Twisted Deceit (Deceit #3)

Chapter 34

“I’m proposing something new,” was Jasper’s greeting when I opened the door. The cold wind rushed through, causing me to shiver as the chill wrapped around my legs. Not awake enough to figure out what he meant, I stepped backwards farther into the house, and into the warmth.

Jasper shut the door behind him, then followed me to where I had left my warm cup of cappuccino in the kitchen.

“You woke up not long ago, didn’t you?” Jasper eyed me, and my sleep tossed hair. Obviously, I had. It wasn’t my fault I was up most of the night feeling like crap after Dawn wanted me to try one of those stupid protein drinks.

Never again.

“You’re usually up by now.”

I huffed, wrapping my hands around the oversized mug. The warmth seeped into my palms.

Of course, I was usually up before ten o’ clock on any given day. Just…not today.

“Those things made me sick.” I pointed halfheartedly at the drinks across the counter.

“Maybe my idea won’t be that great, then. If you aren’t feeling well.”

I shook my head, then took a sip of my drink before speaking. “I’m okay now. Just…long night. Cramps from those.” My stomach had hurt like it was on fire all night. I didn’t throw up or anything, thankfully. But I was sure I had been close a few times. “Idea?”

“As you know, I work with kids.” He waited until I gave a halfhearted nod. “I wanted to do something special the class I help in, along with the few older students that pop in through the week as helpers.”

Ok?

“My idea to go with that was to see if you wanted to go with me to help pick out the gifts. It’s fine if you aren’t up to it. It’s just more fun to go gift shopping with someone.”

“Your brother?”

“Is in another state with our parents. I declined their invite, since Grams hasn’t been doing too well this week. And I couldn’t take three weeks off for a family vacation with the job I have.”

“Dawn….” Was it okay with her?

“I already talked to her. As long as you take a certain bottle of pills in case of an anxiety attack, she was all for you hanging out with me.”

I glanced at Jasper, seeing his open, honest expression as he waited for me.

Did I want to go? What if I panicked? What if-

“I’ve seen you in an attack before, plus I work with kids who have tons of anxiety on a daily basis.”

I sighed. Why did he read me so easily?

“Sure.”

Dr. Shaw hinted at the idea of me going out more. This was not what I had in mind, but Jasper was safe.

***

With my arms wrapped tightly around my middle, I followed a step behind Jasper as he grabbed a cart and went straight to the one-dollar section.Not that everything was exactly a dollar. Some of the stuff was more like five dollars a piece. But it offered a wide range of things. From cute little stuffed animals to cookie cutters, to home décor.

Thankfully, I’d been to this store a number of times with Dawn, so nothing should set me off, as long as people didn’t overwhelm me. Mostly these days, it was the fact that I was out around others that overwhelmed me and caused me anxiety at the end of the day. But it was manageable. Most of the time.

It’d been a long time since I had a panic attack while in a store.

“So, most of the kids I’ll see this week will range from five, up to thirteen I think is the oldest,” Jasper pulled me from my inner thoughts, stopping the cart at the first little section of cheap things.

With it being the holiday season, there were a few different stands and bins placed in random places throughout the entire store, so the options were a bit wider than normal.

That still didn’t help me to figure out why he wanted my help. I had no clue what a kid of any age wanted. It was bad enough that I didn’t know what I wanted half the time, and Dawn asked me every time we came here to pick something out.

“The younger kids are easier. Fidgets are in, apparently.” Jasper mused, looking towards where said things were. All I saw were brightly colored, overpriced pieces of bendable plastic. I didn’t see the appeal of popping bubbles, or spinning a circle thing round and around. It made me dizzy just thinking about such things.

Jasper easily picked up a few fidgets, a mix of what looked like Christmas themed pop-its and bracelets that had the same thing of bubble popping.

“Have you tried these?” He asked, pointing to the small pile in the cart.

I shook my head, then flopped my hand back and forth, hoping he understood I had tried, but didn’t enjoy them.

“Yeah, I’m not sure what’s so great about them, but kids love them. And it gives their hands something to do while they are working on learning a new task.” He moved the cart down more, tossing in a few other things, such as sets of pens, coloring pages, and some sort of plastic puzzle things.

“Alright, now for the older kids. Even though they like fidgets too.”

I trailed alongside Jasper, keeping my arms folded across my torso. My eyes glanced at the things we passed, but like all the other times I’ve been in this store, nothing caught my attention.

“What do you think a teenage girl would want?”

I shrugged. He was asking the wrong person that question.

“A better question,” he asked while putting a couple more items into the cart. “What do you want?”

Not this again , I thought. I shrugged. There wasn’t anything I wanted in this store.

“Have you tried puzzles? I know you read, and Dawn will let you buy whatever books you’d ever want to read on the tablet. Although I’d be happy to stop by the book section here anyways.”

Jasper failed to hide his laugh at the face I made. Puzzles were not my thing, at all. I hated them with a vengeance. It was too easy to lose a piece, and half the time, the pieces were all the same shape or size and it just didn’t cooperate.

I’d stick to cooking treats.

“I’ll figure something out for you.”

I sighed through my nose, hoping not. He’d done more than enough for me already, as had Dawn.

I was tempted to tell him he could give me his sweaters. I had yet to return the one he let me borrow, and he hadn’t asked for it either.

After Jasper added a few more items to his cart, some that made no sense and I wasn’t going to ask about, like cookie cutters in shapes of animals and some sort of water bottle, he paid for and bagged everything before we left the store.

“Alright, lunch time. Since I know you didn’t eat breakfast.”

“Not that hungry.” My stomach was still a little knotty after the long night. Food really didn’t sound all that appealing.

“That’s fine. We’ll order something to take home then.”

“Kay.” I guess I wasn’t getting out of not eating, then. But that sounded like a better idea anyhow. At home, I could eat without having the fear of everything coming back up too quickly.

Jasper easily maneuvered his car out of the parking lot and towards the place we’d be going to eat at, well, ordering food from.

“I’m not sure if Dawn and you have gone to this place yet. But the food is good, and I know a few people who work here. They won’t make a scene about you not talking.”

Surprisingly, no place had. Sure, I’d had a few odd looks here and there, but no mean remarks to my back about my lack of talking. One person had assumed I was deaf, but it was better than rude and hateful comments towards me.

Jasper rattled off the restaurant, one I hadn’t been to. Dawn and I tended to stick to the same ones, knowing I wouldn’t have issues. But it wasn’t often we ate out anyways. Take out, on the other hand, happened weekly from different places.

“My friends come here sometimes to do a group meal thing,” he went on. “There’s not one there today, so it should be quiet. Except for a server or two that will want to talk. That’s actually where I meant Joane while she was in college.”

“How…do you know Noah?”

He was the one that texted me sometimes since I gave him my number. Asher, on the other hand, seemed to not want a single thing to do with me. Which kind of hurt, but I understood just the same. I wouldn’t want my past coming up to haunt me again once I got over healing.

Noah was…strange. He rambled a lot in texts as much as he did in person that one time. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I wasn’t friend material. So it was easier to just say one or two words when he’d text.

“We run in the same friend group, kinda.” Jasper answered, pulling into a parking spot. “He’s…a happy kind of person and not much brings him down. I take it he’s been trying to text you?”

“Yeah. He’s determined.”

Determined to get me to be his friend. But what was the point? I didn’t need friends. And if he was in some sort of relationship with Asher, I didn’t want to get in the middle of that.

“He’s clingy,” Jasper supplied the word I was thinking. “He means well, too. But if he gets to be too much, tell him to back off. Or tell him the word, yellow, and it’ll put a pause on it.”

Squinting, I looked at Jasper as he shut off the car. Why would a color put a pause on something? That made no sense.

“Yellow is a safe word, a way to say ‘I wanna take a pause.’ It works very well for tons of people. It works great if someone is reaching a limit and needs a break for whatever reason. You could use it, too.”

“Like stop light color yellow?”

Slow down? There was a word that could slow down life when things went too fast? What about red?

“Exactly like that. Green, all good. Go ahead. Yellow, slow down or pause. And red stops everything. My friends use the color system all the time.”

“Do you?” I tilted my head.

I still couldn’t wrap my mind around it all. Three simple colors that could be spoken or signed so easily.

“Yes. With Noah, I have had to use those words because he doesn’t understand boundaries or the word no very well. There’s also some other lit-uh…friends who get a bit over excited and need a reminder to tone it down when they are around so many people.”

I guess that made a tiny bit more sense. Not much, but I was usually confused about a number of things still.

Once we were seated in the restaurant, in a corner booth towards the back of the building, did I take a better look at my surroundings?

It seemed simple enough with dark browns and wood paneling. The lights were bright enough to make it feel brighter, but not too bright like the sun was shining in my face.

There were a few people, but everyone seemed to be spread out enough that no one was close by.

I made a mental note of where the bathrooms were, right behind me, before getting as comfortable as I could with my back against the corner of my bench seat. Jasper sat in front of me, his back to the rest of the dining area.

From where I sat, I could see who came and went from the main entrance, along with the bar area that was separated by a half wall. Someone was on the other side of the bar, fiddling with glasses or bottles or something. It was hard to tell exactly.

“So, any idea what you’d like? They have mac and cheese, chicken tenders and fries, hamburgers or something else?”

I shrugged, not really caring.

“Do you want to look, or would it be easier if I order for you?”

If he was offering to order, then I’d certainly take the easy way out. So I pointed at him in answer.

“Figured. What do you usually go with when you eat out with Dawn?”

“Chicken. Or hamburgers. Easy stuff.”

“The chicken strips here are really good. I’ve had them a few times. Same as the other things. I think I’ve tried almost everything at least once on their menu.”

How often did he come here, then?

“Jasper! I didn’t know you’d be by today. Usually you’re here on Friday’s.”A server with a pad of paper and pen greeted us. Well, greeted Jasper more than me.

“Change of pace.” Jasper smiled easily at the girl, who looked a lot like his girlfriend in a way. Blond hair, skinny and well put together.

“Cool. Well, what can I get started for ya?”

“We’ll have it to go. I’ll go with my normal hamburger today and fries. My friend here will go with the chicken strip basket and fries. Sauce on the side.”

“Sure thing! Water while you wait or something else?” Her eyes bounced to me for a moment before they went back to Jasper.

“Water for both of us please. Thanks, Jules.”

With a dip of her head, she said she’d have it out shortly, then disappeared where I assumed the kitchen was.

Glancing back around the area, my breath caught in my throat as the person behind the bar turned around. He was still busy, even as someone came up to the bar area, and began to chat with him.

But I’d know him, even if I couldn’t see his eyes all that clearly from where I sat, light blond hair that fell into his eyes just like Noah’s picture.

“Koda?” Jasper scooted on the bench, blocking my view. I had to blink a few times to clear the tears that threatened to fall.“What’s wrong?”

I shook my head, dropping my chin and trying to make myself as small as I possibly could. Which wasn’t all that hard to do, but Jasper still saw me.

He turned his head for a moment, looking in the same direction I had before he leaned back in his seat, still blocking my view. Which was for the best.

Now wasn’t the time for tears. Well, never really was, but crying in a place like this always made people uncomfortable.

All I wanted was to just go home.

“Here’s your water,” the server said, breaking a tense silence, setting two cups of ice water on the table. “Anything else? The food should be done in about twenty minutes.”

“Can you give Ash a message for me?”

“Sure?”

“Cool. Paper?”

I glanced up in time for the server to pull a piece of paper from her notebook, handing over her pen for a moment too. She stood there awkwardly as he jotted down something, then folded the paper.

“Only for his eyes.” He lowered his voice, warning almost.

“You could just go over there and talk to him. You know he won’t come over here.”

“I know. Hence the note.”

Jules gave Jasper a strange look, but otherwise took it and walked towards where the bar area was. He kept my view blocked, his back to the room.

“Asher doesn’t come out from his area, but this way, he’ll know we are here and won’t freak out. He tends to do that once in a while if Noah or Beckett – his lovers – aren’t here to keep him levelheaded. He’s healed, but I can see the need of you talking to him on your face. Maybe it’ll bring you healing, maybe not.”

“He…no. It’s….fine….” Could I go hide in the bathroom, or maybe the car, until the food was done?

I didn’t want to be an inconvenience to anyone. If I had known that Asher would be here, I wouldn’t have come out today at all.

I was better off staying at home.

“I think it’d be good for him to see you and talk through some stuff. He may be doing well, but he’s still healing. He’s also complicated. But aren’t we all?”

I sniffed, wiping my nose.

I hated the fact that now I couldn’t just stay in the corner and be invisible. What would he do? Would he just shrug off the fact that I was here? Would he be the one that left and disappeared until Jasper and I’s food came out and we left? Would Asher come over here and just tell me to screw off – to leave him alone?

“Koda, honey,” Jasper reached his hands across the table, letting them rest there as if he wanted to hold my own. “Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. There we go. Everything will be fine. Either he’ll come over here, say hi and apologize for not reaching out, or he’ll stay behind the bar, and ignore us. He won’t make a scene.”

The scene wasn’t what I was worried about.

Putting my elbows on the table, head in my hands, I closed my eyes and tried with everything in me to push the emotions back under the surface.