The Sorrow of Shadows (Crimson & Shadows #1)

Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

brEYLA

“ R ide swiftly, my friend,” I say, grasping Julian’s forearm and pulling him in for a quick embrace before his departure.

“Of course, General. I’m your fastest rider; that’s why you’re sending me.” He squeezes me tightly. He’s cocky, but he’s right. He is the fastest rider, but he’s also my stealthiest soldier. Part of what makes him invaluable as my second in command. I inhale his leather and fresh rain scent and hold him for just a minute more before releasing him. His amber eyes sparkle in the late morning sun, the green especially bright today.

“Keep your distance. I don’t want anyone knowing what we’re up to.” We can’t afford for anyone to learn who we were trailing or why. He was more than capable, but I couldn’t help how my stomach twisted into knots. So much was riding on figuring out who was responsible for Nolan’s murder. I have a feeling they will also lead me to what really happened with my father.

He rolls his eyes. “This isn’t my first mission, B. No one will know I’m there.” He leans in to hug his twin next, then Elijah. Gracefully, Julian hoists himself onto the back of his midnight black mustang horse, Nox, and swings his right leg over in one fluid motion.

I pat Nox’s hindquarter, and Julian spurs him onto a trot, leaving us staring after him. When he reaches the castle gates, he briefly looks back and nods at us before disappearing through the castle’s outer walls. I remind myself he knows what he’s doing and what his mission is. Lord Seamus only left yesterday and isn’t a fast rider. Julian will ride hard today to make up ground on him but will stay out of major towns or places where he could be easily recognized. He is simply there to observe and report back on with whom Lord Seamus is meeting.

Jade, Elijah, and I turn back to the castle and make our way inside. My mother is standing in an open window several floors up, watching Julian leave. Her face is unreadable. My gaze catches her sky blue eyes, and I notice they’re rimmed in red, but she’s not currently crying. The red tinge causes the blue of her irises to pop and shine brighter. She holds my gaze for a moment, her expression unchanging, then turns from the window and disappears into the castle.

“You’re wound tight; let’s go spar.” Jade’s voice breaks me out of my daze.

“Yeah, that sounds perfect,” I agree, and we make our way to the training rooms.

Sweat pours down my back as I breathe deeply, concentrating on allowing the breath to expand through my core muscles and keep my heart rate steady. The sun is setting as we approach the gloaming hour, and everything dances with vibrant pinks, oranges, and deep blues. My hands shake as I put all my energy into forming my shadows into the shape of a small dagger. I’m alone so there’s no one to see my humiliation when I finally shoot the shadow dagger at the training dummy, and it dissolves before impact.

I grunt in frustration—this should be something so simple I can do it subconsciously. I’ve used my shadows in this manner hundreds of times before, but lately I can’t seem to maintain any control over this essential part of me. Before I can raise my hands to try again, I feel a strong forearm wrap tightly around my abdomen, and a hand covers my mouth.

For a moment panic sets in and I believe I’m being attacked again. I start to struggle but settle when the scent hits me—bergamot and warm spices.

Aurelius.

“Shhhh, Princess. You know exactly who has you,” he chuckles. I hate the way my tense muscles easily relax and melt into him when I realize he’s right.

I inhale sharply through my nose as his grip on my stomach loosens and his hand slowly trails down to rest at the top of my leathers, just below my belly button. I had moved outside earlier after everyone else had called it quits for the day, and anyone could easily find us. That thought should terrify me, but I find my core warming at the thought instead.

“Can you be quiet, little demon?” Aurelius whispers in my ear. I nod my head in affirmation.

“Good girl,” he praises. His hand drops from my mouth as goosebumps erupt across my flesh. He notices and begins trailing featherlight kisses down my neck as his free hand rests on the curve of my left hip, right below my rib cage.

“What are you doing?” I ask softly. When I feel the sharp sting of his teeth on my neck, I let out a sound that’s somewhere between a surprised yelp and a moan.

“I said be quiet,” he growls, but answers my question anyway. “I can sense how tense you are from a hundred yards away. I watched you train earlier, and it’s obvious that the stress you’re shouldering is hindering you. I can feel how hard your heart is pushing the blood through your body right now. I’m going to help you...unwind.”

“Why? Why help me unwind ? ” I make air quotes with my fingers at his choice of words.

“Because, Princess. Though you seem to forget, we are allies. It’s my responsibility to look after your wellbeing if only to keep you alive.”

“Do you treat all your allies like this?”

“Oh, green looks good on you, my dear.” The smirk in his voice is maddening.

“I’m not jealous, just not sure you understand the definition of ally.”

“I’m perfectly aware of its definition, I just don’t keep many of them. My position would suggest I am everyone’s ally to an extent, but personally I don’t let people that close.”

“Seems like a lonely way to live.”

“Indeed. But I’m not here to discuss semantics with you. I bear news that might upset you.”

“Go on. I’m sure I’ll love this.”

“Prince Ayden is nearly at the capital. All reports suggest he will arrive tomorrow.”

My skyrocketing heart rate suggests Aurelius knows my body’s reactions better than I do.

“Tomorrow?” I stammer. “That would mean he was...”

“Either close by or expecting the invitation. Either option is not something I want to ponder.”

Annoyed with this entire conversation, I roll my eyes and start to pull away from him. Before I get too far, I feel his hand tighten on my side as he pulls me firmly back into his chest. His right hand slides back down and slips in the front of my leathers. I nearly sigh in relief as his fingers slide between my thighs and circle my clit. He moves his left hand up, threading his fingers into my hair, and pulls. My head is forced to the side to meet his lips as they crash into mine.

His kiss is unrelenting. There is no question or request; he demands entrance into my mouth. His tongue dances with mine, and he swallows my moans as his tempo on my clit increases.

I grind my hips back into his hard length, the friction not nearly enough for me as his fingers move to my entrance. My teeth dig into his bottom lip when he slides a finger inside me. The pain only serves to increase his desire and he adds a second finger, pumping in and out of me in long, fluid movements.

He groans deeply and grinds his hard cock into my ass, meeting my thrusts while increasing the pace of his fingers. My body sings for him in a way I’ve never experienced before. It’s like he knows me better than I do myself, and he plays it beautifully.

My inner walls clench, desperate for something more than just his fingers. I reach for my shadows, deciding I’ve had enough foreplay. The tendrils of darkness wrap around the hand he has tangled in my hair and pulls it back. Had he not been knuckle deep in me, I doubt I would have been able to catch him off guard for that to work.

I twist in his hold, so we’re face to face. “Enough teasing, Aurelius. I want more.”

My shadows wrap around us as I tear at the buttons securing his pants. His face is one of shock and curiosity as I drop to my knees and drag his pants down with me. His hard cock springs free and my mouth waters. I had felt him during our first encounter, but I didn’t get the chance to fully appreciate him.I had accidentally seen him once nearly ten years prior, but under much different circumstances, and my memory had not done him justice.

Precum glistens on his tip and I hungrily lick it, savoring the salty flavor. He’s not just impressive in length, but he’s thick as well. I wrap my lips around his head and slide my left hand down his shaft, gripping him firmly at the base. I swirl my tongue around his tip, teasing him slowly.

A growl reverberates through his chest as his fingers wind through the hair at the back of my head once more. I pull him deep into my throat, as far as I can take him, and pump my hand up and down to meet where my mouth can’t reach.

His hand works my head up and down his length, pushing me further than I think I can take him. Tears form at the corners of my eyes, and I hollow my cheeks, sucking him in even harder. Even though he’s not even touching me, my pussy is throbbing for him, my need only growing in intensity.

I relish the stinging sensation in my knees from the twigs and hard earth beneath them as Aurelius's thrusts into my mouth grow more punishing. I glance up to find him staring down at me, the look in his eyes burning into me like wildfire. The red flecks in his irises seemed to glow as he grits out, “That sinful mouth of yours will be the death of me, little demon. This is not how this was supposed to go.”

I let his cock pop out of my mouth and grin up at him. “Well, it’s a good thing you aren’t in charge here.”

That was either the worst or best thing to say at that moment. Suddenly I’m being tugged off my knees, and my back hits the trunk of the nearest tree. I let out a slight gasp of surprise as he drops to his knees in front of me. With a strength I didn’t know he possessed he rips my leathers down my legs. He hasn’t just pulled them off; he’s shredded them.

The part of me that wants to protest his brutish behavior is quickly silenced when he licks up the slit of my pussy and circles his tongue around my clit. The moan that leaves my mouth is surely heard by the rooms closest to the training yard. The sun has finally descended, so there’s no chance for anyone to see us, but there’s no question what’s happening to anyone in the area. I’m too far gone to care.

I lace my fingers into his inky black locks, tugging him closer. A tongue like this should be outlawed. I’m nervous to voice the thoughts running rampant in my mind— Aurelius, my future stepfather and king, is ruining me.

His tongue flicks quickly across my clit, and he slides three thick fingers into my soaking center, fucking me with his hand. In no time at all he has built me up to that edge of bliss, and I feel the tingling start in my core. I go silent and my inner muscles begin to clamp down on Aurelius's fingers as he whispers the words that damn me, “That’s right, my filthy little demon, come on my face as I fuck you with my tongue.”

An orgasm explodes through me, and stars dance in my vision as I lose all control of my body. My legs tremble, my muscles unable to hold me upright as the violent tremors rack my body. Aurelius rises to catch me and sets me gently on the ground.

As I finally come back to reality, I see that he is standing in front of me and is still painfully hard. His dick is practically weeping as he strokes it from base to tip, twisting along the shaft. I know exactly where this is going and grin as his rhythm increases, and he throws his head back. I reach for him, and he swats my wrist away.

“Open,” he demands.

I oblige and stick my tongue out as his hot length slides into my mouth moments before his hot cum shoots down my throat. I gladly drink down every drop he gives me, licking my lips at the end.

He tucks himself back into his pants and straightens his tunic. I finally find the strength to stand from the forest ground, using his offered hands to help. I glance down at my ruined pants in the dirt.

“Now what am I supposed to do?” I quirk an eyebrow at him.

A devious grin spreads across his face as he begins walking toward the castle. “You’re a clever female, General. I have no doubt you’ll figure it out.”

“Are you serious?” I raise my voice at his retreating form.

“Quite.”

“Asshole! You didn’t have to shred my pants, and you certainly don’t have to leave me stranded here now.”

“If you’re not quiet, Princess, someone will surely hear you.” His voice grows distant as he approaches the castle.

“I’m sure they’ve already heard plenty, you prick. How do you expect me to make it back to my rooms?”

“I expect you to walk, Princess. You are the one in control, after all.” With that he was gone, leaving me alone and half naked in the dark of the training yard.

“So, tell me again how my best friend ended up half naked, tossing rocks at my window?” Elijah’s grin spreads wide. I’m sitting on his bed in a pair of his silk sleep pants, avoiding returning to my chambers. I’m unsure what I would do if I ran into Aurelius right now. I was fortunate that Elijah's rooms overlooked the training yards and that he happened to be in them, but he was finding way too much enjoyment in this.

“I’ve told you half a dozen times already. I found someone to help scratch an itch, but we were in too much of a frenzy when removing our clothes. It was dark when we finished, and I couldn’t find my pants. He’s an asshole and left me alone, naked in the dark.” It wasn’t technically a lie, more a half-truth.

“Uh huh, maybe if you say it again, I’ll believe it this time.”

“I don’t care if you believe it, that’s what happened,” I insist.

“Sure, and who was this body you used to scratch your itch ?”

“Nobody you know.” The reply is too quick, and we both know I’m hiding something. “What’s with all the questions?” I ask, trying to steer the conversation away from the who.

“I have the right to ask questions when my friend shows up naked at my window, requesting my help.” He’s laughing at me now. His point is valid, but that doesn’t mean I’ll answer his questions. “So, was this nobody at least a good fuck?” I see the questions aren’t going to cease.

“We didn’t get to that part,” I mumble.

“I’m sorry, what?” he stammers.

“We didn’t fuck. We did just about everything else, but his dick was not inside me. That mouth, though...” I trail off as the memory of his tongue on my clit sends shivers up my spine.

“So, you’re telling me you got handsy with a stranger in the woods, lost your pants, and you didn’t even actually have sex with him?”

“Something like that.”

“No wonder he left you naked and alone in the woods,” Elijah snickers at me.

“You ass, now you’re being just as much a prick as him.” I throw one of his pillows at him, but he ducks and catches it midair.

“Something makes me think you probably deserved it. At least a little bit.”

“Nonsense, I’m an angel.”

Elijah snorts at that. “No, you’re a brat, and we both know it.”

“That doesn’t sound like me.”

“The first time I beat you in cards you burned all my underwear and told every female at court I had a rare pox that only affected my dick.”

“Allegedly, none of that was ever proven. Besides, you cheated.”

“I did not!” His jaw drops open.

I smile sweetly at him and shrug my shoulders. I’m just happy to be talking about something other than why I had been naked outside.

“Did he at least have a decent dick?” Elijah has a one-track mind.

I groan. “The best. Like puts-all-the-rest-to-shame kind of dick.”

He crosses the room and drops into the bed next to me. “Sounds like someone will be returning for seconds,” he chuckles.

“It probably shouldn’t have even happened at all. Besides, he’s an asshole,” I grumble.

“I think the lady doth protest too much,” Elijah tsks.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I don’t believe you. I think you don’t want to like him, but the fact that he’s an asshole turns you on even more. You just don’t want to admit it, so it’s easier to complain about it.”

I stare at him, my mouth open wide.

“Truth sucks, doesn’t it?”

“No, you suck. That’s not it at all,” I protest, and shove him with my shoulder.

Elijah chuckles and pulls me into his side, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. “So, what will it take for you to tell me who this mystery male is?”

“Why do you want to know so badly?” I challenge while snuggling into his side.

“Well, if his dick is as glorious as you claim, then maybe I need to see it for myself.”

“Trust me, you are not his type.”

“Why? Because you are his type?”

“Because you have a dick, amongst other things. Plus, aren’t you interested in a different dark-haired beauty? I’ve seen the way you interact with her. You haven’t slept with her, but I know you want to.” I try to divert his attention away from my mystery male again.

“So, he’s also a dark-haired beauty? Interesting.”

Shit. I didn’t mean to let that out.

“And yes. Ophelia very much intrigues me. She’s delicate and beautiful, but so fierce beneath it all. She’s the opposite of me in so many ways.”

“Just do me a favor and don’t break one of my only female friend’s hearts. I’d hate to have to kick your ass for her sake.”

“Like you could. You haven’t beaten me hand-to-hand in years, B.”

“That sounds like a challenge.”

“It’s only a challenge if the other person has a chance at winning.” Gods, he was cocky tonight.

I push myself up and away from his hold, staring him in the eyes, “You. Me. Right here, right now.”

“You’re being serious?” He looks amused.

“You know I am.”

“Fine, but no shadows. That’s playing dirty. When I win, you won’t just tell me who he is—you’ll give me the memory.”

“Agreed. If I win, you stop asking about mystery male and you have to take Ophelia to dinner in the city.”

“You’re punishing me with a date? Do you know how bets work?”

“I get to dress you for it.” I grin widely. “The thought of you in a corset is rather satisfying.”

“Fine, you sadistic—” He lets out a grunt as I tackle him off the bed and onto the ground. Taking him by surprise would be my only chance at an upper hand. I straddle his hips and make a grab for his hands, but I’m too slow.

He bucks his hips and flips me off of him before I can pin him. My hands are pinned to my sides against the floor with all his weight on top of me .

“Like I said, a brat.” He rolls his eyes, thinking he’s already won.

I know what I do next would never work in a real-life situation, but I’ll use whatever I can to win. We already established that I don’t fight fair. I pinch the back of Elijah’s thighs that are currently pinning my hands and hips to the floor. If it weren’t for the fact that he’s in light linen sleep pants he wouldn’t have even felt it. But he is, and I pinch hard.

It catches him just enough by surprise that he arches his back slightly and lifts enough for me to twist my hips and throw him off me. As he finds his footing I roll from my back and spring to the balls of my feet. He’s ready for me when I start throwing punches at him. I don’t go for his face because I may be a brat, but I’m not that cruel.

He’s quick though, blocking every punch I serve him and not even trying to throw one back. I finally land one to his stomach, and I’m not even sure he feels it through the layers of muscle.

Realizing my approach is not working, I take a step back to reevaluate.

“Tired already? We can just call it now if you’d prefer.”

“Never.” I smile as a thought occurs to me.

Elijah’s focus shifts to several feet away just long enough for me to land a hit directly to his solar plexus. The breath leaves his lungs in a rush, and he gasps for air. I swipe my leg behind his, taking him down to the floor.

This time I don’t straddle him; I use my knees to pin his arms to the floor next to his body and smile triumphantly down at him.

He’s finally caught his breath again but has no control over his arms.

“Yield,” I demand.

“Never.”

I realize my mistake just moments too late when one of his free legs swings up and wraps around my torso. The room flips on me as he switches our positions. He has me face down on the floor, sitting on my back, with my hands pinned above my head. Fuck.

“Are we done here?” He sounds bored.

“I yield.” I sigh in defeat.

He rolls off my back, and I feel like I can finally breathe deeply. He holds out his hand to help me up and shakes his head. “I can’t believe you fought dirty and still lost. What shame, General.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m not usually fighting males your size or as well trained. I also usually have swords available.”

“Excuses, excuses,” he tsks at me. We settle back in his bed, pulling the covers up over our legs. “Now pay up.”

Fuck. I’m not ready for this. “Okay, but first you have to promise to tell no one. I’m serious, E. This can’t get out.”

“My lips are sealed,” he promises.

I sigh and drag his hand to my temple. His power works through physical touch. He can control when he reads memories pretty well, but occasionally he slips. When his power first developed, nobody was safe. He didn’t mean to invade people’s privacy, but it took time to learn control. As a result, I learned to build mental shields against all Anima Gifts.

I drop my shields and let his warm essence fill my mind. Most people probably wouldn’t even recognize what it felt like to have him in their mind, but I had felt it enough times that I would always recognize him. Though the concept as a whole was invasive, his essence would always be a comfort to me.

I study his face as he watches the memory play out for both of us. I expected disgust, surprise, horror maybe, but what I see instead is pure humor and relief in his eyes. As the entire encounter comes to an end, he lets out a deep laugh, and I instantly regret showing him .

I start to turn my head away to hide the blush creeping up my cheeks when he pulls me closer into him and squeezes me gently. “I can’t believe you thought that would be a surprise to me. You two have been at each other’s throats since you arrived. The tension you two have could be cut with a butter knife. I’m just glad you finally stopped fighting it. That was painful to watch.”

I’m speechless because I had no idea it was that obvious. “Wait, you knew this entire time?”

“I didn’t have confirmation until just now, but I had a strong feeling there was something more going on between you. Nobody has chemistry that strong without doing something about it.”

“Except we shouldn’t be acting on it. He’s with my mother.” I groan and throw my head back. This situation makes my head throb.

“But is he?” Elijah challenges.

“He’s literally engaged to her, E.”

“Would you just stop and think about the bigger picture for one minute, Breyla?” Elijah’s tone turns to frustration. “For one of the most strategic and accomplished generals in our history, you are awfully dense when it comes to what’s right in front of you.”

I open my mouth to defend myself, but don’t get far.

“What do our laws say will happen if the queen doesn’t remarry?”

“The rule would pass to me, and I would be forced to marry,” I start. “But Mother would never force me into that position.”

“Right. Do you really think she, of all people, wants to marry right now?”

I know what he’s really saying. If I had lost my true love, the last thing I would want is to be forced into marrying another. The whole kingdom was grieving, but she was having to plan a wedding. The thought has my chest tightening.

“No, I suppose she probably doesn’t.” It comes out barely above a whisper.

“I don’t suppose you’ve thought about what happens if both you and your mother refuse to marry and leave the throne empty?”

No, I hadn’t. My silence says as much.

“The rule would pass the next strongest family of noble standing. Any guesses who that might be?”

This one I do know the answer to. “Lord Seamus.”

“Exactly. Now let’s forget trying to keep you happy, and keep a power-hungry, sadistic male away from the throne. Let’s look at Lord Aurelius. Have you even once seen him being affectionate toward your mother?”

“Yes, plenty of time?—”

“In a way that wasn’t exactly like us?” he clarifies, waving a hand between us.

“What’s your point?” I grit out. I don’t like where this is heading.

“My point, Princess, is that everyone around you is protecting you in some way, but you haven’t once stopped to consider why.” The frustration is palpable in his tone.

“I don’t need protection,” I grit out, my back molars grinding.

“You’re wrong about that.”

The way Elijah says that catches me off guard. “What aren’t you telling me? Who do you think I need protection from?”

He sighs, “There’s a lot going on that I’m not sure about right now, but most of all you need protection from yourself, B.”

His words sober me, leaving me unable to form a response. I’m not sure I completely understand his meaning, but it leaves my stomach in knots either way.

Elijah pulls me into him and lays us down, wrapping me tightly to his chest. The lights extinguish themselves, and the room goes dark. I listen to the soft inhales and exhales of my best friend behind me as I ponder his words. His breathing is deep and even, letting me know he’s found sleep as I continue to mentally replay our conversation early into the morning hours. When sleep finally comes for me, it’s not restful.