The Serial Killers Guide to Love (Deadly Darling #1)

Chapter 25

25

Sam

Holding Lilly in my arms, I waited and waited to feel a panic or anxiety attack rising inside my chest. Nothing happened. This was not what I expected.

Until last night, the idea of allowing another human so close, if it was not for the purpose of killing that person, scared me to the point when my airways closed and my fight or flight impulse took over.

Not last night.

In my mind, I replayed her image again and again.

That feral strong look on her face, as she stood in the kitchen, holding the head of the guy she killed.

She decapitated him. A smile of appreciation and approval spread on my face. Decapitation is hard work. Wow, my girl put some muscle into it, no joke.

This is not something that I have ever read. If I would be asked when I fell for Lilly madly and completely, it would be the moment I saw her tasting the blood of her victim, her hand holding the severed head and smiling. The poets say that we love beauty the most, but for me this is the ultimate form of beauty. She ruled over life and death, without fear or excuses and my own darkness had a glimpse of hers. Excitement filled me thinking about her this way, mine was a solitary life and I never minded it, quite the contrary, I preferred it this way. Human interaction always took a bunch of effort that I was less and less willing to put in, and for what? Just to convince a room of people that I am too like they are. That I can fit into a place I don’t want to belong. Being alone was the only way for a creature like me to exist. When you kill, you have to stay flexible. You are not allowed to make mistakes, because every mistake could cost you more than you would ever be willing to pay.

I plan.

This is something that I am incredibly good at. It starts with a blank page in my head and I start to draw a line. The bones of my structure.

After the first lines are clear and drawn in sharpie, I expand and start making connections.

Then last are the details, but I think about each and every possibility.

I will have to talk with Lilly in detail about her past. Not because I want her to feel judged or put with her back against the wall, only because I want to know exactly who I am dealing with when it comes to her ex husband, Mike.

This man is a big threat that is floating above her head, and now he is also threatening my existence, and that is something that I can’t have.

All my life, I believed in cleaning everything up, making sure that there are no traces.

She fell asleep and I lay there, listening to her breathing. She was so sweet and innocent in some ways. Was she really thinking she was safe from her ex? Why did she risk running away and why didn’t she kill him?

She faked her death, but even so, a person leaves traces that are unavoidable. There are always signs for someone who knows how and where to look.

Was she serious when she said that she killed 6 people? Was she thinking that she killed many people?

No matter what, the darkness inside me recognized the darkness inside her. And does it matter if we killed one or ten people? The experience is the same, the rush of power after taking a life is like no other. Holding her, I was willing to do whatever it was needed to keep her alive and safe.

Her soft sleeping noises, not snoring, but a much cuter version of a puffing breath lulled me to sleep. When I woke up, the morning light pushed through the shutters and had me sitting up a little bit too fast.

Can’t remember when I slept so much last time.

Lilly, or Elizabeth, was still laying on my chest, a small puddle of drool formed on my skin. My fingers traced her jaw and then I slipped my hands into her hair. I like the way her skin feels under my touch.

Softly, taking care not to wake her, I pushed her aside and freed myself from her arm and the moment her touch, her warmth and her softness were gone, I felt them lacking. Gone from my heart and craved them like crazy. I did not expect to miss her as soon as I was one step away from her. She was still in the same room, so close that I could touch her.

Love is a form of intoxication, but I am so happy that I gave in and followed my desire to check my phone. Even though my flesh eating Venus was absolutely capable of killing a man, I doubt she has the body chopping skills my experience gave me over time.

“Sam.”

Lilly meowed and half opened her eyes.

“Shh, go to sleep.”

“How late is it?”

“Seven.”

“Smm.”

She said something that wasn’t making sense, sat up and scratched her head.

“You are so freaking adorable."

I whispered and kissed her on her forehead.

“Stay,” she stretched her arm towards me and pulled it away as she was aware that she was about to touch me.

I sat on the edge of the bed and kissed her fingers softly, before she could regret wanting to touch me.

“I’ll try to be better about not touching you.”

“We learn together, you can always take my hand, I am good with that.”

She smiled and stretched and I moved my hands over her skin, so tempted to return to bed and start again.

“Stay longer, please.”

She purred and I wanted to give in.

“Oh Jesus.”

She pulled the blanket away and I was assaulted by her beautiful naked body, still marked by my touch.

“This is not fair.”

I pressed another kiss on her neck.

“I don’t play fair.”

I slide next to her and kiss her, holding her hands pressed next to her body.

“I wish darling, I have to go over to my house, shave, change and go to the store. Then I have to take care of Roy and later tonight we have a body disposing slash dinner date.”

“ Darling, I love that.”

“I shall call you darling, I am still searching for the perfect pet name for you.”

I walked out of Lilly’s bedroom, floating. I can’t remember feeling this elated before chopping a body.

The kitchen was clean enough, and I can always give it another bleach bath later. Out of some reasons I found it amusing. Not wanting for the neighbors to see a murder scene should not have been so funny in my mind.

I entered my own house and walked directly into the basement, where Roy waited for me.

It made no sense to shower first.

After laying tarp on the ground and changing into my butcher clothes I charged.

This was not sloppy work, but I had to portion the young man, make his body bite sized for the gators.

My own trick was to use a sledgehammer to the bigger bones and smash them, to make chewing easy.

As I cut Roy’s leg in four perfect pieces, I found myself humming. How can I be so happy?

My carefully curated life was just about to be thrown over, changed in a way that was not ever going to be reversed.

I inhaled and cut through the meat.

“Roy, Roy, Roy.”

Two hours later, Roy was not recognizable as human and he was neatly wrapped in my ice box.

Still happy, I made my way up to the first floor to shower and change.

Not able to shake my addiction, I clicked on the phone to watch Lilly for a bit.

Was the fact that I was cleaning after her kill making us boyfriend and girlfriend? I always found the term boyfriend ridiculous for a man that was 40 like me. Man friend?

I don’t know. It made me smile.

Do I have to ask Lilly if we are exclusive? Was the sex good for her? Would she be able to deal with me not allowing her to touch me for who knows how long?

I exhaled hard as I leaned against the wall and allowed the water to run down on me. Steaming hot, ready to burn my flesh away.

I am a freak. I always knew that, but it took a while to understand how much darkness was hidden under the freak side of me.

In all the books I read on serial killers, they love to kill small animals during childhood, but I never did. I never felt the need. I was always feeling that I understood animals better than humans. With animals things are simple, humans on the other side are very complicated.

I chew on my lip as I use a scrub on my body. When my hand reached down to my cock, I recall the explosion I felt inside Lilly. The heat, her way of pulling me in, swallowing everything I could give her.

She was beyond perfect, my blood covered Goddess of death that I was happy to worship to my last day.

Was I?

There was no doubt in my mind, I knew since I saw her the first time that she is the one, the only one for me, but I know that dating doesn’t work this way. People date multiple, they leave doors and options open.

What if I scare her with too much passion?

What if she needs space?

I considered all that as I made a list of things for our picnic.

I planned on organizing a small candle light dinner on the boat, right after we feed the gators.