Vegas Aces: The Wide Receiver Complete Series

CHAPTER 4 TRISTAN

Monique Thompson makes a damn fine casserole, but the homecooked meal isn’t enough to even make a dent in the constant dull ache spearing my chest.

I’m alone with my thoughts in the Thompsons’ guest room, and I never should’ve called it an early night. I don’t even have my damn phone to scroll in here.

I realize it’s only been a few hours, but I can’t help wondering whether this will ever get easier.

It feels like I’ll be cursed to a life of pain, and I’m not exactly sure what I did to deserve it.

I guess I had premarital sex, and that was enough for Bill Taylor to cast his judgment and determine the punishment for our sins.

I think bitterly of the old man again as I wish he were here so I could speak my mind to him.

I’m sure my mother is worried about where I am, but I don’t really have the inclination to get in touch just yet. I’m fine, and we always lived by the no news is good news motto anyway.

Besides, it’s not like I’m not aware that I can’t outrun my problems. I will eventually have to go back and face everybody, but I needed a minute—or a night—to myself to work through what I just learned.

How can I ever trust her again? Do I want to trust her again?

These are the thoughts that plague me. I’m not sure what the answer is yet. It’s too fresh.

I’ll get in touch with my parents tomorrow, but I have this strange feeling the hurt from today is just the tip of the iceberg. It won’t get better tomorrow, or the next day, or the next. It’ll get much, much worse as the shock of it all wears off and I have to learn to live with the reality before I start to feel any relief.

And then what do I do? Find my kid?

My parents are here through Sunday, and at some point I should see them, maybe tell them goodbye. Get my phone back.

It’s not their fault any of this happened, and none of it changes what my father is going through. I still want to spend as much time with him as I can, but I can’t go back to Iowa.

I never should have.

I’d learned to live with the pain of losing her the first time. I’d learned how to manage it over the years apart. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, as the saying goes, but the pain isn’t as sharp after a while.

And now all the progress I made has been ripped open and torn to shreds. This is even worse than the first time. The first time, she was just gone. I was young, and eventually I figured heartbreak was just some rite of passage.

This time, I didn’t just lose the girl. I lost fucking everything . I was planning my life around someone who couldn’t be honest with me.

I blow out a breath.

I need to talk to her. I need to know why she lied. I shouldn’t have run, but I did.

And now, I’ll run back.

I need answers.

I head out to Coach’s family room, where I find him and his wife watching television. “Can you call me a ride back to the Strip?”

“You sure, kid?” Coach asks.

I nod. “Thank you for feeding me dinner and for making me feel like I have somewhere to turn. But I can’t run away from this.”

He gives me a sad smile. “You’re a good kid, Tristan. I’m proud of you for coming to that decision all on your own.”

He reaches into his pocket without getting up and taps around a minute. “Woods is on his way. Should be here in about fifteen minutes.”

My chest tightens. He was there. He witnessed the fallout.

And he’s my best friend here in Vegas.

Somehow Coach knew that. He knew instinctively that Travis was the right person to call.

And that’s somehow a major comfort in this unclear time. I’m in the right place. Vegas is home now.

“Thanks, Coach.”

He nods, and fifteen minutes later, Travis rings Coach’s bell. He hands me my phone with a look of concern, but I don’t have the energy to look at it right now. I slide it into my pocket.

He and Coach chat a second, and then I give both Coach and Mo hugs before Travis and I leave, clutching my tuxedo in my arms as I stare out the window on the way back.

“You okay, man?” he asks.

I shrug. “Not really.”

“You want to go back to the hotel or you want to chill at my place tonight?” he asks.

“I don’t want to face her, but I know I have to.” My voice is quiet.

“How are you handling all this?” he asks, turning out of Coach’s neighborhood.

I blow out a breath. “Not well. Is it any wonder I have trust issues when it comes to women? I’ve surrounded myself with manipulators and liars.”

“But it doesn’t change how you feel about Tessa,” he says.

“No, it doesn’t. I will always love her. But I think this is one of those instances where the old cliché about whether love is enough comes into play. I’ll be honest…I don’t know if it is. I don’t know if I can get past all this,” I muse as I stare out the windshield. “And what about the kid? Do I even want to know? What if he’s happy? I can’t just walk in and interrupt his life. But what if he isn’t? What if I could take him out of a bad situation?”

He doesn’t have to give me the old speech about how he’s here to listen and how I have to answer these questions for myself. Instead, he helps me figure out the answers on my own—eventually. And that’s what makes him such a valuable friend.

“What do you want to do?” he asks carefully.

“I don’t know,” I murmur.

“Can I tell you something I’ve never told anybody before?”

I glance over at him, my brows drawn together as I wonder what confession he’s about to make.

“I’m a father.”

“You’re…” I trail off.

He nods. “I have a kid, a ten-year-old girl. I’ve never met her, so I guess I’m not so much a father as a sperm donor.”

“What?” I’m frankly shocked by his revelation.

“It’s complicated. I slept with one of my mom’s friends before I headed off to college. She and her husband couldn’t have kids, and she was a lonely housewife, hot as fuck, and I was a horny teenager. When I came home for winter break, she was over for my parents’ annual Christmas party. I was sneaking beer from the cooler on the patio and nobody else was out there but the two of us. She told me she was pregnant, and she said it was mine, but nobody could ever find out. I was eighteen and had my entire future in front of me, so even though it felt wrong, I agreed. She and her husband are giving that girl a good life, I guess.”

“Wow,” I say, scrubbing a hand along my jaw. “You’ve never met her?”

He shakes his head. “I didn’t go back home much after that. You know how it is.” He keeps his eyes on the road. “I was busy with football, and I thought it was smarter for everybody involved to just let it go.”

“And now?”

He shrugs. “I’m a twenty-eight-year-old man who doesn’t visit home ever so I don’t have to run into her and my kid.”

“Do you want to meet her?”

“I think about her all the time,” he admits softly. “But she’s not mine to have. She was never meant to be mine.”

I think about that. Did the child Tessa and I share have a similar fate? He was never meant to be ours?

For the briefest glimmer of a second, I can’t help but wonder what Tessa’s been going through all these years. We shared the same hopes and dreams for our future together, and we would’ve made it work even if we had a kid when we were young.

It’s easy to say that now. It would’ve been much harder to actually live it.

“If I would’ve stayed and fought, it would’ve changed everything for everyone,” he says. “She and her husband might’ve divorced, and I wouldn’t have had the means to raise a child back then. I had a one-fucking-percent chance of making it to where I am now. And she—she had virtually no skills aside from spending her husband’s money. That kid has a better life because of the sacrifices I made.”

His tone has just the smallest bit of reticence in it.

“You sure about that?” I ask.

“It’s what I have to believe. If I allow my mind to go any other way…” he trails off, but he doesn’t have to finish.

I guess I get it more than I ever thought I could, although I’m not sure how to process what he just told me.

He pulls his car to the front of the Venetian.

“You ready?” he asks.

I shake my head. “Nope.”

He chuckles. “Go get your girl…or go do whatever you have to. My door’s open anytime. Come stay with me if you’d like.”

“Thanks, man. And thanks for telling me about your girl.”

He presses his lips together and nods once, and then I get out of the car and head inside.