The Sky We Seek (Love and Other Dreams #2)

Chapter 32

Noah

A cool breeze brushes against my face. I open my eyes, and within a second, I know exactly where I am.

In the observatory. On the sofa where I spent the previous night with Elina.

Grinning, I note how bright the sun is shining above me. I hear the joyful chirping of forest birds and the creaking of branches swaying in the wind. With a contented sigh, I turn to the side, only to realize that Elina isn't here.

I quickly look around. The observatory is empty, but the door is open, and something moves behind the window, revealing a view of the sunlit terrace. I blink, and then I recognize Elina's golden hair gently swaying back and forth.

I peel myself off the sofa, slip into my jeans, and rummage through the kitchen cabinets for the last supply of coffee that must be somewhere. Fatigue weighs on me, but at least today I know where it comes from. And despite my exhausted limbs, I feel rejuvenated as I step out moments later with two steaming cups of coffee beside Elina.

In her hand, she holds a bag of marshmallows, most likely from her stash in her handbag. Natural and unadorned, she is more beautiful than ever.

"Good morning," I say, wrapping my arm around her and pulling her close. Immediately, the scent of her hair surrounds me. That and the view unfolding behind her are all I need.

"Hey," she whispers lovingly. Then, with a grateful nod, she takes the coffee from me and turns her face with an expression of pure enjoyment toward the mountain landscape that lies paradisaically before us. So untouched, so pure, yet so wild.

"How are you feeling?" Elina asks after taking a sip of her coffee.

Why is she asking that? And why does she look at me so intently? I shrug as casually as possible. "As usual."

She nestles against my arm. "Did you sleep well?"

"Mm-hmm." I nod even though she can't see it. "Did you?"

Normally, she should answer now. And the question I asked her isn't difficult. Yet she hesitates.

Did we go too far last night? Does she regret getting involved with me so quickly? "Is everything alright?" I ask cautiously.

Suddenly, she looks directly at me. In her eyes, I see concern. "You don't remember, do you?"

What is she talking about?

She tilts her head to the side. "You had terrible nightmares tonight, Noah."

Impossible. I would have noticed that.

"Don't you remember?" she asks, her doctor's gaze probing.

I search my memory, but there's nothing. "No." Confused, I run my hand through my hair.

Should I ask her what the nightmares were about?

Maybe it's better not to .

"You kept shouting Julian's name over and over again. And the words 'there's hardly any blood.'" I can't place her expression. "Then you begged him not to die. You said he had only slid a few yards and that it couldn't possibly have harmed him." As a mountain forms in my stomach, she touches her forehead as if exerting herself to recount everything exactly. " You're only lightly injured, Julian ," she says, gazing into the distance.

My God.

" Why are you unconscious? Talk to me ," she adds, nodding and furrowing her brow even more. Suddenly, she looks directly at me. "Isn't that strange?"

Swiftly, a wall builds up within me. She needs to stop digging into my darkness. Right now. "Just a meaningless dream. Nothing more."

She vehemently shakes her head. "Dreams are a way for the subconscious to process things that—"

"No." I interrupt her quickly because I don't want to hear what she's about to say. It wouldn't lead anywhere anyway.

She reaches for my hand. "We can handle this together."

But there's nothing to handle. Why doesn't she understand?

"Stop, Elina." I sound harsher than I intend to. But I have no choice. The past should be left alone. I'm actually glad that I lack the memory of the accident. And it wouldn't change anything, even if it were different. Julian is dead, and no matter how it happened exactly, I was there. I should have helped him. But obviously, I didn't.

I see her take a step back out of the corner of my eye. Her shoulders slump forward, and she bites her thumbnail.

It's as if I've offended her, but this has nothing to do with her. Or with us. It's solely about me and something I just want to forget.

Apologetically, I pull her into my arms. "Wouldn't we rather enjoy this beautiful morning?" I ask in the softest tone I can manage. "Being with you makes me happy. I don't need to know anything else. And neither do you, right?"

She rests her head against my chest and exhales audibly, while I count the seconds until she finally speaks about what's going on inside her.