Vampires of Eden (Alexander #2)

25. Daniel

CHAPTER 25

Daniel

I ’m so proud of myself.

That golden vampire man told me that I reminded him of a nocturne. That my essence was, quote, “Rhapsody on a moonlit night.”

Goddamn.

But I stood my ground, didn’t I? Because even though his speech was unquestionably the most romantic and poetic thing that anyone has ever said to me, I know I deserve even more than that. I want him to say those things to me when he’s lucid. Not whispering sweet nothings or licking me when he’s high. Refusing to face me and this undeniable pull between us when he’s sober.

I’ve already played the part of someone’s shameful secret once and I’m not doing it again. At his core, truly, I believe that Alexander is the opposite of Josefina. This situation feels completely different. Even still, I have to stand up for myself, because if I don’t no one else will. I learned that the hard way.

So, good for me.

All this fucking personal growth when all I really want to do is eat his ass.

I did yoga alone this morning because when I knocked on Alexander’s door, he didn’t answer. He was probably sleeping off the wine. It tickles me that he’s vulnerable to the effects of alcohol. Of course he is.

I’m sitting at the kitchen table and halfway through my second cup of tea when I sense his shimmering presence stirring and drawing nearer. With my pulse fluttering in my throat, I look to the door, anticipating.

Soon, Alexander peeks his head into the frame, then cautiously steps into view. He runs his fingers through the heft of his hair, sweeping it back. “Good morning. Did I miss yoga?”

“You did,” I say over my mug. “Are you hungover?”

“No.” He moves closer, then stops. “A little embarrassed, but otherwise fine. I… apologize. For last night.”

I take a sip, then set the mug on the table and in between my palms. “What are you apologizing for, exactly?” Is he sorry about being tipsy? About fisting my hair when I never let anyone touch my hair? Does he regret offering me the most heartfelt and sincere compliments I’ve ever received in my life?

Which part?

Focusing on the stove, he takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry that I keep being such a fucking mess. I’m sorry that you have to keep dealing with it.” He cuts his irises toward me as if to make sure I’m listening. The vulnerability in his gaze warms my chest and makes my throat tight.

I tap my fingers against the smooth porcelain of the mug as a mild distraction to calm my heart rate. “I don’t mind, Alexander. You know that I like you and… you said we’re friends, right? You’re not nearly as burdensome as you make yourself out to be.”

He steps toward the table until he’s standing behind the chair across from me. With his hands rested on the wooden back, he hesitates. “How much do you like me?”

Confused, my eyebrows lift. “How much?”

“Yes.”

“As in feet and inches? Or centimeters?”

“No,” he chuckles. I laugh too.

“What do you mean?” I repeat .

He shakes his head, grinning. “Never mind—that was a stupid question. Just forget about it.”

“It’s not stupid. It just requires clarification.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He steps backward and toward the kitchen door. “Are you still teaching me how to prune the vines today?”

“You’re changing the subject,” I observe as a strange sense of urgency fills my chest. “If you talk to me and tell me what you mean, then I can?—”

Leoni rounds the corner into the kitchen and passes Alexander. “Hola, mis amigos—Are we having a meeting? Is there tea? Can I have some?”

“Suuure,” I say, rolling my shoulders to release the influx of heavy tension. I stand from the table.

“Are you two still planning to prune this morning?” she asks, grabbing a mug from the cabinet and pouring herself tea. “Can you carry on in the same row where I left off yesterday?”

“Yeah, alright, we’re heading out now.” Slightly annoyed, I stalk toward the door, addressing Alexander as I move. “Let’s go.”

He chuckles, saluting as I pass. “Yes, sir.”

It’s another blue-sky morning with a light breeze. It makes the green leaves spanning the vineyard flutter in the sunlight like clustered swarms of butterflies. By the time we get the tools we need for pruning and walk down the designated row, the tense mood we had in the kitchen has dissipated.

Down to vineyard business.

“Can you see the way that the leaves on the cordon here are much thinner compared with this stretch?” I ask, pointing between Leoni’s finished work and where we’re planning to carry on.

“Yes,” Alexander says, standing beside me and gesturing. “The leaves are fuller here.”

“Right. That’s what we’re fixing. The shoots need to be thinner so that air can circulate and nourish the vine. If it’s too dense like this over here, the quality of the fruit will suffer from the lack of circulation.”

“How do we know how much to cut away?” he asks.

Stepping up closer to the vine, I crouch down. “We want something like three-to-six shoots per linear foot of cordon.”

He squats beside me, matching my position. “What’s cordon again?”

“The thick part of the vine, here.” I hunch down to look deeper into the cluster of shoots. “We’re looking for stronger shoots that will produce a plethora of fruit.”

“A ‘plethora’?” he snorts.

“Yes. Do you not know what that word means?”

“I know what it means, I’ve just never heard anyone casually say it.”

I shrug, still digging under the foliage and looking for examples of weak shoots to show him. “It’s just a word.”

“It’s a weird word. Are you an academic? Are we writing a research paper?”

“Whatever, alright? Are you paying attention?” I turn my head to look at him, but something grabs hold of my bun. “Ah shit .”

“Are you okay?”

Reaching, I feel blindly to try and figure out where exactly my hair is caught. This is what I get for being lazy and not braiding it back. “Yeah, just… give me a second.” Carefully, I rest down on my knees while trying to follow the taut strands into the leaves, but I can’t figure it out. What the hell? I didn’t think I was leaning that far into the vine.

“Do you need help?” Alexander asks. “I can try to see where it’s caught.”

Dropping my arms, I sigh because this is utterly ridiculous. “Yes, please. Thanks.” He moves closer, then both of his hands are in the vine and working at my hair. I stare down at the ground, trying not to be annoyed with myself and the situation. “Is it that bad?” I ask after several seconds of him fumbling around. The glittery rush of his energy and scent radiates against my skin from his closeness.

“Well,” he says, a little too seriously. “There’s a plethora of hair tangled in the wire of the trellis. You might even say there’s a surfeit of strands caught within there.”

“Funny,” I snark.

He snickers. “Is… it okay if I loosen your hair band? I think I can get it untangled faster that way.”

“Yeah, go ahead. Fuck me. Do you think we’ll need scissors?”

“No, just give me a second. I’m usually pretty good at this kind of thing.”

“Untangling hair from trellis wire?”

“Untangling knots in general.”

The full weight of my hair comes tumbling down around my cheeks as I remain awkwardly hunched over and halfway stuck in the umbrella of vine shoots and leaves. Within about a minute, the tension between the spot on my scalp and where the hair is pulling eases.

“There,” Alexander says. “You’re free.”

Disoriented, I sit upright. My hair is swept forward, inverted like a mop. Sighing, I rake it back with both hands, smoothing the absolute chaos of it in my fingers.

“Well, that was stupid.” I glance over at Alexander on his knees beside me and his eyes are alighted. I grin. “Me being caught in this trellis turns you on?”

“Don’t,” he says, turning his head away and smiling. “Just ignore me, please.”

“Ignoring you is impossible. And besides, you saved me. My hair is all I have left, you know? There’s nothing else going on here anymore. It’s my secret weapon.”

Still avoiding my gaze, he shakes his head. “You’re wrong. You have so much going on, Danny. You have everything.”

An intoxicating warmth floods my chest and trickles down to my stomach and groin, agitating the persistent itch and pull inside of me. The subtle electricity of my nature caresses up my spine and I can’t take it anymore. He cannot keep doing this to me.

I reach, taking hold of his chin in my fingertips. I’m expecting resistance, but there is none as he faces me with his incandescent golden eyes.

“Do you want me?” I ask firmly. No evading the question this time.

Alexander takes a breath. For once, he doesn’t look away. “Yes.”

My heart pulses like a drum in my ears. In my temples, chest and throat. Without warning, an uncanny but soft breeze swirls around us, as if God, the universe or whoever is literally pushing us together and entwining me within Alexander’s citrus shimmer and essence.

“And so?” I ask quietly, dropping my hand from his chin and holding my ground, resisting the urge to plunge into his mouth because I want him to do this. I want him to make this move. To show me, unequivocally.

“And so…” He inhales with his lips slightly parted. His eyes flicker down to my mouth, then back up to my eyes. “Would you want to… May I kiss you? Please?”

The tight knot of frustration that’s been living in my chest these past few weeks eases. Just a little. My nature warms in my belly. “You may.”

Cautiously, Alexander leans until our foreheads gently touch and we’re nose to nose. He tilts his head and I can feel him holding his breath as his eyes flutter closed. He presses his lips to mine in a sweet kiss.

I don’t close my eyes, because the hungry and snarling thing inside of me is entranced by this moment. By the heady scent and carefully muffled intensity of his nature. By the leaves on the vines floating all around us underneath this brilliant blue sky. I want to take in and remember every inch and centimeter. Every iota and atom of this scene.

I press back, returning his intention, but all too soon he lifts, opening his eyes. His alighted gaze focuses on me and suddenly, it’s as if I’m the only one that matters in this world. As if there were no other vampires before me, and there could never be another to follow.

His Adam’s apple dips in his throat. “Um… I?—”

I lean forward, not timid nor careful as his lips part to formulate some word that never has a chance to escape. I meet him head on, fusing our mouths together and running my hands up and through the back of his hair. Sealing him to me as a shock of heat races down my spine.

His mouth opens against mine and I dip into him so that I finally taste his tongue. He’s sweeter and even more invigorating than any fantasy I’ve conjured. Alexander’s breath hitches from the initial shock of our connection, but after a moment his jaw slackens and he relaxes. Melting and tasting me back.

We kiss, on our knees in the dirt and underneath the shaded canopy of the vineyard. We kiss but it feels like more than that. Something deeper with complex layers. A Merlot, but with hints of blackberry and cardamom. Luscious but playful. Curious and satisfying.

Promising.

His palms find my waist and wrap possessively around my lower back, pulling me against his body. He opens to me more and I take the kiss even deeper—examining the flavor notes of his citrusy mouth. The texture of his tongue and the feel of his hair between my fingers.

When I breathe, a hungry groan escapes my throat and passes between us because he tastes so fucking good, but it’s still not enough. The more he gives me, the more I want.

Something in the cool, springtime air around us shifts. Within the sphere of our tight closeness and affection, a flash of power and intent summons me. It’s swift, like being gripped by something hot and strong. My body tenses in his embrace from the surprise of it. Before I can decipher the sensation, Alexander snatches away from the kiss and lets me go .

With his eyes still glowing, he stares, breathless and arresting. I’m surprised when he falls backward onto his ass. He shuts his eyes tightly and inhales sharply.

“What’s wrong?” My voice is raspy as it passes between my lips. It’s nostalgic because it hasn’t been this way in a very long time. My voice, but softer from the ravages of physical intimacy. Me in the context of sensuality and tenderness with my lover.

Drawing his knees up, Alexander takes another intentional breath, then blows it out. He doesn’t speak.

I lean, resting my hand atop his knee. “Rabbit?”

He opens one eye, grinning before he closes them again. “Don’t call me that right now. You’re making it worse.”

“Making what worse?” I ask, placing both hands on his knees. “Talk to me, please? What’s happening?”

“Things inside of me were getting out of hand. Swelling, like a balloon filled with fire. Being demanding.”

“Are you manipulating yourself to stop it?”

“Of course I am.”

“Why?”

He opens his eyes, surprised. “Because I have no idea what it would do if I just let it run rampant. I don’t know how it would impact you.”

“Maybe you should let it do as it pleases? Would you let me feel you if it’s what I genuinely want?”

There’s an odd pause where we watch each other. Even the wind stills around us and the leaves on the vines halt in their ethereal dance. I start when Alexander groans and falls backward, letting his shoulders and head hit the ground as he brings his palms to his face.

I fold my arms, frowning. “What now? Why are you lying in the dirt?”

“Because I need a minute,” he says, covering his eyes. “God. Nobody has ever kissed me like that in my entire life—and my fucking eyes keep burning in my head. It feels like they’ve been burning non-stop for weeks and now you’re touching and leaning over me with your hair all tousled around your face and shoulders, calling me ‘Rabbit’ and you smell and taste like black cherries and autumn. I just—I need a minute Danny, alright?”

Sheepish, grinning, I crawl around to sit and fold my legs at his side. I lift my head and look up toward the sky. Black cherries and autumn, huh? Nice. “You’re overwhelmed.”

“Understatement.”

“Do you have my hair tie?”

Silently, he lifts his hips, reaches into his pocket, then hands me the black elastic band. As I make quick work of tying the mess of my hair in a low ponytail, I notice that his cock is hard and tented in his pants. This pleases me greatly and I bite my bottom lip, but I suppress the urge to point it out because I doubt he’d appreciate it.

“There,” I announce. “One problem solved.”

“It wasn’t a problem.”

“It was. I was too sexy, apparently.”

“You’re always sexy. It’s the way you carry yourself—the set of your shoulders and your manner and speech. Your wit and intelligence. Every moment of every day. It has little to do with your hair. It’s just… who you are.”

I pause, smiling helplessly. “But my hair definitely helps, right?”

“Danny.”

“You think I’m sexy even when I’m sick and pathetic on the couch?”

“Yes.”

“Or when I’m bent over and with my head stuck in a fence?”

“Especially then.”

We both laugh. The moment is so light and airy it feels like we might float away to another world. Maybe, we’re already there? Our own little cosmos where just the two of us and our collective experiences exists. Nothing and no one else matters.

Cautiously, I lift and place my hand atop his as it rests on his stomach. “I have a theory. ”

“About?”

“I think you’re uncomfortable because you’re always denying your nature. You keep fighting it. Let it feel, Alexander. Explore and listen to what it wants.”

His eyes open and they’ve returned to their normal brown and golden-flecked hue. Beautiful but blameless. Sincere. “What if it wants you, Danny?”

I breathe, registering the rosy swell in my chest as I meet his gaze. “Then we should explore that together. I’m comfortable with seeing where that road takes us. But what do you want?”

He blinks, visibly stunned. “I want to be closer to you. But I don’t want it to be unhealthy. I don’t want to have that awful ‘possessive’ feeling like I had before, you know? That desperate, needy desire. I’m worried that if I let my nature go, it’ll be like that and I can’t do that to you—or to myself.”

“Because that’s how it was with Oliver.”

“Yes.”

“Well, I’m not?—”

“Don’t say it. I know you’re not Oliver. But I’m still me. Maybe I’m the problem.”

I lean across his body so that I hover over his face as he lies prostrate and with his knees bent. “This situation is different, though, isn’t it? We won’t know until we try.”

A shy smile lights up his face. “We?”

I shift down to my elbows, bringing our faces closer together. “You heard me.”

His chest rises and falls in shallow breaths. Softly, he lifts a hand and sweetly caresses the backs of his fingers along my cheekbone. “My brain is having a hard time catching up to this—you kissing me.”

An amused laugh bubbles from my throat as I bend and brush our noses. His hand cups the back of my neck. “Oh Rabbit, I could do so much more. You have no idea.” Playfully, I lick the fullness of his lips, drawing a vertical line across them with the tip of my tongue .

Alexander gasps, which creates the perfect opportunity for me to softly bite, then suck his bottom lip. I pull at him, just a little as I draw up. Savoring his mouth like a delicious piece of sugared orange taffy.

When I release him, I’m pleased at the sight of his lip—lightly bruised and damp from my effort. I smile. “I’d be more than okay with kissing and tasting every inch of you, if you let me?” I could strip him naked and have him right here in the dirt and sunshine. I’m about to express as much, but then I notice he’s wearing that deer-in-the-headlights expression yet again. “Are we okay?” I ask.

“Danny, we need to—Can we pause for a second?” He shifts upright, which makes me scramble back and onto my ass at his side.

“I’m moving too fast,” I speculate, feeling a twinge of the old Danny rearing his head. Young and hedonistic. Excited and fearless. “I’m stressing you out.”

As he sits, he rubs his fingers through his mussed hair, concentrating. “No, I think we… we need to clarify some important things. At least, I do? You said that you’d be willing to explore what my nature wants, and that you like me, too?—”

“Yes,” I confirm. “Is there some confusion, here?”

He swallows hard, hesitating as he meets my eyes. “How much do you like me?”

This question again. “Alexander, what do you mean?”

“I mean, would you be willing to form an official bonding arrangement with me? If we became engaged, would you come to Central to live long-term and help me with the Governing Board? Would you meet my parents? Would you… feed from me?”

The dreamy springtime realm we inhabit quickly falls away. Hollows out.

I can’t breathe. “I… How can you expect me to do those things?’

“How? Because it’s proper,” he explains. “It’s how we should do things.”

“But I can’t do those things. No one in Central Eden would accept or recognize me as your partner—least of all your parents! The Royal Governing Board? It’s impossible.” The very suggestion feels ludicrous. There’s no way in hell.

Alexander’s face falls blank. Unreadable. “So, when you say we could explore, you mean… just sex?”

I scowl, offended. “Not just sex. Why would you even say that? I think what we have is unquestionably more profound than ‘just’ sex.”

“Right, but, what do you mean exactly? If being with me formally and in Central is impossible?”

Perplexed, frustrated, I sit back and fold my legs and arms. I don’t like how this moment has shifted so drastically. We kissed, but now I’m supposed to uproot my life and move to Central? The epicenter of snooty and classist purebred vampires who spurn and belittle ranked vampires exactly like me. I’m supposed to willingly walk into the same kind of abusive and awful environment that almost destroyed me? A situation that would undoubtedly be ten times worse than the one it’s taken me two years to heal from?

I don’t fucking think so.

“When I say we should try,” I begin, choosing my words carefully, “I mean that there is clearly something significant between us. Do you agree?”

Alexander nods. “I do.”

“So, we should explore that and see where it gradually leads us. Maybe you come visit the cottage regularly because you’ve become part-owner of the vineyard, or we meet the way we have been at Kat and Roland’s, supporting the safe house. We explore our connection. We enjoy each other.”

In my desire to be with him, I never once thought he’d ask me to do this because it feels so far beyond reason. So outlandish within the scope of Eden’s rules and practices.

Alexander’s eyes shift to the side. “So, we have sex in secret, basically.”

“That’s not what I said. ”

“But that’s what I hear, Danny. You want me to come out here so we can casually ‘explore our connection,’ but you won’t meet my parents or come to Central?—”

“Your parents do not want to meet me.”

“My father would love to meet you again!” Alexander says, pleading. “My mother is another issue, but one thing at a time?—”

“No. Not one thing at a time, because I can’t imagine any of that. You don’t know what it’s like because you’re the ‘Golden Prince’ and everyone adores you. But your parents? Your peers? They’d treat me like garbage. As if I were not even worthy of being in their line of sight and I refuse to put myself in that kind of situation again. The fact that you would even ask this of me shows how little you understand about the true nature of Eden and the noxious environment you’re accustomed to. The culture that celebrates you but despises me.”

My entire frame is rigid as I sit folded into myself and sullen. Intense memories of the horrible life I left behind course through my veins. I feel nauseous because the PTSD has taken hold of my physical body.

I breathe, processing and internally repeating my personal mantras. That I’m safe now. I’m far away from that life and things are different. I’m different.

When the silence stretches on too long, I glance up. Alexander stares at me.

“Are you going to say something?” I spit.

“I’m sorry that I upset you.”

“I’m sorry that you upset me, too. This is not how I wanted the morning to go.”

He nods, slowly shifting to his knees. “Me neither. Do you want to finish showing me how to prune the vines?”

I huff, irritated. “So, you’re not going to respond to anything I’ve just said?”

“I think anything I say right now will be the wrong thing. And I don’t want to fight with you, Danny. I really don’t.”

A distinct melancholy in his eyes and expression sobers the indignation flooding my head and heart. It subdues the injustice and rage. I take another deep breath. “Fine… I’ll show you.”

We work the rest of the morning and into the early afternoon. Aside from direct questions for clarification, Alexander doesn’t say a word about our kiss or conversation. He doesn’t laugh or make a single snarky joke and works quietly. Efficiently, for once. He does everything I ask.

It’s fucking miserable.