Twisted Deceit (Deceit #3)

Chapter 42

A week later, when it seemed like the new neighbor on the street was fully moved in, I found myself standing on the porch with Dawn. She held a paper plate full of a mix of things I’d made this week covered with plastic wrap.

I was pretty sure it was only one person who lived here, since there was only one truck, and one person didn’t need so many treats. But I didn’t say any of that as she loaded the plate with a bit of everything.

I should have thought about what I tossed on this morning, as the long-sleeved shirt was too big, and the heat on my back was warm. But Dawn hadn’t given me time to find an excuse for not coming to meet the new neighbor.

So, as she rang the newly installed doorbell, I stuffed my hands into the front pockets of my jeans. It was more to hold them up than anything.

It didn’t take long for the new owner to pull open the door, causing every thought I had to freeze.

Not again.

Why did fate hate me so much? Just when I thought I’d have some sort of plan to move on, someone like this would be placed back into my path.

I should have noticed sooner, but those tattoos, those eyes, were my very undoing.

My dick thought so too, as it began to fill up and I flushed all over. It’d been well over a year since the thing down there was so demanding.

Now was not the time. Nor ever.

“Jasper!” Dawn was thrilled, too much so.

“Dawn. Hello Koda.”

Nope . I couldn’t do it.

His voice was just the same as always. Soft, warm, welcoming and understanding. My heart lurched in my chest, like it wanted to jump out and find its home. My thoughts screamed a million things all at once at me. To run away, to run towards him and throw myself at him, boner be damned. To stay right where I stood.

“Welcome to the neighborhood,” Dawn smiled, handing over the plate of treats as I slowly stepped backwards.

I wasn’t doing this again.

I couldn’t.

“Koda?” Jasper’s voice only made me turn, walking as quickly as I could away. I shook my head, not caring how rude I was being. I didn’t care that Dawn called after me, too.

I hated fate. I hated Jasper. And I wasn’t going to stay living next door to the man that broke my heart any longer.

I had money that hadn’t ever been touched. I would buy a house clear across town and never come over here again.

I somehow didn’t stomp through the house and to my room, thinking of where I could start. The sooner, the better. Dawn would help, surely. She’d have to understand.

At least with being on meds, my tears didn’t fall as easily as I flopped on the bed. I wanted to scream. Instead, I huffed, sitting up and pulling out one of the journals, scribbling down a note to Dawn.

I barely finished writing it before she was in my doorway, a look of confusion on her face.

It’s time for me to find my own place. I can’t live with him there. Please help . I wrote, my words were sloppy.

Dawn took a moment to respond. “Okay.”

Okay? That was it?

“I know now more than ever. Something happened between the two of you. If you aren’t comfortable living here with him so close, then I’ll help you find a place. You have more than enough money to buy a home or condo, or whatever you want.”

I nodded once.

“Just, could you maybe hear him out? Let him explain some things before you make such a rash decision?”

Nope . He had his chance. It was past time I moved on, even if my heart would forever be next door.

I shook my head.

“Alright.” There was no pushing me to change my thoughts. There were no requirements. Just a simple question and I answered.

***

I wanted to think I was doing a good job ignoring Jasper. I didn’t look over at his house unless I was walking in that direction, or driving that way. And each time, he was outside, shirtless, hair down to his shoulders as he fiddled with things around the yard.

Sure, the yard had gone through two years of no maintenance, and the outside of the house needed paint, but did he really have to be out every single time I happened to be going out, myself?

He’d wave, smile, and act like he hadn’t just broken my heart for two freaking years. He acted as though we were still friends, friendly with one another.

We weren’t. We were nothing but strangers. And all it did was put all my effort into finding somewhere else to live.

A full week, and Dawn had taken me to a couple of places throughout the days, but none of them felt like home. They’d all work, but I couldn’t see myself being happy in any of them.

Not the loft that overlooked a garden in the center of town.

Not the tiny house that was clear on the other side of town, that had fields for miles. It had a tiny porch.

Not the two-story home in the suburbs that had screaming kids next door.

And definitely not the apartment downtown by the therapist’s office, as I could hear everything all around me.

Dawn liked the small house, but it felt too crowded. The too white walls reminded me of the basement where I shared a room with other boys. I couldn’t explain why I hated it so much, and why I didn’t bother to even try to go to the loft area, where apparently the bedroom was.

“We’ll keep looking. There’s no hurry in buying one if none of the places fit what you want or need,” Dawn had said after yet another showing.

I kept my gaze out the window, watching the trees pass by as she took us back home.

If it weren’t for him, maybe I could have thought about buying that house instead. Then, no one could have moved in, and I could keep living with Dawnand using the other house for cooking all the treats.

Going back to what she said, I was in a hurry. I didn’t want another day to get away from Jasper. I needed to put as much physical space between the two of us as I possibly could.

“You’ll be the first to know if anything comes on the market this week,” Dawn went on, not knowing the inner turmoil that was wreaking havoc on me. “I’ll have to drop you off at home, so I can get back to the office for another client. I’ll bring dinner home tonight.”

The weight of her gaze on me didn’t help my impending sorrow. She worried, and probably for a good reason.

Mentally, I wasn’t doing well at all. I was fighting, but for what? There was nothing that was worth my time here, and hadn’t been since I was born. It was only my beating heart that kept me going, and until it stopped, I had to keep going. Had to keep pretending that a part of me was missing.

Dawn did drop me off at home, and luck was still not on my side.

“Hey Koda.”

I didn’t bother to glance over at Jasper as he all but jogged up to me. His shirt was off, again, showing off all the tattoos that wound up his arms and a bit across his chest and back.

“How are you?”

I shot him a glare, but kept my eyes firmly on his legs. No higher than his knees. If he could burst into ashes, now would be a great time.

“I heard you’re selling your cookies and bread at the coffee shop.”

Did he ever give up?

“I’m redoing my kitchen,” he went on, keeping pace as I stomped up the stairs to my front door. “Once it’s done, you’ll have to come over and check it out. The entire main floor will be all open, and a grand island. Tons of room for you to use the space to cook.”

Wisely, he stopped to the side, watching as I unlocked and opened the door. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if he happened to follow me inside.

“Asher’s worried about you.” He said as I slipped in through the door. “Noah, too.”

Yeah, well…

My heart dropped, knowing my avoidance of everyone but Dawn wasn’t working well. Not for me. But I had to.

It was the only way to cut off Jasper; to cut off my feelings.

“I’m worried, too, Koda.”

I breathed out a hard breath through my nose, shutting the door harder than intending, blocking him out. I flicked the lock, then promptly slid down to the floor right there, my back to the wooden door.

A sob came forth.

No one was to worry about me. He left, leaving me and my hurt to my own being. He once got me to think I may have had a chance, knowing I didn’t stand any chance of having a single moment with him again. Then he just had to come back and toy with me some more.

I couldn’t.

Gasping for breath, I squeezed my eyes shut and wished…wished for something better.

I was broken, inside and out. My heart was torn out of my chest, leaving it empty and hallowed. I wasn’t worth his time. I wasn’t worth trying for. Yet he kept pushing. He kept being him and I….

I couldn’t anymore.