The Serial Killers Guide to Love (Deadly Darling #1)

Chapter 27

27

Sam

I am not this version of myself around anyone else. Not the way I am with Lilly. With any other person, I would have taken the information she gave me and tucked it away to use it against her, but when I saw Lilly in front of me, opening up, telling me things she never felt before, it freed me.

I don’t like to dredge through the mud of my own soul, but I love her darkness. I want to roll with her in the mud.

We walked down the path that led us to my small boat. It was inconspicuous, and fast enough for what we had planned.

Lilly’s fingers held on to me, a poison ivy that climbs around her next prey, only I am a willing prey, wanting her poison inside me.

“Where are you taking me?”

“To the gators. Have you never been here?”

“Hm, no, visiting ancient reptiles is not usually my idea of fun.”

“You will love it. They are so efficient.”

“Are you always doing this?”

“Feeding the gators?”

There it was, a touch of fear that sneaked around her, on her skin making her even more desirable. If I was fully trained, Lilly was not like me. She had a sweet center, and my darkness was hungry to swallow it as we spoke.

“No. Most people panic after they kill and become so horribly sloppy. I abhor that. As I said, I like to be organized, in all things. I usually have a plan about what to do with my kill. It can be the gulf, it can be a gator, it can be a grave somewhere in the middle of nowhere. The idea with the graves I got that from TV shows. It’s actually funny.”

“Hm.”

She held onto the bag I gave her. I could carry Roy alone, but now was not the moment to let go of her hand. Silence with Lilly is like a slow advancing poison, it numbs you to everything else. I like it.

It makes me smile in the darkness as the way is lit by the helm with the flashlight that I wear.

She made fun of the helm.

“Seriously, what are the chances that three serial killers would meet in the darkness?”

She asked, and I could feel her squeezing my hand harder. The way she touched my hand made me want to feel her, but I couldn’t. Not yet.

There was time and I was always a patient man.

“What are the odds that one killer moved across the street of another one?”

“Not as low as you think, crime rate is high in this country.’

“Fuck.”

Lilly playfully touched my upper arm.

“Sorry.”

She whispered, the swamp swallowing her words.

“No need. I can deal with touch from you in small amounts. I am not sure how to explain.”

Her hand held mine.

“Don’t explain. It’s all good. We can talk another time. Now tell me more about this.”

“See there?”

I pointed towards the deck where my boat was tied up.

“No, I don’t see that great.”

“In this case, you need to trust me. Are you sure it’s a good idea to trust a serial killer?”

“Oh please, you drank from the water bottle I gave you, and I am the poisoner.”

I released her hand, and wrapped it around my throat, releasing a noise that sounded like desperate choking.

“Stop that Sam, the poison I use, it doesn’t work like that, okay?”

“Oh, it was worth a try.”

“And I wouldn’t kill you like that.”

“No? How would you kill me?”

“You first, Sam, my methods are more diverse. Would you cut me with a chainsaw?”

“Oh God, do you think that I actually cut living people with a chainsaw? I mean, fuck, that’s like the stuff of horror movies. No. That would be too messy. Even when you cut a dead body, it is messy enough. No. Let me think, what method would work for someone as lovely as you.”

“I am curious?”

“Would you like to die slow or fast?”

“Fast, surprise me.”

“Death is always a surprise. We live with the knowledge that our end is inevitable, all our life, and still, when we meet death, it comes as a surprise to most. I saw it again and again in the eyes of the people on my table.”

“Hm... I think, it’s maybe because most of us cling to life. We hope that if we have one more day, one more chance, maybe just maybe we will get to do things better, right. What do I know? I faked my death to have a life and all I did was run and hide.”

“I am a fan of running. It’s good cardio.”

“Sam, you haven’t told me yet how you would kill me.”

“I don’t want to kill you. I kinda like you, I am very fond of you, actually.”

“Come on.”

I stopped. What was she hoping that I would say? Was that a test?

“The moment I saw you, covered in blood, I knew that you were meant to be mine. It blew all my doubts away. The blood melted my own fears.

I would fuck you. Hard. Make you unravel around my cock, scream my name again and again until you faint in blissful pleasure. And then, just then, I would take a silky sharp blade and slide it on your throat. Fast. Holding you in my arms and whispering into your ear that you will be fine. That nothing bad will ever happen to you as long as I hold you. And then, just as your blood would cover me, and I would find bliss, I would take a double dose of your hardest poison and hope that hell is a place that is real and that you will wait there for me.”

“No, Sam, you can’t end yourself if I die.”

“For the first time in my existence, I feel. Do you have any idea how it is to walk your entire life with your eyes closed, just to feel as if your chest is split open with all the things that you all of a sudden feel, but you never considered real? There is no after you. Not for me. This, here, this is for all eternity. Now please get in the boat.”

“Sam.”

The moon shone down on us, and I needed Lilly’s face looking at me. She had a light in her. She stepped in both worlds, one side of her was the grower, the giver of life, the woman that loved flowers and monster porn and made me smile and the other was this blood goddess of darkness.

“I love you.”

I said the words.

Was it early? Her face was a mask.

“The entire evening, I tried my best not to tell you.”

She hugged her upper arms, and her eyes looked huge and round.

“I love you, Sam, I love you. I know this is madness, but I love you.”

I was unable to think. And this is something that doesn’t happen often to me. I think it is what I do, but not after Lilly looked at me like this.

I needed a minute, and dropped the coolers that held pieces of Roy on the ground.

Roy was our Cupid, he brought us together, I assume that I should be grateful to him for that.

I moved into her, and she stood there.

“Please stay still."

I whispered into her ear, right before wrapping her into me. Fully. Lilly’s soft, round curves pressed against my hard edges.

Her eyes watered and she sniveled her nose. This was another first. I can’t deal with crying. I don’t know what to do. It is like watching something explode as I hold it, and I know that it will pull me under, and still, I can’t do anything to make it stop.

“What do you need?” I asked and moved my hand on her back, rubbing it gently.

“I am so happy. Ugh fuck, do you have a tissue?”

I plucked a tissue from my pocket and offered it to Lilly who used the back of her hand to wipe her face off.

“God, look at me, I am a mess. Why do you want to be with someone like me?”

She asked, but I wasn’t sure if it was a real or a rhetorical question. Instead, I gave her my white cotton tissue.

“Fuck, this is real?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Your tissue, it is not paper, it’s like men used to have, before everything. Elegant. I can’t use this to clean my face, I’ll mess it up. “

I moved closer, and made the distance between us go away. My hand caressed her arms softly and I pulled her towards me.

“You can and you will.”

I took the tissue and pressed it on her eyes, whipping away the tears.

“Sam?”

“Hm?”

“Why do you like me? I mean, really?’

“Because you are making me feel alive. You are chaos to my order. And I love it.”

“Do you think that you will ever be ok with me touching you?”

“I don’t know yet.”

A knot formed inside my chest. Can I tell her that I wanted to be OK with her touching me, but I had no idea when that would happen? That having anyone too close makes me feel helpless.

“I just want to hug you one day.”

She sniveled and blew her nose.

She was cute.

She was so adorable, I wanted to hide her away from the world. Use all my 23 knives from my collection to protect her.

“Sam?”

“Hm.”

“I am good. We can go.”

The feeding happened fast. The gators move up to the surface as soon as they smell blood. And they are so efficient when it comes to cleaning up. I always admired the speed and precision in their way of being.

“Are you not afraid of them?”

Lilly asked as she dropped a piece of wrapped Roy into the murky waters.

“No. Why would I be? They help me.”

“They freak me out a bit. But at the same time, I want to lean closer and watch them.”

“I see. Like me probably.”

“I am not scared of you. Maybe I should be, but I am not. I was scared of Mike, fuck, I still am..”

Watching her bite her lip, seeing her scared, it burned me.

“ Maybe I need to pay Mike a nice bloody visit.”

“No.”

“What do you mean, Lilly?”

“I mean. Please don’t kill him. Not yet. I am not there yet.”

My arm wrapped around her.

“I will consider that. Come, I promised you something beautiful.”