Until Then

19. Hayley

NINETEEN

Hayley

There is something calming about the back of a horse, away from the world, with nothing but a fading sun in the distance.

This was my calm, my peace, whenever I argued with my mom, or saw a new film release with Shane Holston’s name somewhere in the credits. Here, I could forget stresses for a time and simply exist somewhere sweeter, quieter.

Normally, rides are done alone, but for some reason I blurted out the invitation for Noah to join, and I’m not certain I’ll ever go back.

Throughout the journey up the hills around the ranch, Noah handles Winter with ease and confidence. Nearly a decade on set with horses and swords has lent him a good hold on a bridle. But it’s the smaller moments. Those moments when he’s quiet and pensive, like he knows I need to spend a bit of solitude in my own head for a second.

Maybe he needs the same.

It’s the way he keeps pace next to me, always listening with earnest interest when I point out landmarks on the property.

My favorite is watching Noah speak for Winter. Full on conversations when the horse attempts to go off path or graze in a field. Noah gives his command, then grumbles a response in a different voice, assuming it’s Winter’s inner monologue.

Every ab muscle aches from laughing by the time we reach the fence line at the top of the hill.

We both dismount, Noah winces and rubs his thighs, but helps tie off the two horses on a post.

“My butt is going to hate me tomorrow,” he says through a sigh and takes a seat beside me.

All around is golden grass, gently waving in the California breeze. I hug my knees against my chest and look down at the ranch below.

Noah reclines onto his palms, crossing his ankles in front of him. “You’re good at what you do, Wildfire. Truly.”

I peer over my shoulder, a discreet smile on my face. “Thank you.”

“Our little agreement aside, I truly want to help out the ranch. It’s a good thing you’re trying to do. Was there anything else you dreamed of doing?”

I shadow his position, inching close enough to his side our shoulders brush. “There is a piece we’ve considered doing for a bit. My grandpa was a veteran and he had a lot of buddies from the Army who suffered with PTSD and major injuries. He always wanted to divvy a portion of the ranch to a full week experience for wounded veterans and their families. They could work the ranch, participate in activities, maybe have a concert night or something. Maybe they’d find some healing with other vets and therapeutic riding.”

Noah is quiet for a long pause. “Would you want to expand it to veterans and first responders too?”

He’s . . . brainstorming with me? Jasper always changed the subject of ranch projects unless I was ever open to the idea of leasing to studios again.

He treated Sweet Cream like it was beneath him.

I pop one shoulder. “I never thought of it, but why not? That would be amazing.”

“I ask because Perfectly Broken does an entire concert event for first responders. Bridger’s dad was a firefighter, and you know good old Lee Hayden was a cop. They might be able to promote it at their concert. Maybe offer a donation to help cover the costs for people. Unless the families were going to pay for the week.”

“See.” I face him, folding my legs under my body. “That’s where I wasn’t sure how to do it. How do I pay employees if we don’t actually earn money? Should it be a full non-profit and run on volunteers and donations? Maybe we make it a once a year thing, like the concert?” I shrug again. “I don’t know. There’s a lot to consider.”

“But I think it’s a good thing to consider.” Noah straightens and, without hesitating, takes hold of my hand. “You’re trying to make a difference, Hayley. And I really think you can. I’d love to be part of it.”

I stare down at the place our hands are connected. “You don’t need to feel obligated?—”

“I don’t.” He doesn’t blink, doesn’t look away. “I want to do things that matter in my life, Wildfire. I’m proud of my job, of what I do to help people escape reality sometimes, but . . . I’ve been feeling like there’s something else, another direction I should go.”

“Like teaching the kids?”

He nods. “The community programs have been more for my benefit than theirs, I assure you. Watching you down there, I don’t know, I was completely captivated. Like I was exactly where I should be. So, please, don’t feel like I’m only saying this because of . . . whatever this is. I really believe in it.”

A half a breath passes before I realize I’m leaning forward.

Another heartbeat thuds in my chest before I recognize my palms are against his face.

Then, another second before I know I’m going to kiss him.

My lips are crushed to his before I understand I don’t even care.

I don’t have time to think before his palm overtakes the side of my face. Noah tugs me closer until I leverage over his lap, straddling his hips.

I melt against him. The clean hint of pine and spice on his skin draws me closer. My fingers drag through his wavy hair as I part my lips. His tongue is warm and minty.

I want him closer, need him closer. Truth be told, I’m not sure it would even be enough. Walls I’ve carefully placed around my heart bend. They crack. Caution and unknowns have dictated my moves with Noah Hayden since the morning I realized my dream man wore a famous face.

In this moment, caution fades and the truth shoves through.

I allowed fear to cloud what my heart felt around this man.

I pretended our meeting didn’t matter.

I told myself he would break me like others have done.

My fingers tug on the ends of his hair. His hands claim me like I’ve always been his.

None of those untruths I’ve repeated these last nine months matter anymore. I want Noah. Should he break me in the end, at least my heart had a moment to learn what true desire, true want, true heat and happiness feels like.

After a moment, Noah pulls back, keeping his lips hovering over mine. I’m breathless, dazed. A dark simmer in his eyes gives up Noah might be thinking the same thing.

My stomach backflips. Perhaps we have an arrangement, but this is real. There’s no fa?ade with the way he’s looking at me.

Noah is sweet, gentle, and devoted to those he loves.

But there’s a darker side, one riddled in passion and desire. The simmering heat in his gaze draws out the beautiful blaze of a man who’s found what he wants, a man who’ll do whatever he can to keep it.

A shudder shoots down my spine. No one has ever looked at me this way, and I think I’ve unlocked a new obsession.

“No one’s watching, Wildfire.” His fingers brush a bit of wild hair out of my face.

There’s hesitation in the words. Like Noah believes I might be ready to recoil from him all over again.

I press my forehead to his, eyes closed. My fingertips trace the stubble on his jaw, the curve of his lips. “I’m glad no one’s watching.”

A curl of a smile twitches in the corner of his mouth. He leans his face into my palm. “Why’s that?”

Am I bold enough to finally say what I want?

Heartache burns through me like a disease I can’t heal. A constant nagging in my skull, trying to get me to tread with timid steps, to accept a man like Noah wouldn’t ever truly want me.

But stronger is a new voice, a new steadiness that draws me closer to him, that trusts him.

More than anything, these arms feel like home.

I hold his gaze for a breath, then draw my lips against his ear, voice low. “Because I don’t want anyone to see what I plan to do with you.”

I don’t offer a warning before I kiss him again.

Noah’s breath catches. There’s something a little intoxicating the way my voice and touch can overpower him the way his do to me.

He let out a soft groan and lies back, drawing me over him. This is how we always should’ve been. For nine months, this could’ve been mine.

Maybe now . . . it can be again.

By the time we finally leave the bubble of the hillside, the lights around the ranch are ablaze, and the moon blankets the pastures in cold light.

Noah helps me put the horses into their stalls, then walks with his hand in mine toward his car.

“Thank you,” I say. “For coming today, I mean. It . . . I had a good time.”

Noah smirks and kisses me slowly. His thumb runs along my cheek when he pulls back. “You need to know by now I have ulterior motives with our little arrangement, right?”

I tilt my head. “Um, keep fame chasers and gold diggers away?”

“A good guess and a benefit I didn’t really think about, but no.” He steps closer, his tall, hard body making a sort of cage against me and his car door. Noah tilts my chin with one of his knuckles. “My big secret with all this is I have no plans of letting you go again.”

My heart skips. I force an easy grin to hide the rush of adrenaline in my veins. “Hmm. Be specific, Mr. Hayden. I could take that as romantic, or borderline stalkerish.”

His smile adds a bright gleam to his eyes.

“Hayley,” he begins slowly, tilting his mouth so it's aligned with mine again. “I’m fake-dating you because I want to real-date you. I want you.” Noah kisses my cheek. “I don’t want to pretend with you.” A kiss to the corner of my lips. “I want the boring days.” Kiss to my brow. “The messy days.” He pulls back enough to hold my stare. “Whatever you have to offer, I want. I have since we first met, and it hasn’t changed. It’s only grown.”

He's bearing his heart with sincerity, and deserves the same in return.

I swallow. “I’m not glamorous, Noah.”

“Who told you that?”

I chuckle and press a hand to his chest. “You know what I mean. I’m not the sort you see on the red carpets. I don’t even know how to pose for a picture.”

“It’s definitely a learned skill,” he goes on without a pause. “But I think I’ve failed if you thought I wanted you to be anyone other than who you are already. I didn’t fall for glitz and glamor, Hayley. I fell for a woman in a T-Shirt who has an unnerving passion for a blueberry scone.”

This man.

“I have insecurities about some things. Sometimes I allow them to get in the way.”

“Good, so do I.” He traces the bottom edge of my lip. “I’m not delivering a line when I tell you I want you, Hayley. All of you.” For a moment he hesitates. “Trust me, there are things about me that aren’t glamorous.”

There’s meaning behind the words. Perhaps, Noah Hayden has his own secrets.

My fingertips follow the curve of his shirt collar. “I’d like to see those sides of you.”

Noah’s jaw pulses. He kisses me, still sweet, but with a new claim than he had before.

I lose track of time until he finally releases me. “I won’t leave if I don’t go now. I do have a cast meeting tomorrow, stupidly early.”

I laugh and force myself to take a step back. “Better get your beauty rest, Pretty Boy.”

“Have dinner with me tomorrow?”

“You know, you’re the only guy who can demand me to go out with you instead of asking. For some reason, I don’t mind with you.”

“Is that a yes, Wildfire?”

“A real date?”

“This was never fake for me.”

He speaks with such confidence, such surety, I stumble over my own breath for a second.

I nod. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He winks and slips into the driver’s seat. “Until then, Wildfire.”

I don’t leave the drive until the red glow of his taillights fade into the dark. My heart is soaring. Every step is lighter.

This is happening. Noah Hayden asked me to be his. Only his. No ruse, no hiding. There is something so powerful and sincere about the way he speaks I have no choice but to believe him.

Maybe I’m a fool—the man acts for a living—but maybe it’s also time to trust my own instincts.

Noah’s a good man.

He loves enormously.

He surrounds himself with those who believe in that same love.

And the truth is, I’m careening over the ledge and falling for the man. At this point, I’m not certain I could stop.

When I make it back to my house, my mom sits on my porch swing, her knee bouncing.

“Mom?” I hug my middle. “You okay?”

She forces a smile. I know my mom’s fake smile by now. “Um, so I got an interesting text message. I thought twice about showing you, but you’re a grown woman, and I . . . I think you should be prepared. Noah, too.”

My pulse quickens. “What is it?”

“Hayley, please know he’s a small man. You are the light of my life and I have absolutely no regrets. I merely want to bury him where no one can find him for how despicable he is to my daughter.”

“Violent mom is coming out, huh.” I hold out my hand. “That can only mean one guy. What’d Shane say now?”

“Again, I’m showing you only as a warning. Do not take?—”

“Mom. I know. I’m much surer of myself than I was as a kid.” Still, I brace for the sting of rejection I know is coming.

With a sigh, she shows me an open text message beneath a screenshot of Noah’s post on his account. It’s a shot of me smiling up at the horse. Only one of Colt’s legs is in the image, and the picture is nothing but me, laughing at something.

Shane: Jasper Barnes reached out to show me this. If he’s looking for a connection through Hayley, it’s caught my attention. I’ll have my assistant reach out to his agent. Or I’d be willing to speak directly. I have a project we’ll want to discuss.

Maybe it’s the night with Noah still lingering in my heart, but the audacity of my biological father hardly stings.

I’m more annoyed that Jasper can’t keep his mouth shut.

I hand my mom’s phone to her. “I love how arrogant he is with the insinuation Noah’s only with me to get to him.”

My mom’s face tightens. Maybe she has the same concern.

I place a hand on her shoulder. “Mom, Noah doesn’t even know who my dad is.”

She nods. “He’s lucky to have you, Hay. He is, but I know how motivating it is for people to get a good connection in this business. I like Noah, and felt like you should know Shane might be reaching out to him. If he doesn’t know he’s your dad, you might want to prepare him. Shane doesn’t quit when he gets an idea.”

“I don’t know how to bring it up without admitting how ridiculous I’ve been, pining for a dad’s acknowledgement. It’s pathetic.”

“You are not pathetic.” Mom stands and grips my hand. “Tell him when you’re ready. I just wanted you to know he’s on the prowl.”

“Thanks.”

“Oh, and Hayley.”

“Yeah?”

Mom pauses at my front door. “If you tell Noah and he thinks you’re pathetic, he’s not worth your time.”

She leaves me alone, her words pinging back and forth in my skull.

The last thing I want is my deadbeat dad to jump back into my life to get to my . . . boyfriend? Is Noah my boyfriend?

I don’t know, but I’m not shying away from the idea of it.