Twisted Deceit (Deceit #3)

Chapter 31

Dr. Shaw wanted me to push myself, but I didn’t see anything good coming of doing so. All that would do would set me into panic.

It wouldn’t matter how many times I tried to speak with real words anywhere but with a select few people, my heart would pound too quickly in my chest and I’d freeze up. I didn’t see it changing any time soon.

It didn’t help matters that I chose the place to try, either. The coffee shop was fuller than the Sunday before, and I already regretted picking this place today. I had thought that it’d be easy and quiet, since there was only one other time that it’d been busy.

“You got this,” Dawn spoke low enough that only I could hear.

No, I really didn’t. My heart was already pounding a mile a minute in my chest.

“You know the plan, Koda. You can do this.”

Right. The plan. Dr. Shaw and Dawn both knew I wouldn’t be able to get words to work with me, but there were other ways to tell the server my order. Many ways, really.

With that thought, I forced my feet to lead us to the counter. It took all my focus to ignore the large group towards the right of us, even when laughter caused me to jerk and nearly trip over my feet.

Dawn easily gave her order, which gave me time to get my hands to work with me. I almost dropped my phone while pulling up the notepad app, where I already had my order typed out.

With shaking hands, I turned the device to where the lady could see the words.

She repeated the order, and Dawn confirmed for me, before paying for both of our drinks.

I really did it. Without panicking. Well, more than normal, anyhow.

I flashed a bright smile at Dawn, feeling warmth at achieving something I was so sure I’d fail at.

I freaking did it.

“Told you that you’d get it,” Dawn said, pleased just as much as I was. “You don’t need to doubt your abilities, kiddo.”

I shrugged, taking a seat and waiting for the drinks to be made. Dawn would at least grab the drinks.

“Well, that’s a nice smile.” Jasper helped himself to sit across from me, arms folded on top of the table. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, showing off tattoos my fingers wanted to trace. “I have to wonder why I haven’t seen it before.”

“I ordered my drink.” The words were out before I even thought of them. But once the last word passed my lips, I clamped my lips tightly together.

“That’s amazing.” A smile spread across his own face. “That’s a great reason to be proud of yourself.”

I really was.

I didn’t know something so simple to achieve could make me feel so…happy.

“Hello Jasper.” Dawn sat my drink in front of me before she took a seat beside me, as if it was every day that we met the man here.

“Hey. So…Koda ordered his own drink. What is it?”

I looked at Dawn, hoping she’d answer for me.

“I’m not answering that.”

I huffed, looking down at the drink and wrapping my fingers around it, feeling the warmth seep into me.

“White…. chocolate….mocha.”

“I figured you’d go for something more on the sweeter side, but that’s a good one for a cold day.” Jasper didn’t miss a beat, not drawing attention to the fact that I talked to him twice.

Holy cow.

I glanced up at him wide eyed, then towards Dawn.

My heart was beating too quickly again. I wasn’t sure if it was from bravery or from the worry that was starting to seep in.

“Hey, look at me,” Jasper got my attention, leaning a bit more over the table. The table wasn’t all that big to begin with. “You’re okay, Koda. Take a deep breath. Yeah, just like that.”

I gasped in a breath, feeling way better all of a sudden as the panic ebbed away. Or maybe it's just him.

“Two big things happened, and you survived. You didn’t die. You didn’t panic. You ordered your own drink, and then you talked to me for the first time ever. I think that deserves a reward, don’t you?”

I tilted my head. Reward?

“Jasper…” Dawn warned, unsure almost.

“Nothing rated R. Promise,” he turned his gaze back to me. “A movie night maybe? Dawn’s welcome. Grams would love extra company. Some popcorn even. Candy, too.”

A movie?

I squinted.

“There was a new movie that came out that I’d like to see.” He named the movie, one that didn’t ring any bells. So, I could just shrug. “Think about it, okay. If not, I’ll just…get you another bear.”

At that, I perked up, then blushed. I wasn’t a dog who wanted a treat.

“I think I got my answer,” Jasper laughed lightly, sitting back in his chair. His eyes went over the top of my head before he waved at someone over there.

I was tempted to turn and look, but last time there was a group over there, I saw ghosts that I knew weren’t really there.

“My friends are going to wonder who you are,” he went on, this time putting his arms a bit further up on the table, and close to me. “Wanna come meet them?”

Uh, no. I shook my head too quickly.

“Figured. Maybe someday. My friends won’t hurt you, and one or two may make their way over here to say hello since I’ll have to explain to them who you are.” He winked, causing me to blush ten shades of red again. “I’ll leave you two to enjoy your drinks then.”

I watched as he stood. When he was right beside me, he leaned down so only I could hear, “I’ll bring your reward later today.”

“Okay.” I squeaked.

He gave me another one of those smiles that I wasn’t sure how to take before he went back to his group of friends. Left in his wake, I felt too many eyes on me and cold at the same time. And my stomach was full of butterflies.

Glancing over my shoulder, and more towards Dawn, I watched a few of Jasper’s friends talk to him and point in my direction.

“We can leave,” Dawn drew my attention. I shook my head. I knew none of them could hurt me here. I was eighty percent sure that Jasper wouldn’t let them do anything anyways. “Alright.”

I had to force my gaze away, although I’d have liked nothing better than to watch Jasper. Lately, it seemed that’s exactly what I wanted to do if he was in the same area.

Cleaning Mrs. Lee’s house once a week at least gave me enough time to do that. It may have started to take me a bit longer on Saturdays to clean her house when Jasper was there. And it may be possible that I chose that day just so I could see him.

Crap.

Today wasn’t a day to figure out three things. Two was more than enough.

“What’s wrong?”

I took a deep breath, then huffed. Would she even understand? Because I didn’t. I felt like I was losing my mind all of a sudden. It was turning to mush.

“Jasper….he’s…. I like him. And….I shouldn’t. I’m…. broken. I can’t…. gah.” I slapped both hands on my face, hiding my frustration. I was a mess and there was no hope for that to be fixed.

“It's perfectly normal to like someone,” she said after a moment. “He’s a good friend. A safe one who won’t put you into a position to make you panic or freak out.”

“More than….” I blindly waved a hand in the air before forcing myself to sit up and wrap my hands around the warm mug before me. Maybe my drink could have all the answers.

“I see….” There was a long pause before she went on. “I think that’s normal. And okay. I don’t see Jasper hurting you there either. But he’s…I want to think that he doesn’t see you that way.”

Oh, that I knew. But it didn’t help my issue.

“I think it’s normal to have a crush on someone. It means your mind is healing. And Jasper feels like a safe person to let the emotions simmer towards. He’s great with you, so I can see why he’d be the one your brain latches onto.” Another pause. “I never thought I’d have to have this sort of talk.”

I cracked a smile, feeling the same way. I never once thought I’d feel this way towards anyone. And it’d most likely disappear. Because I knew without a doubt Jasper would never see me that way.

“Hello!” I jerked, some of the warm liquid splashing over the rim of the cup. “You’re Jasper’s Koda!”

I blinked. Jasper’s Koda?

“I’m Noah. Jasper told me you won’t shake my hand. Or talk. And if I were to come over here, I had to promise to keep my hands all to myself. But does he know how impossible that is? Because I just wanna hug you and never let you. You’re so cute. I love your glasses.”

Uh…I had no thoughts as he rambled. His hair was a bit crazy, like he had just rolled out of bed to get here on time. But what was surprising was that he wasn’t very tall. Maybe a couple inches taller than I was.

“Sir Jasper didn’t tell us much, which is so unfair. But he left us to come sit with you, so you must be important to him. So that just means you’ll be my friend. Asher says I’m like a leech, but Daddy says it’s just my personality. And no one can fault me for being me.” He tipped onto his tiptoes, then went flat again.

“I’m sure Jasper told you that Koda isn’t in that lifestyle right now,” Dawn thankfully took charge, but her voice was calm like it was an everyday occurrence to meet someone like this. Maybe for her, it was. What did I know?

“Yes.” Noah pouted a long second before he switched to all smiles again. “Which is fine. I can still have friends that aren’t like me. But I like to cuddle. Do you like to cuddle, Koda? I’m the best at it. Daddy says so. But Asher complains when I take over the bed sometimes. But that’s because we need a bigger bed.”

Did this boy ever breathe?

But then my mind latched onto the name. Asher.

“…Daddy couldn’t come today, and Asher had to work so I came by myself. But I really wish one could have come through.”

I tapped Dawn’s arm, then spelt out Asher’s name with my fingers.

“Who’s Asher?”

“He’s my bestest friend ever,” Noah gushed, his eyes turning dreamy. “I love him. He used to be super sad, but I made him happy. I wasn't thrilled about it at first. But I didn’t give up.” He patted his pockets, looking for something. When he found his phone, he quickly turned the screen our way.

“That’s my Ashie. And Daddy is on my other screen. See?” He clicked, showing himself and another man who was older on the screen staring back at me.

I tapped Dawn’s hand again, then pointed at the phone, and in turn Noah.

“Do you know Ashie? He doesn’t talk about people who I knew before I met him much. Which is perfectly fine. I don’t push. Those people in his past aren’t nice. They hurt him. Lots. Maybe he’ll remember you. I’ll tell him all about you anyways.”

I highly doubted he’d remember me, even though I remembered him. The picture of Asher showed him years older than when I met him, but I’d know that face anywhere.

At least I didn’t feel crazy for seeing him that one time.

“I highly doubt your …. Uh… friends would remember Koda. He’s never talked or given out his name to anyone until I found him.”

Wait….I held out nine fingers. I was a number. Maybe Asher would remember that. Or maybe not.

“Nine?” I nodded, then pointed at the phone that had a black screen now. “Okay? I’ll…pass the number to him. And your name. Who knows. But…oh. Hi Jasper!”

“Hey, little one,” Jasper came behind Noah, easily pulling him into a side hug. “Time to come back to the group.”

“Oh, okay,” Noah sighed, like he’d rather talk my ear off for hours on end. “If Ashie knows you, I’ll tell him to talk to your Jasper.”

Jasper cleared his throat. “No one has to do what you want them to do, Noah.”

“But he was asking about him. It’s the right thing to do.”

Jasper looked between me, then to Noah, then to Dawn. I wasn’t sure what Dawn’s look was, but he seemed to accept the answer of the boy who was halfway cuddled against his side.

“Asher….well if he knows you, please don’t expect him to reach out. Okay. He’s done well with healing from his past, and I’m not sure he’ll want to draw up that again.”

I dipped my chin, not having thought of that. I just wanted to know that he was okay. That I wasn’t crazy. That…well…I don’t know.

“I think knowing a past…friend…is doing well in life will be okay. If the kid doesn’t want to reach out, Koda will understand. They will run into one another if fate decides.”

Leave it to Dawn to be the wise one.

“He is doing good. He has two amazing people who make sure he’s very well taken care of. And a great family who adopted him as a teenager,” Jasper said, giving me just enough information to settle the worry inside me. “I want to think he’s happy and content with his life right now.”

“Oh!” Noah barged right back in, bouncing like he just couldn’t stay still. “What if we take a picture of you? Asher then will have to see you.”

At that, I shook my head. All the times I had my picture taken, bad things happened. I didn’t want my face out there, in any shape, way or form.

“Security reasons, Koda can’t have his pictures out in the world. I don’t think you’d post them to social media or anything, but there’s men out there that want to harm him.” Dawn easily saved me, and my quickly rising panic easily.

“Oh.” Noah was a tad upset. “Ashie won’t ever let me share pictures to the web. He’ll have Daddy-“

“Alright,” Jasper cut Noah off. “Shall we let Koda enjoy his drink now.”

Noah sighed, like he debated about joining me for a moment before he nodded. Not happily, I might add.