Twisted Deceit (Deceit #3)

Chapter 30

Winter hit hard and fast this year. One day, the weather was perfectly warm, and the next, there was an inch of snow covering the ground.

My dislike for the white powdered stuff hadn’t changed. I didn’t like the cold, as it wormed its way into my bones and never left.

All I wanted to do was stay under the covers and hide away from the world, but I had plans.

Mrs. Lee’s upstairs had been finished and cleaned out of clutter, which meant it was time to deep clean as much as I possibly could. The carpets would be professionally cleaned, but the rest was left up to me.

At least the bedrooms didn’t take as much work as the other parts of the house. Only dust and cobwebs covered the walls, and those were easy enough to clean and make it smell fresh and clean once again.

I knew that Jasper had plans to start painting the spare bedrooms this weekend, and I wanted to have the cleaning done before then.

Pulling myself from the warm bed, I wished I could just stay there.

“I’ll be back,” I told my covers, like they could hear me. Maybe if they could, they’d talk back and tell me to just stay home and hide away from the yucky weather outside.

I rolled my eyes. I was being dumb. A little snow and cold wasn’t going to hurt me. I survived worse.

It didn’t take long to dress in a long-sleeved shirt and toss on a coat and snow boots. I made sure to eat a piece of toast before heading out across the yard to the house next door.

Jasper’s car was still parked, which was surprising. Usually, he was gone by the time I got up and going, even though it wasn’t all that late.

I knocked on the back door before entering. Mrs. Lee had told me to just come in, saying I was family and I didn’t have to knock. It still felt weird to walk into a house that wasn’t my own, even after weeks of cleaning for her.

“Morning, Koda, dear.” She greeted me from her usual spot at the table.

“’Orning.” I muttered, taking off my coat and hanging it on a hook.

“Sure, you talk to her but won’t utter a word to me yet? I feel wounded.” Jasper pasted a fake hurt look on his face, hand to his chest and everything.

I lifted a shoulder, fighting a smile that wanted to tug at the corner of my lips.

I wanted to talk to him. The words were right there on the tip of my tongue. But lately, my brain overthought it all when it came to Jasper. My words wouldn’t work for me. But he sometimes caught me talking to Mrs. Lee and Dawn without my knowing. The times I knew he was there, I’d clam up and feel awkward. Embarrassed even.

Surely Jasper knew I had a crush on him at this point. Why else would I act so stupid in front of him? Forgetting how to speak. Dropping stuff when he spoke to me and I didn’t know he was there. Being a klutz once in a while, too.

I didn’t have that problem with Trace. Ever. Although I didn’t speak to him either, I didn’t make a fool of myself then.

Now, Jasper always outrageously pretended to be hurt when I didn’t talk to him. He never once seemed to truly be bothered by the fact that I couldn’t get my voice to work. Which, maybe, was helping.

“I made you some cappuccino.” Jasper tilted his head towards the thermos that was sitting on the counter, steam billowing up from the top and the lid off to the side.

I thanked him before heading that way. His eyes lit up at the motion.

“Good thing I know some sign language. You can tell me ‘morning’ that way!” He then made the motion for that, and I easily copied it, and put it in my memory so I wouldn’t forget.

Surprisingly, sign language was something I could do, and used a few signed words here and there with Dawn when my voice wasn’t working.

“I think I forgot to mention that Jasper has the day off today. I have a doctor’s appointment this morning. Will you be okay to work if we aren’t here?”

I nodded, then took a sip of the drink.

I was more than okay to be left alone. I knew this house as well as my own by now. I just wasn’t a huge fan of Jasper being around when I was cleaning. I tended to take longer, and make a mess of myself more with him nearby.

“We’ll bring back lunch,” Jasper said, giving me a look like he knew I still skipped meals.

I made a K with my fingers.

I slipped the lid of the thermos on the mug, lifted it up slightly and motioned that I was going to get to work.

I was thankful for the warm drink, as it slightly helped warm me up from the inside out. It wouldn’t last, but it was better than nothing.

***

I was used to being on my own for hours at a time. Dawn’s job on some days lasted well past dark during the winter months. There were even days I didn’t see her at all when she was up and gone before I ever woke up.

So working in Mrs. Lee’s house, cleaning the walls with a mop, with no one else in the house wasn’t anything new to me.

I set up my phone with some music, the volume low so I could hear when they got back, before putting on headphones and getting to work. The last of the bedrooms up here were the last things to be cleaned, other than the bathroom, of course. The former would get cleaned today, too, most likely. It wasn’t like I was going out of my way anyways.

The cash that Mrs. Lee had been giving me was currently sitting in my nightstand drawer. I was still as unsure about what to use the cash with as I was the first time she had handed me an envelope filled with bills. It was still way more than anyone needed to give me. Heck, I’d clean Mrs. Lee’s house without being paid.

It didn’t take long to clean the walls and doors of two of the bedrooms. I wasn’t sure what Jasper’s plan would be for these two, since they both had moved their rooms to the first level floor. Mrs. Lee had trouble using the stairs, and Jasper wanted to be closer in case she needed something during the night. That left two rooms empty, except for a number of boxes. I was able to work them around without too many issues.

The bathroom was just as easy to clean with the mop and bucket. I added a bit of different spray cleaner to the floor before scrubbing the tiles and around the corners. It seemed like this room had been cleaned not long ago, but I still scrubbed everything as good as I could, leaving a fresh orange scent behind.

Humming to one of my newest favorite songs, I scrubbed the inside of the toilet, making sure any unseen water stains or rust was long gone. I made a note to find some cleaner that could be used on wallpaper, though. I wasn’t sure if soap and water would work, or be gentle enough for the walls. Although, if there was a room that needed painting out of the entire house, it was this one.

The pattern, though dull from age, would have been dizzying if it weren’t so old. Who thought stripes in a bathroom would be a great idea, because to me, it was the worst idea ever.

Flushing the toilet, I turned to wash my hands In the sink as the song came to an end. But then another good song came on, and I couldn’t help myself to turn up the volume just a tad before washing down the sink.

Lost to the beat of the song, my mind stayed on task. Maybe a bit too well.

I jerked from a gentle touch to my arm, the rag I had been using to wipe between the faucet and wall splashed into the sink that happened to be filled with water. Which, in turn, splashed onto my shirt, soaking the material

I turned, not impressed, as my heart felt like it was going to jump right out of my chest.

“Sorry,” Jasper held up both hands, palms facing me. “Thought you heard us come in.”

I wasn’t sure what I looked like at that moment, other than possibly a sweaty, and now a bit wet, mess of a being.

I blinked, willing myself not to panic.

“I picked up pizza on the way back home,” he went on, slowly letting his hands fall to his sides. “Figured you might be hungry.”

I just blinked again before jerking as a louder song reminded me that I had headphones on my head.

I quickly paused the music before slipping the headphones down around my neck.

“I’m assuming you’re almost done?” he went on, his eyes glancing around the bathroom.

One single nod from me.

“I’ll find you a shirt to change into, since I made you make a mess.”

Another nod.

Jasper gave me a small smile before turning and disappearing down the short hallway. Only then could I get my body to move. Looking at the mirror above the sink, the only thing that really still needed cleaning in here, reflected back my wide eyes and crazy dark hair that stuck up around the band of my headphones. My glasses were a bit too big for my face, causing my eyes to seem a bit bigger than they were.

To me, I hadn’t changed all that much over the past few years. I was still just Koda. The frightened boy who cried at a drop of a pen. Although I wasn’t crying now, my eyes were red rimmed. Or maybe that was just permanently from all the tears I’ve shed.

Shrugging, my reflection had no better answers than I did.

By the time I finished rinsing out the mop bucket, Jasper was back with a black piece of clothing over his arm.

“It’ll probably be too big, but there’s a shirt and sweatshirt. Choose whatever.” He held out both pieces towards me. I was slow to take them.

It wasn’t worth trying to tell him that I’d be fine. My shirt would dry. It wasn’t the first time, nor would it be the last. Some water spots weren’t going to be the end of the world.

Instead, I dipped my head in thanks and took the two pieces.

“I’ll meet you downstairs.”

I waited until he was out of sight, his steps silent once he hit the halfway mark on the stars, before I put the cleaning supplies in the hallway and shut the bathroom door so I could change.

Of course, the two items would be way too big on me. Jasper was twice my size, and that wasn’t because he was big. I was just freaking small. It was no wonder why some adults thought I was twelve still.

Some of my ribs would forever poke out, but it was better than five years ago. I had some meat under my forever tanned skin, thanks to genetics.

Huffing out a breath, I pulled off my soiled shirt, replacing it with just the hooded sweater. Some sort of music band’s name was written across the front, faded from being worn so much. But the inside was soft against my skin, even though the sleeves were five inches too long.

Oh well. It was comfortable, and warm. And smelt so much like Jasper, I already knew I’d never return this piece of clothing.

Looking in the mirror, swimming in the sweater, I felt even smaller than normal. And not just physically. I felt like that ten-year-old I looked like.

I’d never be seen as an adult, even though I was trying. Dawn knew what I was capable of, and didn’t treat me like a little kid. She never has. But how was I to ever get the world to see me as I am at my age?

Was I cursed? Was that why I was the way I am?

Having no answers, and currently no stuffed animal to cuddle up with to make the worried thoughts go away, I grabbed the bucket and mop, my phone, and damp shirt before making my way downstairs.

“I’m going to go lay down for a bit,” Mrs. Lee said before she spotted me rounding a corner. “Thank you, Koda dear. I’m running out of things for you to clean around here.”

I half shrugged. There was plenty of stuff that could be done around her place still, but I knew my cleaning days were about to come to an end.

Mrs. Lee patted me on my shoulder before shuffling, without her cane once again, as she passed me by.

“Cane, Grams.”

I didn’t catch her reply as she walked in the opposite direction to where I was heading.

Once the bucket was stashed away, and my hands were rewashed again, Jasper was there looking at me. It wasn’t like in a way where others had seen me that way before. He didn’t want to eat me like it was his last meal before dying. But the way he looked at me caused my stomach to swirl and my face to heat.

Jasper cleared his throat, and it seemed like it took more work than ever before for him to pull his gaze away from me. Usually, it was me that was the one to drop my eyes to the floor when someone looked at me.

“Uh…what kind of pizza? I got cheese and pepperoni. Grams said you weren’t picky…” he trailed off, running a hand through his hair.

I was pretty sure I kind of went over that part with him before. I wasn’t picky. I was now in some ways, but when food was offered, I ate it because I once didn’t know when my next meal would be.

I walked closer and tapped the box that contained pepperoni. The cheesy goodness wafted upward, causing my stomach to growl again.

“What’s your favorite type?” He asked while putting a piece of the said pizza onto a paper plate and handing it to me.

I didn’t have one. As long as it didn’t have a few of the things I wasn’t a fan of, all pizza was good.

“I like supreme best. All the toppings and goodies. But this place only has simple ones, but I guess it makes a great spot for college kids,” he went on, dishing up his own piece. Or maybe it was his second piece.

I blinked.

“When does Dawn get home today?”

Did I look like a clock? I thought, then grunted out a sound. I had no clue when she’d be home. Or if she was possibly home already.

Looking out the window, it looked like another snowstorm was likely to come through tonight, and I couldn’t stop the shiver that wracked me.

“Guess that was a stupid question,” he shook his head before taking a bite. “Eat, Koda.”

Some things wouldn’t ever change. At least with Dawn, I could eat without being told to do so. But in the presence of a male, I still had trouble getting over engraved habits.

I wasn’t sure things would change there, ever. It was bad enough that once in a while, if I heard a certain type of voice on a show or in a store, I’d freeze up and not be able to move until the moment passed. My otto control was switched on, and my brain would just know what to do.

I hated moments like that. I hated the feeling of waiting for the pain to come slapping across my head because I didn’t knee fast enough. I detested the hurt that filled me from deep within when a male voice yelled too loud, and I’d cower inward.

No amount of therapy was going to fix that. Just like it wasn’t going to fix my lack of talking.

“Koda?”

I glanced up from my mostly eaten piece of pizza, having not realized I had all but inhaled the thing. Jasper was looking at me in concern.

“Where’d you go just now?”

I pointed to my head, hoping that explained it well enough.

“Bad thoughts?”

I nodded slowly. How did he know?

“You know that I won’t hurt you,” he spoke slowly, like he was choosing his words carefully. “Or you wouldn’t be sitting here with me right now.” He gave me a small smile. “But whatever you were thinking about, those thoughts should never be things that torment you. You’re too…. sweet for them to have.”

I flushed from both embarrassment and thankful for the words. I’d never been called sweet, exactly, like that before. But it also seemed like he wanted to use a different word instead but stopped himself.

“I hope someday, you’ll see just how much power you have. Not just in your thoughts, but in what you do.”

The look he gave me was filled with something I couldn’t name. It was like he wanted something from me, but knew I couldn’t give it to him. Like it was the only thing I held, and he wanted it so much. Or like he was willing to set me free, hoping I’d come fly back.

I shook my head, waving away the confused thoughts.