Victim (Damaged Devils #16)

Chapter Twelve

Xan slept. He slept so long and hard, Cannon couldn’t leave him alone for long. Cannon was scared as hell he would turn his back and Xan would disappear. He had to make him well. There was no other option. As much as he hated the idea of taking Jake’s position, it was the only choice for him, and everyone knew it. They wouldn’t have stopped at Xan. Cannon was no freer than Xan. If he hadn’t returned, maybe it would have been his parents next. Then what? Maybe Royal and Knight just for shits and giggles. Who knew? At least if he was in charge, he could keep the people he loved safe. He could live with that. It wasn’t like—at one point—he hadn’t expected he would die a bureau man. Nothing had changed, except he had the man he loved. That was worth it. That was worth everything.

Cannon heard a noise in the kitchen and shot to his feet. He found Xan at the sink, getting water. His bare back was on display. Each time Cannon set eyes on Xan’s scars, he was enraged all over again. He was mad at everyone, including himself.

Cannon moved to stand behind him and pressed his lips against one of the worst and deepest-looking marks on his back. “ I would’ve gotten that for you,” he said against his skin.

“I know.”

“You shouldn’t be up.”

“One thing I’ve learned the hard way is it’s worse to stay still. Everything stiffens.”

Cannon smiled against Xan’s back. “I would’ve massaged you.”

Just as he had been since he woke up the first time after his rescue, Xan didn’t react to Cannon’s flirting. It hurt Cannon’s chest. He couldn’t blame Xan for his anger. Cannon would be pissed too if he had been tortured twice for someone who didn’t appreciate it. But Cannon’s heart was still involved, and he couldn’t take the distance.

His lips moved to another scar. He kissed Xan’s skin. “Yell at me. Get it off your chest. I know I deserve it.”

Xan turned. “You think I’m angry?”

Cannon didn’t know how to respond with Xan’s sexy blue eyes staring at him. He wanted to hide from the discussion that would likely end them. Cannon licked his lips. “Aren’t you? I would be.”

Xan’s brow furrowed. “Why?”

Cannon made a helpless gesture toward his black and blue torso. “Because this is my fault. I’m supposed to love you and I left you to this.”

“Did you know it?”

Cannon shook his head. He couldn’t let Xan think that. “I’d turned in my resignation. There was no reason to believe they wouldn’t accept it. Even if they hadn’t, I never thought this would happen. I thought last time it was your plan.”

Xan’s eyes fell closed for a second. “I told you I was their property.” He focused on Cannon again. “But no, I’m not angry with you.”

Cannon felt like a kid as he shuffled from one foot to the other. “Then why are you shutting me out?”

“Because this is my fault.” He set his glass aside. “I knew you had one foot out the door of the bureau, and because of me, they’ve pulled you back in. You’re stuck, and it’s my fault. You should’ve let them kill me.”

Cannon wanted to shake him. “That’s dumb, Xan, and you’re not stupid. You know they wouldn’t have stopped at you. Who would they have taken next to force me to comply? They want me to know—good and damn well—I’m company property. There’s no way they would’ve stopped at killing you and been like, ‘Dang. That didn’t work. Guess he really wants out. Let’s pick someone else for the job.’ They would’ve moved on to my dad and my mom. You’d be dead for nothing. This entire thing is my fault. I spent my entire career being the absolute best, following every order and solving every case. That was me. If I had tried to exist for any other reason, I wouldn’t have stood out. If I hadn’t buried myself in work to avoid dealing with my sexuality, then I would’ve been just another drone in the hive. I got myself into this. Worse than that, this is what I was aiming for. The director’s position has always been my career goal. I just didn’t know what was behind the curtain. I thought I was on the good side.”

Xan chuckled. He grabbed his ribs like it hurt. “You are on the side of good. What does that tell you about how bad the bad side is?”

In a fucked-up sort of way, nothing else had made him truly understand the depths of Xan’s childhood torture like that comparison. He shook his head. “I’m so goddamn sorry, baby.” His voice cracked. “If I had known, I never would’ve let this happen to you. I don’t give a fuck about the job. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for the rest of my life to make sure you’re happy and unharmed. You’re worth more to me than freedom. If it wasn’t you, they would’ve found someone else.”

Xan’s eyes fell closed. His shoulders visibly drooped. He blew out a breath before he met Cannon’s stare again. “I love you. There’s no amount of pain I wouldn’t endure to set you free. I told you lies. That’s haunted me every day. You’re right to hate me.”

Cannon shook his head. “I don’t.” He made a helpless gesture. “Even before I learned you’d been taken again, I had already begun to question if I was wrong to walk away from us. I thought I knew what love was before I met you. Everything prior to us was just…” Cannon made another helpless gesture. He didn’t know how to explain how no one had ever given him a reason to be himself and love freely. Lust and jealousy were his only driving factors before Xan. Then Xan had literally swept him away. “A life without you isn’t worth living.”

Xan took his hand and lured him closer. “Come here.” He swiped his lips across Cannon’s. Cannon felt the way Xan’s body shook.

“You’re shaking.”

A tired-sounding chuckle escaped Xan. “I guess I’m getting old and can’t handle torture the way I used to. My body feels weak.”

Cannon grabbed Xan’s glass. “Come on, sexy. Back to bed.”

“I’m bored,” Xan whined, but he let Cannon help him back to the bedroom.

“I’ll stay with you. We can play footsie, since that’s the only part of you that isn’t bruised.”

Xan grabbed his ribs again. “Oh, God. Don’t make me laugh. It hurts.”

Cannon’s eyes unexpectedly filled with tears. It was the smallest thing, but massive to Cannon. Xan admitted weaknesses to him. Cannon couldn’t imagine Xan ever doing that for anyone else. He was special to him. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. He would do anything to keep it.

With the TV playing in the background, Cannon did as he promised. His foot toyed with Xan’s beneath the covers. A smile kept tugging at his lips and pulling at his cuts. It was worth it. Cannon was still his. He didn’t resent Xan. Xan would keep searching for ways to untangle them from their invisible chains. He wouldn’t let Cannon be trapped at the bureau forever if that wasn’t what he wanted.

Still… “You know, you have a lot more power now and free time to spend with me. I can come to your office. We can lock the door.” He waggled his eyebrows at Cannon.

Cannon laughed. “I’d already considered that. Maybe I could even use my pull to have you moved to my building. We could see how long it took for them to get tired of paying us to fuck on their dime.”

Xan couldn’t stop smiling. He was the happiest man alive with Cannon. Nothing mattered to him the way they did. “Will you marry me?” No one was more shocked by the question than him. Xan didn’t take it back. “I know this proposal sucks and I don’t have a ring or anything. But I love you, and I never want to feel the way I did when you walked away from us again. I want to know this is permanent.”

“This is permanent.”

Xan’s forehead furrowed. “Was that yes?”

Cannon scooted closer. “Of course it was. Did you have any doubt? It’s always been my intention to spend the rest of my life with you, so yeah. I absolutely will marry you.”

Xan did his best to move closer and steal a kiss. Thankfully, Cannon took control and covered his mouth with his. Their tongues slowly played. Xan’s stupidly exhausted body dug up some massive energy and stirred to life.

He groaned against Cannon’s lips. “Damn. I want you to go shoot those guys again for making it impossible for me to make love to you right now. You always make me burn.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve got you.” Cannon held his stare and slipped his hand inside Xan’s shorts. He stroked.

Xan bit his bottom lip, fighting the urge to fuck Cannon’s palm. “Jesus. This is torture. I want to move.”

“Don’t. Just let me have control.”

He wasn’t used to relinquishing power. Not anymore. Since leaving behind his past, he had always held a tight grip on every situation. Even while being tortured, he never let them have satisfaction. But he was putty in Cannon’s hand. Cannon knew what he liked and used it against him.

“I want to watch you come.”

A wicked-sounding chuckle fell from Cannon’s lips. “I’ll give you a show later. Right now, you’re my only focus.” Cannon was gentle with him, but effective. Xan sucked in steady breaths, concentrating hard on staying still while moving closer to the edge. The faster he blew, the quicker he could demand Cannon fuck a dildo while he watched. Xan wanted that. He desperately needed that. Pressure climbed his shaft. Xan whimpered. He was so close. Damn. He wanted to take his pleasure by lifting his hips and sawing in and out of Cannon’s fist. Xan knew Cannon would stop if he tried. If Cannon stopped, he would die. That was how close he was. His entire body tensed, sending shocks of pain through him. Xan didn’t care. He wanted to blow. With his breath held, he focused everything on the pumping of his cock. Then his body jerked, making it feel like his ribs cracked again. It was worth it. Totally worth it. Ripples of ecstasy flowed through him, making him whine as Cannon pumped every drop of cum from his body.

“Beautiful,” Cannon whispered, sounding enthralled by the sight of his orgasm. Xan knew the feeling. Cannon was his favorite show. He wanted to watch him for the rest of his life. Now was a good time to start.