The Sky We Seek (Love and Other Dreams #2)

Chapter 27

Elina

Sitting at the small dining table in my cabin, I turn on the front camera of my laptop and smile at myself. In the background, you can see the wooden wall paneling and even a part of the old-fashioned floral curtain.

The senior physician from Vienna's Herzogen Hospital, with whom I will have a job interview in a few minutes, an interview that could change my life forever, will think I'm in the middle of nowhere.

This won't do. I quickly push myself up and walk into the bedroom. I need a sheet that I can hang up behind me. A neutral white background will make me look somewhat professional in my chic blazer. With the sheet in hand, I return to the living room, but unfortunately, I can't find a way to attach it to the wall.

"Think, Elina," I say, looking around for a solution. "You only have ten minutes left." I should already be waiting for Dr. Hafner in the appointment, not standing here like a dumb deer in headlights.

The clothes rack! I hang the sheet on it and sit down on the floor. I place the laptop on the coffee table. This should work. I quickly arrange everything, and when I check the camera image, I can smile in satisfaction.

"Perfect." I adjust my collar one last time and check the position of my pearl necklace. I have tied my hair into a low ponytail, and even though I don't see any flaws in my hairstyle, I run my hand over my head for good measure.

Of course, it's precisely at this moment that my phone rings. It's my mother, and I have to answer it. Maybe it's urgent.

"I just wanted to let you know that Aaron is finally making progress," she says cheerfully after a brief greeting.

Despite my tension, this news brings a smile to my lips. "That's wonderful!"

"He's such an amazing boy. He's been clean for three days now." The pride in her voice is unmistakable.

I lower my eyelids. "He is," I confirm even though I would love to say something different. Like how amazing I am, for example. Or how I wish for her to be equally proud of me one day.

I've been holding back these words my whole life. It's time I finally say them. "Listen..."

"I'm sorry, but I have to go. Aaron urgently needs fresh T-shirts for his new life," my mother chatters busily.

"I'm sure he does. But I need something too," I reply, surprising myself.

"Can it wait?" she urgently pleads. "We'll talk in detail soon, okay?" she adds when I don't respond immediately.

"Sure," I say meekly, realizing that now is not the right moment. After all, my job interview is also waiting. "Take care. It was nice talking to you."

With a suppressed sigh, I hang up. Then I loosen up my body, take a deep breath, and force a smile on my face. Finally, I press the call button to join the video call. It's two minutes before six o’clock. I'm perfectly on time. Yet I only have time for a brief clearing of my throat before the man who will decide my future as a doctor appears on the screen.

Receding hairline. Shoulder-length white hair on the sides. Laugh lines. A doctor's coat.

He seems sympathetic. Thank goodness.

"Ms. Gross. It's nice that it worked out." He smiles kindly.

To be on the safe side, I straighten my back. After all, I'm sitting cross-legged on the floor, and I don't want him to notice. "I'm very excited. Thank you for the invitation."

"Your application for the neurology specialist position caught our attention," he continues professionally. I spot documents in his hands at the bottom of the screen. "Tell me a little about yourself."

In the past six months, I've had dozens of job interviews. I should be experienced by now, but I feel like I'm doing this for the first time today. I try to speak slowly and confidently. Gradually, I talk about my career path and share the honors I received during my studies, including obtaining my doctorate sub auspiciis, after consistently receiving top grades throughout high school and college. Hardly anyone achieves it, but I did. Back then, there was even a television feature about me, but it couldn't distract my parents from their sorrow.

His approving nod now sends me soaring. Filled with enthusiasm, I outline what I experienced during the summer I spent with Doctors Without Borders.

"At the present moment, I am completing the final part of my internship in general medicine," I conclude my statement. I omit the reasons for my transfer from Vienna to Tyrol within my training.

And I pray he won't probe further.

His gaze fixed on the documents, he clears his throat. "May I ask a question," he begins cautiously, causing everything inside me to tense up. I nod and force a smile. What else can I do?

"Your résumé is..." He looks up at and studies me for a moment. "Impressive." His approving expression is genuine.

But it won't last long. My facial muscles give in, and my shoulders become heavy. It's the same every time. Every damn time.

"But..."

There it is. The but . That small word that shatters everything. I hold my breath, bracing myself for the worst even though it seems impossible.

"This position in general medicine doesn't fit the picture at all. Why did you decide to complete your training there?" There's a condescending tone in his voice. He knows that I only deal with simple cases here. And he knows that working for Helene is a setback in my career.

"It was important to me to have a comprehensive understanding of the medical profession." I hear the uncertainty in my words, and he surely does too.

"Ms. Gross..." A crease forms between his bushy eyebrows. "If you want to belong to the elite—and your résumé suggests that you do—you can't waste your time with such trivial matters."

"Of course not," I quickly respond. I can't let him think I'm an idiot. Because I'm not. Well, not really. Not entirely .

"If that's the case, why are you content with diagnosing scarlet fever, prescribing antibiotics, and administering vaccinations?" Leaning forward, supported by his hands, he gets closer. Close enough for me to see his probing gaze. It gives me goose bumps and leaves me without an answer to his question.

Should I tell him the truth?

No.

Clearly, he has no idea what happened in my previous position. If he knew, the conversation would be over before I could even justify myself. Not that there would be any justification for it...

"Ms. Gross?" He raises his eyebrows impatiently.

I let my shoulders sag. "I underestimated how unchallenging the position would be," I say apologetically. "But I'm someone who finishes what they start. Giving up is not an option for me." Wherever that sudden inspiration came from, I mentally pat myself on the back for it.

For a moment, he wrinkles his nose. "General medicine is beneath you."

I feel resistance building within me. It's not that terrible. And I don't appreciate his judgment of Helene's work either. She also contributes to people's health, albeit in a comparatively small way. I would love to tell him that, but instead, I muster a smile. After all, I want to play in his league and have a job that I can be proud of, both for myself and others.

"That's why I applied," I respond firmly. "Since as long as I can remember, I've dreamed of becoming a neurologist." As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize that I shouldn't have said them. Dreams. It sounds like I'm a foolish child imagining owning a pony farm someday. Doctors don't have dreams. They have goals.

"My goal is to specialize in migraine disorders," I quickly add. The wooden floor is now pressing hard against my buttocks, and an uncomfortable tingling sensation runs through my legs.

He nods approvingly. "Then we shall see if we can get you out of the dead end you've found yourself in."

Inevitably, I swallow hard. I always knew this position was far from glamorous. But I never expected such harsh judgment from a respected authority like Dr. Hafner. "That would be great," I say although it feels strange. Not least because I now realize how much I am derailing my career and thereby my only chance to help my brother.

I don't want that. All my life, I wanted to do something meaningful. I wanted to save lives.

And I don't want to bring shame to my parents. They don't deserve it, especially with all the problems they already have with Aaron. They should be proud of me, look at me with that joyful sparkle in their eyes. I am their obedient girl, the child they can always rely on.

The daughter who tries everything not to disappoint them. Thinking about what I've done to my parents with my expulsion from the Vienna clinic makes it almost impossible for me to sit upright. No wonder they don't want to come and visit me in Tyrol. I don't deserve their love. What possessed me earlier to demand affection from my mother even though I haven't earned it?

"Alright, we have discussed everything," says the only man who can help me fix my life from a distance. "We will be in touch soon with our decision."

"Thank you for the pleasant conversation." I smile at him sincerely. Then we wish each other a good evening and say our goodbyes.

As soon as I end the video call, I bury my face in my hands. There's nothing but guilt within me. I have to make amends for what I've done. I must!

There's only one scenario for my future where I can have everything that's important to me.

The position for the neurology residency.

Vienna.

And Noah, who is not only absolutely safe but will also accompany me there. No matter how many times Maya warns me about seeing things through rose-colored glasses. This time it's different. As soon as he's with me, I feel that I can trust him.

If there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that I need to focus with all my might. If you want something, you have to fight for it. And that's exactly what I'll do.