Three to Fall (Saint View Slayers vs. Sinners #3)

15. Kara

15

KARA

I read my sister’s texts in every spare minute for the next few days. In between helping Hayley Jade take a bath and cooking her dinner. On every break from the hospital. At night before I went to bed and in the mornings as soon as I woke up.

There were hundreds, if not thousands of them, dating back around a year. And they quickly became an obsession I couldn’t quit.

As I read through each of them, I watched my sister fall in love.

And my heart broke, knowing it was all a lie. That every message she received was one that brought her closer to her death.

Gray rolled over in my bed and propped himself up on one arm, hand beneath this head. “What’s Golden gaslighting her with today?”

I glanced over at him. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t. But I’m getting worried about you. Did you even sleep last night or were you up all night reading their texts again?”

I’d slept a little, but it was hard when they were all I could think about. There was just so many of them. Kyle had admitted Alice had borrowed his phone for at least an hour a day, for a very long time, and that she’d had a spot out in the fields, away from prying eyes where she liked to go with it.

Kyle had apologized a thousand times. He’d thought he was being a friend. He was so in love with her, he would have given her anything she’d asked for. Not that he’d admitted that, but it was clear to the rest of us.

I twisted onto my side, facing Gray, Kyle’s phone in my hand between us. “I just need to get through them all so we can go to the police. I know they’ll confiscate the phone as soon as we report this, but I need to read them first.”

He kissed my lips softly. “No one is blaming you for wanting to read them. You have every right. I just don’t want you making yourself sick over them.”

I swallowed hard. “I should have paid more attention to what she was doing.”

He sighed. “You’ve been saying things like that for days. But it wasn’t your job to keep tabs on her.”

“I was so self-centered. Always focused on myself.”

He snaked a hand to the back of my neck and held me tight so I couldn’t look away. “You were fighting for your life. You were imprisoned by a man who beat you, belittled you, and withheld basic needs. You were in survival mode. Nobody is blaming you for what happened to Alice.”

Nobody but me.

Nothing had even changed since I’d left Ethereal Eden. I’d spent more time focused on myself and the danger and drama I seemed to attract, rather than finding the person who’d murdered my sister.

I’d failed her in so many ways.

Reading these texts was agony, each one ripping away a piece of my heart, but it was a pain I deserved for not being the sister she needed when she was alive.

Golden:

Hey, sweetheart. Missed hearing from you this morning. Hurts my heart when I don’t wake up to messages from you on my phone.

Tulip:

I’m so sorry! Had a really busy night. My hands are killing me today after typing all day yesterday. Was working right up until my head hit the pillow. Couldn’t get the phone from Kyle until now. I missed you too. What are you up to today?

Golden:

Who’s Kyle?

Tulip:

A friend. It’s his phone. I told you, we aren’t allowed phones here, so I have to borrow his.

Golden:

You can’t have a phone but he can?

Tulip:

Well, neither of us can, but he’s a rebel like that.

Golden:

So are you. My little badass. Wish I could see a photo of you.

Tulip:

I barely get enough signal out here for texts.

Golden:

Can’t you just connect to the Wi-Fi? I really want to see you.

Tulip:

I wish it were that easy. The only Wi-Fi here is locked, and we aren’t allowed to know the password. Josiah says the internet is what got the world in the state it’s in now and it’s rotting our brains.

Golden:

He’s probably not wrong. The world is fucked up.

Tulip:

My world is. But you’re out there, with the freedom to do anything. Go anywhere. Josiah keeps us in a prison.

Golden:

Sounds like he’s just trying to protect you. You have it better than you think. Having someone who cares about you and keeps you safe. Having a community who all works together and shares to provide for all members. People who protect you. Those are all good things.

Tulip:

I guess so. I just want to explore the world though. I don’t want to be kept safe. I want to get out and experience things. Travel. Eat foods I’ve never tried before. Learn…

Tulip:

Meet you.

Tulip:

Kiss you.

Tulip:

I’m sorry. That was very forward of me.

Tulip:

I’ve made this into something it’s not, haven’t I? This is so embarrassing.

Tulip:

Don’t mind me, I’ll just be throwing myself into oncoming traffic.

Golden:

How will I kiss you back if you’ve been smushed by a semi-trailer?

I sighed when Grayson plucked the phone from my hand and pushed his finger at the space between my eyebrows. “That frown is going to end up permanent.”

I kissed his mouth. “I know a doctor. He can probably hook me up with some Botox.”

He kissed me back, pulling me into his arms. “That doctor thinks you’re perfect just the way you are. Frown and all. But you know what that doctor doesn’t want?”

“To stop talking about himself in the third person?” I suggested cheekily.

He grinned, his smile warm and sweet and turning his face boyish. “That doctor doesn’t want you giving yourself an ulcer from stress. Let’s leave this for today. Hayley Jade is at school. We both have the day off from the hospital. Hawk too. We should go do something.”

I traced my fingers over his chest. “We should probably study.”

Grayson squinted at me. “That’s very responsible.”

“‘Responsible’ is my middle name. And I think it’s yours too.”

He groaned. “It is. Fine. But I really do think you need to get out of this clubhouse and into the fresh air. It’s a nice day outside. We can pack your books up and hike up to this spot I know. It’ll be quiet, since it’s a weekday, and we can pack a picnic and study in the sunshine.” He pointed at the phone. “No signal out there, so you won’t even have a reason to take that thing. Nothing but sun, exercise, and learning.”

It actually sounded really nice. And Grayson was right, I definitely needed a break from obsessing over Alice’s texts. “Deal. You go have a shower and get ready while I tell Hawk.”

Grayson saluted me and walked backward, naked, to the shower.

I grinned at the sway of his dick and his goofy expression, all while appreciating the fact he always watched out for me.

Hawk was just walking back in the front door and tossed the van keys onto the bar top. He made a beeline for me, sweeping me into his arms. “Just the person I wanted to see.”

His tongue was in my mouth a second later, his kisses always dirty hot compared to Grayson’s sweeter ones.

Both had their place and spun my head in different ways. But I pushed him away. “Hayley Jade get to school okay?”

Hawk nodded. “Yep.”

It was their little routine, the two of them. Hawk took her every morning, often stopping for hot donuts and coffee first, the two of them chatting together about anything they had the signs to communicate about. Sometimes I went too, but I instinctively realized this time was special to them, and that letting them have it was important. All the guys had fallen into these routines with her.

Grayson liked to be here in the afternoons to help her with homework or to just sit on the floor and play. He was desperately trying to encourage a love of hockey in her, and more than one puck had been shot across the concrete floors of the clubhouse. Not that anyone minded. Anything went here.

Hayden had thrown himself into the deep end, learning as many ASL signs as he could, and Hayley Jade ran to him every evening when he got home from the day shift at Sinners, ready to learn.

I pushed up on my toes and kissed Hawk’s stubbled cheek. “Grayson wants to take our study session outdoors today, since it’s nice out. Hike to some spot he knows then have a picnic.”

Hawk glanced down at his standard uniform of faded jeans and motorcycle boots. “I don’t hike. I don’t even own a pair of shoes I could hike in.”

“You and Grayson are the same size…I bet he has a spare pair.”

Hawk screwed up his face. “That’s like asking me to wear his underwear.”

I laughed. “How is that the same thing?”

“I don’t know, but it is! Ugh, his foot fungus germs coating themselves around my socks…” He shuddered.

I gave him a fake pout because he was being a princess. “Please?”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll hike. But only because I’m gonna watch your ass sway all the way up the trail.”

“Deal.” I would have agreed to anything to get him to come. But I liked the idea of his gaze on my body while we walked. I’d be thinking about that all the way up the track. “Go get ready. I’m just going to see if Kyle wants to come.” I walked backward toward the door. “Don’t change your mind while I’m gone.”

Except I knew he wouldn’t. Because he’d proved time and time again he would do anything for me.

That was a heady feeling. Having his devotion. His love. His protection. The sun was unusually warm, and I practically skipped down to Kyle’s cabin to ask him if he wanted to come with us.

Kyle peeped his head out from beneath the blankets and blearily told me he didn’t feel well and would skip today’s little adventure. I didn’t like that he didn’t feel good, but I promised to bring him back some cold and flu tablets, got him a fresh glass of water for his bedside table, and left him to sleep.

Kiki and Ice were both sitting in the common area when I got back, Kiki scrolling her phone, Ice listening to something playing on his through a set of headphones. I liked Kiki. She wasn’t as brash as Amber was, and I put my hand on her shoulder. “I’m going out, but Kyle isn’t well. Are you home today? Do you think you could keep an eye on him for me? Just check to see if he needs anything once or twice. I worry about him, out in that cabin alone.”

She gave me a bright smile; her lips painted a magenta purple that caught the light from overhead. “Of course! I’d be happy to. Poor thing. Maybe I’ll make some chicken soup for him. Do you think he’d like that?”

I smiled. “I do. He’s used to homestyle cooking. That’s all he ever got at the commune. It’s lovely of you to offer. Thank you.”

She skittered off to the kitchen, clearly happy to have a project for the day. I watched her go, wondering what she did with her time when she wasn’t here. I realized I had no idea. I hoped she had something more than just waiting around here for bikers who might never see her as more than a club girl.

Maybe I’d talk to her about volunteering at the hospital. She seemed excited by the idea of caring for Kyle while he was sick. Maybe she’d be interested in doing it more often.

In my room, I got dressed quickly, pulling on a T-shirt and a pair of shorts that were hemmed mid-thigh. I paused for a second, noticing the cellulite on my legs that the shorts did nothing to hide.

For half a second, I thought about putting longer pants on. Hawk had promised to be staring at my behind the entire way up the trail. He’d see every dimple and bump in these shorts. But it was hot out. I’d be sweating like a pig if I put on longer pants, and I’d spend the day miserable and self-conscious about butt sweat.

But then Grayson walked out of the shower, and his gaze lit up, like a kid on Christmas morning. “Why don’t you wear those more often?”

I smoothed my hands over them. “I never wear shorts. I don’t like my legs.”

He skimmed his hands over the curve of my behind. “But hear me out. How often do you look at your legs during the day?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. A couple of times I guess, though not with any purpose for the most part.”

“Right. But I look at your legs approximately eleven billionty times a day. And your hips. And your ass. And your tits. And your face. And your pinky finger…”

I giggled. “I get the point. You look at me.”

“I like your legs. In anything. Shorts. Pants. Skirts. Scrubs. Hessian sacks.” He sniggered, but then he sobered. “Wear the shorts, Kara. Erase the idea from your head that nobody wants to see you. I do.”

A slow warmth trickled through me. I loved the way he stared at me, the way he saw me and built me up when my self-confidence had a wobble. I’d come a long way from the broken woman I’d been when I’d first arrived in Saint View, but I was far from completely healed.

His words helped though. Little by little, they mended the holes Josiah had punched through my heart.

“I love you,” he murmured. Then clapped his hands together, not waiting for a response from me. “Let’s go hike!”

Some part of me wanted to say it back. But there was another part that just wasn’t there yet. I loved he wasn’t pushing me. He was so content, so sure of himself that he could happily tell me he loved me and not need me to say it in return.

I knew I would eventually. But when I said it, I wanted to truly mean it with every ounce of my being. Anything else would be a cop-out, and he deserved more.

The man deserved the world for all the good he put into it. Just last night he’d gone on a house call, just to sit with a patient who’d been having a tough time. He might have made light of some of the more trivial aspects of his job, but when it came down to it, Grayson cared. He was there when someone needed him. No questions asked.

He also looked really good in shorts.

“Did you plan to go hiking today?” I eyed his muscular legs, nicely tanned, despite the fact the weather had been cold lately. “Or do you just carry your hiking gear around with you in case someone wants to ogle your legs?”

Like I was doing right now.

He glanced down at himself. “They’re just gym shorts. They’re all I had in my car.” He winked at me. “But you’re not going to be self-conscious, and neither am I. Right?”

I made a face at him. “Your legs look like they could do modelling campaigns.”

“Your legs look like they need my face between them. So shall I do that to stop this little spiral of self-doubt? Or can we go hike?”

I fought a smile. “We can go hike.”

For now. But later, I might consider taking up his generous offer.