Twisted Deceit (Deceit #3)

Chapter 33

Dawn sat in the only chair in the room while I got the grand spot. Right dab in the middle, the paper crinkled with each and every movement. I loathed nothing more than sitting here.

The last doctor’s appointment I had was a year ago, and everything had looked to be fine, for the most part. Just another reminder that I needed to eat more.This would at least, be the last time for a little while to check for certain diseases that could have possibly been given to me.

Surprisingly, it was clean there in that department. I wasn’t sure how, with how much I was passed around. Not all clients used condoms.

In a sick twisted way, I hoped that each man that had touched me was suffering in some way. I wanted them all to feel the pain they put me through. I wanted them all to never have a happy moment again.

Dawn had noise canceling headphones on, making herself as invisible as much as she could in the situation. Despite all the efforts I’ve been working towards, being in a small room without her wasn’t going to be something I won the award for this year.

She wouldn’t be able to hear a single thing I wrote down, or the answers that’d be given.

But having her with me helped keep the panic at bay. It was just barely there, simmering, but manageable at the moment. There wasn’t much I could ask for, unless it was that I got out of this stupid appointment.

“Good afternoon,” the doctor greeted, entering the room. Dr. Seivers was the same as last year, and the one I saw maybe one other time when I was sick with strep sometime the year before that. Her black hair was twisted behind her head in a bun, and she always had a no-nonsense type of look about her. “How are you doing?”

It took her a moment to remember that I didn’t talk. “Alright, the nurse already took samples for STD’s, blood tests for sugar and all that jazz. You're still underweight.”

I lifted a shoulder. I was ten times healthier than I had been four years ago. What more could she ask for?

“You should be eating three healthy meals a day.”

Sometimes. Mostly.

Not really. She didn’t believe me.

“Three meals, Koda. I want to see some weight gain before your next appointment. If there aren't any good changes there, I’ll request you start drinking protein shakes. Actually, you should start those now anyways. I’ll make sure your aunt is aware of that.”

I made a face that wasn’t blocked from her, or Dawn. My aunt took her headphones off.

“Everything okay?”

“Koda needs to start drinking protein shakes.”

“I’ll make sure to pick some up after this.” Dawn put her headphones back on, easily blocking us out once more.

“Otherwise, everything looks good as far as I can tell until the blood tests come back in a few days. If anything is of concern, I’ll contact your aunt.” The doctor glanced at Dawn before turning back to me. “Now, a bit more of a sensitive topic. But one that needs to be brought up. You are halfway through the birthday year, and after everything you’ve been through, you have grown remarkably well. But I must ask, have you had an erection and/or ejaculated. Any pain while doing so?”

I could only stare at her for a moment before blinking and heat rushed to my face. I quickly dropped my eyes for her to the notebook and pen at the ready in my lap.

How the hell was I to answer any of that? Was there even a right answer?

“Whatever the answer is, it’ll be normal for you. If you have, and there’s been pain, that could be a bit of concern we’d need to take a closer look at.”

No pain

Well, not like medically, at least. Mentally, holy cow that was painful. And not something I could come up with words to explain. No one, not even Dr. Shaw knew of that mental disaster. It was easy to not make it real if I didn’t have to.

I was a failure in many ways, but certainly that way.

At least that one and only time, Dawn hadn’t heard my freak out and wanted answers. How could I have answered any of those? The relief of knowing I could finish my own hand job had been pure pleasure, but then panic set in because I was the one to do it.

“Have you had an erection? It’s normal, and perfectly fine, if you haven’t. Victims of abuse suffer in many ways, for years on end.”

I nodded slowly and embarrassedly. Not often, but enough to know that part of me still worked. Well, I don’t think it was often, like not daily or anything. Only a few times a month, which was, according to online research, not common for my age.

She jotted something down on the tablet she held. “Any concerns? Questions?”

I shook my head, ready to finish this appointment and be on my way.

“Are you still seeing a therapist?”

Twice a month

“Good. I’ll send her my report, and I’d like to see about you getting another mental IQ level test to see how far you’ve come. I know you’ve finished school, but it’ll give us both an idea on the next steps.”

At least, Dr. Shaw wouldn’t push that. I could refuse, and she never made me feel like I had to do something. Other than finishing school, which I had done the year prior.

Dr. Seivers talked a bit more about things that I may or may not experience as my mind continued to heal. She told me that Dr. Shaw would most likely bring up some of the same questions or concerns, to make sure I was doing physically and mentally well.

Finally, after what felt like forever, I was free to go.

***

Dawn was in a good mood, even as we got seated in a quiet corner of a restaurant. Being a couple of hours before the dinner rush, there really weren't many people in here. Only a few servers and someone were stacking glass cups behind a bar.

“What is something you’d like to do this weekend?”

Dawn had started to slowly try to get me out of the house at least once or twice a month to something other than to a store or doctor’s office.

“Stay home.” I muttered. She meant well, but staying home was where I preferred. And, since I may have switched my room to the one that looked over the back yard more, I could sit on my bed and watch Jasper work on the run down back porch on his days off. Even with the weather being cold, he was always busy working on that house. I’d have offered to help, but I preferred the indoors.

I wasn’t obsessed with the man, but I was just so darn drawn to him. And the small little things he did weren’t helping matters.

“You really don’t like going out often, do you?” she mused. “I guess we can stay in. It’s been a while since we’ve done that. Maybe get Jasper and Mrs. Lee to come over for some dinner and a movie with us. Mrs. Lee could do with getting out of the house for a bit.”

“Sure.” I’d be more than okay with that idea.

“Jasper’s brother hasn’t been by much,” Dawn went on. “Has he said anything to you?”

I shook my head. It was clear Trace wanted nothing to do with me, having fun being in his last year of school and getting into trouble.

I was saved from having to say anything as a server came up and took our orders. I already had the note app opened, ready to be read.

“You’ve really come so far since the first time I saw you,” Dawn mused, looking at me too closely. It made me squirm in my chair. “Scared of your own shadow. And now look; you order your own food and state your needs and wants without me having to drag them out. I’m really proud of you, Koda.”

I ducked my head, feeling a love kind of warmth wrap around my heart.

“Thanks for saving me,” I mumbled, just loud enough for her to hear.

I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her. Who knows where’d I’d have ended up at. That was something I didn’t think about. If it weren’t for Dawn, I most likely would be lost to the ground, six feet under, by now.

Death would have claimed me one way or another. I’d have taken it with both hands and grasped onto such a thing, too.

“I wouldn’t change a single thing. Except to get you years sooner. But we’ve been over that.”

I wiped a tear away, looking at Dawn. I hoped my look conveyed how much I appreciated her. How much I loved her. And so damn thankful that she was in my life.