Until Then

17. Hayley

SEVENTEEN

Hayley

Unknown number: Spend beach day with me.

I know exactly who it is

Me: It’s six am, Noah Hayden.

Me: This is not good fake-boyfriend behavior.

Pretty Boy: There’s that word again. Fake. No one’s watching. This is real Noah behavior.

Pretty Boy: Told you I’d blow up your phone.

Me: I see no meme.

Pretty Boy: *meme of surfer running from shark*

Pretty Boy: Beach day? Pick you up at ten?

I knew the answer the second I woke up to his text. Still, I send an eye roll emoji with a brisk

Fine.

The next texts are six GIFs of celebrations from NBA players to The Office and a final message:

Pretty Boy: Until then.

He woke me up, but only by a half-hour. I make quick work of feeding the animals and mucking a few stalls before I even have a cup of coffee.

Back inside, I shower, even knowing we’ll be rolling in sand and salt. The only time I pause is selecting the swimming suit. I’m as pale as a snowstorm, so I normally opt to cover as much of my skin as possible.

But the more devious side of me wouldn’t complain if I wore my two piece if it drew Noah’s searing gaze again. The way the man looks at me sometimes—it’s impossible to keep my thoughts straight.

Blood always pounds in my head, heat always pools low in my belly. He’s become a beautiful compulsion and game on whether I’ll be able to resist the urge to touch him or not.

A knock comes to my door, followed quickly by my mom’s voice, “Hayley Bear?”

“Hey, Mom.” I slip out into my living area.

“Hey sweetie.” My mom smiles. “Oh, going to the water?”

“Yeah.” I smooth my hands over my suit cover. “Um, Noah asked me to go to the beach today.”

My mom’s smile doesn’t falter, more softens. “He’s a nice guy, Hayley.”

I hesitate. “You think I’m dumb for getting involved with someone in . . . in this world, don’t you?”

The smile she wore fades. “Did I ever say that?”

My mom’s voice is sharp enough it keeps me still. “You told me as much with Jasper.”

“Because that idiot had all the characteristics of someone I once knew, and he loved cutting my daughter with his comments. I’m your mom, but you’re twenty-seven-years-old, Hay. I could only voice my concerns and love you through the heartache, all while waiting for that snake to make his move so we could love you through the broken pieces too.”

For a moment, I’m speechless. My mom is a quiet support. She believes people live and learn through hardship and mistakes.

Never has she been so vocal about her disdain for my ex-fiancé, nor her past. She deserves to rant and hate and spew vitriol, but she never has, never did.

The latter, now as a woman, I realize was for my sake.

To constantly despise the other half that made me, would only make me hate that side of myself.

A small smile builds in the corner of my lips. “But you like Noah.”

Mom’s eyes brighten again. “I do, sweetie. He was a total gentleman, and he handled your Nan like a champion. But, he lives a life in the spotlight. Are you sure that’s what you want?”

No. I never wanted to live a life in the bustle of the stars of Hollywood. Then again, my mom doesn’t know this has an expiration date.

Maybe.

I let out a sigh. “Is it weird if I say sometimes I forget he does? Noah is so . . . grounded, I guess. He’s sincere, and funny, and the things he says make me feel like he’s convinced I’m made of gold or something.”

My mom beams. “He’s not hard to look at, either.”

“Mother.”

“What?” She holds up her hands. “Am I wrong?”

“No, but . . . ugh, it’s already weird to know you’ve basically seen him . . . in precarious situations on the screen.”

“Again, I didn’t know I’d be eating pie with the guy when I watched the first season. If it makes you feel better it was only a kissing scene—passionate—but they were in this waterfall cave, and covered with?—”

“Mom!” I cry out. “I’m about to go to the beach with the man, I don’t want to think of his mouth all over some beautiful actress.”

“Well, they killed her off, so . . .”

We both laugh at the absurdity of this entire thing. Maybe the beauty of it.

“We like him, Hayley.” Mom pauses. “But I think Justin is ready to bury a body if another guy hurts you. I’ve no doubt he can do it with the way he knows this property. Maybe give Noah a warning.”

If the ball ever drops with Noah’s pass to release me from this agreement, I’ll be certain to tell Justin the truth before my fake boyfriend goes missing.

Fake. Except he admitted he’s actively trying to convince me to make it real.

“Have fun.” My mom waves and steps through the door, ready to go to her job at a busy law firm. “Oh, and Hayley—don’t make Noah pay for other men’s mistakes. He made a big one by not knowing you, truly.”

She’s not talking about Jasper.

“You’re my mom. You need to say that.”

She shakes her head. “No. I’ve known you all your life, and I promise—it was his loss.”

My door closes and I’m left alone in my front room. I don’t know how long I stand there, nor do I know what draws my steps to the small drawer in my kitchen.

I don’t know why I read the words.

Words that ache.

Words that cut.

Words that left me wondering what I’d done wrong.

For nearly a decade, I kept the birthday card. The day I turned eighteen it arrived. When I saw the name, my heart raced, thinking maybe, just maybe, he wanted more to do with me.

Instead, when I opened it, the cruelty of it was a lash so deep, the scar is still there.

Dear Hayley,

Congratulations, you’re finally 18. You know what that means? You’re officially an adult.

I’ve waited for this day since you were born. You’re independent, which means you’re no longer a dependent.

Hope you enjoyed all the child support your mother gouged from me all these years. Today is the day we’re both free—you, from adolescence. Me, from forced fatherhood.

Happy birthday.

Best,

Shane

Shane. Not Dad.

He was never a dad. I saw the man twice a year for the first sixteen years of my life. When I was young, I thought he wanted to see me, but his life as an actor—well, a big time director now—left him busy enough he couldn’t see me.

I never thought he showed up because he was afraid my mom would expose him publicly as a deadbeat dad.

Mom would’ve been thrilled to have the man never step foot in our lives after he left her high and dry a year after I was born.

If not for my late paternal grandmother—who was actually quite loving—and her insistence her pathetic son accept his responsibilities, I’m sure Shane Holston would’ve been thrilled to ignore his illegitimate daughter for good.

My father is my dirty little secret. One Jasper discovered. I’m a fool for not adding up the timeline. After he found out I’m the unclaimed child of the Hollywood great, is when Jasper asked me to take our relationship to a new level.

I’m blind not to realize the random questions about reaching out to dear old dad didn’t come from concern for me and my need for closure, it came from his selfish need to network.

The only thing Jasper did that was semi-decent was not share the truth of my parentage with the media. Then again, he likely only kept his mouth shut so he wouldn’t draw the wrath of Shane.

No doubt Noah has heard of him. Few people in his industry haven’t. For all I know, Noah has crossed paths at awards and banquets.

Someday he might learn the truth. To see his eyes light up with the notion of furthering a career because of the man who donated some DNA would reopen old wounds.

I shake my head, shoving the thought away.

Maybe Noah would do that if he cared about the prestige and celebrity side of his career. Good thing my fake boyfriend is terrible at being famous and is too normal to be corrupted by the appeal of Shane’s influence.

As though thoughts of him summoned his presence, a sleek, dark, sporty car appears in front of my house. Ten breaths and a heavy knock comes to the door.

I don’t even try to seem cool by making him wait for a bit before I rip the door open.

Noah, swim shorts, flip flops, and a tank top is a vision I didn’t know I needed. His hair is a bit ruffled, and his dark sunglasses slide down his nose when he scans me from head to toe.

I don’t even shy away.

“I’ve made a mistake,” he says. “I’m going to ruin my nephew’s innocence. How am I supposed to keep my distance from you?”

I hope he doesn’t. I pat his cheek and stride past, a little sway to my hips. “Learn some self-control, Pretty Boy. We have sandcastles to build, and I’m not letting Jude down.”

Noah groans, even stomps his foot like a spoiled kid, then follows me to his car. He shouts at me to stop where I am, then slips between me and the car door.

“Don’t argue.” He presses one finger to my lips before I can protest. “Pretend you’re helpless around doors when you’re with me. It’ll make it all so much easier.”

I roll my eyes, but already his spell, his riptide, whatever it is about Noah, has me so ensnared, my re-read of Shane’s cruel note is long forgotten.

Noah’s family isn’t as loud as mine, but they’re lovely. I see what Rees meant about their dad being intimidating. Lee Hayden bears all the evidence of a retired police officer with his scowls, build, and stern replies at times.

Until his grandson signs for his grandpa to help him make a tower or two.

Then, the man is utterly weakened and at the mercy of a four-year-old.

After Noah’s confession about childhood with his stepmom, it warms my heart a bit to see Rees seated next to Justine, laughing about whatever it is they’re discussing.

“You’re surviving.” Vienna sits next to me on an extra towel, watching Noah and Lee help Jude build a moat.

I give her a soft thanks when she hands me a bottled water. “You all are very easy to survive.”

She grins. “Well, I’m glad. They’re pretty great, I’ll keep them.”

I laugh with her when a rogue swell reaches higher on the beach and Noah yanks Jude into his arms, dramatically spinning and running with the kid like they’re about to be swept out to sea.

Jude can’t breathe, he’s laughing too hard.

We haven’t touched a great deal save for a few brushes of Noah’s fingers, or whispers next to my ear, and still, I can’t think of a better day.

Lee has asked me about my work on the ranch. Justine pressed about my family. Vienna reminds me of Greer and Briar, genuine, supportive, and a little mischievous.

Rees and Noah banter more than a couple. I’m told time and again tales of Noah’s airport pickup tactics, all to irritate his introverted brother. While we laugh about Rees’ recounting of the most recent visit—where Noah appeared in a blow up T-Rex costume, all because Jude was into dinosaurs—I catch myself looking forward to the moment I get to witness it.

Like I’m thinking of future things.

Like I’m falling into the idea of making this plan more real than pretend.

By my side, Vienna leans back, allowing her sunglasses to slip onto the bridge of her nose. “How are you handling the fallout of yesterday?”

“Oh, I’ve avoided social media. What’s the damage?”

Vienna wrinkles her nose. “Mostly a lot of questions. The photo was sold and published this morning. Frankly, it’s a romantic shot. Want to see it?”

I brace, but in the end agree.

Vienna is a professional and hides comments or captions, merely showing me a closer version of the image. She’s not wrong. It’s a perfect, sexy shot of a man about to claim a woman as his.

Our lips aren’t fully connected. Noah’s face is tilted, his sharp jawline on full display. His palm cups my cheek, his lips are parted, eyes closed. My head is arched back and I look as though I’m desperate for him, like I’m wanting and waiting for him to take me over the edge.

The sight of how well we look melded together quickens my pulse.

“Hot, isn’t it?”

“It’s . . . it’s something.” I recline onto my elbows, crossing my ankles. “My family found out about the kiss, and buried Noah in third-degree questions last night.”

She laughs “Ah, but No handles interrogations well.”

“He made it through with my grandma half in love, and my uncles—who are going to the Perfectly Broken Christmas concert, by the way—don’t want him to die.”

“Oh, give us their names and Rees will make sure they’re in the family suite at the show.”

“Really?” I imagine my rough and tough uncles squealing at the thought of being pampered at a rock show. “They’d love that.”

“But your family . . .” She allows the question to hang between us.

I stare at my hands. “They don’t know the finer details of things.” In truth, we haven’t corrected Lee or Justine either. Only Rees and Vienna know the full truth. I lower my voice. “I’ll be honest, I’m a little nervous to show my face in public again.”

“Why?”

“I’m sure there are cruel things in the comments.”

“Oh.” Vienna sighs. “I hate to say it, but after a while you almost get desensitized. Sometimes, there’s a few remarks that are so awful it cuts.”

“How do you handle it?” No doubt, Vienna Hayden has endured her own fair share of scrutiny. Perhaps she was more in the life before really dating Rees, and knew how to tolerate public scrutiny. I don’t know much of her backstory.

Vienna looks at me. “I focus on the parts that make it all worth it.” With a smile she points at her husband where he walks to chase their son with Noah. “They are worth everything to me. I don’t need to let anyone on the outside have an opinion on what happens inside the walls of my home. It was a struggle at first, for Rees more than me. He never wanted me to get hurt because of him, but we made a deal early on. If we wanted each other for good, then we wouldn’t allow the noise of the crowd to crack what we were building.”

I smile. “I love that.”

“It helps that we’re boring.” Vienna chuckles. “With everyone in the band married with kids, those metal heads are in bed right after their shows, they go to awards with their wives in tow, and the only real sightings beyond that are at soccer games or T-ball tournaments.”

“But the rumors and lies,” I say. “Noah told me about the lovechild situation.”

“Poor girl, getting her face stolen like that.” Vienna clicks her tongue. “I was angry someone was lying all to cause a rift in my marriage right after our son was born. I didn’t have excellent postpartum health, so it added to everything, but I know Rees. I know him better than I know anyone else. He would never do something to risk us like that. Are you worried about all this?”

“Yeah. I definitely don’t like the spotlight on me,” I say. Mostly because it could draw out the father who resents my existence, and when he denies me publicly, it will do nothing but reopen old wounds.

“I admit it would be harder with Noah’s job. Rees doesn’t have to kiss other people sometimes. But it’s only for a month.” Vienna shoots me a knowing glance. “Right? It won’t really matter what lies they spread about Noah, since it’s not real anyway.”

“Right.” I speak too quickly and it hardly sounds like a statement, more a word to say when someone wants to agree to end a conversation.

Vienna laughs. “It might not be the worst thing if, you know, it was a little longer than a month.”

I fall flat on my back and cover my eyes with my arms. “I’m not . . . built for the spotlight. I’m a horse trainer and therapist.”

“And I was a high school English teacher.”

I peek out from behind my arms. “You were?”

“Yeah, and Alexis Cole—Bridger’s wife—was a librarian. We have authors, interior designers, therapists ”—she holds my stare for a longer pause— “in our little crew. None of whom ever anticipated falling in love with a guy in the spotlight. But it’s up to you to decide if that’s the life you want. No shame if it isn’t.”

Vienna watched the guys again. Now, Noah had Rees in a headlock, trying to shove his face in a hole. Jude kept dancing between burying his dad or saving him.

“But,” Vienna goes on, “if you decided maybe the risk is worth it for you, I don’t think you’d regret taking that risk with Noah Hayden. I might be biased since I’m married to his twin, but he’s one of the most loyal, kind-hearted men I’ve ever met.”

“Vi!” Rees shouts, wrestling his brother. “You going to let him . . . treat me . . .” Rees grunted when Noah shoved his shoulder. “Treat me like this?”

She laughs and stands, brushing sand off her legs. “Either way, I’m glad you’re here with him now, Hayley.”

With that she takes off, squealing and signing when she approaches her boys.

Noah catches my gaze across the beach. I hug my knees to my chest, studying him, memorizing him.

Yes. I answer Vienna’s question in my head. Yes, I think Noah Hayden might be worth every risk, every time.