thank you. Sarah told me everything.”

I shifted uncomfortably. It’s not like I was a hero or anything. I hadn’t been able to help in any way. Heck, I wasn’t even the one to call the ambulance. All I did was sit there and hold his hand and hope that he would be okay. I could feel tears pricking at my eyes and I blinked rapidly to keep them at bay.

Dean must have noticed my discomfort, and he turned to Jace and Ro. “Can you two give me and Kasey a minute to talk? You don’t have to leave or anything, but maybe just step over there by the door?”

I breathed a sigh of relief. I hadn’t told Sarah about sitting and holding his hand so luckily that wouldn’t be the conversation we’d be having. But she’d still been trying to make me out as some kind of hero and that definitely wasn’t me. I didn’t need anyone reading into the situation. I’d simply been in the right place at the right time.

“Kasey,” Dean said again, bringing my attention back to him. His blue eyes were filled with an emotion I couldn’t quite place. Gratitude surely, but maybe also admiration?

“You don’t need to thank me, Dean. I’m glad that I was able to give the officer your information and make sure you got taken care of. But I didn’t really do anything.”

He shook his head, reaching out to take hold of my hand. That simple touch sent a wave of awareness through my arm and straight to my heart. It’s not like Dean and I never touched, we’ve been best friends for years. But this was different. Maybe it was that look in his eyes or maybe it was the life and death situation, but this touch felt charged with electricity.

Dean furrowed his eyebrows, and I wondered if he had felt it too. But even as the moment passed, he kept his fingers wrapped around mine as he continued on. “Sarah told me that you stayed with me until the ambulance came and that you’re the reason they knew who I was.”

That prickling tear feeling returned and I sniffed a few times. “It’s really not a big deal. I’m just so happy that you’re okay.” I smiled the best I could and the corners of Dean’s mouth turned up as well. He’d always been able to tell when my smiles weren’t genuine, and I was glad he was letting this one slide.

“Um, what?” Ro exclaimed loudly.

I jumped and turned to look at her. Kendra was standing with her and Jace at the door. I hadn’t even heard Kendra come in. How had she found the room? And why wasn’t she waiting with Grandpa?

Ro’s eyes flitted from my fingers still intertwined with Dean’s, up to my confused face. She glanced at Kendra as if for confirmation, and then turned her attention back on me, her excitement winning out. “You and Dean are dating?”