Until the World Falls Down

Chapter 29

Whispers of words I couldn’t quite catch danced at the back of my mind, turning into shouts soon after. They were muffled and jumbled together, but familiar and grating.

“Nell. Nell! Eleanora! ”

The sound of my full name pulled me into consciousness, my brow furrowing, two different voices overlapping each other as they pierced my ears. Hands shook my shoulders, and I opened my eyes, immediately wrenching them shut again as the setting sun blinded me.

“Nell,” came my name again, and now I recognized the voice as Julian’s. His hands tightened on my shoulders, rough and painful. “Are you okay? Say something!”

His body blocked out the sun as I opened my eyes again, staring up into his hazel eyes. His shadow cast over me, the shape inanimate and lifeless. I willed it to wrap around me, to give me the comfort and familiarity of its cool touch, but it remained still and impalpable.

“Nell,” another voice said, and then Veronica’s face appeared over me, her skin pale. “What happened? Should I call an ambulance?”

“Where have you been?” Julian pressed. “What’s going on?”

Tears brimmed, stinging my eyes, and then trailing down my cheeks.

I was back. This wasn’t Morgan tricking me again. I was home.

I’d completed the labyrinth.

And Enver was gone.

I brought my hands to my face and broke down, choking on my tears as Veronica and Julian continued talking at me, demanding answers, growing louder as their concern rose. The sound of Enver calling my name echoed through my mind, drowning out their voices. The image of him reaching for me imprinted into my vision, no matter how tightly I closed my eyes.

Enver was gone . There was no going back. It was over. I’d never see him again. Never touch him again. Never see his smile.

“For fuck’s sake, Nell!” Julian shouted, grabbing my arm and wrenching me up off the ground.

Startled, my eyes flew open as his fingernails dug into my skin. My surroundings came into focus, and I realized I was outside my house, in front of my rose bushes. Julian knelt in the grass next to me, his other hand going to my jaw, forcing me to look at him.

“You have been missing for an entire week! ” he snapped, his eyes narrowed. “Where the hell have you been? Don’t you know how worried we were? You can’t just sit here and cry and say nothing!”

A week?

“Julian,” Veronica warned, standing behind him so closely her thighs brushed his shoulders .

She was wearing my clothes. Clothes I knew I had just washed. Clothes I had left folded on top of my dryer. My gaze followed her hand as she tucked her hair behind her ear, revealing a fresh hickey on her neck. Then she dropped her hand down to Julian’s shoulder, and a sparkle drew my attention. The engagement ring. Still on her finger.

It brought me back to when all this started. When they’d told me of their affair. When I’d let them place the blame on me. When I’d believed it was my fault. When I’d allow their betrayal to break me. When I’d become desperate.

When Enver had come to me.

Would things have been different if I’d reacted differently then? If I had been stronger? If I had seen my worth? If I’d not blamed myself? Would I not have met Enver? Would I have saved myself from this pain?

Why did Julian and Veronica still have each other when I’d lost everything?

Anger boiled up in me. At them, at what they did to me, at what I’d done to myself.

I owed myself more than this.

“Leave,” I said, my voice hoarse and quiet.

Julian’s grip on me tightened. “What?”

“I said leave,” I repeated, pulling my head free of his grasp and shoving him away from me, climbing shakily to my feet.

Julian also stood up, his lips curling into a scowl, reaching for me again. “Nell, I know you’re not brushing me off after I spent the last week searching for you?—”

“While you weren’t busy fucking my sister?” I cried, slapping his hand away. “Don’t touch me! Were you two living in my house while I was missing? Is that why you’re wearing my clothing, Veronica? You were so worried about me that you helped yourself to all my belongings?”

Veronica pulled her hand back from Julian’s shoulders. Her startled eyes were the only evidence I needed to know it was true.

“W-we thought you just needed space,” she said.

“You are so desperate to have anything that is mine, aren’t you?” I asked icily, my body trembling in rage.

“Don’t speak to her that way,” Julian snapped, reaching out to take Veronica’s hand in his. She immediately latched onto it, her fingers threading through his.

I stared at their entwined hands. How had I ever fallen for Morgan’s illusion? Julian would never apologize to me. Julian would never choose me over Veronica. Julian would never love me.

And now…

Now, I didn’t want him to. I didn’t want anything to do with him. Him or Veronica. I didn’t need anyone who treated me like this in my life.

“Get your shit out of my house,” I said. “Give me back my credit card and get the fuck out of my life.”

“Nell—”

“I would ask for everything I ever got you, but I doubt that would even leave you with the clothes on your back.”

Julian’s face turned red, his jaw clenching. “You’re going to throw that in my face again? You’re the one who offered it all! You’re the one who wanted to buy my love! You’re desperate. Desperate to be loved by me.”

“No,” I said, my voice steady because now I knew what I was about to say was true. “It could have been anyone. You were right before. I was desperate enough to give myself to anyone who gave me the slightest bit of attention. It just happened to be you back then.”

His eyes narrowed.

I held his gaze, not backing down. “But I’m not desperate anymore. I won’t beg for scraps of affection that weren’t even there to begin with. ”

“Bullshit,” he replied. “I know you, Nell. You would stay with me if I asked. You would forgive me if I asked. Because that’s who you are.”

“No,” I said evenly. “That’s who I was.”

The person I was before—the one who would put up with anything, the one who would stay no matter what, the one who would love no matter how little she was loved back.

That version of me didn’t exist anymore.

“I deserve someone who will love me the way I deserve to be loved,” I told him, my heart clenching at the words. “And you don’t deserve me. You never deserved me.”

He scoffed. “And who do you think will ever love you, Nell? Do you think anyone else could put up with you for as long as I did?”

His words should have stung, but they didn’t. “Me,” I said softly, looking him in the eye. “I will love myself. I will learn how I should love someone and how I should be loved back. And that’s something that would never be possible with a partner like you. I should have walked away a long time ago.”

“So why didn’t you?”

“Because I thought I was in love. I thought I loved you. But you were right,” I told him. “I don’t think I ever loved you. You were just there.”

Veronica gazed at me, her face pale, her expression uncertain. “Where have you been, Nell?” she asked again, this time hesitantly.

“With someone who showed me what I deserved,” I said, a lump rising in my throat. “With people who showed me what love is supposed to be like. I didn’t have the courage to walk away before. I didn’t have the confidence to admit that I deserved more. But I do now.”

“So, you ran away to be with some other guy?” Julian accused, his tone bitter .

It was almost funny—how he said that while holding Veronica’s hand. Almost .

Mainly, though, it just pissed me off.

“Yeah, I did,” I said, my words cutting. “And he fucked me harder and better than you ever could, Julian. He made me come more times in one night than you did in our entire relationship. I didn’t know someone could reach so deep inside me. My legs are still shaking from how big he was. I should thank you for being a good practice dildo. Really helped prepare me for him.”

Julian flushed, his lips morphing into a scowl. “You?—”

“Now get the fuck out of my life,” I said.

“You think?—”

“Now,” I interjected. “Before I call the cops and report you two for trespassing.”

“Our stuff is still inside,” Veronica said quickly.

I glanced at her, smiling patronizingly. “Then you’re welcome to have someone else come pick it up, as long as you explain why your shit is at my house and why you’re not allowed to come get it.”

“Nell, please?—”

“I want you out of my life, Veronica,” I said, ignoring the way she flinched at my words.

“I’m your sister,” she protested.

“I don’t consider you my sister anymore. You lost that the moment you chose to fuck my boyfriend. Family is supposed to be there for each other, but you betrayed me. Take your fiancé and leave. Hopefully, our mother is more accepting of Julian as your partner than I am.”

“I only did it because you have everything!” Veronica cried. “You have a good career, an expensive car, a nice house, and a man who wanted to love you! Yet you never appreciate any of it! You take it all for granted! Meanwhile, everyone always asks me why I’m not like you. Why I’m not as successful. Why I’m not as smart. Why I can’t land a good boyfriend.”

I blinked, unable to believe what I was hearing. “Did you forget why I had to fight to be successful? I had to support myself after our mother kicked me out?—”

“You were eighteen!”

“And you’re twenty-eight, yet you still live with her.”

“It’s because Mom said you remind her of Dad!” Veronica blurted. “That’s why she can’t be around you. That’s why she kicked you out.”

Not expecting that, I fell silent. I knew our mom blamed me for our dad leaving, but this was a new revelation.

“Yet she still compares us to this day,” Veronica continued. “She doesn’t want me to be like our father but wants me to be like you. Find a high-paying job and make money, but don’t be like Eleanora. It doesn’t make sense! And you never noticed the pressure she always put on me. The only reason she even started talking to you again is because I told her how much money you make.”

I tried not to react outwardly. I didn’t want to believe it, but Veronica’s words made sense. The text message history with my mom would prove it if I searched through it. She never asked to see me. Only asked for money.

“If I am just like Dad, then you are just like Mom,” I said slowly. “You both used me for my money like Mom used Dad for money. You both betrayed me like she did to him.”

Veronica’s face paled. “I’m not like Mom.”

“Then why were you content spending my income while sleeping with my boyfriend?”

“That was your fault!” she cried. “You drove him to me. He wasn’t happy, and you were too busy to notice or care. He needed me. I was there for him when you weren’t. You took him for granted, so I took him from you.”

“Is this seriously your excuse?” I asked .

“You didn’t deserve him!” she responded. “Not when you had everything else, too.”

“You’re right. I don’t deserve him,” I said, smiling at her. “I don’t deserve a cheating piece of shit like him. And I don’t deserve a selfish, jealous sister like you. You both deserve each other. I refuse to take the blame for what you two did. If Julian was that unhappy, he should have broken up with me. Not cheated on me. If you were so jealous of me, you should have focused on improving yourself instead of trying to steal what I had. And while I regret I made you feel unloved when I thought I was giving you all the love I had, what you two did to me is unforgivable. So, this is the last time I’m going to say this—get the fuck out of my life. I don’t want or need you two in it.”

I looked between them, seeing Julian’s shoulders tense and Veronica’s cheeks flush. She opened her mouth, but Julian gave her a stern look, shaking his head. He took out his wallet, plucking out the credit card I gave him, and threw it at my feet. “Let’s go,” he muttered, tugging her away.

“Wait,” I said.

They paused, and Veronica turned back to me.

I pointed at her hand. “The ring. Give it to me.”

Her eyes went wide. “What? It’s mine.”

“Julian bought it with my credit card. Or do you want to be reminded of how your fiancé had to steal money from your successful sister to purchase your engagement ring every time you look at it?”

Veronica took off the ring with shaking hands and threw it to the ground. “Fine. Take it.”

“I thought so.”

“I hope you’re happy, Nell,” Julian spat at me.

“I will be,” I promised myself.

As they walked away from me, I waited to feel satisfied about sticking up for myself. To feel a sense of vindication. But as a familiar car rolled up and my mom climbed out of it, her hair a freshly dyed platinum blonde, I only felt anger.

I forced myself forward, approaching her as Julian got into the car, and Veronica hesitated by the passenger door. My mom looked surprised to see me, her dark eyes taking me in. “Eleanora, you’re back. Perfect timing. I think my car needs new tires?—”

“Mom,” I interrupted her, trying to ignore the pain in my chest that formed as she asked me for money even now. Trying to ignore that my wealth was the only reason she ever tried to be part of my life again. “I want to remind you of Dad one last time.”

Her brow furrowed, glancing at Veronica for a split second. “What?”

“I’m leaving you,” I told her. “This time it’s my decision. This is me cutting you off and out of my life. And like Dad, I won’t be coming back. You will never use me again.”

“Excuse me? You’re my daughter ?—”

“No,” I cut her off, shaking my head. “You stopped being my mother the moment you threw me out. When you found out about Veronica and Julian and didn’t tell me. I don’t have any family anymore.”

Veronica let go of the passenger door handle, turning back to me, her eyes filled with tears. “Nell, wait?—”

I glared at her, causing her voice to falter. “Don’t. It’s over. I made my decision. I’m choosing me.”

My mom didn’t respond. Her expression didn’t even change as she returned to the driver’s side and climbed in.

“Nell, you’ll be alone,” Veronica pleaded.

“I already have been for a long time,” I replied. “I just never realized it.”

Her tears spilled over as she opened the door and entered the car. I didn’t know why she was crying. I didn’t care why, either .

I watched them drive away, expecting to be relieved.

But instead, I felt pathetic as I staggered back toward my house.

For taking this long to stand up for myself, for being so desperate for love from a person like Julian, and for being so willing to ignore my self-worth for the sake of having someone by my side. To place so much of me in someone else’s hands. Enver was right—it was dangerous. But now everything was back in my hands, and I refused to give it away ever again.

I knelt down to the ground, picking up the engagement ring Veronica had tossed. It glinted in the sun as I slid it onto my ring finger.

It stopped at the first knuckle, too small to go further.

I took it off, staring at it, seeing nothing but a reminder of what I had settled for, what I had put up with, and what I had allowed.

What I would never allow again.

I brought my hand back, ready to chuck it as far away from me as possible, but stopped at the last second, closing my fist around it. I didn’t know how much Julian had paid for it. I’d already lost enough of my money to him. I needed to return it if I could. My eyes scanned the grass for my credit card that undoubtedly paid for it, and when I found it, I slipped it into my pocket.

Standing, I turned toward my house. My feet felt heavy as I walked up the front steps and through the open door. My stomach churned at the sight of the dirty dishes piled in the sink and how the chairs at the kitchen table were pushed out as if recently vacated. An empty pizza box and a dozen empty beer cans were left on the counter next to a burning candle, too close for my comfort.

The heaviness crept up my legs as I blew out the candle and forced myself into the living room. Blankets covered the couch, and a show that I’d recommended to Veronica—which Julian always refused to watch with me—was playing on the TV.

The weight spread through my arms as I found my way to my bedroom, my eyes trained on my unmade bed. The sheets were crumpled and stained, and a used condom lay on the floor next to the wastebasket.

At least they used condoms , I thought distantly.

I turned, my gaze catching my appearance in my full-length mirror. There were grass stains on my dress. No. Not my dress.

Evangeline’s dress.

The heaviness lodged itself in my throat. It took over my body, crushing me from the inside out, and I staggered, reaching out to steady myself on my dresser. My hand knocked against a framed photo of Julian and me, sending it careening to the floor where it shattered. The pain grew worse, making my chest ache and stealing my breath.

I gasped for air as my vision blurred, my lungs feeling like they would collapse.