Vengeful Secret (The Burkes Mafia #3)

5. Sutton

5

SUTTON

His mouth crashes on mine as I’m trying to process the fact that he misses me.

I was about to tell him that it doesn’t matter how much we’ve missed each other, but then all the words went out of my head as his lips devoured mine.

I part my lips, opening my mouth to allow his tongue to slide inside, dragging against my own, and I moan into his mouth before I know what’s happening.

My arms go around his neck as I sway closer to him on the bar stool, my cosmopolitan forgotten.

Gray pulls away first, and I find myself pouting, wanting more even as I hate myself for it.

“Do you want to go somewhere a little more private?” he murmurs against my ear, and I shiver at how deep his voice is, not trusting myself to speak.

I just nod, and Gray nods toward the bartender to tell her he’s leaving, signing the printed-out tab quickly before standing up and leading me to the back.

As I walk by, Sarah grins at me, and I groan.

She’ll be asking questions for days, and it’s not like I can tell her the whole truth. She doesn’t know anything about me and Gray’s past.

My head is spinning—not from the alcohol but from Gray’s nearness, the way he smells of soap and gunmetal and sandalwood. I’m thrust back into the past immediately, unable to help myself.

He can’t keep his hands off me as we walk to the back, his hands trailing along my back as he kisses me, and I’m grateful no one is in the ladies’ bathroom as he kisses along my neck, shoving me into one of the stalls.

Thank God the music is booming, because when Gray slides his hands up my dress, pressing his thumb against my clit, I moan so loud everyone would have been able to hear me.

Heat consumes me, particularly between my thighs, and I can’t wait to have him inside me.

I’m kissing him as he kicks the door closed with one foot, his mouth on my throat.

He kisses me there over and over, sucking little marks where his lips have been.

I gasp, my skin on fire under his hands. They’re everywhere, trailing down my back, grabbing handfuls of my ass.

He moves back between my legs, jerking my panties to the side and sliding his fingers through my wetness with a groan.

Gray lifts me up, slamming me up against the far wall, unzipping my dress and pulling it off me effortlessly.

I stand there in just a pair of panties, having foregone a bra because my dress is backless, and Gray licks his lips as he looks down at my slender frame.

“You’re still so fucking beautiful.”

I flush. I have stretchmarks on my stomach and breasts now from the way they grew full when I was pregnant with Ciara, and I don’t feel nearly as beautiful as I'd felt five years ago, so it’s good to hear him say that.

Gray’s already straining the fabric of his gray slacks, and I put my hand on his waistband.

I unbutton his slacks and free him, my mouth watering as I watch his cock bounce up against his flat belly.

Pleasure rockets through me, and Gray kisses my throat, pressing his thumb against my clit while sliding two fingers up inside me, testing my wetness again.

I cry out, arching my back, and Gray curses in Gaelic under his breath.

“I need you,” I manage, looking up at him with what’s sure to be wanting eyes. “I need you so badly, Gray.”

“Aye,” he answers. “I need you, too, mo mhuirnín .”

The pet name makes my heart grow soft, but I try to ignore it, try to focus on his fingers pumping in and out of me.

He finally removes them, and I whine, but he chuckles and instantly guides himself inside of me.

“Don’t worry, a ghrá . I’ve got you.”

He presses into me, to the hilt before pausing, the veins on his neck popping out as he holds back.

I roll my hips into his, wanting more, wanting him to thrust deeper into me.

“Gray, Gray, Gray,” I chant as he starts to move only his hips, fucking me in slow, deep strokes that make me feel like my head is going to explode.

“That's it, a ghrá . Come for me.”

And that’s all it takes. I’m clenching around him, and it feels like it felt five years ago, it feels exactly like when I loved him, and tears spring to the backs of my eyes.

Gray groans, continuing to thrust, not letting up for a moment, and I’m on the verge of another orgasm, falling over the edge when he finally buries his face against my neck, spilling inside me.

I let my fingers play in the dark blond hair at the nape of his neck, testing its length, and Gray nuzzles against my neck, kissing me there before slowly pulling out of me, lowering me to the ground.,

I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. All I do know is that I don’t want to move. I don’t want to lose this feeling that I’ve got. This feeling like we’re back in time five years.

I don’t want to ever lose this bubble we’re in, right now. It’s always been like that with Gray. It’s like when we’re together, the rest of the world falls away. And I don’t want it coming back.

Gray opens his mouth to speak, and I kiss him passionately, sliding my tongue alongside his. Gray chuckles into my mouth, pulling away slightly.

“You’re going to have to give me just a few minutes, a ghrá ,” he says against my lips, and I whine but smile, pulling away.

It’s Gray that speaks first, after that, and I wish he hadn’t. I wish we could have just stayed in comfortable silence, pressed up against each other.

“Sutton.”

I turn, hiding my face.

He grips my chin in his hand, forcing me to look at him. “I don’t want you to go.”

“I have to. I have a daughter waiting for me at my mom’s.”

“Is the father in the picture?” His voice is rough, and I want to tear away from him, but I don’t, looking straight into his eyes.

“No.” It isn’t a lie. Ciara’s father has never met her. He never will meet her if I have anything to say about it.

Gray’s face relaxes and he lets out a sigh of relief. “Then why can’t we start over, mo mhuirnín ? Why can’t we have what we had back then? Things will be different, Sutton, I promise.”

I look into his eyes, looking for signs that he’s not being sincere, but he seems to be earnest, his words sweet and soft and true.

“You still want me? After all this time.”

“Every day,” he whispers. “I want you every day, Sutton.”

My heart aches.

I do want him. I can’t deny that. I can’t even deny that I still have feelings for him. I do. I still love him just as much as I did all those years ago, before Ciara was born, before my life changed.

But my life did change. I have a child now. A child I have to keep safe. Keep away from him. She’s the whole reason I’ve turned my life around, the reason I lost that young, free girl that I was back when I was with Gray.

“It doesn’t matter,” I mumble, and Gray pins me up against the wall again with his body, pressing his forehead to mine.

“Of course, it matters. It matters because I still need you in my life.”

God, it hurts. It hurts deep in my chest, my stomach, in my very bone marrow that I can’t tell Gray that I still love him, that I want us to be back together.

That girl that I was when we met, the one who was crazy, blind in love with him, is still inside me, screaming for a chance to get out.

I take a shaky breath. “But it's not just about us anymore, Gray. I’m a mother. I have responsibilities. You have responsibilities, taking over for your father. There are consequences to what we do, despite our past. Despite our feelings for each other.”

“What do you mean, consequences?” Anger flashes in his eyes. “I would always protect you and your daughter, Sutton, you know that.”

Do I?

How can Gray protect us when his lifestyle is what would keep us in danger? How can he promise to keep us safe when he’s under the gun every single day of his life.

And now that he’s running things, it would only be worse. Things would only be more dangerous.

Gray has a target on his back, and anyone he associates with will, too.

“It's not that simple, Gray."

If it was, I’d run away with him right now. I’ve always loved him, always wanted him. It’s not a matter of what I want. What I want is Gray, but I can’t have him and have the peaceful life I’ve created with Ciara.

If Gray had any idea what secrets I’ve been keeping, he wouldn’t want me anyway.

“It is simple, Sutton. You know how I feel about you. I know that you feel the same way. I could feel it in your kiss, in how we made love. We could be together again.”

“But—”

“I don’t care about raising another man’s baby,” Gray says quickly. “I’ve never thought about having kids, but fuck it, with you, I’d be happy to raise your daughter. I care about you, Sutton. I never stopped.”

“I didn’t either, but that doesn’t mean that we can keep going like this." I wrench away from him.

Gray puts an arm around my waist, trying to tug me back, but I don’t let him, standing strong and grabbing my dress to put back on, fumbling with the zipper as tears spring to my eyes.

“Sutton, don’t—” His voice is hoarse, his eyes wide and intense. “Don’t go.”

“I have to.”

Gray watches me, his eyes so piercing they could split me in two.

I’ve never doubted that Gray loved me. I’ve never doubted that he wanted what was best for me, but he can’t give that to me now.

My heart aches, my stomach sick as I slowly walk out of the bathroom and walk out into the night, opening up my ride share app. I don’t even say goodbye to my friends, knowing they’ll have questions, knowing they’ll ask me why I look like I’m about to cry.

I’m doing the right thing. I’m keeping Ciara safe, and in the process, keeping myself safe, too. Because if anything ever happened to that little girl because of who I chose to love, I’d never forgive myself.

Like I told Gray, this isn’t about me anymore. It’s not about our little love bubble and how long we can stay in it. There’s a little girl to worry about, to protect.

So, I have to go, despite how my heart aches, despite how tears are filling my eyes.

I finally get the ride-share app open, and the car comes, and I’m silent the rest of the drive home.

I go straight home, knowing I’ll need to pick up my car in the morning, and tears are still streaming down my face when I let myself inside with my key.

You’re doing the right thing.

But then why is my heart broken all over again?