Wasted Time (The Steel City #1)

52. Declan

CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO

declan

The doors close behind Wyatt and the hallway is eerily still. We watch him through the glass windows as he follows the nurse, getting further and further away. He doesn’t look back. Not once. I can’t figure out if that’s for our benefit or his own.

He’ll be in there for a few days, maybe a few weeks, taking his first steps toward getting better. It’s the best place for him to be, but it hurts to watch him go. None of us want him to be alone. None of us want him out of sight.

His mother wipes her eyes, her arms around Lily, who is smiling through her own tears. As he has been since he arrived, Wyatt’s father is stoic, staring at the back of his son’s head. He says nothing. He does nothing.

Prick.

I glance beside me and my heart plummets.

Penny is hysterical.

It’s those silent, all-encompassing tears that make your brain shut down and make it impossible to breathe. She has a hand collapsed over her mouth, watching Wyatt disappear around a corner, shaking in a way that makes me think about the night she got that call, even though I wasn’t here to see it.

Fuck it. I don’t care about where we stand.

I turn to her, ready to pull her into my chest and say fuck this whole thing between us, but I’m half a second too late.

EJ winds his hand around the back of her head, a gentle smile on his mouth. He smacks his gum, looking at her with a soft understanding. A loud sob finally erupts from her chest, and he lets out a deep breath. He pulls her into his arms the moment she opens herself up to the rest of us and shows the room her pain.

My eyes shut at the sound. It’s haunting and it’s familiar. It’s how I feel. It’s the sound in my head, twenty-four seven. It’s raw, and daunting, and she’s been holding that shit in for days.

Avery is suddenly right beside her, surprisingly composed. She places her hand on the small of Penny’s back, leaning in between EJ’s arms to rest her chin on the inside of his elbow. She peers at Penny through that space.

“It’s uphill from here,” she says quietly. “This is the first day where he starts to get better.”

Penny nods frantically, but she can’t console herself. I think I understand. She’s kept it together for all of us, including Wyatt and his family. Now that he’s out of earshot, and she has to let him go, she can finally let herself feel it .

Unfortunately, that means she has to feel all of it.

Seth runs a hand over his face, his eyes meeting mine. He slowly walks forward, smacking me on the back when he reaches my side.

“Are you out of here today, buddy?”

“Yeah, I’ve got to get back. You’ll update me? I’ll come back when he’s out.”

I don’t want to go. Nothing could have kept me from Wyatt those first few days. I would have hung up my skates and walked away without a single regret. But he is getting help now. I need to go where I’m needed. I’ll die sitting around here waiting for word.

“Of course I will,” Seth says with a nod.

“I have to leave in the morning, too,” EJ says, still stroking the hair that I want to run my fingers through. Still comforting the girl that belongs in my arms. “I left the reception office’s number with Penny. If anything happens while I’m down there, that’s how to reach me.”

“Got it,” Seth says.

“I don’t want you guys to go,” Avery admits quietly. She looks me in the eyes directly. “We should be together right now.”

I hear the implication. Penny and I should be focusing on fixing this. This whole thing just proved that life is too short, and yet here we are, dancing around each other without really acknowledging the problem.

I feel a ghost of a touch on my arm.

Tiffany squeezes my forearm, a soft smile on her mouth. She leans into me a bit.

“Don’t give up on her,” she whispers, loud enough so only Lau and I can hear her. “Okay?”

I blink, taken aback. But as soon as those words leave her mouth, she’s walking away. She shuffles up to Penny and wraps herself around her from behind, squishing her between herself and EJ.

“I wish we could stay, Ave,” EJ says, reaching over Penny to pet Tiffany’s head.

Penny finally starts to calm. Her breaths come out in soft hiccups.

Mrs. Caulfield steps forward. Her eyes are locked on Penny, like she’s the target and Mrs. Caulfield is aiming for the bullseye.

EJ takes notice the second that I do. He stiffens, tapping Penny on the back. She turns in his arms, hurriedly wiping her tears so that she can face Wyatt’s mother.

Tiffany does not move an inch. She winds her arm around Penny’s back and stays there, eyes locked on Wyatt’s family.

I’m not sure what I see in her eyes, but there’s a detachment there. A warning, maybe. I think back to the way people treated Lauren after what happened with her brother. I wonder what Tiff is seeing as the small woman with shaking hands steps towards the most vulnerable of us.

“I just wanted to thank you all. Wyatt stayed in this city because of you. I can see that you care about him just as much as we do, and I’ll never be able to repay you for that.” She reaches into the small purse on her arm and pulls out a piece of paper. Her hands tremble as she passes it to Penny. “This was addressed to all of you. It’s what he left. Do what you want with it. We haven’t opened it. It just didn’t seem right to not pass it along.”

Penny stares at the paper with wide eyes, horror written on her face.

There are words written in bold, black letters across the envelope:

TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER.

“Is that…?” she chokes out.

Mrs. Caulfield nods solemnly. “Ours was difficult to read, but it put a lot of things into perspective. You don’t have to read it. You can wait to see if he’d want you to. But it might help you better understand. I didn’t want to bring it up in front of him when he’s so fragile right now. ”

Penny shakes her head. In one, brunt movement, she pushes Wyatt’s mother’s hands away from her, almost smacking the letter right out of her hands. Her face drains of all colour.

Shit, she’s spiraling.

I step forward to intercept, especially after the look of pain that flashes across Wyatt’s mother’s face.

“Penny,” Avery says gently, reaching her before I do. She scoops Penny up in her arms, pulling her away.

It wasn’t an attack, but Wyatt’s mother might has well have been pointing a loaded gun right at Penny’s head.

I take the paper from Mrs. Caulfield with a gentle, pained smile. I place my hand on her shoulder, forcing her eyes to mine.

“She’s the one who got the call. She’s… we’re all still a bit devastated. Thank you for this. She didn’t mean anything by it, she just… I don’t think she was ready for that.”

“I understand,” Mrs. Caulfield whispers, nodding slowly. Her brown eyes meet mine. “I thought I knew my son. I realized after reading our letter that he had only given me pieces of him. I find peace in knowing him a bit better now.”

“He’s still here!” Penny erupts, her voice splitting through the quiet waiting room like an alarm. She fights to get out of Avery’s arms. Her face streaked red, tears streaming down her face. “He can tell you all of that himself! He’s still here!”

She’s breaking my fucking heart.

I clutch the letter in my palm, my gaze slowly lowering back to Wyatt’s trembling mother.

She’s smiling, but it’s that kind of heartbroken smile that tells you someone is completely destroyed inside. I understand what she’s trying to do, but unfortunately, I’m not about to let anybody, not even Wyatt’s mother, break that girl’s heart more than it already has been.

I’ll be a wall between her and Penny if I have to be .

“I’m so sorry. I thought… I just thought you might want it,” she says. I can only nod. I don’t know what else to say. “We’ll be at Wyatt’s if you need us. We’re not leaving until he’s settled again. Please, do reach out. He’s lucky to have you, especially that one.”

She nods toward Penny.

Yeah. We all are.

“Okay,” I say, and I don’t know why I do it—but I pull her into a hug. She tenses, but then hugs me back with a ferocity that tells me she isn’t showing us all of her pain. “You have Seth’s number? I’m headed back out of town, but he’ll be here if you guys need anything.”

“I have it.” She smiles through her tears.

I nod, stepping back. Lily appears then. Doesn’t say a word, she just crashes into my chest. I wrap my arms around her on instinct, startled by how tight she’s clinging to me.

“Rip it up,” she whispers, her voice breaking. She peers up at me, a picture of her brother. “He’d hate it if you read it. Rip it up.”

She reaches out her hand for EJ and he walks right into her arms, circling himself into our hug.

This letter feels like a fucking bomb in my hand.

This is what it’s about, isn’t it? These connections. This kind of love. I would do anything for Lily, who I’ve met a total of five times in my life. I’d do anything for Wyatt’s parents. Why? Because I’d do anything for Wyatt. If I could take his pain away and give it to myself, I’d do that in a heartbeat, too.

Because I love him. Because he’s my brother.

He has a long journey ahead of him. It’ll be slow and painful, and it will have ups and downs, but every single person standing in this hallway will be a part of it.

I’m not going anywhere.

You’d have to kill Penny to get her away from him.

EJ, Seth, and Avery are here for life. Tiff will be a fucking bulldog at his side, Lauren is somebody who will understand in a way the rest of us can’t. His family will be behind him every step of the way. His dad, too. He just needs time. Wyatt has a fortress. A unit. He’s never going to be alone. He never was alone, even if it felt like that to him at one point.

I don’t want to go. I considered staying. But, in one of those rare moments where it was just EJ, Wyatt, and I—he made us promise that our lives wouldn’t stop once he was admitted.

His words were this exactly: “ You guys better be getting back to work. EJ, you’re up for a promotion and Declan, you have a cup to win. Don’t stick around when I won’t even be around to notice. I’ll kill you both.”

Then, there was the one time when it was just him and I. It was late. EJ went to grab food, and Wyatt turned to me. He placed his hand on the back of my neck, rather roughly, and forced my gaze to his.

“What if she is gone tomorrow?” he whispered. “Would you have any regrets?”

Yes.

I would.

I already do.

Even now, watching Avery calm her down, I know that I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting everything when it comes to her. If this is going to be fixed, it’s not going to be now. There are too many things going on to really focus on us. It’s Wyatt we have to focus on, not what happened between us.

My anger has diminished. I’m sure hers has too. But the pain is still there.

The door closes behind Wyatt’s family. Penny is still shaking, red faced and with tears pouring from those beautiful fucking eyes that hold so much more pain than they should have to.

Her fingers dig into Avery’s arms, eyes locked on my face with a look of sheer agony.

“Dec,” she practically begs. It’s a whisper, like it took all her energy to say my name.

My eyes follow that voice like it’s a prayer. Hearing my name from her lips knocks the wind out of me. I look at her, the paper resting in my hands.

One by one, our friends turn to look at me. I hold her gaze because she needs me to, and I see it all. She’s tired. This has been so heavy. She is desperate for one moment of peace. Peace that I can give her. Peace that I can give all of us.

“ Please , Dec.”

Lily’s voice merges with Penny’s in my head.

Rip it up .

I don’t ask for anyone’s opinion. I don’t say another word or ponder over what the right move is. These were Wyatt’s words for us when he didn’t think he’d get another day. He thought this was his last chance to tell us all the things he needed to say.

He got another day. He’s going to have a magnitude of more days. He’ll have a lifetime. A long one, if I have any say about it. He can tell us this stuff on his own time, when he’s healed, and with his own fucking voice.

He’s still here.

I tear that thing to shreds, Penny’s sobs quieting with each individual rip of paper. When it’s nothing but confetti in my hands, her eyes close and she takes a breath.

I breathe with her.