Theoretically Perfect (Theoretically Straight #2)

2. Theo

“So, you’re saying Mary was a literal virgin?”

“Yep.”

“Like…by ancient history standards, or like–”

I chuckle. “I don’t know. Just a virgin. That’s all the Bible says, and that’s what makes Jesus’s birth a miracle.”

Caleb doesn’t reply right away, so I quickly cast a glance at him in the passenger seat. His nose is scrunched in that adorable way I love, but there’s a furrow between his brows that I wish I could smooth with my fingers. I’d do it in a heartbeat if I weren’t driving.

“But, like,” he starts again, just as confused as before. “How could they prove that? Back then?”

I shrug. “They probably couldn’t. That’s just what the Bible says about it. It’s kind of part of the whole thing. There was a prophecy from like a thousand years before that said that Jesus would be born of a virgin, so…that’s how people knew he was going to be the Savior.”

“But that’s not…” he trails off, then shakes his head. “Sorry. I shouldn’t—I don’t know. I’m just trying to understand.”

“It’s okay,” I reply, squeezing his hand. “Don’t apologize. I grew up on this story, and you didn’t. I totally understand that it’s all new to you.”

Caleb hesitates a moment. “Yeah. It’s…different.”

I frown. Something about his tone is off, but I’m not sure if I should pry. Especially since–

“Yeah, Ian said the same thing,” Nathaniel pipes up from the backseat, startling both Caleb and me. “He’s never been to a church before. I think his parents are agey-ists.”

I snort. “Do you mean ‘atheists?’”

“Isn’t that what I said?”

Caleb huffs a laugh out of his nose as I roll my eyes. “Sure,” I say with a smirk, glancing at Nate in the rearview mirror. “Anyway, so yeah. That’s the story.”

Caleb nods. “Huh. Cool.”

I want to press Caleb for more than just a ‘huh, cool,’ but we’re already out of time. I pull into the driveway and park Eileen—my beloved red Honda Fit—in my usual spot, recognizing the Sheppards’ silver SUV parked directly behind my dad’s truck. All thoughts of the Christmas story and the desire to answer Caleb’s questions are quickly replaced with anxiety again. Post-church lunches with my parents’ friends can be…tricky. Especially throwing Caleb into the mix.

When it comes to acknowledging my newfound bisexuality, my parents are in two very different camps. Mom is trying her best to be accepting of my and Caleb’s relationship. She almost always refers to Caleb as my boyfriend and extends the same house rules to us as she did with Sienna and me when it comes to being alone: no closed doors and no excessive physical touching. All things considered, I should be ecstatic about it. Dad, however, exists in a state of denial about the whole thing and has chosen to ignore our relationship altogether. He’s cordial to Caleb for the most part, but he pretends that Caleb is just another one of my friends. It frustrates me sometimes—especially because I can tell it bothers Caleb—but honestly, it’s far better than him barring Caleb from visiting, so I don’t push back. It’s not worth fighting over.

Unfortunately, though, when it comes to church and engaging with people from church, my parents are a united front: Caleb is a new friend from school. Period. Mom says it’s to avoid unwanted attention, but I know shame and embarrassment when I see it.

I try not to think about it too much.

Fortunately, I also spot Harrison’s white Toyota Corolla parked on the curb, and it eases some of the fear. At least we’ll have Harrison and Elise to lessen the pressure on Caleb and me.

“Whose car is that?” Caleb asks as we step out of my car, pointing at the SUV.

“The Sheppards,” I say quietly. “The, um—the pastor and his wife. And maybe their kids, I’m not sure.”

Caleb’s eyes go wide. “Like, the main guy from today?”

I nod, biting my lower lip. “He’s pretty cool. You know, for a pastor.”

Caleb goes quiet again, which triggers another spike of anxiety. I wish more than anything I could wrap him in my arms and kiss the worry from his face, but I can’t risk the Sheppards seeing us being affectionate.

This sucks.

“Ugh, I hope Miriam’s not here,” Nathaniel grumbles as he shuts the backseat door. “I think Mom and Mrs. Sarah are trying to set us up.”

I snicker. Miriam is the oldest of Mark and Sarah Sheppard’s five daughters, and one year younger than Nathaniel. “That doesn’t surprise me.”

Nate makes a face. “I mean, she’s nice and everything, but…” he trails off, scrunching his nose. “Not my type.”

Before I can press Nate further or try to fill Caleb in on who Miriam is, Harrison’s large hand claps me on the shoulder, nearly giving me a heart attack. “Hey, guys.”

“Shit, Harry,” I reply breathlessly, turning around to greet him and Elise. “I thought y’all were already inside.”

Harrison shakes his head. “There’s no way we’re going in there without you guys. Talk about awkward.”

He has a point. “Fair. Thank you both again for coming today. It means a lot.”

“What are friends for?” Elise replies with a nervous smile. “Besides, it’s one lunch. How bad could it possibly be?”

Just as I open my mouth to chastise Elise for saying the one phrase you’re never supposed to say in times like this, a smaller blue SUV pulls into the driveway and parks directly behind Eileen. From behind the wheel, an eager, spiky-haired, Ray-ban-wearing Chase waves at us excitedly. His petite wife, Megan, offers us a kind, timid smile from the passenger seat.

“Shit,” I whisper through clenched teeth, smiling and waving back.

“Who is that, again?” Caleb asks, matching my quiet volume.

“Chase. He’s the youth pastor.”

“So, like…another pastor, but just for the teenagers?”

Man, Caleb really is clueless about all of this. “Something like that.”

“Theo, my man!” Chase calls out as he steps out of his car. “How are you, brother?”

I force a smile. “I’m good. How are you?”

“Better than I deserve,” Chase replies with a wink. “Harry! Elise! Good to see y’all!”

“Good to see you too, Chase,” Harrison says politely. Elise just smiles.

Chase takes off his sunglasses and flashes Caleb a curious grin. “Hey, man, I don’t believe we’ve met! I’m Chase, the youth pastor at SCC!” He shoots a hand out to Caleb.

Caleb takes it and shakes his hand. “Caleb.”

“Are you a friend of Theo’s from school?”

Caleb nods. “Yep. A good friend.”

“Well, welcome to the family, brother!” Chase bellows, promptly pulling Caleb in for a hug. Caleb stiffens but takes it, glancing at me nervously. All I can do is mouth an apology. As Chase lets go, he immediately wraps an arm around Megan, who is carrying some kind of casserole dish. “This is Megan—my smokin’ hot wife and the love of my life.”

Caleb blinks, and I can almost feel how hard he’s trying not to visibly cringe. “Nice to meet you both.”

“Nice to meet you, too, Caleb,” Megan says brightly, then smiles at the rest of us. “Are y’all staying for lunch?”

I nod. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Epic!” Chase says. “Let’s get in there and eat!”

Chase and Megan lead the way to the front door, allowing the rest of us to exchange awkward glances as we file in behind them. I linger as close to Caleb as possible, brushing our pinkies together and offering a small smile that Caleb returns.

The moment we cross the threshold, I can already feel sweat permeating my thick layers. It’s sweltering inside—an overcompensation of central heat to combat the cold outside, combined with the warmth radiating from the kitchen and the body heat of far too many people gathered in one place. To add to the sensory assault, a wild array of food smells hit my nose at once—ham, deviled eggs, cinnamon, garlic, and probably an excessive number of casseroles—and my stomach churns. From somewhere in the living room, I can hear an old Michael W. Smith Christmas album from the 90s playing, and while the music feels nostalgic in a vacuum, its presence amidst this specific kind of chaos fills me with a unique sense of dread.

“Oh, boy,” Harrison mutters under his breath. I couldn’t agree more.

“There you are, Theo,” Dad says, descending the stairs as our eyes meet. His tone is stern but masked by his trademark politeness around company. “Go help your mother in the kitchen with drinks, please.”

“I’m on it,” I reply, compliance overtaking me immediately.

“Cal, come with us,” Elise says in a rather uncharacteristically soft tone, looping her arm through Caleb’s and leading him away from the mayhem with Harrison in tow.

With Caleb safe, I focus on the task at hand and try not to stress too much about how many people are in the kitchen. Granted, it’s only Mom, Megan, Sarah, and two of the Sheppard daughters, but the energy and heat are already draining me.

“Oh, hi, Theo!” Sarah says excitedly. “My goodness, you get more handsome every time I see you!”

I force a smile. “Hi, Mrs. Sarah.”

Mom flashes me a huge smile. “He really does, doesn’t he?”

I turn back to the plastic cups, trying to hide my burning embarrassment. “Hey, Mom, how many people are we going to have?”

“Um, probably around twenty, I think. Right, Sarah?”

“Yes, we’re just waiting for the Taylors and Miss Cynthia.”

My stomach drops. Fuck. More people are coming?

“You and your friends are welcome to go downstairs after lunch, though, aroha ,” Mom adds with a wink. “Nate and the girls will help clean up.”

I want to hug her, but it’s too hot and weird. “Thank you.”

“About time you showed up.”

I nearly yelp with surprise at Grace’s teasing voice behind me. “Jeez, Grace,” I say, whipping around to face her. She’s sporting a surprisingly festive sweater and wide-leg jeans, cuffed just enough to show off her beloved Doc Marten boots. “I thought you were working today.”

Grace grins, her new lip piercing catching the light. “And miss the annual Briggs’ Sunday Christmas lunch? Not a chance!”

I furrow my brow at her. I know her better than that. Grace hates these things almost as much as I do.

Her smile falters, and she leans in a little closer. “Mom begged,” she mutters. “Apparently it can be a little…much in here with them .” She nods towards the other women bustling around the kitchen. Now that she mentions it, Mom does look uncomfortable. “Plus, I figured you could use someone else in the ring with you if Dad decides to start anything.”

I shake my head. “He wouldn’t do that,” I counter. “Never in front of company.”

“I wouldn’t put it past him,” Grace insists, tearing open another roll of plastic cups next to me. “I mean, you’ve seen how worked up he gets about stuff sometimes.”

A fresh wave of anxiety makes its way through my gut. She’s not wrong. In early November, Grace and some of her schoolmates put together an incredibly detailed dossier for my parents to prove that homosexuality is not the abominable sin that the church has historically painted it to be after all. Unsurprisingly, Dad completely blew it off, claiming that everything Grace was presenting was nothing more than secular propaganda. Mom, on the other hand, vowed to keep an open mind, and I’ve seen her reading it from time to time. It gives Grace and I hope that Mom cares about us, but I can tell it upsets Dad that she’s even entertaining it at all.

My parents rarely fight, but over the past few weeks, I’ve walked in on several heated arguments about all of it—Grace’s dossier, Mom’s open-mindedness, my relationship with Caleb— and it fills me with a special kind of dread and guilt I’ve never experienced before. I try not to think about it.

“Well,” I finally reply, keeping my voice low. “I still don’t think he’d make a scene in front of church people. Or anyone outside of family, really.”

Grace sighs. “I hope you’re right.”

“Grace, honey, can you come help me with these platters?” Mom calls out from the other side of the kitchen.

“Heard, chef,” Grace answers. She turns to me and gives my hair a gentle ruffle. “Hang in there, bud.”

“You, too.”

It feels like ages, but it only takes a few more minutes to set up everything for drinks. When I’m finally done, I escape the kitchen to find Caleb, Harrison, and Elise. As predicted, they’re huddled on the deck outside, so I make a beeline for the back door.

“Hey, Theo?”

I freeze in place. Shit. “Yeah, Dad?”

Dad glances past me towards the crew outside. “Tell your friends to come inside, okay? We’re about to eat.”

“Okay,” I say with a nod, then quickly slip out the door and shut it behind me. As the cold air hits my sweat-covered face, I release a contented sigh and lean against the door, finally able to breathe again.

“There he is!” Elise declares. “I was about to send Harrison in there to rescue you.”

“Here I am,” I mumble, my eyes falling shut as I take in the peace out here.

“You okay?” Caleb asks, suddenly closer than I expected.

I reluctantly force my eyes open to meet Caleb’s soft brown eyes and nod. “Yeah, it’s just…a lot in there. I’m supposed to tell y’all to come inside to eat, but…” I lean my head against the wall and let my eyes fall closed again. “I just need a second.”

“I’m genuinely surprised your parents are making you deal with this crowd,” Elise grumbles.

“I am, too,” Harrison adds, his tone clearly irritated. “Seems unnecessary for you to be here.”

I shrug. “It’s church people.”

There are a few seconds of silence before Caleb speaks up. “Why is that different?”

I open my mouth to answer, but for some reason, I come up empty. Why is it different?

Suddenly, there’s a tapping on the window, and I jump.

“That’s Nate,” Harrison says before I can turn around. He pats me gently on the shoulder. “Come on, let’s get in there before your dad gets hangry.”

Harrison takes Elise’s hand in his before leading the way inside, fanning a jealous flame in my gut. Of course they get to hold hands in front of these people. No one blinks an eye at Harrison and Elise for such a simple expression of love. But any display of affection between Caleb and me will “draw unwanted attention” or “make some people uncomfortable.”

“Theo?”

I angrily shove my hands into my pockets to resist temptation. “Yeah?”

Caleb’s eyes flicker between my hands and my face with concern. “Ready to go back in?”

I scoff, focusing my gaze on a point on the ground beside us. “Don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

Caleb is quiet, hesitating for a moment or two before he speaks again. “Look, I can just—should I ask Lola to come pick me up?”

My stomach drops, and I glance back up at him. He looks like I’ve struck him. “What? No. No, why would you–”

“I don’t know, I just…” he trails off, refusing to meet my gaze. “I feel like I’m just making things worse, and things are bad enough already without…me.” He shrugs. “You’ve got enough on your plate, and I’m just making it harder.”

I shake my head aggressively. “No, no, you’re–” I sigh. “Please. Don’t go. It’s…it’s going to be fine, right? We just have to make it through lunch, and then my mom said we can go downstairs for the rest of the afternoon.”

Caleb stares back at the ground and doesn’t answer.

“I’m sorry. Please stay. We can get through–”

There’s a loud banging on the window, and I look up to see Elise motioning us to hurry. Shit.

“Okay,” Caleb says softly. “You’re right. I’ll stay.”

Relief washes over me like a tidal wave, and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to wrap my arms around him. “Okay! Okay, cool. Thank you, Caleb.”

“Now, let’s get in there before we get in trouble.”

I make sure to keep a platonic distance from Caleb as we follow Harrison and Elise into the dining room, where everyone continues to carry on their separate conversations. Scanning the room, my eyes eventually land on Grace, who gives me a wink and Caleb an excited wave. I also spot Nathaniel doing his best to hide his annoyance as an awkward Miriam Shepphard inches further into his space, twirling her stringy brown hair and watching him fondly through her thick glasses.

Poor girl. The teenage desperation reeks off of her, and she likely doesn’t even realize it. Was I that bad at fourteen? Hell, I was probably worse.

Dad abruptly clears his throat, and the room goes quiet. “Let us pray.”

Caleb shoots me a panicked expression, so as everyone closes their eyes, I smile and lean into his shoulder. He relaxes into my touch, sending electricity up and down my arm.

“Dear Heavenly Father,” Dad prays aloud. “Thank You for this beautiful day You have given to us, and thank You for the wonderful fellowship we’ve shared today.”

Caleb’s finger grazes against the back of my palm, and my heart thumps erratically in my chest.

“We thank You for this joyful holiday to celebrate the birth of Your Son, the true reason for the season. Please guide us as we navigate through this hectic time of year, and help us to remember to put You first in all we do.”

I carefully caress Caleb’s finger with my own, and I can’t help the grin that takes over my face as our eyes meet.

“Father, thank You for an amazing service today. Thank You for Pastor Sheppard and for blessing him with the gift of preaching Your love to so many people. Please continue to bless him and his beautiful growing family.”

Caleb smiles at me—the tips of his cheeks still pink from the chilly outside air—and a surge of warmth goes straight to my sternum, emanating out across my chest.

“Lord, we pray that You continue to guide us through the season and give us the courage to share Your love and Your message to those around us every chance that we get.”

Our fingers are barely touching, and yet my heart is ablaze, sparks flying at every point of contact. I move to interlock our fingers—I know I shouldn’t, but Caleb is a magnet, and I’m helpless to his pull.

“Thank You, Father God, for this incredible Christmas meal now set before us and for the wonderful people who’ve prepared it.”

Caleb follows my lead, and everything else fades into the background. Only Caleb and I exist, and all I have to do is lean up a couple of inches and press my lips into his and?—

“Forgive us our sins, and nourish this food to our bodies, and our bodies to your service. In Jesus’ precious name, we pray, Amen.”

The words out of my father’s mouth jerk me out of my stupor, and I squeeze my eyes shut and rip my hand away from Caleb’s. It’s probably a bit more aggressive than necessary, but it’s my own stupid fault for getting carried away. That was too close.

A chorus of “amens” echo around us, prompting everyone to begin lining up for food and drinks. I keep my hands in my pockets and my gaze fixed on Dad. Thankfully, he doesn’t seem notice my slip up, and no one else is looking at me, either. Well, except for Nathaniel, who quirks up an eyebrow at me. After what seems like a safe amount of time, I turn back to Caleb, only to find that he’s shuffled several feet away from me towards Harrison and Elise.

Good. That’s safer. No more temptation.

I take a deep breath and head towards the food. Maybe eating something will ease some of the anxiety gnawing at my chest.