The Season of Falling

8. Chapter 8

Chapter eight

Kasey

Have you ever had that friend where you do everything together and know everything about each other? Like, people are more surprised to see you apart than together? The friend where you’re always welcome at their house and even have the code to get in?

Yeah, that’s Dean and me. And it has been for years.

I looped the grocery sacks filled with Thai food over my arm and pushed the car door closed with my hip. I had brought food to Dean’s place more times than I could count, and I smiled as I let myself into his apartment.

We’d been practically inseparable since day one. I’d been running approximately five minutes late and was slightly out of breath as I burst through the door of my Art History class. It was my third semester of college, but somehow I still managed to be late. The professor paused in his droning, and I cringed and hunched my shoulders awkwardly as I made my way to the last empty seat available.

How was the professor already droning on? I was only five minutes late! And it was the first day, which meant it should have just been syllabus day.

“He skipped the syllabus and jumped straight into late medieval Italy,” the guy in the seat next to me whispered.

When I looked over at him, my mouth went dry. The man sitting next to me was gorgeous. I wasn’t sure if men liked to be described as gorgeous but it didn’t matter, because it was the honest to goodness truth. He had light brown hair that was tousled but somehow still looked styled, blue eyes that had little crinkles around the edges, and the best smile. Was it the best smile because of the dimples that appeared on either side of his mouth? Maybe. What can I say? I have a thing for dimples.

“I’m Dean,” he whispered again and stuck out his hand. I must have looked confused because he lowered his hand, his smile turning sheepish. “Sorry, that was weird.”

I swallowed my laugh and put my hand out instead. “I’m Kasey.”

He grinned and shook my hand firmly. Was this guy always smiling? Not that I minded, of course; those dimples did something pleasant to my insides.

“Nice to meet you, Kasey. I have a feeling this is going to be a very good semester.”

I was still smiling as I slipped my shoes off and carried my armful of takeout toward the kitchen. My steps and smile faltered as thoughts of my present situation with Dean came rushing back. I had no idea how he was feeling about the revelation that we were supposedly dating. And I was nervous to find out. But the food smelled incredible, and I was starving. My stomach growled loudly to prove its point.

“Well, someone’s hungry,” Dean teased. I whirled around. Unaware that he had come up behind me. “And jumpy.” He laughed.

“You know I don’t usually startle easily, but that’s the second time today. Maybe I’m growing weak in my old age.” I turned back around and continued to pull takeout boxes from the plastic bags.

“It smells delicious. What did you get?”

“Only your current addiction.” I laughed. Well, so far Dean wasn’t running for the hills at the prospect of a relationship between us, so that seemed encouraging. I grabbed chopsticks and spoons from the drawer and tipped my head toward the cupboard for Dean to get the bowls and cups. I carried everything to the table and took a seat before I noticed that he was just standing and staring at the BKK logo on the bags with a furrowed brow. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“This is my current addiction?” He sounded lost, like a kid who had wandered away from their parents in the store and was trying to remember where he’d seen them last. “I can remember that this place exists, but…” His voice faded, and he shook his head. “But that’s it. Do I have a regular thing I order?”

“Oh, Dean, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about it. And I don’t want to say anything to upset you.”

“No, it’s okay. The doctor said that I should do things, in small amounts of course, that might help me remember. I think talking about this stuff might count.” He said it more like a question, like he wasn’t sure whether it would actually help or not.

And who could blame him? I didn’t know much about amnesia other than the little information I’d gleaned from a quick google search. But I wanted to be there for him.

“I’m always here if you want to talk, you know that.”

Dean sighed and finally walked across the kitchen to slump in his seat at the table. “Coming home today was the worst.” He paused, but I could tell he was gathering his thoughts, so I stayed quiet and waited. “I remember that this is my house and where everything goes,” he gestured to the dishes on the table in front of us, “but I can’t remember checking the mail and putting it on the entry table by the door.

“I saw the community softball league flier on the fridge, but did I sign up? I can’t even remember if I’ve played softball since college intramurals. And you say that BKK is my newest addiction, but I have no idea what my order is.” As he talked he scooted his chair back until there was enough space for him to lean forward and rest his forehead on the table.

He looked so defeated, and I never wanted him to feel like that. I felt a pang in my chest at the reality that my best friend was experiencing something so awful. I reached out and put my hand on his arm. “I can answer all those questions for you, if you want. I don’t know if it will help with your memory at all, but I can answer any questions about your life the last few years.”

He smiled, although it was a little weak, and nodded.

“You probably remember this since you’ve been doing it forever, but you check the mail every morning before work. It makes no sense to me, but you say it’s because the extra stairs do you good.” We laughed before I continued. “You still hadn’t decided on joining the league yet. You actually haven’t played much since college besides the odd game here or there. You told me that you wanted to sign up but weren’t sure if the time commitment would be too much with the start of the school year. And your order at BKK is Tom Kha soup and Pad Thai.”

While these simple answers wouldn’t make everything better and wouldn’t magically make his memories reappear, he did seem lighter. Like a burden had been lifted off his shoulders. And that made me feel lighter too. And right then I decided that it wasn’t the time to tell him about Kendra’s lie or my refusal to clear it all up immediately. The truth could wait until he wasn’t so weighed down by the memories he had lost or the injuries he still had to heal from.

So I turned my attention to the food. “And now,” I announced, “it’s time to dig into this terrific Thai food.”

Dean groaned at my sad attempt to be funny but picked up his chopsticks and started to scoop PadThai out of the takeout container and into his bowl. We ate and talked, just like old times. Neither of us mentioned the Dating Debacle, and Dean stayed pretty lighthearted the rest of the evening.

I was happy to listen as Dean told me about his stay in the hospital and the bland food they’d made him eat. I would have been happy to listen to him talk about anything. I realized that I’d taken Dean for granted these past years. He had always been there. I’d never considered the possibility of him not being there whenever I needed him. And now that I had? Now that I had faced the prospect of never seeing him again? I wasn’t going to take him and his friendship for granted again.

Unfortunately, I still had work the next morning and needed to get home before it got too late. I gathered up all the containers from dinner and tossed them in the trash while Dean put all our dishes in the sink. I grabbed my bag off the counter, and Dean walked with me to the door. I reached for the handle the same time that Dean stepped toward me and wrapped me in a hug. Suddenly he stiffened.

“Wait, do we do this?”

“What?” I asked, “Hug?” Dean nodded, an adorable look of nervousness on his face, and I laughed lightly. “We’ve been friends for years, of course we hug.”

His features softened, and he pulled me back into a tight hug, his arms fit snug against me. I instantly relaxed into him, loving the way I felt safe and warm in his embrace. This hug felt different and was certainly longer than our normal hugs. And I didn’t usually feel quite so tingly and breathless. His touch caused a knot of tension to ease inside of me. I could feel the soft and steady beat of his heart, assuring me that he was really okay. I stood there with my arms wrapped around Dean trying to sort through my racing thoughts.

“I know we’re dating, but I feel like we need to take this slow,” he said. I instantly started to pull my arms back, and Dean loosened his grip but kept his arms right where they were. “I don’t remember any of the dates we’ve been on or even when we started dating. And I don’t want to jump straight into anything when I don’t remember. And if it would make you uncomfortable,” he added, noticing how I’d put a little space between us.

It certainly wasn’t the hug that made me uncomfortable. I opened my mouth to explain. Explain what, I didn’t know, when his phone started ringing.

He dropped his arms from around me and slipped the phone out of his pocket. “It’s Sarah and the kids. I totally forgot. She’s been busy at work and told me she’d be free to talk tonight.” He looked at me with a question in his eyes.

“Don’t worry about me, I’m leaving anyway. Your sister needs to hear from you. And tell her I said hi.”

He smiled gratefully and pulled me into his arms for one last quick hug before he answered the phone. I walked out to my car with a huge smile on my face. Dean had just hugged me. Like really, really hugged me. Being in his arms had felt right, and I didn’t think I would find that rightness anywhere else.

Maybe, just for now, I could explore this idea of dating Dean. Like testing the waters. Except they were shark-infested, and one wrong move could result in a world of hurt. But I didn’t want to live in fear, and I certainly didn’t want to live in a world where I didn’t take any chance I could to help Dean along the path to falling desperately in love with me. And—I continued the pep talk—Dean had seemed completely unfazed by the fact that we were “dating.” Other than being unsure of that hug, he hadn’t seemed awkward at all the entire night.

I nodded once to myself as I pulled out of Dean’s complex. I could do this.

Dean

After getting off the phone with Sarah and the twins, I laid awake in bed for far too long. I’d dated a few women here and there throughout college, but the idea of dating Kasey, my best friend, made me a bit nervous.

I’d expected things to be awkward between us when she came by to bring dinner. I was relieved to discover that it wasn’t. We’d picked up right where we always did. She’d always been the person I could turn to for a laugh, a hug, or a shoulder to lean on. And today had been no different.

I couldn’t be sure, given the fact that I had a giant black hole of memories in my brain, but I thought Kasey had seemed almost hesitant when I hugged her. Or, more accurately, when the hug went on longer than our normal friend hug. That’s when I remembered that I wanted to ask her about our whole dating story. So, of course, that’s when Sarah decided to call me.

My eyelids started to droop, and I quickly got situated under the covers. Hopefully, I didn’t forget to ask Kasey about it the next time we were together.