Twisted Deceit (Deceit #3)

Chapter 24

“Nope. Back to bed you go,” Dawn made a hand motion, shooing me away.

All she had to do was give me one look, and knew instantly I wasn’t well. My throat was on fire, my head was pounding with my heartbeat, and my entire body ached.

I couldn’t remember the last time I was sick, or at least sick enough to be sent back to bed. There weren’t many times I was told to stay in bed, even when I had a cold or the flu. Most of the time, the clients never cared, as long as I didn’t puke on them. But sometimes, that’s exactly what they wanted. A few men wanted me to puke my guts out while shoving their cock down my throat.

“Go on. I’ll bring you some warm tea with honey and meds.”

It took a moment to get my feet to move from where they were glued to the floor between the hallway and the kitchen.

I had planned to wait in the bedroom for Dawn to go into work before making my way down here, but my burning throat felt raw. I had hoped to just grab a cold bottle of water and sneak back to bed without her noticing.

Apparently, I had no such luck.

Swallowing, then grimacing as fire rained down over my throat, I got my feet to move.

I didn’t bother to close the door, instead shuffling to the bed and crawling back under the warm blankets that did little to help heat my shivering body.

It took effort to keep my body still and teeth from chattering together as I found a comfortable position in bed. Before I had gone downstairs, I had been in the perfect place, curled up and warm. Now, the bed wasn’t as soft or warm.

Huffing, I gave up, and just laid how I was with my knees pulled up against my stomach as I laid on a side.

It didn’t take too long for Dawn to come up, her shoes clicking against wooden floorboards.

Having gotten used to wearing glasses, I had to squint to see her as she entered my room.

“Cold water and meds.” She handed them over to me before sitting a cup of steaming tea on my bedside table. As I took two red pills, the cold water giving me a tiny brief bit of relief, Dawn moved a few things around in my room. She brought the computer chair next to the bed. Put a trash can and a box of Kleenex in reach, then made sure my tablet was in reach along with all the cords I’d possibly need.

“Give the tea a few minutes to cool off. I added some honey to it, which will coat your throat.”

I signed ‘thank you’ to her, forcing my body to sit up against the headboard.

“No chores. No cleaning. You are to rest for the entire day.”

I dipped my chin, half hating the idea of me being lazy and halfway thankful that she took it all out of my hands.

Dawn knew me too well. I knew I wouldn’t get in trouble for helping with tasks around the house, but at the same time, I always felt like I had to do something. She was doing so much for me. It was all I had to offer in return.

“Jasper will stop in later to check on you, since I have a meeting I really can’t cancel on. Or I would.”

I shot her a look that I hoped she understood. I’d be fine on my own. I wasn’t dying, even though my brain was trying to tell me that I was.

It was just a simple cold. Or something. I’d be fine.

“It’s for my peace of mind, Koda. He’ll just pop in, make sure you’re resting and then leave you alone. He has to work later today, so he won’t stay long.”

I huffed, knowing I didn’t have the energy to talk her out of it. Because I would be fine. I didn’t need a sitter, or someone to come check on me.

Most likely, I’d be asleep or pretending to be when Jasper came to check on me. As long as he didn’t touch me, I’d deal with it.

“I’ll be back shortly after one, with some chicken noodle soup.” Dawn touched my forehead, wrinkling her own at how warm I was to the touch. “Text me if you need anything though. Actually, when I get back downstairs, I’ll send you Jasper’s number, since he’s closer right now.”

I wouldn’t text either of them. But I blinked at Dawn to let her know I was at least listening to her. Kinda.

After a few more dragged-out minutes, Dawn finally left, leaving the bedroom door open in her wake.

I wasn’t sure why she was so worried. I would be fine. It wasn’t the first time, nor the last, to have a fever or sore throat. Or anything else, for that matter.

I really had been lucky through everything that I wasn’t sicker than I was. I was usually the one of the few that didn’t catch whatever germ that was going around.

It took too much work to reach for the tea, so I laid down in bed, finding a position that had my head propped up enough to hopefully get my running nose to stop leaking.

I blinked, each time my eyes fighting to reopen. Soon, my eyelids stayed closed and sleep clung to the brink of a cliff. My body slowly relaxed as much as I could through the shivers that wracked my form.

But as sleep pulled me under, the dreams of things I wanted to never remember made a reappearance. It all felt as real as it had the first time I lived through it.

The slashing pain against my back.

The stabbing pain from inside as things were shoved in a place I didn’t want.

The forced vomiting as fingers reached my gag reflex.

The forced haircuts and cold showers.

The starving moments where hunger literally crawled from my insides, eating me from within.

The words that were shouted at me just because I didn’t talk.

The hits because I couldn’t stop crying.

Everything crashed into my mind on a repeating loop of the worst moments of everything. The things I thought were buried deep in my brain, to never return.

I didn’t want that life, and I never would.

I never wanted hands to touch me in such ways again.

If it did happen, I wouldn’t survive it a second time.

“Koda?”

I jerked, a small yelp passing my lips as I scrambled to sit on the bed, sweating and shivering and crying all at once.

My breath was hard to catch, each pass of air burning my throat as I wheezed.

The tears rolling down my cheeks made it impossible to see a single thing as I fought for something. I wasn’t sure what I was fighting for anymore, not as the past kept coming at me. Over and over. Even as my heart threatened to explode in my chest. Even as my brain felt like there was a jackhammer. And even as my stomach rolled as panic ran me over like a freight train.

I coughed, cried, and prayed all at once.

I wasn’t a praying type of person, but I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t.

“Shit.”

The voice wasn’t helpful. It wasn’t Dawn, and that alone was causing more fear to curse through my veins.

I rocked back and forth, banging my back against the headboard as I gasped for breath. My lungs cried out for air. My throat burned anew. My head thumped worse and worse as the seconds ticked by.

Can’t do this. Can’t survive it again. Please. Make it stop.

“Koda? Honey? I need you to take a deep breath for me, okay? Just breathe. Can you do that?”

Hell no, I couldn’t .

I whimpered, which didn’t help my breathing one bit.

I had nowhere I could run to. I had no hope of coming out on the other side of this stronger. I’d be torn into pieces again by yet another male who only wanted every inch of me.

Pressing my forehead to my knees, tears instantly caused me to choke against them as they, along with snot, slid down my throat.

“Fuck.”Another cuss word fell from the man as I gagged.

I barely turned my head in time to expel whatever I had in me so it didn’t land in my lap. Instead, it made a splattering noise into a plastic can that whoever was here with me held to catch it all.

When there was nothing left in me, I leaned fully back against the headboard, panting and crying.

For once in my life, I wanted Dawn. I wanted her arms wrapped around me and her voice telling me that everything would be okay. That the monsters couldn’t come get me.

Instead, I was back in a hell I didn’t want to be in.

“At least you’re breathing now,” the male muttered. Then just slightly louder but still quiet like I was a bomb to be set off, he spoke more words that took too long to get through my brain.“I’ll be right back with a cool wash rag so you can clean your face off. And maybe a new shirt.” By the time the words registered, he was gone.

My shoulders slumped, defeat filling the hollow places of my soul.

Why was it always when I was already down, low and at the mercy of whatever was going on, when the monsters attacked me the most?

I sniffed, getting a whiff of the bile that was in fact, covering part of my face and my shirt.

Knowing a shower would be the best option, but having no strength or will for doing so, I pulled my shirt off over my head. Maybe if I was disgusting enough, no man would ever want to touch me with a ten-foot pole.

“I guess that’s one way to get cleaned up,” the male mumbled, more to himself than me. “Not what I was aiming for.” There was a pause as he stepped closer, his steps careful and slow. “Can you manage to wash your face off?”

I glared in his direction. There was no way any part of my body was moving on its own right now. Every part of me was dead weight as my heart slowly slowed.

A part of me, a major part, was done. That part of my brain knew to go into survival mode, to let whatever happen, happen. Whatever was about to happen, there was no point in fighting against.

I was done.

“Alright,” the man sighed. I could already feel the disappointment in my lack of trying to fill the room. All that did was make another round of tears appear and my chin wobbled.

I want Dawn.

“I’m going to clean you up, okay Koda?”

Just let me die, I thought, but didn’t move a single muscle as the man came closer. The bed dipped as he took a seat on the edge, before repeating his words.

I jerked as a cool cloth touched my face. The touch was gentle but just enough to wipe away the bile, snot and tears. My eyes slid closed as I held my breath for whatever was to come next.

“Breathe, honey.”

I shook my head, even though a breath ghosted through my parted lips.

My chest hurt as I fought with my lungs again.

“All done. I’ll be right back. Drink a few sips of water, okay?”

The cold bottle of water was pressed into one of my hands. But my hands shook too much, I wasn’t even going to try to do anything but stay right where my arms were.

“Drink, Koda.”

At the order, I got my arm to lift the bottle to my lips. I managed to take a couple of sips before giving up. The bottle almost fell from my grasp, but the man was there, quickly taking it away.

He said something again, then was gone. And with him, the rest of my energy that I was hanging onto.

I thought I had given up before. Many times. But this time, I really was.

I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t live through pain and torture or mind games ever again.

Three, almost four years of freedom had now been washed down the drain. I’d never get to taste the sweet taste of life again. I wouldn’t get to see the sun rise or set in an array of colors.

I knew that death wouldn’t be peaceful for me. And I wasn’t going to die today, but I would soon. If another man used me the way I’ve been handled before, I didn’t want to live anymore.

Somehow, I found enough energy to lay down, head propped up on the pillows and a blanket tucked up to my chin. My eyes wouldn’t stay open, and shivers wracked my body every few seconds.

I debated on sending a text to Dawn, just to ask her to come home. Maybe if she were here, then no man, no monster could touch me. But at the same time, I couldn’t be more of a bother to her. She’d already done so much for me.

I wasn’t a baby. But I felt like today was the last time I’d ever get to see her. Whatever the male in the house wanted from me, would be the end of me trying to keep living on like I currently was.

I jerked, eyes flashing open when a cold washcloth was laid across my forehead.

“Sorry. Thought you heard me come back in.”

All I could do was lay there, staring at the gray covered torso that stood right by the bed.

“Koda?” The man moved, maybe kneeling or something, to where his face was in better view. He was still blurry, but I knew those eyes, kinda. They were soft, open and worried. “Hi there.”

Was this the time he’d break me apart?

“I’m not sure if your fever is high because you’re sick, or because you were having an attack.”

An attack?

He spoke slowly enough I could kind of follow along.

“I called Dawn. She can’t get home just yet, but if it’s okay, I’ll hang out here for a bit until she does?”

All I could do was blink.

“She wants you to take one of the anti-anxiety meds. Can you do that?”

Well, at least that’d help my brain get through whatever he was going to do to me.

I nodded once.

“Good. And a couple more pain relievers. Can you do that for me?”

One more small nod.

“I found a straw, so you don’t have to sit up,” he went on, pulling out the two meds from a small cup I hadn’t noticed.

I didn’t fight him against the three pills, but my throat flamed to life as I swallowed them without enough water. Once more, my eyes began to water.

“I know, you feel awful, don’t you?”At that, tears trickled out of the corner of my eyes. “I’m really sorry for scaring you earlier. That hadn’t been my intention. But you were thrashing around and I didn’t think about how you’d react if I touched you.”

I closed my eyes, hoping the meds would kick in quicker if I willed them to.

“Is it okay if I just sit over there in the corner and keep an eye on you for a bit? Dawn said that the meds would make you sleep, but I don’t feel comfortable just leaving you like that. Not after…well after I freaked you out so bad.”

I peeled a single eye open at him, not sure why he was asking me what he could do. Wasn’t he going to take what he wanted from me anyways?

“I won’t watch you in a creepy way,” he went on. “Promise. I…” he shifted, running a hand through his hair. “I’m worried about you. “

Oh. I’d be fine. Better if he just left.

“I won’t touch you again like I did before. I promise.”

Why did he seem so truthful about that? No one had been before.

“Alright,” he sighed, running a hand down his face this time. “I’m going to sit over there in the corner where you have the chair, and you will rest. If you need me, clap or something. If I leave while you’re sleeping, I’ll put your phone in reach for you on the bed.”

My one eye I had peeked open closed, my brain and body content enough with that option.

“I promise I won’t touch you.” He repeated, stepping backwards.

Only time would tell if he was telling the truth.

I listened as he moved towards the chair in the corner, the one I didn’t sit in all that often. The few times I sat in the chair, it was comfortable enough, and wide enough I could fold my legs up.

“This chair didn’t look as comfortable as it is,” Jasper muttered loud enough for me to hear. Like he wanted to make sure that I knew he was for sure over in the corner.“I’ll stop talking now.”

Actually, I almost didn’t mind now that the meds were starting to work. Knowing I wasn’t alone as my body shook under the blanket helped soothe my ruined mind. As long as he was talking, I knew where he was.

As the seconds ticked by, my heart slowed back to its normal rhythm. My mind went from sluggish fearful thoughts to sluggish nothingness. My thoughts were still there, but weakly. My sore body relaxed against the mattress finally.

I don’t know how long I dozed, because it didn’t feel like it was a full deep sleep. I heard every movement Jasper made. I heard every shift and worried sigh. I even heard the few birds chirping outside.

Thankfully, I didn’t jerk as Jasper’s phone rang. He was quick to answer, his voice low.

“Hey Dawn.” A pause. “Settled now, but still feverish.” Another pause. “No worries. I already called in, so I can stay as long as needed.” Another pause. “Don’t worry about…. mmm….yep. See you later.”