Undeniable You (Sapph in the City #4)

Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Jo

I knew Larison was mad about the shirt, but it was on sale and I had some reward points so it was actually a steal. She really got mad when she thought I was being extra for them. Did she get angry at Sophie when she did the same things? I guess it was complicated with me working for her, but still. I was an employee, sort of, but I was also a friend. I hoped. I was a friend, right?

Larison didn’t respond for a while and I was busy doing errands, but I couldn’t help but check my phone every few minutes.

Once I got home, I wondered what she was doing. Frustrated with myself, I put my phone aside and unpacked everything before I parked myself on the couch with a Tbr list of books that I was determined to get through this weekend. The last book in a series I loved was coming out next week and I was doing a quick re-read of the previous four books so I had the story fresh in my mind for the new release.

I lied to everyone about what I’m doing this weekend. Even Sophie.

The message from Larison was unexpected and didn’t have the fun tone of our earlier exchanges.

What are you doing this weekend? I asked because now I really wanted to know. Did Larison lead a secret double life? That was so hot if she did. I mean, hotter than she already was, which was off the charts.

I told my parents that I was with friends this weekend and I told my friends that I was with my parents this weekend. I lied so I could have my apartment to myself for two days. Alone. Am I the worst person in the world?

I couldn’t hear her voice, obviously, but the message dripped with anxiety. No idea why she was telling me about it, but a little flutter of excitement went through me because she was confiding in me. Telling me something that she hadn’t told anyone else. It made me feel special in a way that was warm and delicious.

You’re not even close to the worst person in the world. There’s a big difference between that kind of lie and the kind of lie that hurts people. I’m pretty sure if you told everyone that you needed some time to yourself, they’d tell you to take it anyway.

From what I knew about her moms, that was definitely true. And I did know Sophie well enough to say it was true for her as well. Larison did everything she could for Juniper and having a few days to herself didn’t make her a monster. She needed to believe that.

I know that. But the guilt is real. God, why am I like this? This wasn’t the kind of conversation I wanted to have over a messaging app, so I hit the button to do a video call, not caring what I looked like or if the lighting in my living room was flattering enough. Larison had seen me wearing my glasses plenty of times now.

She answered after a few seconds. “Hey, I didn’t mean to interrupt your weekend.” Right away she was apologizing. Her hair looked damp and was up in a messy bun. Judging from what was around her, she was in her bedroom. There was something intimate about this call that made my breath catch in my throat and my hands sweat a little bit.

“No big deal at all. I’m just reading.”

“You know you’re off the clock.” She wasn’t ending the call though.

“Just consider this overtime. I’ll just take my payment in snacks from the pantry or something.”

Larison smiled and she looked so much like Juniper it was astonishing. Yes, I knew how genetics and all of that worked, but seeing Juniper’s expression on Larison’s face was still pretty wild.

“I feel like I should be paying you overtime or something.”

I shook my head. “Nope. This one’s on me. I called you , remember?”

She looked so…cozy. Relaxed in a way I didn’t see her when she came home. Her day of solitude had been good for her, clearly.

“So, what did you do today?”

She paused for a second, as if she was going to tell me she had to go or that we shouldn’t be talking but then she told me.

“And then I ordered the same thing for dinner because I could. I’m not even going to think about it except I can’t stop thinking about how much money I spent but also how much food I ate.” Her laugh was soft.

“Everyone deserves to go a little wild sometimes,” I said. “I remember the first few days after the semester ended officially, I spent several hours just staring at the wall and eating shredded cheese out of a bag because it was one of the only things in my fridge.” There. Now we’d both shared something embarrassing. We were even.

“God, I love eating cheese in the middle of the night. I’ve caught Juniper doing it too.”

I burst out laughing because I could absolutely picture that.

Larison kept talking and I wondered why she’d decided she needed to talk to me during this day when she’d already told me she didn’t want to talk to or see anyone.

I was definitely reading too much into things, but I couldn’t help it. My heart was desperate for any crumb of attention from her. No matter how innocuous.

I truly was desperate for this woman and it was getting worse. She didn’t seem to notice how much I focused on her face, drinking her in, hanging on her every word like I was starving, and I needed each one for sustenance.

I’d been staying later when she got home too. At first it was intentional and then it just felt right to be there and to hear about her day and to watch her with Juniper. And now here I was, talking to her on a Saturday without her daughter even being involved.

If I wasn’t careful, this was going to go to my head. I needed to keep my feet on the ground and in reality. Larison was not going to declare her undying love to me. She wasn’t going to sweep me off my feet and carry me off into the sunset with Juniper running behind us.

Yeah, even entertaining fantasies like that was dangerous. I needed to shut all of that down. Just…after we stopped talking. Right now? I was floating on a cloud of desire and delusion.

Time stopped having any meaning for me as Larison and I talked, really talked, in the way that two people are who are comfortable with each other do.

She told me about how difficult it had been to go away to school and have Juniper on her own.

“I know I’m supposed to be this strong, badass single mom, but I wasn’t feeling like much of a badass. I felt like doing a lot of crying and hoping my daughter didn’t hear the first few weeks. It was so much harder than I anticipated. But I had to do it. I had to see what life would be like if I left my cocoon. Guess I wasn’t strong enough.” Her smile was sad, and I could see all the insecurities and guilt written on her face.

“You’re not weak, Larison. You know that’s not true.”

She sighed and moved until she was laying on her side, her head resting on her pillow.

“Ugh, I don’t want to talk about all of that. Tell me something good.”

Something good, something good…

“Oh, have you seen pictures or videos of that tiny baby hippo from Thailand that bites people?” I was constantly sending Reid pictures of her and asking “this you?” and Reid had begged me to stop, but I refused.

Larison’s eyebrows went up. “Uh, no. I have not.”

“Oh my god, you have to look it up as soon we’re done. And show her to Juniper. She’d love her.”

Larison still seemed skeptical, but she wouldn’t be after she saw the teeny tiny grumpy hippo. I’d decided to make her my personal mascot. So young, so oblong, so angry at the world.

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“You should. You can trust me, Larison.” I loved saying her name. It was so unique and so beautiful and wished I could say it all the time for any reason. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to start singing it like I was a character in a musical.

“Well, I trust you with my daughter so…” she trailed off.

“Is it weird that I miss her? I know I was with her all week, but she’s so funny.” That kid had me cracking up the whole week, even reducing me to tears a few times. Sometimes it was unintentional, which made what she said even funnier.

“Well, I’m a little biased, but I think she’s the best kid ever.” Larison’s smile made warmth spread through my chest.

“Is she having a good time with your parents?” I asked. Larison didn’t need to send me pictures or updates on Juniper, but I couldn’t help but ask about her.

“Yeah, they took her to a farm day with a petting zoo so I’m expecting her to come home and ask if we can get a goat or a chicken or a horse. And then I’ll have to explain, again, why we can’t have a horse in the apartment.”

“Not even a small one? Wow, you’re strict.”

Larison laughed. “Don’t undermine my parenting!”

I pretended to be offended. “I would never.”

We both laughed and then Larison’s phone went off. “Hold on a second.”

Her eyes seemed to scan a message.

“Do you need to go?” I’d monopolized her time for far too long. All she’d wanted was time alone and I’d barged right in and demanded her attention.

“No, it’s fine. Just a check in with some pictures.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to ask her to forward the pictures to me, but she would probably post them on her social pages anyway.

“Still. I’m sure you want to get back to your weekend of leisure. And I’ve got stuff to do.” I didn’t have any stuff to do, but she didn’t need to know that.

“Oh, right. Of course. It’s later than I thought it was. I have a few books that are calling my name and uninterrupted reading time is hard to come by over here.” No doubt. I couldn’t take any more of those reading moments away from her.

“Tell Juniper that I miss her, and I’ll see her on Monday. And enjoy the rest of your weekend.” Now I was in a rush to get off the chat with her.

“Yeah, sure. Will do. And you have a good weekend too, Jo.” No one ever called me by my full name, but I wanted to ask her to. I wanted to hear her say “Josephine.”

“Bye, Larison.”

I ended the chat.