Tied Together (The Cade Siblings Duology #1)
37. Alana
68%
CHAPTER 37
Alana
My body feels like it was hit by a truck.
That’s the first thing I register when my eyes peel open. The second thing is the warm, hard body I’m using as a pillow. His cedar and sandalwood scent surrounds me and I breathe it in deep, instantly feeling comforted despite my uncertainty about why Alex is in bed with me.
Wait.
Alex is in bed with me.
“What’s going on?” My voice is groggy and hoarse and I instantly start coughing from how scratchy and dry it feels.
“Here, drink this.” Alex grabs a glass of water off of the table by his bed and holds it up to my lips. I sip the cold liquid and instantly feel relief.
“There’s my girl. How are you feeling, sleeping beauty?”
My body is draped across his, although now my head is lifted from his chest. His arm is slung low on my waist and protectively he pulls me closer into him.
“I feel awful. What happened?”
“You haven’t been sleeping. You went on a run and had a spill when you got back, gave Albert and I quite the scare.”
I knew the lack of sleep would catch up with me at some point, but I figured I would just sleep through the weekend. The run I took was definitely pushing it. That, on top of the few meals I skipped, was stupid.
“How did I get here? In your bed?” I know the blush in my cheeks is giving away my thoughts, but I can’t help it. Being cuddled up with Alex in bed is doing things to me.
“I wanted to keep an eye on you. I tried taking the couch, but you insisted I stay.”
“Um, I’m sorry,” I stammer. “I didn’t mean to force you into bed with me.” I start to sit up and move off of him, but that arm around my waist tightens and he halts my escape.
“Stay, Lanie. I wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t comfortable with it. I wanted to make sure you were okay and sitting right next to you was the perfect spot to do that.”
He reaches up and brushes the hair from my neck, then touches the back of his hand to my forehead. A look of concern flashes in his eyes.
“I think you still have a little fever. The doctor should?—”
Alex is cut off by a strong knock on our front door and I jump, startled. He swipes his hand back and forth on my hip in comfort.
“That’s him now, I’ll go get the door.” He presses a kiss to my hair and climbs out of bed. It’s so gentle and caring that it has me holding back emotional tears.
A few moments later he walks back in with the doctor. He takes my temperature and asks me something, but I’m distracted by the effortless way Alex commands my attention. He’s dressed down in a pair of red and green flannel pajama pants and a plain white T-shirt. I don’t know how he can make such a plain outfit look so enticing, but he does.
“Lanie?” he prompts softly, a knowing smile on his face.
“Sorry,” I say, hoping my feverish flush hides my blush. “I think I just got too tired and wasn’t drinking enough water.”
The doctor gives me an IV of fluids to help with the dehydration and reminds me of the importance of getting proper rest. I feel better after just a few minutes and I sigh happily.
After the treatment, Alex leads the doctor out into the hallway and I snuggle into the plush white comforter, the cool fabric feeling refreshing on my fever flushed skin, and glance at the quiet television on the left of the room. One of my favorite movies, The Holiday , is playing and Amanda is bursting through the cottage door to tell Graham she’s changed her mind and is going to stay. A tearful Graham embraces her and the love in both of their eyes warms my heart.
“Do you think you feel up to eating? I can make you some soup.”
“That sounds nice, but you really don’t have to keep taking care of me. I can manage, I’m sure. I know you’ve got a lot going on and?—”
Alex moves across the room to stand next to the bed and reaches out to touch my shoulder gently in protest.
“Lanie, I am right where I want to be.” His mouth curves upward with tenderness and he squeezes my shoulder three times before pulling away. “I’m going to make that soup, you stay here and rest and be sure to drink that whole glass of water. The remote is on the table if you want to watch something.”
He turns and walks out of the room, leaving me to the end scene of The Holiday and my own swirling thoughts. The happiness on the couples’ faces on the screen create a deep longing within me for someone to look at me like that, and the ability to return their loving gaze. It feels more possible now than it did a week ago, and I’m beginning to realize that protecting my heart by keeping it to myself might not be the best.
I reach over to grab my phone from the table and send Charlie a quick text to check in. I know I haven’t reached out at all this week in my work focused state and he must be worried. Before I hit send, I decide to just call instead, thinking it would be nice to hear his voice.
“Hey, Bug, it’s nice to know you’re alive.” The childhood nickname makes me smile and his warm voice instantly soothes something in me. It makes missing him even more intense.
“I’m sorry, I know. It’s been a crazy week and I just got distracted.”
“Distracted? Too distracted to let your own brother, the most important person in your life, know that you’re still breathing?”
“Ugh, I know. I’m sorry.”
“I’m just messing with you. Alex called a few hours ago and let me know what was going on. No sleep since Monday?” Alex reaching out to my family to let them know I’m okay makes me smile.
“I know.” I groan, rubbing my eyes. “Work has been so stressful. I feel this intense need to prove myself and I guess I just let that need drive me to work myself into the ground.”
“Why do you feel like you have to prove yourself? They chose you for this job specifically. They trust in your abilities and talent. Why don’t you trust yourself?”
“I don’t know.” Tears of frustration line my eyes and roll down my cheeks as I blink.
“You used to do this in college too.” He hesitates before he continues and I tense, knowing whatever he’s about to say won’t be easy to hear. “Do you think it has something to do with Mom and Dad? Feeling like you have to prove yourself to them?”
“Probably.” I sniffle, unsuccessful at keeping the tears at bay, and I know he hears it because he sighs, clearly not happy I’m upset.
“I know Mom and Dad are important to you, but they don’t get to dictate what you think about yourself. You get to decide that. In your opinion, are you putting your all into your work? Working hard?”
“Yes. Sometimes too hard, clearly.”
“Then that’s all you need, Lan. The only person you need to prove yourself to, is you. No one else matters.”
I know he’s right. I’ve worked on my self confidence a lot, but work has been extremely stressful and I’m realizing now that I’ve let the demand force me back into my old habits. I’m thankful he knows me well enough to draw me back to myself and remind me I’m enough in the moments when I need it.
“Thanks. You always know what to say.”
“Anytime. I love you. Get some rest and let that man take care of you.”
“Love you too.”
We hang up and a deep sigh leaves my lips. I already feel lighter having spoken with Charlie, and I resolve to really work out my thoughts about myself and what I deserve. I type out a quick text to Cami, knowing that Alex likely filled her in as well, and hit send.
Me
I’m alive. Sorry I’ve been MIA but I promise to make it up to you.
Bestie Friend
How do you plan to do that, hmm?
Me
Well, there are cookies on the way to the office as we speak with your name on them and why don’t we watch a movie together soon? Maybe sometime this weekend?
Cami and I watch movies together occasionally, even from our separate apartments, by FaceTiming and pushing play at the exact same time. It makes me feel like I’m near her even when I can’t be and the thought of doing that right now is extremely comforting.
Bestie Friend
It’s a date. Text me once you’ve recouped and send me a picture of your hot nurse.
Me
A little while later he comes back with soup and sits with me while I eat it. After the IV and now the soup, I’m finally feeling more like myself. We sit together in his bed and watch movies and talk about work and life, and eventually I fall asleep snuggled up in his warm embrace.