Twisted Deceit (Deceit #3)

Chapter 39

I couldn’t take my eyes off Jasper, even though he was the second person through my kitchen door.

His eyes were sunken in as if he hadn’t been sleeping. He was dressed from head to toe in black, and even had eye liner on around his eyes.

“Daddy!” Noah waved explicitly as a man in the back came through, shutting the door lightly.

Thankfully, the timer on the oven went off, forcing me to turn away from the man of better dreams.

I tried to ignore the things that were spoken as I pulled out the tray of cookies, setting them on the counter so they could cool.

“Hey, little one. Are you behaving?” The voice was deep, but calm and warm all at once.

“Yep. Can you believe that Kods don't know about how we live? He needs a daddy, Daddy. We gotta help him.”

“Sorry,” Asher pointed behind him as he stopped in front of me. “He wasn’t meant to barge in, but I’m assuming that’s what he did.” Then, his eyes lit up at the number of treats that were on the island. “How are you doing?”

I shrugged. I was here. I’d be better off not having so many others in my space.

Asher waited until Noah was dragged down the hallway, his...uh daddy muttering something about having a talk about limits that weren’t spoken about in someone else’s house.

“I should have come over with him,” Asher tilted his chin in the direction Noah went. “I didn’t think he’d do anything to cause chaos. But that is his middle name.”

My lips twitched as I dropped my eyes from him.

“Cookies, huh? I can see that for you.”

“You’ll have to try one. They are the best type of cookies I’ve ever had.” My breath got lodged in my throat at that voice.

“It’s a lot of cookies for one person,” Asher went on, pressing his side up against mine. Then, quieter for only I could hear, “Remember those colors.”

What the heck was with the freakin colors?

I rolled my eyes, which no one could see, as I fiddled with the cookies on the sheet. My hands needed to stay busy. These four people needed to get out of my house. And I just…wanted to curl into the ball somewhere.

“Hey, Koda.” Jasper was there, on the other side of the counter. He dipped his head to catch my gaze, which I quickly turned and pretended I had other things I needed to do. “Got it. I’ll…yeah.”

My heart hurt, but like I had been doing for so long, I ignored that too. Instead, I got a cup of water, takinga big drink before setting it back down and turning to face Asher once more.

“Really, how are you doing?” Asher leaned against the island, facing me.

I shrugged, wrapping my arms around myself. I mentally calculated how long I had to wait until the cookies were cooled enough before adding frosting to the top.

“You look as good as your neighbor,” he stated, like it wasn’t entirely a surprise about that fact.

Of course I’d be tired. I was up earlier than normal. And I was up late last night reading.

“Can I give you a hug?”

I sniffed, giving out a single nod.

It’d been so long since I had a nice warm hug. Dawn’s hugs were nice, but it wasn’t the arms I wanted wrapped around me.

Shoot.

Now the tears had to start as Asher wrapped me in a gentle hug.

I didn’t want to cry. Not when the reason was so close, feet away.

“It’ll work out. Sooner if you two would just talk.”

I didn’t want to talk. I was already hurting, and nothing was going to change it.

Asher pulled back, cupping my shoulders with each hand. “We are tough, but sometimes, even the toughest of the bunch need a helping hand.”

“I have cookies.” I didn’t need another hand for that. The treats could take all my thoughts and energy.

Asher shook his head, slightly amused at my reply.

A throat cleaning caused Asher to drop his hands from my shoulders, and I wiped away the few tears from my cheeks.

“Noah is to apologize.”

“Not that I think it needs to be said, since I’m not thinking about them.” Noah grumbled but shuffled towards me. He kept his head down while speaking the rest. “Sorry for barging in. Sorry for saying things that may have upset you. And sorry for pushing limits that I didn’t know were there. I’m not going to talk to people about how my lifestyle is the best because not everyone agrees. But they should agree because everyone needs a daddy and an Ashie. Even when I get spankings and when I have to do corner time when I get home.”

“Why apologize for being you?” Noah wasn’t known to keep his thoughts to himself. “No…trouble for being who you are.”

“See, Daddy. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Asher barked out a laugh, pulling Noah into his hold while the other man grumbled in the back about talking better about punishments later.

All my mind wanted to focus on was that fact that I talked with another male in the area.

My face paled, and my heart felt like it was in my chest, eyes wide.

“Koda? What’s wrong?” Asher was back in front of me, hands on my face.

“I…. I…talked….” the rest of my words were lost as I willed anyone in the room to understand.

“Yeah, honey,” Asher soothed. “You can talk. No one here will ever hurt you. I’m proud of you. So much.”

I sniffed, nodding to myself.

It probably wouldn’t happen again, talking in front of a male that I didn’t know, but I knew deep down that I should be happy, thrilled that I did. My emotions on the other hand didn’t agree.

“Do the cookies need to be covered or put somewhere?” Asher asked.

I shook my head. “Frosting.”

“Can that wait? You need a break.”

I shook my head. A break was the last thing I wanted. That meant I’d have to…well leave the kitchen and think.

“They can wait,” Jasper’s voice caused me to jerk and look towards the doorway. “ Plus, I think it’s about thirty minutes at the least, he has to wait before putting frosting on.”

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, but nothing came out.

I had other things to do. Like…clean the kitchen from top to bottom. To double check I had everything for the cupcakes. To put the box of cookie cutters away.

“Break time. Just for a bit, okay.” Asher, again, drawing my eyes to his. “You’re getting overwhelmed. Either by us being here, or just in general. Or everything. I know that feeling. And I know my limits.”

Sniffing, I dropped my eyes to the floor.

It was everything. The stress of trying to make the cookies perfect. The stress of not talking or seeing Jasper. The stress of everyone here. The lack of sleep. The lack of eating I’d been doing.

Everything.

“A movie and a snack. Then we’ll let you get back to work, alright.”

A single nod.

Asher pulled an arm free that was wrapped around my torso, leading me from the kitchen. Jasper and the other man moved out of the way, giving more than enough space for me to pass without either of them touching distance.

I sat on the floor, back against the couch. If I sat there, I’d fall asleep, and that wasn’t in the plans for the day.

Asher didn’t say anything, but took a seat on the couch, letting me lean against his leg. One of his hands landed on my head, scratching my scalp.

So much for trying to not take a nap, I thought, my body almost instantly relaxing. But a moment later, my eyes flashed open when Jasper knelt in front of me, invading my small amount of space.

It took too much to keep breathing, so I held my breath. Even when he held out a cup of water in one hand, and a protein bar that I had made earlier today.

“You haven’t been eating well.” Jasper stated, as I slowly reached out to take the two offered things. My breaths became shallow and I gently took the things, making sure to not touch his skin.

How he could tell I hadn’t been eating was beyond me. I wore long sleeves for a reason, and a lot of hooded sweaters lately. No one could tell that I only ate dinner, and even then, it was maybe half of what I usually ate since coming to this house. But I did eat one of these bars once a day, just to keep Dawn from making me drink those gross drinks.

“There’s two of you in this room that haven't been eating well. Or sleeping.” Beckett mused, taking a seat on a chair that was farthest from me. “Hence an intervention time.”

“That’s not going to help, Beck.” Jasper took a different spot that was even farther away. He went to the window that overlooked the front and side yard. The window I had kept the curtains closed on for one main reason.

I didn’t want to see the comings and goings of a certain person anymore. I didn’t want to see who visited, either.

I slowly nibbled on the bar, taking sips of water in between. The TV wasn’t even on, which was fine with me. I’d eat my stupid snack and drink the water so I could get back to the cookies. I had to finish the frosting part today to stay on time for the other things I planned.

But neither of us needed an intervention. I was just peachy over here, doing everything I possibly could to not think about the stupid, dressed in black, neighbor who seemed to still get into my thoughts.

I huffed, pulling off Asher to lean more against the back of the couch.

I didn’t need to be so clingy; I didn’t need to demand attention. That boy who wanted to cling to any human and cry for hours on end wasn’t here anymore.

I was strong, or I tried to make myself believe. I didn’t need another human to keep me happy. I kept myself busy; and was going to start making money and move out of this house so I never had to see Jasper again.

“Koda?”

I looked up too quickly, my vision going dark for a moment, when Noah called my name.

So lost in thought, I forgot others were here. Which could have gone horribly bad for me. It was bad enough that I wasn’t thinking straight lately. Not for a long while.

He was sitting on Beckett’s lap, content and happy like nothing in the world could touch him. Noah was so small in that lap, but at the same time right at home. Like he belonged there.

“What movie?”

I lifted a shoulder. I didn’t care. It wasn’t like I’d really follow along with it anyways.

“You’ll have to pick, Noah.” Jasper answered for me. “Or someone. He won’t answer ya’ll.” He sounded as tired as I felt, but I kept my eyes firmly on the floor.

He wasn’t wrong, so I wiggled a bit on the floor, pulling my chin on top of my folded arms on my knees. It wasn’t comfortable, but it’d keep me awake. Maybe I’d even be able to sneak away and finish my frosting.

“And here you are, saying you aren’t a daddy,” Noah huffed. Then a second later, he went on. “What? It’s true. Jasper knows him. It just makes sense if he’d just figure it out instead of me having to point it out.”

“You keep running that mouth, little one,” Beckett said way too calmly.

I looked up at the two again. Noah wasn’t scared in the slightest at the threat, but Beckett’s look was a bit darker, a bit grim.

Even though that look wasn’t aimed at me, I still scooted closer to Asher, leaning against his leg once more.

“This is how they are,” Asher was quick to say, a hand back on my head. “Noah likes to push Beckett’s limits, which in turn gets some sort of agreed punishment. They both have a list at home on what they are both comfortable to do, or receive.”

“It keeps it fun.” Noah wiggled, but Beckett easily pulled him back against his chest. “I can’t be boring.”

Boring was better , I thought. I like boring, predictable events.

“I don’t do anything he hasn’t wanted. Ever. Even so, we use special words that put a stop to any of it at any moment.” Beckett added in. “Now, be good so you don’t scare your friend.”

Noah wasn’t the one being scary. I glanced at Asher, completely ignoring Jasper who was very quiet by the window.

“Three colors. If either of them wanted to put a stop to their antics, they say yellow or red. Or I can. There’s been times I haven’t been…happy about a certain antic that Noah pulls.”

“And we stopped. Talked, and made notes on the papers we have about what is okay or not okay to do again. Triggers for Asher come up at random times, and it's all about teaching each other. Even if we’ve lived together for over a year now.”

“You can, too. Say the word. Or sign them.”

“You know how to sign? I wanna learn. Will you teach me?” Noah jumped in, crawling off Beckett’s lap and across the floor. I grimaced, sure that the floor wasn’t the best place to crawl on hands and knees on.

I shrugged. Maybe sometime. Not today, though.

“Maybe,” Jasper spoke up again. “Just the three of you could have time together. Without Beckett and me.”

“A sleepover?”

“No,” Asher quickly said. “Maybe out for coffee or something. Something calm .”

“Oh.” Noah only pouted, but still sat down right in front of me after moving the glass of water. “We could play games. Do you like games?”

I blinked.

“I love Uno. And some video games. Sports, not really. But you don’t seem like you like those either.”

“Wait,” Beckett whispered, my eyes snapping up to him, then quickly went to Jasper who stepped a foot closer. His hands were clenched at his sides, gaze hard my way.

I quickly looked anywhere but at anyone in the room.

I didn't know what I did to make him all of a sudden hate me. Was I really that crappy of a person? Well, I knew that answer, but I thought…well…I don’t know what I thought anymore.

Taking a deep breath, and pushing everything down, the same thing I’d been doing for weeks now, tried to tune back into what Noah was saying.

“…. have tons of games. Uno’s my favorite, but Daddy’s is scrabble, which I hate. I can’t spell, and I never win. And I have coloring books. Do you have any? What about toys? Can I see your room?”

Uh…maybe it was better to not figure out what he was saying.I blinked, looking at Asher for some sort of help.

I jumped, my phone in the kitchen pinging with a text message. I gladly took the save, pushing myself up and all but running to go answer. I heard Noah’s comment that my phone did work, before I rounded the corner.

Only then did I take a good deep breath, feeling every weight land on top of me at once. I wanted to collapse right there on the floor, and beg for it to open up and take me. Instead, I found my phone, finding a slew of messages and a few missed calls from Noah. I had ignored them all while I was baking.

Dawn had texted, just to check in and make sure I was okay. The normal midafternoon text, and I quickly sent back a thumbs up.

Beckett, of all the ones in the house, was the one to venture into the kitchen sometime later. He stood far enough away, watching as I carefully put frosting on a cookie. I got through five of them before anyone came to see where I went.

I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. Good that I got a tiny bit of time to calm myself down, but bad that the one person I wanted to follow me didn’t.

I was so messed up.

Shaking the thoughts away, I squinted, eyeing the cookie to make sure the frosting was even. I did not like the color, but it’s what Dawn picked up and I didn’t have any dye to make it anything but a pasty yellow.

It reminded me of pee, truthfully. Or bananas that were still too ripe. I was hoping for a brighter yellow, hence the stars. But it was too late to change the shape or color.

I was going to do half in this nasty yellow, half in white. And I made a mental note to ask dawn to pick up color dye.

“I figured you’d try to hide in a different room. The kitchen is a pretty good guess on where you went.”

I shot him an annoyed look. I had things to do, so I couldn’t go hide somewhere. Plus, someone would find me even if it had crossed my mind.

“I’m trying to figure out if you’re mad at someone, or if this is just the normal reaction you have to everyone around you.”

Both , but I didn’t say it. Instead, I returned to my work, doing my best to ignore him.

That made six cookies.

I was mad at myself for hoping. For trying. After all the physical pain, I should’ve been ready for heartache.

I rubbed my chest with one hand before returning it to hold the star in place.

“Jasper says you are easy to read, but I don’t see it. You’re hiding in your mind.”

I moved on to the next cookie, my hand shaking as I spread the frosting on the top.

“But he’s also trained in reading body language,” Beckett went on, taking another step closer. “But I don’t think he can read you well today. He’s tearing himself up inside, thinking he did something wrong. Maybe even hurt you.”

When I didn’t say anything, forcing myself to keep frosting the never ending cookies, he went on.

“Did he hurt you somehow?”

The only hurt was my own. My own stupidity at my hope. My hope was now long squashed for some things.

Blinking quickly, I forced the tears to wait. For once, I prayed for something to keep my emotions in check.

“You both need to talk. Not shut each other out like you are. I understand today may not be the best day, since you are determined to finish something that could wait until later. But you need to talk to him. Jasper isn’t going to make the first move this time.”

Good , I thought. I needed Jasper, and this dumb man, to go away now. They needed to leave me alone.

Bending to take a closer look at the treat, making sure the frosting was as flat as I could get it, I moved it off to the side and started on the next one.