To Scale the Emerald Mountain (The Willowbane Saga #1)

47. CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

ELLYA

I tug on the precious thread that constantly seeks to be near my mate and follow it to the door of Alec’s bedchamber, down the hall from Nana’s.

Standing at the door, I attempt to calm my jumping heart as I work up the courage to knock.

“I know that you are there, Ellya,” Alec’s deep voice calls, muffled through the door.

I loosen an anxious sigh and open the door. I have only been in his chambers a handful of times, and I take a second to glance around the room: plainer than mine, but still luxurious, decorated in vibrant shades of blues and silver. A grand bookshelf spans half of a wall and beside it sits a rack filled with weapons.

Alec has changed into his more standard attire, his crown thrown haphazardly on the bed. I walk over and pick it up, relishing the weight of the regal adornment, smiling at it.

“May I help you with something?” Alec asks distantly.

Placing the crown back down, I spin to find him watching me with hesitation, arms crossed. He’s raising walls against me. My heart feels like it’s being flattened .

I walk to him slowly, chewing my lower lip. Stopping just in front of him, I unwind his arms to take one of his hands in both of mine. He allows me, but he studies me with trepidation.

“I wanted to apologize,” I say.

Alec’s tension eases a fraction, and I stroke a thumb over the back of his hand. “I do not think I have ever heard you say that before,” he says, a corner of his full mouth rising.

I look up at him with mock offense. “I have apologized to you before!”

Alec chuckles. “You never expressly stated that it is something you want to do.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

Dropping his hand, I place mine against his chest, taking in his handsome face, his dark brows tensed, still reserved; but he places his hands on my hips and pulls me closer.

“I shouldn’t have lashed out at you. I know you have been waiting for me to voice my wishes concerning Locane, and I haven’t. I’m not angry with you for making a decision when I couldn’t.” He exhales audibly, bathing me in his relief. “I don’t know, Nana said something to me that makes sense. Having him executed while he’s chained and dampened with iron isn’t justice to me.”

“I understand, my clove. Why did you not just tell me that?”

“I’ve been having a hard time putting words to my thoughts,” I admit, and Alec squeezes my waist with reassurance.

“Do you have anything in mind for him?”

I bite my lip, unsure how to tell him the other half of Nana’s assumption. “I want him to see my victory in what he was fighting so hard for.” My voice is barely a whisper as I watch Alec’s reaction.

He pulls his head back, regarding me with confusion. “What do you mean? ”

“Nana asked me if I didn’t want to see Locane dead because I want to find my justice in beating him in this game.” Running my hands up to Alec’s face, my fingers grazing through his beard, just the feel of him beneath my hands soothing my own anxiousness. “I think I do. I want him to think that there is still a chance for him before I—the girl who he thought so fucking useless—take it all. And then I will get my vengeance.”

Alec pulls away with disbelief. “You want to let him go?”

My pulse races while I think of the fight ahead. Satisfaction tears through me at the thought of seeing Locane’s utter defeat before I rip out his heart, like he did mine.

I smile coyly. “Maybe not flat out set him free. But we know that he has recruited others. Don’t you think they will try to come for him again?”

“You want me to stand idly by if Locane makes for an escape?” Incredulity is thick in his tone and expression. “And let the royal guards appear utterly incompetent?”

I shrug. “He almost got out today. You said yourself the previous guards were powerful, and they were incompetent. It’s not known that you have your brother imprisoned. No one has to know when he gets out.”

“Ellya, he is dangerous,” Alec states seriously.

“I know he’s dangerous.”

“What if he tried to take you again?” Fear laces his words, and he pulls me against him.

“He won’t. He can’t. I fought him even when I was caught off guard. I’m prepared now.” I give Alec a wicked grin. “And also far more powerful. ”

Alec’s grip on me tightens. “If we let Locane go, he could reach the next gem long before we do. He has devoted his life to this search.”

I know that it’s a gamble, that Alec makes a fair point. Still, warring emotions claw at my chest, and I stand firm that this may be a way to quell both mine and Alec’s anguish regarding his brother. Alec clearly doesn’t want to be the one to kill him, and I very much do.

“I know,” I whisper, running my hands up his shoulders. “But he wasn’t able to locate the emerald—a gem he had already encountered. How much progress could he have truly made in the quest?”

He shakes his head. “This is insane.”

“All of this is insane,” I counter before reaching up on my toes to briefly meet my lips with his.

Alec pulls me closer, breathing me in. “If something happened to you…” he starts desperately, but I hold up a hand to stop him.

“Something could happen to me anyway. And if it does, then I will wait for you to join me in true death.” I smile at him reassuringly.

Alec doesn’t look reassured; instead, he scowls. “Do not say that. My psyche cannot handle thoughts of your death right now. I have tortured myself far too much already. But I must offer you an apology, as well, my clove,” he murmurs against my mouth. “For being harsh with you. And I admit, I have been experiencing insecurities these last weeks that are new to me and often send my mind wandering to less than desirable places. I apologize for doubting your reasons for not wanting him executed.”

“Insecurities?” I ask surprised .

Alec gives me a timid dip of his head. “Rejection is a concept I am not wholly familiar with.”

“And you say I’m a brat,” I tell him playfully.

Even though Alec didn’t watch our moment of intimacy, he did see the toxic relationship that Locane and I built. All the banter and subtle affectionate touches, as well as the heated arguments. But they were never fueled by real passion, and the intimacies that were developed were based on the familiarity of Alec that I found in Locane. All of it stemmed from what I was desperately, unknowingly searching for in my mate.

“I know what you saw, what the guards saw when they found us on the docks. You know it wasn’t real, Alec,” I tell him soothingly, stroking his arms. “I told you when I was twelve that you are the only one I will ever love. That’s still true.”

“I know,” he sighs heavily. “At least right now I do, but I have not yet reached a point where my mind no longer wanders to those dark places of uncertainty. When you were so adamant about your rejection of me, an irrational part of me feared that perhaps he had somehow captured your heart.”

“There’s only you. There will only ever be you. I’m sorry for making you doubt that.”

We smile at each other before my face breaks into a wide grin. Alec’s lips tilt up further at the sight. “The dress,” I say simply, having forgotten about it completely during the events of the morning.

“Do you like it?” He gathers my hair in his fist, pulling at the nape of my neck to force me to look up at him further.

“It’s perfect. Something I would have chosen myself. ”

He smiles confidently. “That is because I know you intimately. You may need help getting into it. Unfortunately, Cescily has already claimed the honor.”

I give Alec a flirtatious smile and raise a brow. “I guess that means I will need help getting out of it, too?” Another gentle tug on my hair accompanied by a cocky smirk, making my thighs clench. He glances down in their direction, knowing the response he’s getting. “Always so presumptuous,” I tell him.

“Again, hopeful.”

Pulling away from him, I pick up the golden crown from his bed, placing it on my head. It’s large and slips down to the middle of my forehead, squishing against my ears.

Alec lets out a booming laugh at the sight. “Do not worry, my clove, the ones meant for you are much more comfortable.”

“I’ve only seen you wear this once before today.” I remove the crown from my head and place it on the bedside table.

“Yes. You know I always tried to conduct official business before you came, so as not to coincide with our time together. You were very young, and back then I thought we would have plenty of time for you to join and aid me in royal affairs.”

Stroking the crown, my fingers slide against the cool metal. “It suits you, by the way.” I look at him earnestly, trying to convey the mixed meaning of my words. Not only that the crown itself is becoming of him, but he is well suited for the role it represents.

“I know.” Alec gives me a sad smile. “And you will be a fantastic queen.”

“I will be the best queen Quinndohs has ever seen,” I tell him confidently. “I was created specifically for the role, after all.”

He laughs and agrees.

“You said you had a lot to do today. Am I keeping you?” I ask .

Alec grabs my hand and hooks it in his arm, leading us out of his bedchamber.

“I suppose not. Not if I no longer must have extensive meetings with city watch about strategies for finding the missing guards and Rahleigh.” I smile at him, surprised at the ease with which he’s agreeing to relaxing Locane’s security. “Although, we do need to meet with the captain to inform him of the change of plans and let him know to loosen security measures.”

“What will you tell him?” I ask.

“I will tell him some version of the truth. That you wish to let Locane believe he has escaped before you hunt him down and kill him yourself.”

It does seem like poetic justice that Locane will be fleeing from an actual dungeon cell similar to the one he made me believe I was in. Really the only prison I ever knew was with him.

“That makes me sound quite bloodthirsty, my king.”

Alec chuckles. “You are quite bloodthirsty.”

After a conversation with the very confused general and a group of guards with specific instructions to not intervene with any escape attempts, Alec personally utters incantations just outside of the steel door to lessen the wards on Locane’s cell. When he’s finished, we change and go out to the courtyard.

Alec sets up a large cushion, big enough for both of us. We spend the day swimming and lazing around the pool. He feeds me green apple slices soaked in spiced brandy, and we watch servants preparing the garden for the evening’s celebrations.

I hum happily. “Is this what my life as Queen of Quinndohs will be like?”

Alec laughs and kisses my sun soaked shoulder. “Sometimes. ”

The sprawling gardens have been decorated for the occasion with giant silk lanterns painted as brightly colored skulls, endless candles of various sizes, and vibrant flowers in shades of orange, yellow, pink, and red. A long dining table large enough to seat fifty people is being set with an old porcelain set, ancient and worn but it screams of wealth and quality.

Behind the head of the table—where Alec will sit—is an altar.

The altar is made of a large mirror in a carved ebony frame. It seems to emit a strange energy, like a portal into another world. The smooth surface is riddled with dark spots, oxidized with age. A group of servants is delicately unrolling a bolt of shimmery black lace while two more place a copper pot on the altar. I’m watching them in awe. The setting is coming together so beautifully in front of my eyes, painting a picture of vitality and death at once.

I lay on my stomach next to the pool, one arm dipped in, and swirl my hand back and forth through the warm water. Alec lazes next to me, his fingers tracing along my back. I can feel his eyes on me as I take it all in, watching me as intently as I watch the servants work.

“What is the lace for?” I ask.

He picks another apple slice out of the bowl with a small golden fork, taking a bite before offering me the rest. The flesh of the crisp apple explodes in my mouth with sweet, spicy, and bitter flavors all mixing in harmony.

“That lace is said to have been cut from the shroud of the Lady of Death and will be draped over the surface of the mirror, thinning the veil between the living and the dead further. It will be fused to the surface with a very specific solution, imbued with incantations to only allow calm and restful spirits to pass. We will light our candles and place the items of our lost loved ones on the altar, allowing us to be close to them again this one night of the year.”

“That’s beautiful.”

“Yes, it is. I understand if the notion of eating and participating in such an intimate ceremony with the whole family is still too much for you right now,” Alec nibbles my shoulder affectionately. “But I will be attending.”

I pull my hand out of the water, lay my swimming head on top of my wet arm, and smile sleepily at him. Maybe it’s the alcohol from the soaked fruit, maybe it’s the warmth from the sun or the glorious man running his fingers over my skin. Maybe it’s the beginning of finding my peace again. Whatever it is, I smile at him and say, “If you’re going, then so am I.”

Alec’s whole aura lights up with the simple statement. “You would join me?”

“Of course, I’ll join you.” I gesture to the garden and the decorations coming along. “How could I ever resist seeing this in all its glory?”

He chuckles. “And here I thought that you were doing this for me.”

“When do I ever do anything that isn’t for myself?” I quip, and he laughs.

“Do not sell yourself so short, Ellya. You can be very giving.”

Alec strokes his fingers from my tailbone, straight up my spine in a slow pass. The tips of his fingers ghost over the surface of my skin, making my flesh pebble with the whisper of his touch. I shudder hard while his dark eyes soak me in.

“Are your expectations of my touch aligning with reality?” he asks me darkly .

“It’s better,” I sigh. “And that was very much for my pleasure, so you are making a terrible point.”

“Hmm,” Alec hums thoughtfully. “I disagree. And I have no doubt that you will eventually help make my point for me.” He cups my ass before slapping it, making me yelp.

I roll over with the intention of launching an attack, but I’m caught off guard by Alec’s expression. His sensual playfulness is gone. He looks down on me with such intensity and reverence shining bright in his brown eyes, all my previous thoughts fade away as I return his deep gaze.

Alec brushes a knuckle down my cheek.

“Are you aware of how much I love you, Ellya?” It comes out as a question but it’s more of a declaration. The memory of him saying those words to me after I said that I hated him rings through my head like a cannon blast, screaming my mistakes.

Of course, I never hated him. I hated everything that was churning horribly inside of me. I hated that the veil of innocence was ripped from me so gruesomely and unfairly. I hated my guilt and shame that I carried from my actions and interactions, even if I was coerced. I hated that I was unable to accept that I was not at fault and was only a victim to a greed filled man.

I hated the thought of being a victim.

If I was, what did that say about me? What did that say about the strength I always thought that I carried? I hated how I was unable to face and admit to how badly I was hurt, broken, and lost. I was afraid that admittance would shatter everything I held in regard to myself; my qualities that I was most proud of.

But Nana was right. Those qualities are not something that can be given, or taken, by anyone. The desperate measures taken by a desperate man speak nothing of my character but of his .

While I did hate the resemblance between Alec and Locane, that was never really the problem. I hated more so the self-loathing that was born from Locane’s abuse, the self-loathing that made me believe I wasn’t deserving of the love and support Alec so desperately wanted to give me. No matter my actions, or anyone else’s, I deserve the love of those around me.

I deserve to love myself, no less than I did before I was stolen in the night.

Stroking Alec’s face with a tender hand, I smile at him. “Yes. And I love you.”

We continue to stare at each other, lost in the comfort of breathing life into words we have always known—that we have said before—making them more real than they ever have been. I study the small drops of water still collected in Alec’s thick lashes and how they refract the light of the sun, making his brown irises shine.

The deep magic living within my chest seems to purr and grow brighter, soft tendrils of light reaching towards him. I inhale deep, taking in his heady masculine scent and a shiver runs up my spine with the overwhelming intoxication of it, making my mouth water.

Alec’s gaze doesn’t break when he speaks directly into my mind for the first time. I am yours, Ellya.

My cheeks blush with his hidden meaning, reminding me that what we are and what we have will be so much more.

All I have to do is reach out and take it.