Theoretically Perfect (Theoretically Straight #2)

23. Caleb

Saturday, May 4

“A toast to all that made it through Junior year testing without suffering a nervous breakdown!”

“Freddy, weren’t you sobbing into a Lunchable between finals last week?” Oliver asks, looking up from his phone.

“Shut up, Oliver. That totally doesn’t count.”

The patio of Spookies is packed to the limit as the May sun shines down overhead, locking in the warmth and promise of summer. Freddy and Oliver continue to bicker–a normal pastime for the two of them, especially since Freddy has been single again–and the rest of the table returns to their usual business as the two of them carry on.

“Did anyone else think Mr. Thornton’s World History final was weirdly pro-colonialism?” Harrison asks between bites of a chocolate chip cookie.

“Right?” Elise replies from across the table. “That last essay question was wild. Like, was he trying to get us to defend the British empire? Like, my dude, they’ve had enough people on their side for the majority of history. Let’s maybe start talking about the damage they’ve caused.”

Theo watches the two of them as they trade topics from their essays, a small smile playing across his lips. There’s no arguing. Elise doesn’t even raise her voice above her normal decibel range.

“Seems like they’re getting along well,” I mutter to him, leaning in close.

“For real,” Theo agrees. “Their breakup was honestly the best thing to happen to their friendship.”

Things were a little tense the week after my birthday in the friend group. Elise was avoiding most of us, and Harrison went full on obsessive mode with his photography, getting absorbed into his camera. But Elise was at our lunch table the following week, a little quieter than before, but no one complained. When Harrison came and sat beside her, I thought for sure we were in for trouble, but they just talked about a new anime that Harrison saw, and they’ve been civil ever since.

“Over here, Wren!” Oliver stands up, the top of his head grazing the umbrella above us when he does.

Wren spots us from the parking lot, stowing their keys in their crossbody bag. Oliver pulls out the chair next to him, signaling for Wren to sit there.

“You got my drink?” Wren asks him as they sit, eyeing the paper cup in front of them.

Oliver waves them off. “Yeah, you paid for mine last time, remember?”

“Caleb, are you still going to Arizona with your dad this summer?” Freddy asks. Now that Wren is here, he’s lost the attention of Oliver completely.

“That’s the plan,” I confirm. “It’s an indie film, so he said we should be wrapped in about three weeks.”

“I’m going to miss you like crazy,” Theo says, squeezing my hand under the table. “I should ask Bert if the interns need assistants. I can fetch you coffee for the people you’re fetching coffee for.”

“Coffee-ception,” I conclude, snorting a laugh. “I love the redundancy.”

Freddy sets his elbows on the edge of the table, propping his chin. “Am I the only one who’s stuck in Specter all summer?”

“What happened to the soccer camp?” Wren asks as they dig through their bag.

“They have too many counselors already. I got backlisted.”

“I’ll be around this summer,” Theo chimes in. “Our family vacation is on indefinite hold at the moment, so all I have to look forward to is full-time hours at Cathy’s. They’re always looking for more busboys if you need something to keep you busy.”

“I’ll think about it,” Freddy grumbles.

“I got something in the mail today,” Wren says, loud enough that the table goes quiet. They pull an envelope out of their bag setting it down in front of them. “It’s from the Effects Institute. So, I guess this will determine what my summer looks like.”

“Holy shit,” Oliver breathes, snatching the envelope and checking the sealed back. “Wait, why didn’t you open it yet?”

“I can’t do it,” Wren says, their voice uncharacteristically shaky. “I know the scholarship doesn’t determine whether or not I have talent or anything like that, but this is the first time my work is being judged by someone other than myself.”

“Your work is incredible, Wren,” Oliver says, handing them back the envelope. “Especially when it’s modeled by yours truly. What’s inside this thing has zero effect on that fact.”

“They’d be crazy not to pick you,” I say. “Your work is the stuff of nightmares. And I mean that in the best way possible.”

“For real,” Theo adds on. “I still can’t get that image of Freddy as a radioactive killer clown out of my head.”

“I couldn’t get the paint out of my hair, either,” Freddy says, his frown twitching at the edges. “I nearly gave my mom a heart attack when I showed up looking like that.”

Wren cracks a smile. They take a deep breath, flipping the envelope over and running a fingernail along the seal. The table holds a collective breath as they unfold the paper, their lips forming soundless words as they read.

“Well?” asks Oliver as Wren lowers the letter. “Don’t leave us hanging!”

“I got in.”

A cheer ripples through the group, drawing the attention of the other tables on the crowded patio, but no one seems to care. Freddy is up from his chair, hugging Wren’s neck. Oliver holds one of their hands while I reach for the other across the table. Harrison is snapping pictures of us as Elise jumps up and down, shrieking.

“Okay! Okay! Knock it off!” Wren tries to calm everyone down, but we’re all too excited to listen, so Wren just has to sit there and bear the brunt of our love for them.

“So, does this mean you’ll be going down to Atlanta for the summer?” Elise asks once the fervor has died down.

“Looks like it,” Wren replies, looking over the paper again. “Mama and I were up late last night talking about the logistics if I got in, and she’s got some time to take off work, so we’ll look at renting a place in the city.”

“Does that mean we can come visit you one weekend?” Theo asks. “You can paint us all up to look like zombies, and we’ll shuffle down the sidewalk.”

“Maybe we can just go to the aquarium instead,” Wren suggests. “I think I’ll have my hands full with the coursework.”

“Ooo!” Elise exclaims, “I love the aquarium! The dolphin show is so good!”

“I want to hang out with the penguins,” Harrison adds.

“The belugas are my favorite,” Oliver says, then launches into a rendition of “Baby Beluga” that has all of us groaning by the second verse.

“I’ve got to go call my parents,” Wren says, excusing themselves from the table.

Freddy wraps Oliver into a headlock in an effort to end his singing, but that just makes him sing louder in this weird, garbled voice that has all of us laughing.

“Hey, um, Freddy?”

Andrew stands at the corner of the table, looking at Freddy with a nervous smile. The group falls silent, and Freddy releases his hold on Oliver.

“Hey.” He stares at Andrew, color draining from his face like he’s looking at a ghost. And I guess, in some ways, he is. Freddy has been haunted by his love for this boy for weeks.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Freddy looks at me, eyes wide, then back to Andrew, but he doesn’t say anything.

Andrew takes a step towards him, then pauses, looking down at his feet. “I’ve been trying to call you, message you, I even stopped by the soccer field when y’all had a scrimmage last week, but you darted out before I could catch you.”

“I thought you’d get the hint,” Freddy says quietly.

“I know I messed up,” Andrew says, looking up again. “I know that I didn’t react like you wanted me to, but you have to understand. It’s not easy for me to say something like that.”

“You think it was easy for me?” Freddy asks, voice stronger as it takes on an edge. “You’re the only guy I’ve ever said that to, Andrew. The only one. And I know I ghosted you, and that was shitty of me, but I just didn’t want to get hurt any worse than I already was. Then I already am .”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Freddy. I didn’t even know what to say that night. I–I never thought that anyone would feel that way about me. Especially you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Andrew wrings his hands together. “You sort of had a reputation. So, when you asked me out, I thought you’d be someone who wouldn’t want anything serious.”

“Oh, so you just thought I’d put out?”

“That’s not what I meant!”

The entire patio is fixated on the two of them now, conversations paused as the argument plays out, drawing everyone’s attention. Theo squeezes my hand. “Do we need to do something?”

I shake my head. Freddy’s strong enough to handle this on his own.

“What do you mean, then?” Freddy asks, his arms folding across his chest. “Why did you agree to go out in the first place if you didn’t think it would go anywhere?”

“Because I had a crush on you,” Andrew confesses. “And I never in a million years thought it would last longer than a couple dates. But then, it did, and you were so great, and I was worried that I was leading you on. And sometime around Christmas, things started to change for me. We became so much more than I ever imagined we’d be.”

“Obviously, it wasn’t enough,” Freddy says, voice wavering. “It wasn’t enough to keep us together. It wasn’t enough for you to love me.”

“But that’s just it,” Andrew says, taking another step closer, his hands reaching for Freddy but stopping short. “I do love you. I just didn’t know what it felt like. I didn’t know how to put it into words. My family–we don’t talk about this kind of thing. I can count on one hand the number of times my parents have said, ‘I love you.’ My older brothers, they’re the same way. So, when you told me that you loved me, I freaked out. I did everything I could to walk away, to keep from going any further because I wasn’t going to be able to say it back, and I wanted you to have someone who could return those feelings with no hesitation. You deserve that, Freddy.

“But then you were gone, and I couldn’t talk to you anymore, and the longer you stayed away, the more I realized how much I’d fucked up by not telling you what I know to be true. I love you, Freddy Desoto. And I’m so sorry that I didn’t say it sooner.”

The patio goes quiet once more, all eyes on Freddy as he stares wide-eyed at Andrew.

And Freddy Desoto, Mr. Stone-Cold-Heart, the most confident guy I know, looks more shaken than I’ve ever seen him before. His fingers curl around the hem of his shirt, twisting in the fabric. For a second, I think he’s going to burst into tears, but then he’s speaking, his voice soft and even. “You love me?”

Andrew nods, lifting his glasses to wipe at his eyes. “Yes. Sorry it took so long for me to say it back.”

Freddy takes the last step to close the distance between them. Andrew’s throat bobs, and I swear, we all lean in as Freddy stands on his tiptoes to kiss him. Thunderous applause breaks out from the tables. Elise sobs into her frappe. The shutter of Harrison’s camera goes crazy.

Theo squeezes my hand.

Wren appears from around Andrew with a puzzled expression. “I feel like I missed something.”

Djo plays over the speaker in the corner of my room. The sun has just started to set, streaming in golden beams from the window that transfigure Theo’s tan skin into patches of warm, glowing hues. His eyelids flutter open, breath catching as he spots me curled around his side, our legs tangled together atop the comforter on my bed.

“Did I fall asleep?” he mumbles, stretching his arms over his head. I stare in wonder at the strip of flesh revealed just above his waistline. I want to run my fingers along that exposed skin, but I resist the urge.

“Yeah, but only for a little bit.”

He runs a hand through my hair, nails digging lightly into my scalp, sending waves of electric pulses down my spine. “We didn’t get any work done,” he says, looking at the stack of homework we promised ourselves we’d work on over the weekend.

“It’s the last week of school,” I say, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him closer. “There should be laws against homework during the last week.”

Theo’s chest rumbles with laughter. “You’re not wrong.”

The comfortable silence spreads back over us like a blanket, the playlist continuing on uninterrupted.

“I still can’t wrap my head around what happened today with Freddy,” I say after a moment, holding my phone above my head as I hit “like” on Freddy’s picture of him and Andrew outside of Spookies.

“Were you jealous of Andrew’s grand declaration?” Theo asks, knocking his foot against mine. “It was much more romantic than dropping it on you in the back seat of my car.”

I snort a laugh, dropping his phone beside me on the bed and wrapping my arms around Theo’s trunk. “I think we’ve both had enough grand gestures for a long, long time. Besides, if I’m being honest, I much prefer the quiet, little ways that you show me your love. Those are my favorite.”

A warmth blooms in my chest as I nuzzle my head into Theo’s side. He feels safe. He feels like home. And somewhere beyond the quiet conversations that last past the sunset, I find myself wishing that I could give him more. More love. More of myself. More of whatever he wants.

“Caleb, we’re heading out!” Dad’s voice trails up from the first floor. “We’ll be back late.”

“Okay!” I yell back. Sitting up, I add, “I forgot it’s their date night.”

“I guess I should get going,” Theo says with a sigh, rising from his prone position. His hair sticks out in the back, and it’s enough to make me reach out and smooth it down with my hand. Then his lips are on mine, and my fingers twist into his curls, and he lets out a gasp as I tug on them gently, exposing his neck to me.

With a trail of kisses, I make my way to his collarbone, trailing it lightly with my lips as his chest heaves with ragged breath.

“You… don’t have to leave,” I say, coming up for air.

He looks at me, eyebrows raised. “Really?”

I nod, and he’s kissing me again, hands finding my waist as he pulls me onto his lap.

“Are you sure?” he asks, breathlessly against my lips.

“One hundred percent.”

His dark eyes find mine once more.

“I want you.”

He whispers it like it’s a prayer. Like it’s his confession, his deepest secret that he’s ready to bring to light. And every word sends fire across my skin till my body burns and smolders with heat.

“We can,” I whisper back, “if you want. I still have that box.”

“I think I’m ready,” Theo says, his hands trailing down my body with newfound excitement. “Are you sure it’s okay?”

“More than okay,” I breathe, the friction between us already sending me into a fit. “But…”

Theo pumps the brakes, gently pushing me away. “What is it?”

“It’s going to be our first time,” I say slowly, taking a second to calm down. “I just want to make sure the expectations are realistic. We’re going to be far from perfect. Is that okay, Theo?”

He smiles, leaning forward to draw my forehead against his. “As long as it’s with you, how can it be anything less than perfect?”

Theo isn’t perfect. And neither am I. But as we lay under the sheets, the moonlight coming through the window along with the early crickets, I can’t help but marvel at all the ways we fit together perfectly.

He was gentle like I knew he’d be. And I tried to be the same way when the roles were reversed because it was our first time, and Theo said he wanted to try it all.

I loved every second of it. Even the imperfect ones.

Theo stirs beside me, his breath catching. “Again?” he mumbles, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. “I swear, I don’t mean to keep nodding off on you.”

“It’s okay,” I tell him, planting a soft kiss on top of his head. “You’re cute when you’re dozing. It’s only nine-thirty anyway, so you can keep sleeping. I won’t let you miss curfew.”

He lets out a sigh, nuzzling his curls into me. “You’re the best.”

“I love you, Theo,” I whisper, hoping those words carry him back to his dreams as I hold the boy I love.