Theoretically Perfect (Theoretically Straight #2)

15. Caleb

I am not jealous. I’m annoyed.

Annoyed at how Jake keeps looking at Theo. Annoyed at the way they joke back and forth so easily like they’ve got their own secret language I’m not allowed to know. Annoyed at all of the little ways Jake keeps popping into Theo and my conversations and how he talks like he knows the first thing about me.

I pull my hands out of Theo’s–pretending not to see his disappointed look–shoving them into my pockets as Jake leads us further into the dusty storage room to a long rectangular wooden table with pale orange paint peeling off the sides. It’s about waist-height, with dull, gray carpet lining the interior and a recessed pocket on either side of the long table. In the pockets are billiard balls, seven on each side, and a cue ball sitting in the middle of the table.

“What is this supposed to be?” I ask, not doing a good job of hiding the disdain in my voice.

Jake props himself against the sturdy frame, throwing a cocky look my way. “This, dear Caleb, is carpetball. A game of our parents’ youth, by the looks of it. I found it last year and asked my dad about it, and he said it was in the youth center when he was in high school, so it’s like ancient now. But he was able to tell me the rules, and I have to say, it’s much more fun than it looks.”

Yeah, I’m sure he says that about a lot of things.

“What are the rules?” Theo asks, moving to one end of the table.

Jake sets himself up opposite Theo, collecting the billiard balls from the recess on his end and setting them on top of the table. “We each set up the balls on our side of the table. You’d be stripes. I’m solids. Then, we take turns rolling the cue ball down the table and trying to knock each other's balls into the pocket. Easy enough, right?”

Theo snickers. “That’s a lot of ball talk.”

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Briggs. What would your dad say?”

“Screw you,” Theo claps back, setting up the striped balls in a line along the wall of the table. He hesitates, then looks at me, waving me over to his side. “Come help me set up my balls.”

“You just like saying balls,” I tease him, approaching the orange construct. I reach into the table, rolling the yellow “eleven” ball closer. There’s a chip in the side of the smooth surface, probably from the decades of abuse it suffered at the hands of teenagers. “I don’t know if I’m going to be any help here.”

Theo finishes setting up the rest of his striped set, taking the “eleven” from me and placing it at the front of his formation. “You’ll be my good luck charm,” he says, giving me a wink that makes my face burn before addressing Jake again. “Okay, now what do we do?”

“Now we play! I’ll go first. Everybody watch your fingers.”

Jake takes the white cue ball, stands at the opposite end of the table, then rears back and launches it down the carpeted runway. It collides with Theo’s formation, knocking two of the seven balls into the pocket. The clacking noise of the collision echoes against the slanted roof.

“That’s how it’s done,” Jake calls, pumping a fist in the air.

Theo rolls up his sleeve, grabbing the cue ball and taking the time to line up his shot. His brow is furrowed with concentration, the tip of his tongue sticking out over his bottom lip. With a quick flick of his wrist, the cue ball sails down to the opposite end of the table, completely missing Jake’s formation.

“Big yikes,” Jake taunts, grabbing the cue ball and firing off another shot. Another two of Theo’s balls go into the pocket, leaving three on the board.

Theo lines up again, testing the weight of the cue ball a couple of times before he finally tosses it. It makes contact this time, Jake’s formation clinking together, but none of them are pushed far enough to make it into the pocket.

“I don’t think your good luck charm is working,” Jake says, retrieving the cue ball. “Maybe you should come stand by me, Caleb. It’ll even the odds out.”

“I’d rather eat one of those dead cockroaches in the corner, thanks.”

“So prickly,” Jake says through a laugh. “Theo, you must have to wear gloves around this one.” He throws the cue ball again, sinking another of Theo’s balls into the pocket.

“I’ll show you prickly,” I mutter, and Theo shoots me a concerned look.

“Are you okay?” he whispers.

“I’m fine. Kick his ass.”

Theo doesn’t smile like I expect him to, but he does manage to sink two of Jake’s balls in the next throw. They continue on, trading blows back and forth till they’re each down to their last ball. Theo’s teeters on the edge of the pocket, and a strong exhale could send it over the edge. He takes the cue ball, banking it off the wall to try and hit Jake’s last remaining solid ball, resting in the center of the table, but it misses, and Jake quickly recovers the cue ball, a victorious smile already creeping across his face.

“Sorry, Theo, I didn’t mean to embarrass you in front of your boyfriend .”

“That’s a lot of smack talk for someone who still has to make the shot,” Theo replies, obviously not ready to admit defeat.

“Aw, if you only knew that I’ve been going easy on you.”

“I call bullshit,” Theo says, bracing himself against the table so he can lean in. “Just make your shot.”

Jake shrugs. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

He rolls the cue ball down the table, striking Theo’s last remaining ball dead center, and just like that, the game is over.

Theo groans a noise of defeat, shuffling over to me with his head hung low.

“You did great,” I say, wrapping him up in a hug.

“Thanks,” he mutters, stretching to rest his chin on my shoulder.

“That was a great game,” Jake says, making his way down the table. “You had me on the ropes there at the end.” He extends a hand to Theo.

Theo releases his hold on me, and I pull away. He takes Jake’s hand, giving it a quick shake. I swear Jake cuts a smug look at me for a second, but then they break apart, and Theo is at my side again.

“I think it’s your turn, Caleb,” Jake says, motioning towards the game table. “You’ve got the chance to earn redemption for your boo.”

“I’m good,” I retort, folding my arms across my chest. I’ve had about enough interaction with Jake to last me a lifetime.

“It’s actually really fun,” Theo adds, nudging me with his shoulder. “Even if you lose. You should give it a try.”

And Theo is looking at me with those big, doe eyes, and I just can’t bring myself to deny him. “Okay, fine,” I say through a sigh. “One game. Then maybe we can go outside? This place smells like mildew and repressed trauma.”

Theo snorts a laugh as I gather the collection of billiard balls, haphazardly arranging them in a pattern that I find appealing. Jake raises an eyebrow from the other end of the table, but I ignore him, setting the last of my balls in place.

“How about we make this game more interesting?” Jake suggests, setting his side of the table up the same way he had for Theo’s game.

“And how would we do that?” I asked, not even trying to keep the irritation out of my voice now. He’s worn out my good graces.

“For every ball sunk, you get to ask a question. And the other person has to answer truthfully. We are in a church, after all, so no lying.” His eyes drift over to Theo again, then back to me in a way that makes my stomach churn.

What is he playing at? Is he trying to make me think something is going on between the two of them? I won’t deny I’ve already had a similar intrusive thought, but that doesn’t mean I gave in to it. I trust Theo, and even though Jake has been acting sketchy as hell, I know that nothing has happened.

Okay, I’m ninety-nine percent sure nothing happened.

Theo takes a step toward Jake. “I don’t know, man. That seems kinda weird–”

“Let’s do it,” I cut him off.

Jake’s smile widens. “Sweet, let’s get this show on the road. You can throw first, Caleb.”

I grab the cue ball, tossing it back and forth between my hands to get a feel for the weight.

Okay, Caleb. You’ve got this. Right down the center.

I rear back and toss my first shot, somewhat surprised when it collides with one of Jake’s balls, pushing it back a good bit but not far enough to sink it into the pocket.

Not bad! I just need to give it a little more oomph !

“Alright, Caleb!” Theo cheers from the sidelines.

“Good shot, man,” Jake says, retrieving the cue ball.

“Thanks, bro. ”

Jake’s smile falters for a moment, and he lines up his shot, making quick work of sinking one of my balls.

“That’s one,” he says, marking an invisible scoreboard with his index finger. “We’ll keep the first question easy.” He pauses for a moment, making a big scene out of pondering the question. “What do you think about mine and Theo’s religion?”

I pause, straightening. “What?”

That wasn’t what I was expecting.

“What do you think about Christianity?” Jake clarifies. “As someone who doesn’t practice, how do you feel about it?”

“What the hell, man,” Theo interjects. “You don’t have to answer that, Caleb.”

“No, it’s okay,” I say, reassuring him. “I don’t mind answering.”

I’ve been preparing for this for a while, anyway, just in case Theo asked me about it directly. I don’t want to lie to him and say that I’m cool with everything that his religion entails, but I also don’t want to condemn him for believing in something if that’s what makes him happy.

“I think that a lot of people get something good out of it. A community. Something to believe in. But I also think it’s used like a weapon too often, and I hate that it makes Theo think he needs to feel guilty about being with me. He’s a good person, and he shouldn’t have to feel like shit because of something that he can’t change.”

Theo swallows hard and Jake remains silent on his side of the table.

I grab the cue ball, tossing it across the table and actually sinking one of Jake’s balls this time with a satisfying clunk .

“One for me,” I say, reveling in the moment of distress that flashes across Jake’s features. “Have you come out to anyone besides Theo and me?”

Jake’s shoulders relax as he nods. “Yeah, Harrison knows. I’ve also told a friend of mine at school, Shauna. She’s, like, my ride-or-die.” He grabs the cue ball, holding it out. “My turn.”

With a loud clunk! another of my balls sinks into the pocket.

“When did you come out?”

“I was ten when I first voiced it to my mom. She said that she’d known since I was four and wouldn’t stop watching How to Train Your Dragon on repeat because I had a thing for Hiccup.”

“Are you shitting me?” Jake laughs through the words. “Hiccup was my first crush too!”

“Well, I guess you’ve got good taste. But yeah, I’ve technically been out since ten.”

“And your family is cool with it?”

“Yeah, completely. My dad actually told me that he was glad to have someone who wasn’t straight in the family because, growing up, his favorite uncle was gay, and he passed away when my dad was a kid in the nineties. Dad says that he was like me in a lot of ways.”

Theo moves beside me, resting a hand on my shoulder. “Oh, babe. I didn’t know that.”

“It doesn’t really come up,” I say, though I think there’s more to it than that. Even though Theo and I have grown so close over the last few months, there are still plenty of things I haven’t told him. Parts of my life that I’m excited to share when the time comes.

We’re both startled by another throw from Jake, and two more of my balls sink into the pocket. He gives us a sheepish grin, scratching the back of his head. “Uh, sorry. Didn’t mean to throw it that hard.”

“Guess you get two questions,” I say, grabbing the cue ball again. “Let’s hear them.”

“Why did you agree to come help out today? You’re obviously not being punished like Theo and me, so what’s the deal?”

“Because Theo asked me, and I thought it would be a good chance to find out more about this part of his life.” I look over to Theo, and he’s watching me with wide eyes. “I want to understand what he’s going through, so it just makes sense to be here for it.”

“Like you ever could,” mutters Jake.

A twinge in my chest tells me that I can’t argue the fact. He’s right. I can’t know for certain what Theo is going through, especially if he’s hiding it from me. But we’ve talked about it, and he’s promised to do better. This is me supporting him in that effort.

“Caleb,” Theo says, his voice a whisper. He stops and swallows again. “You don’t have to worry about me so much.”

“For fuck’s sake, Theo. You’re my boyfriend. Of course I’m going to worry about you. That’s part of the deal.”

“Second question,” Jake raises his voice before Theo can argue further. “How did you know Theo was into you?”

My attention returns to Jake, but I can feel Theo’s eyes on me as I speak. “It was a gut feeling, mostly. I don’t know. He made me feel warm. Wanted. There was this spark between the two of us that I couldn't ignore. I had really bad luck before him in thinking that guys were flirting with me, so I almost ignored it. But I’m so glad I didn’t.”

Jake nods slowly, his expression somewhere between pensive and confused. I grab the cue ball, tossing it across the table and managing to sink another of his balls into the pocket.

“Why are you so interested in mine and Theo’s relationship?”

Jake snorts another laugh, shaking his head. “Because he’s the only other queer person I know in real life. And he was raised in the church, like me. There’s no one else I know who’s going through the same thing, the same questions, that I am.”

The heat of my animosity cools a bit as Jake retrieves the cue ball. It makes sense why he’d be drawn to Theo. Why he’d want to talk to him. Maybe it was good for them both? Theo needs someone who understands the balance between his faith and queerness. And try as I might, Jake’s right. I’ll never be able to relate on the same level.

Jake throws his next shot, sinking another ball. There’s only two left now.

“What was your first kiss like?”

Heat builds under my cheeks as the memory of Theo’s car and that night in my driveway. Theo looks down at his feet, his hands sinking into his pockets.

“It wasn’t great,” I say, leaning into the awkwardness because I have Theo beside me. “I misread a situation and kissed Theo before he was even ready to admit he had feelings for me. It ended up working out for the best, but I kinda regret that it was our first.”

“I don’t regret it,” Theo mutters, giving a small smile. Then he looks up and says louder, “The second was much better.”

And I’m suddenly distracted by those moments when it was just me and Theo, his fingers twisted in my hair and mine gliding along the contours of his chest–

The cue ball skips along the carpet, jumping over one of Jake’s balls and sailing into the pocket alone.

Well, shit. I blame Theo for distracting me.

Jake wastes no time sinking another of my balls, and there’s only one left on my side of the table now.

“This one’s for Theo. What do your parents think about Caleb?”

I turn to Theo as well, watching as he decides how much information he wants to share.

“My mom is cool with him. She’s really putting in an effort to get to know him. Dad, on the other hand, is ignoring our relationship and thinks that I’m just going through a phase. I’ve tried to argue with him, but it’s no use.”

“Sounds familiar,” Jake replies, downcast.

They really do have a lot in common. I can’t deny that. But the glaring difference I can spot is that Theo isn’t alone. He has supportive friends in Harrison, Oliver, and Elise, who will be there for him no matter what. He has Wren and Freddy, too, who can be there for him when it comes to questions or emotions that accompany a queer identity.

And he has me. Someone who will love him through it all.

I toss the cue ball, careful to take better aim and manage to sink another ball into the pocket.

“Theo’s mentioned how guilty he feels sometimes, not just about being bisexual, but a ton of other stuff as well. Things that shouldn’t matter. Is that guilt something that you experience, too?”

Jake doesn’t say anything, but after a moment, he nods, his hands clenched into fists on top of the table. He doesn’t move or reach for the cue ball. He just stands there, staring down at his hands.

“Jake?” Theo’s voice echoes against the high ceiling.

I move without really thinking, crossing to the other side of the table and placing a hand on Jake’s shoulder. He flinches away from my touch, blinking a few times before his eyes lock on me.

“It’s okay,” I tell him, holding my hands out in front of me. “You’re okay. I’m sorry if that was too much. I just… I wanted to understand.”

Jake nods, wiping the end of his nose.

“I know you didn’t ask for my opinion, but I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Theo. You are not a bad person, Jake. Having these feelings doesn’t make you some irredeemable deviant. I don’t care what the church says. You’re exactly who you are supposed to be. And I’m sorry if they made you feel guilty for that.”

Theo is by my side now. “I’m still working through it myself,” he says, taking my hand in his. “But Caleb has been helping me. And we can help you, too, if you want.”

Jake lets out a shuddered breath. “Yeah, I think that would be nice.”

“I’m sorry,” I add. “If I came off like a jerk to you earlier.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Jake says, his smile returning. “I’m about to kick your ass in this game, anyways, so we’ll call it even.”

“Once again,” Theo interjects, “that’s a lot of confidence for someone who still has to sink the last ball.”

Jake picks up the cue ball, aiming quickly, and perfectly sinks the last ball on my side of the table. “You were saying?”

Theo snorts a laugh, looking over at me. “Yeah, sorry, Caleb, but he really did kick your ass.”

“I think I’ll add carpetball to the long list of sports I’ll never be great at. Somehow, I don’t think I’ll lose any sleep over it.”

All three of us laugh, and the heaviness from before melts away.

“Oh, you’ve got one more question,” I say to Jake.

“And I’ve got the perfect one. Who’s ready for some fresh air?”