Wasted Time (The Steel City #1)

53. Penny

CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE

penny

I snuggle close to Wyatt under the blanket. He flashes me that crooked smile that I love and leans down to kiss my hair. He pulls the blanket higher on our laps, but sneakily moves the popcorn bowl closer to himself as if I wouldn’t notice.

“Don’t hog the snacks.”

“I’m hungry.”

“There is more popcorn in the cupboard, you know.”

He sighs but moves the bowl back between us.

I’ve been a koala bear since he got home a couple of weeks ago. We all might be hovering a bit too close. I don’t know if it’s healthy. We’re trying to let him guide us.

He hasn’t complained.

EJ’s out of town again, so Wyatt came over to watch a movie. I think he needs our company as much as we need his. Sometimes, I still see that look in his eye, that lingering sadness. I see the guilt he feels for doing what he did. He’s admitted a couple of times now that he can’t believe it got to that point. I just hope he knows that I’m here if it ever does again.

We all are.

I yawn, watching the girl on the screen chase after the cowboy’s car in the rain. Soppy love stories. Not my choice. Wyatt doesn’t even like romantic comedies, but he keeps playing them on a loop when he comes over. I think he’s trying to make a point. I’m pretending I’m none the wiser.

Typically, I’m all for the ooey gooey love fests, but lately—I don’t have any room in my heart for love stories.

“Tired?”

I grumble something, my eyes fluttering shut as I pull myself closer to his side.

I’m permanently tired nowadays.

His laughter vibrates against my cheek, the warmth from his body heating my skin. I focus on the steady beat of his heart and try not to go down that rabbit hole again. I can’t focus on how grateful I am that he’s here. It sends me into hysterics, and I’m ashamed to admit that he’s had to pull me out of a panic attack once or twice.

“Want to go to bed? We can have a sleepover.”

Which means he knows I’m having a bad night. He can tell that I don’t want him too far. He shouldn’t be worrying about me. That’s not very fair of me, but I don’t know if I can stop that. It’s who he is. I’m worried about him, too. It’s a constant loop.

“I’m just bored to tears by this movie,” I snap, glaring up at him.

He barks out a laugh. “Come on! It’s not that bad. It’s got horses. You like horses.”

“When the hell have I ever said I like horses?” I ask, shooting him a funny look. Sure, horses are fine, but I’ve never really had an opinion on them. “Are you confusing me with another friend of ours?”

Realization dawns on him. His eyes go wide, mouth popping open. He tries, but fails, to suppress his grin at his mistake. “Tiffany likes horses.”

“Tiffany owns a horse. In an actual stable. His name is Mercy and he’s been the background on her phone for six years, Wyatt ,” I shove him gently.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’ll blame the medication; my head is all foggy. You know you’re my favourite.”

I’m happy he can joke about things now. When he was first given his antidepressants, he was resentful, bitter, and angry at the world. It took him a bit to come to peace with what they’d do for him. He knows he needs help. He wants it. If medication might provide him with what he needs to get better, he’s going to try it.

It’s going to be trial and error for a bit, and I think he’s scared that they might make him worse before they make him better. I’m scared of that too. Maybe that’s why I don’t want him out of my sight.

“You’re lucky that I’m well aware that I’m your favourite,” I grumble, snuggling back into his side. “That might have hurt my feelings.”

“You can pick the next one.”

Fine. I’ll pick something scary that will have my heart racing so fast that I can’t think. Or something with lots of explosions to overstimulate my brain, so that every racing thought becomes blurred. Anything but enduring another romantic comedy where everyone winds up happy at the end.

That isn’t real life.

I crack my tired eyes open, just in time to see the love interest pull the girl into his arms and slam his lips to hers. They kiss in the rain, because of course they do. I ache a bit inside, remembering what it was like to be kissed that way. Like you need it as much as oxygen.

He spins her around and slams her against the side of the car.

Like you can’t get enough of each other.

A long sigh leaves my nose.

“You know, you could just call him.”

I stiffen, refusing to tear my eyes from the TV. “Wyatt.”

It’s a warning. Just like the other times he’s brought him up.

“You just need to talk to him.”

“He’s made it clear that there is nothing left to talk about.”

“We both know that he didn’t mean what he said,” he says quietly, rubbing my arm.

I shut my eyes, feeling the sting of pain that rushes through me.

“It was too messy, Wy.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” he says, pressing another kiss to my hair. “Take away the timing and the secrets and the lack of communication. It makes sense. You guys make sense.”

My throat thickens.

Maybe.

But I did everything I could to wind up here, and now I have to live with it. We may have put everything aside when Wyatt needed us too, but that severance still existed. Neither of us made a step to bridge that distance while he was here, and neither of us have done anything since. I’m sure we’ll eventually fall into a new normal. The next time he comes home will be less uncomfortable. As for us? There is no ‘us.’

It’s just… done.

“You weren’t there.”

“Penny, if you love him, don’t be an idiot,” he says, biting back a groan.

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

I want to heal. I’m not ready to talk about Declan. One day, maybe I will be. Maybe we can coexist again, and things won't be so weird. I don’t want to speak in absolutes. It might happen, but not now.

“Yeah, neither of you do.”

I whirl around to glare at him. “Please don’t talk about me with Declan.”

He meets my stare, unapologetically. “Someone has got to talk some sense into the both of you.”

“You have to drop it,” I tell him. “Please.”

He stares at me for a long second, looking torn. Finally, he rolls his eyes in defeat.

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“Now shut up, I want to watch a ‘happily ever after’, since you won’t give me one to watch in real life.”