The Serial Killers Guide to Love (Deadly Darling #1)

Chapter 26

26

Lilly

Sam’s hand lay on my thigh and it made me feel warm and giddy. Even the way he barely flexed his fingers to hold on to my flesh was a sign. I think. I hope. I sat there, like a mute unable to even think. What could I tell him?

What if I am losing my cool and just blurt out that I love him? That I am in love with him. That he is enchanting me body and soul and makes me believe in things that I have never even considered existed. OK, girl get a grip on yourself. I can’t remember this feeling. It feels as if huge moths are flapping their wings inside my chest and then, it feels as if, God, as if I am just a bit poisoned and about to pass out. This mix of crazy happy and physically ill made my head spin.

The day flew away from me before this and now, he drove us towards our date spot. His eyes on the road, the silence loud in the car.

“Would you like to listen to some music?"

He asked and was still avoiding my gaze. His sunglasses covered his gorgeous eyes, a shield meant to stay between us. I chewed on my lip, trying to forget what just crossed my mind. Could I blurt out that I am not good at casual, that my heart aches for love? But instead of all the beautiful words meant to bring out my feelings, I replied absent.

“Hm, yeah, why not.”

Okay, okay as long as you don’t blurt out that you love him.

I started to look through the display and tried to pick something.

“What do you usually like to listen to?”

His gaze was straight on the road.

“I don’t have a killing playlist if you mean that. I am not big into music. Maybe because I couldn’t resonate with all the feelings that music tried to bring up inside me.”

“Oh.”

“And now I sound like a weirdo,” Sam’s fingers flexed on my thigh and I shivered inwardly.

“No, I mean, I understand. Some music I like. Here, this.”

I picked a song by Leonard Cohen that always had a way to pluck at my soul strings.

“He has a beautiful voice. Lilly, I, do you prefer me to call you Elizabeth?”the question surprised me.

“No, I actually like Lilly. Lilly is fresh and new, Elizabeth is burdened with so many bad memories.”

“Have you done this with someone before?”

“Done what?”

“I mean, did you kill with your husband?”

I flushed. What was he trying to do here? I found myself deeply confused.

“No. He had no idea that I could do those things. Work with poison from plants and I would have never told him such things. He was not a nice person.”

“I am not good at this.”

Sam said and pulled his hand away from my leg

Out of reflex or want, I grabbed his wrist and put his hand back. Only this time I covered it with mine. His skin was warm, his pulse drummed loud like music without sound under my fingers.

“Is it okay if I keep my hand on yours?” My nerves hammered as loud as his, until I felt his rush of blood. Was it possible that he was nervous?

“Yes.”

“What are you not good at?”

“At this. Human relationships. I don’t understand all social clues, I miss signs of body language. I will probably say the wrong thing at the wrong time and make you mad with me. Lilly, I just don’t want you to be disappointed in me.”

I saw his gaze, even behind the glasses.

“How could I be disappointed? I am not. Not at all. Not an Ink. I want this. I want you.”

The pressure of his fingers on my thigh felt comfortable and warm, like nothing I ever experienced before.

“You are not?”

“No. We are going to talk and find a way through this together. And worse case scenario, I’ll just give you a lethal dose of wolfsbane and we are done.”

Sam snort laughed, his hair moved with his head.

“How about you don’t?” Sam asked and his lips crinkled in a slightly amused half smile.

“I can live with that. I mean it, I, I mean, I am not good either. Mike, my husband was my only boyfriend. There was no one else before him. And after him, I had a few one night stands with a few guys I don’t recall, I was determined to shield my heart. But I don’t want to shield my heart with you, Sam.”

The words escaped my mouth and I sat there, frozen. Am I an idiot or what? Have I not watched enough reality shows about relationships? What the hell! Panic grasped hard at me when Sam wrapped my hand in his, the pressure sending a rush through my entire body. Memories of what happened between us made all the blush rush through my veins.

He lifted my hand to his lips. Warm soft lips pushed on my skin. The cars inside was pleasant, but I fell frozen deep inside. What if he rejects me? What if.

“Lilly, I don’t want you to hide your true self from me. And I don’t want us to date other people. I am not good at this, relaxed dating stuff. I only want you.”

My heart filled my chest as it swelled to an incredible size. I swear, it pressed against my ribs in a painful way, ready to erupt from me like a damn baby alien or something. Was that possible?

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, the words stuck somewhere in my air starved lungs.

“Say something, please. If you still want to date, I am going to try to accept it, but I don’t know how I will be able to do that. Just thinking that another man touched you is driving me insane and makes me want to cut his hands off.”

I should be disgusted.

I should probably say that this is a red flag or unhealthy, but I was unable to speak and my pussy was dripping with need.

“Can you stop and fuck me right now, please?”

I whispered.

Sam turned the wheel fast and stopped on the side of the road. The breaks made that squeaking sound and a cloud of dust surrounded us. Sam turned his head towards me and took his sunglasses off.

“Please, repeat what you said.”

His voice was even, calm and controlled. There was a part of me that craved that. His strength, his ability to bring peace in my chaos was something that I have never experienced.

“Can you fuck me right now, please?”

My voice sounded needy.

“I could. I want to. But I want to wait longer. Delight in this need I feel to stroke your soft skin, and feel you under my fingers.”

His hand slid between my legs and I gasped.

He pushed his long fingers under my lace panties and stopped for a second when he felt how wet I am.

“You are all mine. I don’t want to share.”

“As long as you are mine. I am ready to kill you if you break my heart.”

His lips pressed on mine. Heat flared up inside me, and Sam moved his talented fingers deep inside me playing with my clit.

“Can I touch you?”

My voice was strangled and fucking desperate.

“No.”

He used his free hand to restrain me, and kept working on my pleasure.

“Look ahead.”

Sam commanded and I took a sharp inhale. The air in the car smelled like him. The AC humming and other cars melting into traffic.

“Tell me what were you thinking about when you touched yourself?”

My first reaction was to hold my breath, wanting to push the pleasure away, in order to be able to think. Sam pinched my clit.

“Answer me, Lilly.”

“About you in a minotaur’s body.”

“And did that turn you on, gorgeous?”

“Yes.”

“Did you scream when you came?”

“Yes,” I exhaled the answer. The need to come was painful. It ripped me apart inside out.

Sam moved his fingers inside me, teasing me, filling me only enough to make me shiver, but not to let me come.

“Lilly?”

“Uhum”

I replied, my hands balled into fists needing this to come to completion.

“Would you like me to make that pussy of yours come?”

“Yes.”

“Say it. Say, Sam, make my pussy come around your fingers.”

“Sam.”

It was hard to focus on my words. They shook like smoke over a campfire.

Waves of heat took over and I couldn’t think after a few seconds when a strong orgasm shook me.

“Fuck.”

He whispered and I inhaled the word, smothering it with a kiss.

“This was... Wow. So, I get it that we are exclusive. A couple, boyfriend and girlfriend?”

I should have slapped myself for the dumb shit I said. How could I ruin this moment with this question

“We are one, my love, and our bones will rot together in an unmarked grave. I like to think about you as being the flame that is burning me, and I am the moth, dying for your touch and beauty.”

Now I was fucking ready to die. This man didn’t speak the way I was used to. Nothing about him was ordinary or normal.

He held my hand and kissed me again.

“Are you well, Lilly?’

“Yes, my head is spinning, like in The Exorcist. You have no idea how I feel about you.”

“I think I can imagine. Before you, there was nothing, and now my heart is alive with all this.”

Sam smiled.

“Let’s get going before our boy there starts to taw in this heat.”

“Sure, what can be more romantic than throwing away body parts together? How are we going to do that?

Sam started to drive, but his hand was again on me and I loved it.

“I believe in the circle of life. Recycling comes to mind. I usually feed my victims to gators, sharks, depends.”

“And isn’t the police going to find them?”

“See, here is the amateur killer talking. I cut the bodies into pieces, discard all the teeth, so there are no dental records and I use a sledgehammer for the bones.”

A chill ran down my spine.

“Aren’t you cocky?”

I asked and he threw me a half smile.

“Too much information?”

“No. Yes. Fuck, I mean, you take this seriously. I feel like a hobby killer compared to you.”

He smiled again, in a cute encouraging way. Sam was right, he was a damn pro, I was only in the amateur weight class.

“How did you start? I mean, if it’s not too private to ask?”

Sam nodded.

“I grew up in foster, moved around a lot, I assume it’s the same story for most of the foster kids. The system is a place that allows the people who want to harm us a way to do so legally. I never knew my parents. Police found me abandoned, tied down to a bed with wires when I was four. I have no memory about that time. No memory at all. But I can assume what happened to me. This gave me my issues with touch. I never liked it, and it was hard to tolerate it. Being abused further in the system wasn’t helping. I killed for the first time at 12. It was easy. I stuck a knife in the neck of my so-called foster father. “

I held his hand, not sure what to say. But I felt it, the need to hug that 12 year old boy and promise him something, anything.

“That must have been horrible.”

“No. It was freeing. He was the problem. Not only that he beat us and starved us, he was an all around horrible human that had an inclination towards small children. Very young ones. I caught him and killed.

I felt so much better after. That was one kill that I left in the open and the amount of trouble after was not worth it. But it was a lesson. If there is no body, there is no murder. If there is no murder victim, there is no investigation. If no one looks for a killer... I think you get the idea.”

Silence hung like a weighted blanket over my shoulders. Yes, a part of me wanted to lean into him and tell him everything. I never dared to share that side of me. Mike had his own views about the way his wife had to be. Pretty, hot, depending on what he needed me for. He liked to show me off.

“I killed my student advisor. And my Granny. Well, with Granny it was a mercy kill. She had her fourth stroke and she couldn’t move or speak. I hated it, but she prepared her own poison before it was too late and before she became unable to do so. She asked me to do it and I did. I felt horrible, but I held her hand until she fell asleep. After she died, she was at peace.”

Tears rolled down my cheek. My Granny loved me, she was a flawed person, and she saw the darkness in me, but she loved me either way.

Sam kissed my hand.

“I am really sorry.”

“You don’t have to be. I made my kills look like accidents. If you don’t know that you have to search for a particular poison, you won’t. It’s easy to suspect that an 82 year old had another stroke and died. Or that an overweight councillor had a heart attack and hit another car on his way home. Stuff like that. I kill when I feel that I don’t have another escape, and I plan my kills. That shit with Roy, that took me by surprise. I wasn’t sure that I had it in me.”

“Why didn’t you shoot him?”

“Are you trying to make a joke? In our gated community? Mrs Sanders would have called the police in two seconds and how could I have explained it?”

“A burglar?”

“I am on the run, I don’t need the attention. I am still scared that Mike will send his men, or worse, that he will come look himself.”

“What was Roy doing here?”

“He has a grandma in a nursing home in the area and from all places, he found me at the market and recognized me. I was shocked.

Sam nodded.

“You don’t have to face Mike alone. Hell, you don’t have to face him at all if you don’t want to. I can take care of it for you.”

No one ever offered to kill for me. He sounded too good to be true, like one of them perfect book boyfriends from the stories I loved.

“One day, I will have to. There are things in life one can’t escape.”

“My offer stands. I am here, right next to you, well, at least until you poison me.”

A snort laugh escaped me.

“Silly.”

Sam kissed my hand again.

“Let’s go feed some gators, shall we?”