& Then They Wed (Ampersand Love #2)

33. Trust

33

Trust

Rian

H ands shoved within the pockets of his sweatpants, Rian walked along the edges of his large balcony. He spun on his heel without thinking when he reached one end, continuing his stroll to the other side. Anyone observing him would have thought he was simply winding down after a long day. In reality, his mind was occupied with an unexplainable worry.

Raking a hand through his hair, his gaze travelled upwards to catch sight of the clouds shifting across indigo skies. The heat of the day had slowly abated, yet the atmosphere felt stuffy. He took a deep breath in, releasing it in a slow stream through pursed lips. With his elbows resting against the top of his railing, he looked out. The glittering skyline of Mumbai that formed his view did not offer him the same comfort that it previously did.

Yet again, he glanced behind at the loveseat that Aditi usually occupied. Without her tawny legs dangling over the edge of the seat, her floral scent in the air and her chatter to make him laugh, this otherwise restful space only felt empty. He knew why. His comfort was with Aditi now, not with places.

The old Rian would have smacked him for being so mortifyingly pathetic. He may as well put himself on a leash because he was no different than a canine tethered to his owner when it came to the woman he loved.

He sighed, his hand unconsciously massaging the centre of his chest, trying hard to let go of this anxiety that had taken root in him.

The day had begun well enough. After an entire weekend filled with glorious lovemaking and in-depth discussions of their future, they’d been ready to face the world together. Though Aditi had been nervous, Rian had had no doubts whatsoever that Nanamma would be happy for them. Which is why, when he’d returned home with the yoghurt Aditi had insisted he purchase for dinner, he’d not expected to find her distraught and crying in his grandmother’s arms.

Nanamma, as he’d expected, had not only been ecstatic about their relationship status, but also emotional. Aditi had cried in relief, she’d explained. He’d given both the ladies the benefit of doubt, trying to turn their mood around to celebrate the occasion instead.

Throughout the evening however, he’d had the unsettling feeling that something was amiss.

Knowing he would find no relief if he didn’t check in on her, Rian made his way to Aditi’s room, knocking gently on the door. He waited, aware that she’d been tired and had most likely slept already. His fingers curled around the door handle, hesitating for a moment before he turned it, glad when he found it unlocked.

Quietly, he slipped into her room, shutting the door behind him with a small click. His eyes alighted upon a lumpy form under the comforter. He treaded lightly, the soft lights diffusing through the sheer curtains guiding him until he was kneeling beside her. He noted that she was rolled up into her blanket like a caterpillar, her cheek squished against the pillow, causing her mouth to settle into a pout. Automatically, he felt the edge of his lips tug up. Even asleep, Aditi was the most adorable woman he’d ever laid eyes on. The sweet innocence of her soul kept him enthralled and in this moment, unaware of the world, her vulnerability seemed to reflect on her face.

It was perhaps because he knew this side of her that he found it so heartbreaking to see her upset. Maybe this is why he felt like he'd hurt the world to keep her safe.

He unthinkingly traced a heart on the apple of one cheek, her skin warm to the touch.

His mind flashed back to her tear-stained face and immediately, the pressure within his chest grew. She’d assured him it had been just her nerves acting up. He hoped that truly was it.

Maybe his thoughts had been too loud because a moment later, Aditi stirred.

“Bugs?” she murmured, surprising him when her eyes opened slowly before fluttering shut. He waited, wondering for a second if she’d gone back to sleep. Ever so slowly, her lips curved. “You’re here.”

Her eyelids swept open and shut a few more times as she drowsily watched him.

“Good night, pretty girl,” he whispered, bending over to press his lips against her temple.

He felt a small hand clutch his pinky when he got up to leave.

“Don’t go,” she requested, her voice laden with sleep. “Come here.”

The idea crossed his mind that the gentlemanly thing to do would be to let her rest. But when she pulled the blanket off and reached both arms out, inviting him so beguilingly, he couldn’t resist.

For a while, they lay quietly with Aditi spooned into him until she sighed loudly. “I can almost hear you think.”

“Sorry.”

She turned towards him, snuggling closer, her palm landing on his chest. “Your heart is racing.”

“Hmm. ”

“Talk to me.”

Rian didn’t know what to say. He would sound foolish and overly dramatic if he said he had a lingering sense of doom and it had him worried. So, he told her about something more tangible.

“Remember I mentioned wanting to build a school?” He heard her hmm in response. “I got the drawn plans for it today.” He pulled out his phone from his pocket, swiping through the screen to show her the initial mock-ups from the architect.

“These designs look beautiful!” Aditi exclaimed.

“I’ve been working on them for a long time. It’s my dream. I need to make this happen.”

“You will.”

Her inexorable belief in his capacity touched him.

“I wish the investing board was as easy to convince as you,” he complained, turning his phone off to place it on the nightstand.

“Did someone indicate an issue?”

Rian lay back, absentmindedly stroking her hair, now truly dwelling on this part of his life. “Not to me directly. Most of the board members are supportive but I’ve heard the feedback that my proposal lacked heart, whatever that means.”

“Maybe,” Aditi supposed after a while, “they need to understand your reason for building the institute.”

“My reasons are selfish, Doc. I wanted to leave something good for people to remember me by when I die. I don’t think anyone is going to give me money for that.”

“Brushing aside the very morbid thought of you dying, if you’re in it for just a good name, why not create a shelter for abused animals instead? Why a school, specifically?” Aditi questioned, her fingers drumming a gentle pattern on his chest.

Rian had never sat down and thought about it. He had felt strongly about this project when the idea had first occurred, but he’d never probed into his reasons. Aditi's question made him feel nervous. Like he was being asked to admit to something that he’d gotten too used to hiding, even from himself. Before he could say anything else, he heard Aditi’s sleepy voice murmur her theory.

“It’s obvious, Bugs. I know it isn't easy to talk about it but you should. You suffered with school. You were made to feel lesser because you learnt things differently. It's no surprise to me that you want to build a place for safe learning to break that cycle of trauma.”

She turned her head in to place a kiss on his chest, resting her chin so she could glance at his face.

“You can say it's selfish. I always believe it takes strength to create something beautiful from painful experiences. And you, sweetheart, are a wonderfully strong man.”

Rian could hear his pulse drumming in his ears by the time Aditi finished speaking. Every word had etched itself into his skin, like a tattoo he would wear forever.

He hadn’t been able to voice it, but Aditi, with her uncanny ability to see him in a way that no one else ever had, including himself, had reached into him, past the facade of his confidence, glimpsing into his very soul with an ease that felt otherworldly.

He cradled her cheek tenderly, his sights flickering over her features, too afraid to blink in case she was a figment of his imagination. Because how was she real? How had he gotten lucky enough to have her in his life, and in his arms? The fierceness of his need for her, like she was his saviour, ripped through him. At that moment, Rian knew without a doubt that if Aditi ever left him, he would be reduced to a shadow of who he wanted to be. The notion was terrifying.

Maybe she sensed a change in him because the sleep in her eyes receded, replaced by an alertness that wasn’t there before.

Aditi saw Rian's eyes drop to her lips, watching her with a look she had come to recognize well. What confused her was that he wasn't doing anything else. Not touching her, not kissing her. Just looking.

A split second later, she wiggled out of his embrace.

“Doc?” he asked, sitting up, wondering if she needed something .

“Can’t sleep anymore.”

“Do you want me to leave? I can give you some space.”

Instead of answering him, she swung a leg over his thighs, bracing her palms on his chest. If he wouldn't make his move, she decided, straddling him, then she would.

His hands naturally came to rest at her waist, steadying her. The moonlight filtering through the windows lit his face, his surprise evident.

“W. . .what are you doing?” he asked, trying to get his excitable body under control. “I didn’t come here for sex.”

She cocked her head to the left, looking at him like he’d just said the silliest thing. “I know.”

“You were tired. You need to rest,” he tried again.

In a sleep roughened voice, she husked, “I need you more.”

She held his gaze as she reached for the buttons on her nightshirt, slowly popping one open before moving down.

“Should I continue?” she asked, her voice low but clear.

Rian gulped, nodding his assent, riveted as she slid another button through its hole, and then another, all the way until the two edges of her nightshirt were parted down the middle, revealing silken brown skin unbroken by the strip of a bra. Even in the dull light he could tell her nipples had hardened, straining clearly against the soft cotton. His eyes canvassed her, lingering at her navel, a thin golden chain glinting above her waistband.

Aditi reveled in the power that surged within her at being able to hold his attention. If the flush on his skin and his shallow breath weren’t evidence enough, the growing stiffness under her thigh that had become prominent during the course of her deliberate strip show made it clear how much she affected him. And she hadn’t even removed her clothes yet. She slipped a finger under his chin, lifting his face towards her.

“Take off your shirt.”

Her order was soft, but the response was immediate .

Rian didn’t care where he threw his T-shirt, whether it ripped, tore, or burnt to char. He simply wanted to feel Aditi’s skin against his. He reached for her, frowning when she leaned away with a shake of her head.

“Put your hands on the bed and sit back against the headboard. You won’t touch me until I say it's okay.”

“What?”

With a firm hand, she pushed him until his back was supported by her pillows.

“I was having a nice dream before you woke me,” she confessed, her nose tracking the curve of his face, down the sharp edge of his jaw. “Hmmm,” she purred, rubbing her cheek against his lightly, feeling his roughened stubble scrape against her soft skin. “You smell so good. That’s how I knew you were here.”

She dipped lower to press her lips on his collarbone and heard him swallow audibly. Her fingers fluttered down his neck, over his pecs, drawing curvy lines and tiny circles that had him feeling dizzy. She sat back, watching her hands move across the landscape of his chest, down his abdomen, tracing the perfect lines of his abs, the shadows making it seem like he was made of stone.

“You’re so beautiful,” she told him, watching his stomach clench when she scraped a nail along his waist.

“Beautiful?” His voice was hoarse. Letting Aditi touch him, her eyes devouring his body while her fingers stroked him like he was made of glass, was as arousing as it was tortuous.

“Hmm. Handsome isn’t adequate. You’re beautiful.” She leaned in to press her mouth against the pulse at the base of his neck.

She kissed her way down slowly, hearing the change in his breath as she licked the salt off his chest. She swirled her tongue around the edges of his small nipple, causing him to moan. When she raked it lightly with her teeth, his hand automatically sought her.

“Play by my rules,” she ordered him, forcing his hands off her and back onto the sheets, “and I will let you do whatever you want later. ”

“Anything?” He watched her crouch lower, giving him the perfect view of her breasts, her shirt having slid open with her movement.

“Anything,” she promised, looking up at him through her lashes. At his nod, her fingers dug into his waistband and she tugged them down.

The feel of her soft hands stroking his cock had him panting. She worked him gently, never increasing the pressure of her hold for too long. She bent low, cupping her breasts and pressed them in, trapping his arousal between them.

The feel of her warm flesh moving up against his rigid length, pillowing him on either side had Rian gripping into the sheets with deathly force.

“Sunshine, you feel incredible. Pinch your nipples for me,” he ordered, amending it when she raised a sassy brow. “Please.”

Aditi lifted herself just enough to give him a view of her fingers tightening around her puckered nipples, her mouth falling open in a gasp as she rolled them gently. Rian’s eyes went dark, his hips hitching up at the sight of her touching herself for him. She moved her breasts over his cock, dipping her head eventually to lick the tip of his crown every time she got close, humming her appreciation at the taste of his precum.

“Take me into your mouth,” he instructed her, watching as her berry lips enveloped him, tongue swirling at his tip over and over until he was close to emptying himself down her throat. He saw her hand disappear between their bodies, her soft whimper telling him exactly what she was up to.

“Fuck, yes, rub yourself.” His hips jerked up and he pushed himself farther into her mouth. She moaned, feeling her body respond to his demand as she grew slick against her own hand. She brought her wet fingers out and painted his cock with her scent, taking time to trace his thick girth and the vein that bulged, leading up to his pulsating head .

Watching Aditi like this was just enough to whip up his urgency but not enough to satiate the beastly desire raging within him.

“Stop teasing me! Do you want to drive me mad?” he rasped when she sucked his tip for a bare second before popping off of him.

With a husky chuckle, she sat up, her grin telling him how proud she was to reduce him to this state. “I thought you said you’d make me beg."

“Taking revenge?”

“Are you telling me you don’t like it?”

“I’d like it more if I could touch you.”

“Ask nicely,” she tutted, shaking her head teasingly at him, her hands working up and down his rock-hard cock.

“Please, Sunshine,” he begged. “Let me touch you.”

She bit her lower lip, thinking for a second, and then nodded.

The next instant, Rian pulled her towards him in a kiss that had her hanging on for support. He devoured her, his lips trapping hers, his hot tongue possessing her mouth and drinking her sounds. Aditi felt his hands tug her nightshirt off and push at her shorts, urging her to lift onto her knees so he could help remove them. The few seconds it took for them to disrobe and find a condom felt too long for their heated bodies, both aching for each other.

Aditi had never thought that teasing Rian would in turn feed her desires too. But that is exactly what had happened. Holding that power over him, seeing him get desperate for her, begging her to touch herself for his sake—it had brought a sense of urgency to feel him inside her again. To feel closer to him than anyone else.

“Rian?” she questioned, straddling him, her mouth twisting into a frown when he pulled the flat string out of the waistband of her shorts.

“I’m going to restrain your hands. I won’t last with your hands on me tonight. Hold this part,” he instructed, wrapping a length of the string over her wrists and drawing it through her palm, pinning both hands at the small of her back .

She arched her neck to see his handiwork when she tested the tightness of the knots he had used. She had very little range of motion. The wrap was firm, but not uncomfortable. Her chin came down and she found him looking at her, gauging her reaction.

“I’m going to keep you on top this time. I might tighten the slack for control,” he told her. “You can stop me anytime with your safe word. Is this okay?”

She nodded, her heart thumping nervously when his eyes darkened at her acceptance. His fingers curled about her nape, pulling her closer.

“As much as I love making you scream,” he whispered, pressing a kiss under her ear, “you’re going to have to be good and quiet today.”

“Why?”

“Don’t want to get caught bouncing you on my cock.”

With a gasp, she tried to move back, finding that his grip was too strong. “Shameless man!” she scolded him, biting down on her lip when he suckled her skin hard enough to leave a mark.

“You wouldn’t like it if I stopped doing shameless things to you.”

She could barely think of a retort when he trailed his fingers up one arm and along her rounded shoulder, slowly bringing them to her heated flesh. His knuckles dragged over the underside of one breast, one finger languorously circling her aureola, denying her the pleasure of his caress at the peak. He caught her eye, watching her deliberately when he closed a warm hand around her breast. Aditi couldn't look away, fascinated by the hunger she saw in him. He squeezed, and she let out a short huff of air, knowing there would be more. He petted her, gently at first. He got progressively bolder in his caress, satisfied only when he saw her mouth fall open in an effort to breathe, her eyes glazing over in need.

He pulled at her restraint, making her arch back so that he could kiss her throat. Her chest tightened, heaving at being unable to relax due to his grip but needing his touch more than her freedom. His mouth hovered over one dusky peak, teasing it with a single lick and blowing cool air on it until it hardened even more.

“Are you sure?” he asked her again, tugging at the thick string.

“I trust you,” she replied, her mind screaming words of love, her lips substituting it with terms that he could accept. Even in her most vulnerable state, she felt safe with Rian. Time and again, he’d shown her that her comfort and consent were a priority to him. He clearly cared deeply about her. He wouldn’t have snuck into her room to check on her otherwise.

Perhaps Nanamma was right.

Perhaps all he needed was some time to feel as she did. Yes, she would wait for him to catch up with her feelings and trust that he wouldn’t break that hope.

“I trust you,” she said again, using his surprise at her unexpected answer to bend forward and kiss him, drawing his lower lip between hers and suckling it so sweetly, he shuddered.

He groaned into her mouth when her hips moved invitingly against him. Without waiting, he lined himself with her entrance pulsed up, claiming her in a single thrust just as he tightened the reins. The pleasure of it caused her to tear up.

“Mine,” she heard him growl; his teeth marking her chest, his tongue soothing the bite. “All of you is mine. This body, your moans, your jokes, your laughter, your mind. It’s mine.”

My heart too , Aditi thought, her insides clenching harder when his wet mouth found her nipple, suckling her, causing her to cry softly.

He groaned into her skin, his hands helping her slide back and forth in tiny nudges that only stoked the flames of their mutual need.

“You have me addicted to the way you fit around me,” he confessed, his gaze trapping hers. “This feeling, when I’m buried so far in you that I think I can touch your soul—this is my heaven.”

“Stay with me, then,” she said, her eyes fluttering shut as he pulsed upwards into her, seating himself as deeply within her as his words. “And don’t let go.”

He didn’t. Not when she fell apart on his lap, a choked scream erupting from her at the height of glory. Not when he untied her wrists and lay her down beneath him, kissing every precious part of her body until she was trembling with need once more, coming apart on his tongue with a tortured cry.

When he finally slid into her again, truly making love, their worlds collided, splintering with the heat of their combined passion. And as they slept that night, arms wrapped around the other, they both knew that without a doubt, they were forever changed.