The Sky We Seek (Love and Other Dreams #2)

Chapter 44

Noah

The rain makes the surface of the pebbles slippery. With each step, I slide downhill, but I maintain control over my body. It's my thoughts that I struggle to control.

I've climbed the Gro?er Semm. Now, less than a hundred yards separate me from the entrance to the gorge.

I look up, raindrops pelting my face.

Entering the gorge now is not a good idea. Today is a bad day.

Come on, let's take a detour , Julian pleads with me, just as he did back then.

Even today, I shake my head. "Just a moment ago, you complained about a stomachache, and now you want to extend the hike?" I turn to him in my thoughts, examining his expression.

What's there?

A slightly protruding lower lip. A tense jawline. Now, a shrug of the left shoulder. They're gone.

I have no reason not to trust him. There are no signs that he's lying to me, so I nod toward the gorge. "Well then..."

In my mind's eye, I see my best friend walking past me, entering the narrow path into the Semmtal Gorge as if nothing sinister awaits him there .

As for me, I remain rooted to the spot. My legs refuse to follow him. Water droplets loosen from the edge of my hood, obscuring my vision.

"I can't do this." What if I follow Julian and find something there that I can't bear, something even worse than having no memory? What if there's a truth waiting for me in that gorge that will completely shatter my world?

For months, I've built this secure barrier. It's the only way I can manage my daily life.

Nothing is ever lost as long as we don't give up on it , whispers Elina softly inside me.

If she were here by my side, everything would be different. With her hand in mine, I would enter the gorge. Together, we could fight our way to the place that changed my life forever. She would look at me with her powerful gaze, and I would know that I can conquer anything with her.

But she's gone because I drove her away. I'm on my own, and I have to face this alone.

"For Elina," I say to myself, forcing myself to take a step. Then another.

My heart races, and my breathing becomes heavy.

Another step.

Julian waves at me from a distance. Come on, we don't have all day .

From a distance, I observe him. Everything about him seems normal. Only his back is slightly hunched, but it always is. He signals for me to get a move on.

Struggling with myself, I look down. The ground beneath my hiking shoes is damp, just like my shoes. Above me, two weather fronts clash thunderously.

Running into the gorge in this rain is madness !

"Let's turn back," I shout through the veil of rain to Julian.

Did I do that back then too? Did it even rain when we entered the gorge?

I don't know. Where my memory should reside, there's only a dark spot.

Julian acts as if he doesn't hear me at all. Wordlessly, he turns away and marches forward. Soon, he takes the first bend and disappears from my view.

Indecisively, I gaze at the path.

"Just do it," I urge myself. "This moment is as good as any other."

It will never be easy. The day when I can walk into this damn gorge without any issues will never come.

I press my lips together and swallow hard. Then I abruptly set myself in motion. My foot steps onto the path that winds into the gorge.

It has happened. I have crossed the threshold.

A leaden heaviness overcomes me. It presses down on my shoulders and squeezes my chest. Yet I don't turn back. My thoughts are with Elina. How proud she would be if she could see me here now. She would nod approvingly, and her eyes would shine.

I believe in you. And I believe in us. That's what she would say, I'm sure. It is for that reason alone that I bravely venture deeper into the gorge.

In the pouring rain, I cross the wooden bridge. The planks are as slippery as a frozen mountain lake. Once on the other side of the gorge, I carefully place one foot in front of the other. The path is narrow, the ground slick. With each step, it gives way a little more.

Keeping my gaze on the ground, I continue to feel my way forward. Suddenly, I spot footprints. Someone must have walked here not too long ago. Or am I just imagining the tracks? Just like I've been seeing my deceased friend all day?

Who would walk into the gorge in this weather? Nobody does that. Nobody is that crazy.

Wait a minute!

Nobody is that crazy. That's what I said to my best friend back then.

Yes, that's how it was. Right here, at this narrow spot where I am now, the thunderstorm caught us by surprise.

Suddenly, the situation becomes crystal clear in my mind. And Julian appears before my eyes again even though I know he's not really here.

"We need to turn back," I say to him, just like I did back then, hastily pulling the rain cover over my backpack even though everything is already wet.

My friend looks up at the sky, trying to assess the situation. "It will pass quickly."

No, it won't. I know it because my memory has come rushing back. It has been pouring down relentlessly this whole time. Even when the helicopter came to transport Julian, the storm hadn't subsided.

I need to make him understand that. If he knows, he won't continue walking. And then he won't fall, and everything will be fine. "You're probably right," I say, despite knowing the truth.

Just like on that dreadful day.

Dammit.

Julian turns around and keeps walking. Back then, just like today, I follow him.

He heads toward the next bend.

That's where it happened .

I reach out my hand, wanting to warn him, but no words escape my lips. With a pounding heart and shallow breaths, I helplessly watch as he disappears behind a rock ledge.

My God, I have to do something!

A piercing scream reaches my ears.

"Julian!" I shout, and as soon as I utter his name, panic spreads within me.

Without regard for my own safety, I sprint forward.

"Help! Can someone please help me?" His voice sounds too feminine, yet I’m certain my memory is playing cruel tricks on me.

Breathless, I reach the rock ledge.

Just one more step, and I will see him.

And I will find out if Elina was truly right.

Despite the deafening rain, I can hear my heart pounding. My throat feels like it's constricted, as if I am tightening a noose with my own hands.

I feel hot. With restless fingers, I remove the hood of my rain jacket from my head. The cold raindrops instantly soak my hair.

"Help!" I hear it cry out once more. "Is anyone there?"

Tense, I press my lips together and hold my breath.

And then I do it.

I take the decisive step.

The scene before my eyes is so vivid, as if the sun is shining with all its might, illuminating even the most hidden corners.

There are long skid marks in the earth, leading straight to the edge of the precipice.

Straining to find Julian, I stumble down.

But there's no trace of my friend .

Instead, I spot Elina.

The voice from earlier. It belonged to her.

Drenched from head to toe, with a scraped forearm and dirt smudged on her cheek, she crouches on the ground. Her right shoe is missing, and her eyes are closed.

Is she real? Is she truly here? Or is my mind playing tricks on me?

Regardless of what's happening, I need to help her.

"What happened?" I climb down to her as quickly as I can, scanning her body for injuries.

There's a gash on the back of her head. Her limbs seem fine except for the ankle of her right foot, which is swollen to at least twice the size it should be.

"Elina, my love, can you hear me?" I gently stroke her cheek, but she only responds with a soft whimper.

Suddenly, the scene around me changes. My memory violently resurfaces. Before me lies not the woman I love.

No. It's Julian.

My best friend suddenly curls up before my eyes, his face contorted in pain. This image, forcefully pushing its way into my mind, is so real that I can't distinguish it from reality.

A sharp pain shoots through my shoulder, right where the scar from the day Julian died in this gorge resides.

Without hesitation, just as I did back then, I fall to my knees in front of him. Both then and now, I feel the damp earth seeping through my pants.

Routine takes over as I examine his body for injuries. "There's hardly any blood," I murmur, bewildered. The way he contorts and screams in front of me, he should be severely injured. Yet all I see is a small wound on his forehead. "There's hardly any blood, Julian!" Fear lingers in my voice.

He doesn't respond. He only clutches his stomach and screams in agony.

I look up the precipice.

Something is not right.

"You only slid a few yards," I shout in a shrill tone against the thunderous rain. "Such a small mishap shouldn't affect you like this."

Clearly, my best friend is unable to answer.

Growing unease grips me as I place my fingers on his carotid artery. His pulse is far too weak. I check his barely perceptible breath.

My God, what is happening here?

"You're only slightly injured." I have no idea why I'm explaining this to him in such a demanding tone. Because it changes nothing.

How can he have such poor vital signs with only a few scratches? Even if he had a closed fracture, his condition should be better.

"Julian, hold on." Hastily, I dig my phone out of my jacket pocket and dial emergency services. He needs them, I'm sure of it. I provide the necessary details, then turn back to my friend. "They're coming, Julian. They're coming."

Suddenly, his body relaxes completely. His head falls to the side.

Driven by a piercing panic, I cradle his face in my hands. "Stay with me. Talk to me!" I plead, but he doesn't respond.

With a pounding heart, I position him in the recovery position .

I want to do more, but I don't know what. I lack the equipment to assess his health further.

"Why are you unconscious?" I ask in a panic. It just doesn't make sense!

Something is amiss here. His condition doesn't match his accident.

What happened?

Wait a moment. His stomach!

His cries of pain at the beginning of the hike, even though I didn't touch him, were perhaps not feigned. And at the summit, he didn't want to eat.

Because of stomach pain.

In my thoughts, I go back once more. Back to the moment when I discovered Julian at the accident site.

He clutched his stomach, writhing in pain.

Something inside him is causing his suffering.

I sink to the ground. The cold wetness now permeates the back of my pants, but I hardly notice. Because a thought consumes me.

Elina was right.

Julian isn't dead because I didn't save him.

He's dead because no one could have saved him.

Everything around me spins. The gray veil of rain thickens. A powerful lightning bolt illuminates the sky.

"Help," Julian whimpers.

Caught between my memory and reality, I can hardly comprehend what's happening.

Confused, I look down at him.

He's no longer here. Someone else lies in his place.

Elina.

Her eyelids flutter for a breath, then she looks up.

The best mirror you can look into is the eyes of the person you love. Hanna taught me that, and as Elina gazes at me, I suddenly know with absolute certainty that this is reality.

I understand what I need to do. And deep within me, I feel that I can do it.