The Season of Falling

13. Chapter 13

Chapter thirteen

Kasey

My weekly call with Ro and Hazel turned into story time with me spilling my guts about everything happening with Dean. Cue the squealing when I told them about sitting together on the porch swing and how he had planned an actual date for us.

“Ooh this is all going so good.” Ro sighed dreamily.

I laughed at her expression. For someone who tried her hardest to avoid the Disney Princess outlook on life she sure was a hopeless romantic at heart. I leaned back more fully against my headboard and pulled my legs up toward my chest, resting my phone on my knees.

Hazel held up a finger, “Although, you haven’t been following the plan very well. It seems like Dean’s been making most of the moves.”

Ro batted that thought away with a wave of her hand. “Who cares about that, as long as it’s happening!”

“Hazel has a point, I definitely need to be putting more effort in. I’ve been super busy with work the last few days and haven’t seen him much, but I’m planning to go over and help him work on his memory loss therapy tomorrow. So that’s something, right?”

Hazel hummed, nodding with a thoughtful look on her face. “Yeah, it counts. But I think you should cross some physical boundaries while you’re there.” My face must have looked as horrified as I felt because she cleared her throat awkwardly and hurried to continue. “Nothing crazy, but maybe a kiss?”

I blew out a breath, willing my face to stop heating up. “Considering the fact that Dean didn’t even want to date me a few weeks ago, I don’t think I should force him into a kiss.”

Now Ro held up a finger. “He only thought he didn’t want to date you,” she said matter-of-factly. “His actions definitely don’t speak to someone who has never had romantic interest in you.” Hazel voiced her agreement before Ro continued. “But I think you might be right about a kiss. It might be safer to wait until he broaches that.”

I thought of Dean’s face so close to mine on the porch swing. Of how he’d looked at my mouth before wiping the crumbs off my face at the farmers market. Of the way he kissed my head and pulled me close when he hugged me. “Well, it’s not like it hasn’t been broached…it may have been indirectly broached a time or two…”

Their eyes widened and their shout of “What?” was enough to make me turn the volume down on my phone. And then I told them every single detail that I’d glossed over the first time. They sighed and pretended to swoon at all the right moments, and I was grinning like an idiot by the time I finished.

“This just got so much better.” Ro declared, her hand against her heart.

“But I’m still not going to kiss him first,” I insisted.

Hazel tapped a finger against her lips. “What about a cheek kiss?”

“Or a kiss on the hand,” Ro threw in.

I wrinkled my nose. “Is kissing on the hand even a thing anymore? I thought they only did that back in Pride and Prejudice days.”

“You’ve seen all the rom-coms with Kendra,” Ro said in exasperation. “Hand kisses can be extremely hot if the moment is right. So just wait for the perfect moment and then go for it.”

“Well, I don’t know about hand kisses…” Hazel said, obviously on my side about how out of style they were. “But I think a cheek kiss is a great way to get him moving in the kissing direction.”

Despite my protests they latched onto this idea and ran with it for the rest of the call. They gave me all the tips they could think of from kissing him when I walked in, sort of like a European greeting, to simply pulling his face to mine and planting one on his cheek at any point during our time together. We laughed, and I immediately threw most of their suggestions right out the window.

The thought of making a move and kissing Dean, in any way, was big. Like, really big. But whether I decided to act on that or not, I knew that I did need to show more pointed interest in Dean and our relationship.

"Oh, Hazel, guess what? Jace and Ro have been making out."

Hazel's eyes widened. "You and Jace? But he's not your type."

"That's what I'm saying." I exclaimed.

Ro sighed and rolled her eyes. "He's not my type, and we're just making out occasionally. End of story."

"Um, I don't think that's the end of the story," Hazel said. "How did that even start happening?

"Dean and Kasey are always together and without you and Max here that just leaves me and Jace to hang out. Mostly we watch movies and get dinner. But occasionally there might be some making out involved. But seriously, that's it."

Hazel and I peppered Ro with more questions, but she stubbornly refused to answer, repeating that there wasn't anything going on so there wasn't anything else to talk about.

After hanging up with Ro and Hazel, my mind went back to our conversation. I resolved to be more straightforward in my feelings. I could call him right now, and we could have some cute and flirty conversation. I unlocked my screen again and opened my text conversation with Dean. My finger hovered over the call button for a moment, but then I hurried to turn my phone off. No good conversations would happen right now. It was late, and my friends had filled my head with images of kissing Dean. I could start tomorrow.

On my way to work in the morning, I got a call from the hospital.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hello, Ms. Whiting?”

“Yes?”

“We called to speak with you about your grandfather, Hank Whiting, is now a good time?”

I pulled into the parking lot and turned my car off. “Sure. Is something wrong?”

The man cleared his throat. “We got back the results of your grandfather’s most recent blood tests. While it’s nothing critical yet, his condition does appear to be worsening, Ms. Whiting. He is on the transplant list, but there’s no guarantee a suitable donor will be found any time soon. There’s no cause to be alarmed, and your grandfather can continue on as he has been for the time being. We wanted to make you aware of the situation.”

My heart was pounding, and I blinked rapidly to keep the tears from filling my eyes. “So, he’s okay for now?” I asked weakly.

“Yes. We just wanted you to know that if his health starts to decline a bit faster than it has been, that’s why.”

“Okay.” I cleared my throat, trying to remove the lump that had formed. “Thank you for calling.” After he hung up, I sat in stunned silence for a few minutes, not ready to go inside and face the day. I took a few deep breaths before pushing my car door open and trudging up to my office.

Dean texted me that he needed to get out of his apartment so he came over to my place when I got off work. He would be starting to teach part time again soon, but he still had a week of medical leave before then, and he insisted that he was bored out of his mind.

When I opened the door, he was standing there in jeans and a white t-shirt with his favorite blue flannel on top, undone and with the sleeves rolled to the elbow. It was his favorite because it was comfortable. And it was my favorite because he always rolled the sleeves to the elbow. What can I say? Forearms are inexplicably attractive. Maybe it has to do with some past instinct where men are supposed to be strong and able to provide? I don’t know, but that shirt had probably made it into my dreams at least a dozen times. With Dean wearing it, of course. His light brown hair was a bit messy, as though he’d been running his hand through it and he looked stressed. All thoughts of my day fled my mind as I took him in.

“Hey, what’s up? Is everything okay?” I asked, concerned.

“What?” He looked startled as though he didn’t expect to see me standing there. “Oh no, I’m fine. Just a lot on my mind.” He walked through the door and into the living room, taking a seat on the couch.

I followed behind him, unable to keep the confusion and concern out of my voice. “Are you sure?” I sat beside him and grabbed his hand. “You know I’m here to talk if you need to talk. Or help if you need help.”

Dean smiled, some of the stress clearing from his blue eyes. “I know, and it means a lot.” He grabbed my elbow with his free hand and tugged me closer on the couch until he could wrap his arms around me. I relaxed against him and rested my head on his shoulder. “Thanks, Kase.”

I sighed quietly and snuggled a little closer. Ro and Hazel would be proud of me for that. We sat in comfortable silence for a minute, but we had a plan for tonight, and I really did want to help him.

Dean grunted in protest and pulled me closer when I tried to sit up. I laughed lightly and relaxed back into his side. “You came over here to do your memory therapy,” I reminded him. “We can’t just sit right here forever.” He made a humming sound as though he was thinking about that prospect. I laughed again. “As much as I would enjoy that, we really can’t.”

I started to sit up again, and this time Dean didn’t resist. But his face was so close to mine as I moved. My conversation with Ro and Hazel flashed through my mind, and I didn’t stop to think before I leaned forward ever so slightly and kissed Dean on the cheek. His cheek was warm and rough against my lips. I wanted to linger, breathe him in and savor the closeness, but I quickly moved back and jumped up from the couch.

“I, um,” I cleared my throat awkwardly, “I’m going to grab some water, do you want some?” Dean looked a bit stunned and honestly, me too. I had just kissed Dean Ellis. And yes, it was just on the cheek. But still! I’d done it. He nodded, and I couldn’t help but notice that his cheeks looked a little pink, too.

We spent the next couple of hours sitting at the dining room table going through the different memory exercises, games, and puzzles the doctor had given him to try out. There were crossword puzzles, real puzzles, and word association games. I could tell that Dean didn’t enjoy them, but he humored me, and we went through them all.

“Okay, the last suggestion on the list is to reminisce.” My brows scrunched in confusion. “What? Just like, think about any past memories?” Dean nodded and I pursed my lips, thinking. This could be the perfect way to help him remember our non-dating yet totally romantic past.

“I haven’t done much with this suggestion. I mean, of course I remember and think about things from the past, but reminiscing is better with someone, you know?”

I nodded, a plan forming in my mind. “Well, what if we take turns coming up with a memory to share each time we see each other?”

Dean looked thoughtful. “We do have some pretty fun memories.” He started nodding, warming up to the idea. “Yeah, I think this is a great idea. Maybe I’ll get Sarah to do it with me, too.” He pulled out his phone to text her, sure he’d forget if he didn’t ask her right away. As he typed his phone vibrated, and he frowned.

“What is it?”

“Oh, it’s just a notification from the school.” He clicked his phone off and set it on the table. The furrows on his forehead were deep as he thought about whatever had upset him.

I had the sudden desire to reach up and smooth the lines away. Usually I resisted the urge, but today I was being brave. So I did just that. I moved slowly, but he didn’t seem to notice until my thumb was against his forehead. I gently stroked my thumb across his skin, and almost like magic, the lines disappeared and his shoulders relaxed. He sighed and closed his eyes for a second before he reached up and grabbed my fingers, bringing them to his mouth and gently pressing a kiss to them.

I felt the touch of his lips all the way to my toes. I made a mental note to apologize to Ro for disagreeing that hand kisses could be hot. Because that kiss made me feel warm all over.

Dean kept a hold of my hand but let it fall to the table between us. He smiled at me, and it was so gentle and tender that I wanted to wrap my arms around him and never let go. But I could see the worry still lingering in his eyes.

“What’s wrong, Dean?” I asked softly. “You can talk to me.”

He sighed, dragging a hand down his face. “You know how I went into the school the other day? Jace mentioned it at the game night.” I nodded, and he continued. “It was awful, Kasey. I couldn’t even find my classroom. Apparently it got moved this summer, and I don’t remember that. I was looking at the students enrolled in my upcoming classes”—he released a shuddering breath—“and I can only remember some of the juniors and seniors but none of the sophomores who I had as freshmen last year. And there are some new teachers I was introduced to at the beginning of summer but I don’t remember a single one of them.”

His eyes were trained on our clasped hands, and I reached over and placed my other hand on top of his. He looked up, and his eyes were glassy. Dean loved teaching and being with his students. It was so much a part of who he was. Not being able to remember and not being able to go back to teach full time was going to be so hard on him.

I squeezed his hand. “I’m so sorry, Dean. I know how much teaching means to you and how hard this is going to be.That doesn’t make it better, but I’ll keep helping you with the memory therapy. The doctor said she’s confident you’ll regain all your memories. I believe her. It’s going to be okay.”

He took a deep breath and released it slowly. “Okay, let’s move to the couch and then it's your turn.” I looked at him in confusion as he pulled me up and led me over to the couch.

“My turn for what?” I asked, settling myself comfortably beside Dean, his arm wrapped around my shoulders.

“To tell me the sad and depressing and stressful thing happening in your life. Everyone’s got at least one.”

He was joking, but at his words, my morning conversation with the hospital came rushing back and my eyes filled with the tears I’d been trying to hold in all day.

Dean’s face shifted to one of pure concern. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

I shook my head, more tears escaping, and turned to tuck my face into his side. “Everything is not okay,” I said, my voice muffled by his shirt. He let me stay there, rubbing soft circles on my back as I cried.

Eventually I sat up, sniffing and rubbing at my eyes. He leaned over and grabbed a tissue from the side table, handing it to me. I wiped my nose and sighed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to dissolve into tears like that. Usually I reserve crying for the shower or late at night when there’s no one around to witness it.” I laughed but it was a strangled sound.

“You don’t ever need to apologize for crying in front of me, Kasey. In fact, I'm honored to be the one you let your walls down for. I’ve always felt that way, and I always will.” A few more tears ran down my cheeks. Dean cupped my face in his hands and gently wiped my tears away with his thumbs. “I hope you don’t ever feel embarrassed about crying or showing any sort of emotion in front of me. I want to be your safe space. Just like you’ve been for me.”

His sweet words almost made me forget why I’d been crying in the first place. Almost. “It’s Grandpa.” I sighed. “The hospital called this morning to tell me that his condition is getting worse and to expect his health to decline faster.”

He continued rubbing my back as he spoke. “Is there anything they can do for him?”

“He’s already on the transplant list, but they said it probably won’t happen soon enough to help him. Besides, I’ve heard Grandpa talk about it before.” I had to stop talking and clear my throat from the tears that were threatening again. Dean pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me as I spoke. “He says he’s too old to get a kidney transplant and that they should give the kidneys that come in to someone younger with more life ahead of them.”

“Oh, Kasey. I’m so sorry.” He didn’t say anything else. He just held me in his arms, rocking us gently back and forth and letting me cry all the tears I had left.

After a while he spoke again. “Have you told Kendra or your dad yet?

I shook my head. “Kendra’s loving her classes and being a college freshman. I don’t want to worry her or pull her away from that. And my dad?” I scoffed. “He’s off in Europe with his new wife.” At Dean’s confused expression, I hurried to explain about my dad and Charlotte and their surprise trip.

“That doesn't mean he wouldn’t want to know,” Dean said gently after my explanation. “I know you don’t want to worry them and that you haven’t been on the best terms with your dad for a while. But you’re still a family. Of course, you’ll do what’s best for your grandpa, but I really think you should try talking to them.”

I took a deep breath and held it for a moment before slowly releasing it. Kendra would get worried and want to come and visit every weekend. And Dad would say something about how he couldn’t cancel his trip and that he was sure I could take care of it. But Dean was right. Grandpa was their family, too. “I’ll think about it,” I said finally.

“That’s all I’m asking,” he said with a small smile.

We sat like that for a while longer and I let Dean’s warmth and steadiness seep into my sad and tired body. I’d gone through so many emotions tonight, and Dean had been there to witness and help me through them all. He was one of the few people I could count on in this world, and having him there to talk through my problems had been so nice. It was something I’d been missing from my life, someone to share the hard times with. And I knew that Dean was the person I wanted that with for the rest of my life.