To Scale the Emerald Mountain (The Willowbane Saga #1)

46. CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

ELLYA

A lec joins me for training whenever he can, but he’s been busy with the upcoming Samhain celebrations, an important holiday in Quinndohs; the people celebrate the lives of those they have loved and lost when the veil between the living and dead is thinnest.

The city is like a new world splashed with vibrant color. Garlands and wreaths of marigolds, carnations, and other various flowers bedeck building facades; streamers of all colors flow from the roofs of buildings; flamboyant strings of faerie lights blink in shades of reds, yellows, and golds from the tiny flying sprites filling the orbs.

Entire city blocks have been closed to traffic for the celebrations. Large metal bowls have been set in the streets with all manner of differently decorated altars surrounding them. The bowls sit, waiting to be filled and lit for massive street bonfires to feed thousands of candles for the altars, illuminating the city with soft flickers encapsulating fond memories.

I have woken in Alec’s arms nearly every morning since the fateful day that he gifted me my staff. I wake on the eve of Samhain—and something is missing. It quickly becomes obvious what’s different when I take in the cold, empty bed next to me and frown. The one morning that Alec left before I was ready to rise, he kissed me and told me that he had something important to oversee.

My frown quickly dissolves when a mannequin in the center of the room catches my eye, and my mouth drops.

Fitted to the mannequin is a stunning black silk dress.

Scrambling to my feet, I run over to it. My fingers skim over the fabric, smooth as still water. The bodice is form fitting with a deep curved neckline. The sleeves are capped with delicate ruffles and the hem sits mid-thigh. The truly breathtaking part of the dress is the back that flows with hundreds of individual strips of silk that layer and drape to barely brush the floor. Each piece is hand painted with green, gray, and black to resemble peacock feathers.

“Fucking Mother,” I curse under my breath as I run my fingers through the delicate pleats.

It’s customary for people to don elaborate costumes and masks for the holiday, but I hadn’t considered one for myself. The dress screams Alec. I’m noticing a pattern where he leaves exquisite gifts for me while I sleep, not sticking around to see my reaction.

I love it.

Bouncing into my bathing chamber, I get freshened up for the day. I’m excited to take a break from training after decimating what little remained of the abandoned village in one hit, veins of electricity coursing through the ground and snaking off in at least fifty different directions, imploding just as many targets.

It’s no longer necessary to place a hand to the ground, or channel my power through the emerald in my staff. I’m now able to call my electric threads to my fingertips and extend them through the air. I’m also able to throw strikes and balls of electric flames, but the damage of sending my currents through the ground is much more catastrophic and satisfying. If I’m able to manipulate the fierce winds that come when I use my power, I haven’t learned how yet.

After I’ve changed, I make my way to find something to eat and am instantly met by two guards stationed at the stair landing—the strange sight sending an unpleasant tingle up my spine. I’ve never seen any guards other than Kraeston inside of our residence. Mulling over possibilities for their presence, nothing immediately comes to me. I walk past them, brow wrinkled, and they bow deep.

I attempt to shake off my sudden unease as I pass two more on the second floor landing on my way downstairs, but when I reach the first floor, there are four more stationed throughout the hall. Glancing into the sitting room, I see through the arched windows that the courtyard is lined with them, and my gut squeezes.

Something isn’t right.

I assume that the staggering increase in guards has something to do with Alec not informing me of his departure this morning. The idea of breakfast suddenly turns my stomach leaden, and I abandon it in favor of finding Alec to demand to know what’s happening.

Pulling on our tether, I find that he’s near.

“Is the king in the palace?” I ask one of the guards.

“I believe he is in the council room, Princess.”

Giving my thanks, I head towards the corridor beginning the winding maze to the official walls of the palace.

My feet stop short when two guards begin following me. “What are you doing?” I ask with a suspicious bite.

“We were instructed to see you anywhere you wish to go.”

“Why?” I bark, my irritation growing.

“I do not know, Princess. I don’t question my king, I only do as he commands. ”

“Fine. Come on.”

Their armor clinks as we walk, echoing through the empty halls and corridors, making it impossible to ignore them. The constant reminder of their presence rattles my nerves further.

We make it to the cavernous entrance hall of the palace, decorated lavishly for the holiday, the already colorful building popping with vibrant florals and lanterns. The large doors to the throne room open, and Alec exits followed by the council, his mother, and all his siblings.

All with faces drawn; all incredibly tense.

Alec wears the golden crown with silver suns and moons that I’ve only seen on his head once before, complimenting his dark hair magnificently—absolutely regal. His head turns to meet my gaze, and he conveys a hint of fear before the emotion shifts to the gleam he usually carries when he sees me.

He strides to me, hands clasped behind his back and head held high. When he reaches me, he frees his hands and takes one of mine, hooking it into the crook of his arm.

“I will accompany her now,” Alec says in dismissal to the guards behind me.

“What’s going on?” Alarm rings clear in my tone.

“I received word last night that Rahleigh was seen in The Capital only a week ago. And one of Locane’s guards was found removing his iron chains when the morning rotation came to relieve the others today. The rest of the group is missing.”

Alec begins leading me back in the direction I just came from as hurried footsteps retreat behind us. “The guard freeing him was muttering, mostly incoherently, about chasing destiny. Cescily woke me early this morning to inform me.”

“What happened to the others that were guarding him? ”

“I do not know. I scoured the mind of the one who nearly freed Locane, and he had no memories at all to sift through before he began undoing the iron chains.”

Alec’s shoulders tighten. “I do not wish to alarm you, Ellya, but there will be no more secrets. The group that is missing is a highly powerful and capable bunch of people. We fear they may be in the same state as the one that was left. Locane is more heavily guarded now, and he has also now been gagged with iron. His execution will take place in two days.”

My feet falter while hot acid creeps into my cheeks. “You’re going to execute him?”

Alec glances around before pulling me through a door in the hallway, leading into a small office. He closes the door softly and begins rubbing his large hands up and down the sides of my arms. I tip my head back, gaze narrowed questioningly.

“Yes. It should have already been done. I conferred with the family before calling a meeting with the council and head general of the guard that has stepped in for Kraeston in his absence. Everyone is in agreement,” he tells me gently, still affectionately running his hands across my skin. But I can clearly see the anguish drowning his eyes that he fails to hide.

Something ugly begins slithering through me, crawling out of a festering hole. I shrug myself away from Alec’s touch, a new guilt I wasn’t aware I was carrying making itself known.

Alec stills instantly, his expression shifting to unreadable. “Are you not in agreement?”

I huff a breath. “I don’t know,” I admit icily.

“You do not know?” Alec’s voice is lethally soft as he crosses his arms over his broad chest, sunlight bouncing off his ebony hair .

“Are you really okay with executing your own twin?” I ask him with more of a bite than I intended.

“I will live with any decision that eliminates a threat against you. As I said, it should have already been done.” But the anguish on his face contradicts what he says.

“If we’re going to be searching for god power, I can imagine there will be quite a few threats along the way.”

“And we will bleed the life out of them just the same, Ellya,” Alec says, his words laced with frustration. “I cannot fathom how you could possibly be opposed to Locane’s death.” He studies me with a mix of exasperation and disbelief.

“I’m not,” I grit—cringing at the waver in my voice. By the angry flash of Alec’s eyes and the slight flare of his nostrils, he hears it too.

“Good. Because it will be done,” he says in a clipped tone, turning on his heel abruptly and heading for the door. “Come,” he commands, holding a hand out for me to grab.

I scoff, the sound slicing like a knife.

Alec stops—standing dangerously still—his previously outstretched hand twitching at his side. “Something funny, Ellya?” His deep timbre rumbles through the room, eating all the oxygen.

“I’ll wait here for a bit, thanks.” I plop down on a hard wooden chair.

Alec turns and crosses the room in three long strides. He grabs another chair, turning it to face mine, the legs scraping offensively against the floor.

“Oh no, you can leave,” I tell him, pointing at the door.

But he sits heavily in front of me.

Alec crosses his arms and leans back, legs spread, settling into his seat and getting comfortable. His gilded crown glints, complementing the gold and silver threaded black tunic he wears, embroidered with the Vahnsing crest.

“There is much to be done today, but by all means, let us play this game,” he says, cocking his head to the side as he watches me.

My irritation flares. “This isn’t a game. I told you to leave.”

Alec clicks his tongue in displeasure. “Remember your promise,” he shoots at me bitterly.

“My promise?”

“Yes, Ellya. This is twice that I have had to remind you. Once immediately after you made it.”

“What does my promise have to do with this?”

“Everything. In the face of something difficult, you are lashing out at me in your attempt to retreat.”

Leaping to my feet, my chair crashes to the ground behind me as I angrily sweep the contents of the desk to the floor, my chest heaving. Alec says nothing, unflinching, as he witnesses my tantrum.

“I’m lashing out at you because you can’t just give me orders like some fucking pet!”

My cheeks redden with my rising tide of emotion, but I don’t know why I’m acting like this. I’m not really angry with him.

Alec rises gracefully to his feet and steps over the mess I’ve just made on the floor.

“Forgive me. I was under the impression you were fond of that particular command,” he tells me with a blank expression.

I rear back and slap him as hard as I can, the snap of my palm colliding with his cheek straining my ears.

Alec turns his face back to me—so slowly—with a cold smile. “Do you feel better?”

I slap him again, and he takes it willingly. His lack of reaction infuriates me further. I ball my hand and pull back to punch him in the nose. He catches my fist before the blow lands and pins it easily behind my back, making me bellow in fury.

“You were angry before I spoke crassly.” Alec grabs my other wrist and pins it too. “Why do you want Locane to live? Kraeston told you weeks ago that I was waiting for you to say the word, and it would be done. I have been waiting, this whole time, for you to demand his death, to get your justice. And you have not. You—who have no qualms with killing people who have simply displeased you.”

Alec bares his teeth.

“And when I tell you that I have made the decision to execute him so that he will never be a threat to you again, you are angry with me?” His resentment permeates the air, the heaviness of it constricting my chest. I try to break loose from his grasp, but he holds tighter. “Why?” he screams in my face, and I momentarily balk.

“What does it matter?” My question is a sad attempt at deflection. I know that it matters, but I can’t shake this aching regret.

Alec’s right: I did enjoy ending the life of a person who I know at my core was innocent, easily justified her death with empty reasons. But the thought of the man who kidnapped me—held me captive and abused me in multiple ways—the man who completely shattered everything about me and my meticulously planned life being put to death brings me overwhelming dread.

“I don’t know.” My voice is unsteady. “I don’t know why the thought of him dying brings me such sorrow and regret. But it does.”

Alec exhales a ragged breath through his nose, bathing my face in his scent. “He cannot be fixed, Ellya.” His words are accusing and cold .

He releases my hands and begins walking to the door. “I will see that you have an escort to wherever you wish to go.” His tone is distant, his shoulders tight.

Alec pushes the handle of the door down and pauses, waiting for me to stop him.

I should stop him. I’m screaming at myself internally to do so.

But I don’t.

His shoulders sag before he leaves, slamming the door hard behind him, rattling a picture free from the wall. I flinch as it shatters.

Sitting for several long minutes, I try to ease the tremor of my hands and the churning of my stomach. I hang my head in my palms and rub my eyes.

The last several days have been so blissful and filled with happiness. Today was supposed to be a special day that we had both been looking forward to, but the sweet excitement that clung to me earlier has slipped away.

I can’t even find it within myself to worry about the guards who have gone missing and the one who has gone mad. Or that Rahleigh has been seen in the city recently. But that gnash of jealousy that always accompanies her name doesn’t disappoint.

Screaming, I kick the bottom of my foot at the desk, and it shifts several feet. Cursing the Mother, I rub the bottom of my foot. The kick was sloppy and a sharp pain shoots up my arch. I limp a couple steps of penance towards the door as the pain slowly eases.

I am breaking my promise to Alec—my promise to not pull back into myself while pushing him away. I don’t know why I got so upset. Instantly, I regret my reaction. Thinking about the way Alec opened up to me so vulnerably about his brother, the pain he carries over their decimated bond now, only fuels my regret.

I rub my eyes and straighten myself before leaving .

As promised, there are a handful of guards waiting for me to exit. They bow before falling behind me as I begin to walk back to the residence. I consider finding Alec. I consider throwing that beautiful dress in the hall because my own ugliness is unworthy of the gift. I consider curling up in bed and sleeping through the celebrations; sleeping through my birthday; sleeping through it all.

Instead, my feet lead me to Nana’s chambers.

I knock, and her gentle voice gives me permission to enter. She’s packing a large trunk, folding the last stack of her trademark purple dresses before closing it and securing the straps.

“Oh, Elly.” Nana’s smile falters when she sees my expression. She pauses, brows meeting with concern. “What’s wrong?”

Plopping down on her bed, I fall back, groaning loud as I cover my face with my hands. “I’m afraid I’ve backslid into old habits today.”

She stops packing to sit next to me, grabbing my wrist and pulling my hand away from my face. “What happened?”

I inform her of my dismal conversation with Alec while she strokes my hair like she always has when I’m upset. Nana had already heard about the ordeal with Locane and his guards. She asks me if she should postpone her departure on the ship to Brhadir tomorrow. I shake my head no, telling her I’m ready to get all this moving—whether Locane is in play, or not.

Nana considers me hesitantly, and I can tell she is biting back words. “What?” I ask her impatiently.

“Does your issue with Locane’s execution have anything to do with wanting him to be in play?”

Her question takes me by surprise. “Why would I want that?”

“You have always been quite competitive. I thought perhaps you might not want him dead because the ultimate way to serve your justice would be for him to watch you achieve everything he has sacrificed his entire life for.”

I turn over her words, effectively planting harsh seeds of ruthless desire for victory.

“Now that you say it, his death would be much more satisfying if it was by my hand, as I hold everything he wanted, rather than putting a sword through him while he’s chained in irons.” I shudder and grimace. “I don’t know. For whatever reason, I don’t want it to be like that. It doesn’t feel like justice.”

Nana searches me knowingly. “Would it have been so difficult to tell Alec that instead directing your anger where it doesn’t belong?”

I stare at her pointedly. “Don’t do that, Nana. You’re going to make me feel worse.”

She laughs and pats my hand. “That’s not my intention, Elly. I just want you to feel, attempt to decipher why it is so, and express those emotions in a productive way. And this is progress. Everything was not simply fixed because your memories came back and you’re accepting Alec. Just because you are mates doesn’t mean it will always be easy. Talk to him.”

Nana resumes her packing, and I pace around her room, stopping at her staff and admiring its beauty. I reach behind me and stroke the cool metal of mine.

“Go find your mate and apologize. Just be honest with him, Elly.”

“I will. Thank you, Nana.” I hug her tight.

“I do want to say, just because Alec will forgive you doesn’t mean you should take advantage of that. You know he’s not the root of your suffering. It’s not fair to ask him to constantly bear the brunt, even if you know that he will. ”

I begrudgingly tell her that she’s right.

We say our goodbyes with some tears knowing that everything is different. Until my capture, we’ve barely spent time away from each other. It’s new and scary, but it’s also natural and right. I told her I’m not a child anymore, and with the loss of that comes a new direction and relying on new people where Nana was always the support I went to. I’m grateful for all that she has done and sacrificed for me, putting her life on hold to make sure her motherless granddaughter would never go without.

Nana was always the strong pillar in my life that I leaned on. Alec was always there, but not quite at the forefront. Through the unexpected circumstances of life, she has taken that step back. Alec and Nana’s positions in my life have both shifted, and though we all knew the day would come, I didn’t expect it to hit so deeply. An overwhelming mixture of fear, freedom, and gratitude that aches in a way that is whole, healthy, and necessary washes over me as we hold each other, knowing that our era together has come to its end.

The veil of childhood doesn’t last, and whether the change comes gradually, or all at once, we all must eventually take the step away from whatever foundations helped create us to build lives of our own.