We Never Kissed

Chapter 4

Alex

Six Years Ago

I held up a glass of champagne as I addressed the ballroom, toasting to my best friend, Sammy, and his new wife, Cass. I talked about how we met on the basketball courts at sixteen and how Sammy could do a layup like nobody’s business, even though he was only slightly taller than Kevin Hart. Everyone laughed and knew I was exaggerating. I tried not to get too emotional but shared how the guest room in casa Steadman was basically my bedroom whenever I needed it. And that was a lot. What I did not share was late-night trips to the kitchen, hoping I’d run into Ava—which I did sometimes. Or how many times over the years, I’d dated someone to forget about her. Sadly, it created this image in her mind of the kind of person I was, and I never corrected her. Hell, maybe I was that guy.

I raised my glass higher. “To the beautiful couple and the long, long, loooong”—everyone laughed—“journey you’re starting today.”

The night carried on with food and dancing, including the one designated for best man and maid of honor, which had me paired up with Cass’s sister Elsie, whom I’d slept with the night before. We were both drunk, and I felt like an ass afterward. But as luck would have it, Ava caught the bouquet, and I caught the garter, which meant we were to dance together too.

I stiffly took Ava into my arms as the crowd around the dancefloor watched before joining in. An adorable grin played on her face, but it was when she brought her gaze to meet mine that everything and everyone fell away.

“We really only have to do this for a couple minutes,” Ava said, flitting her eyes away. “Once the others join us we can stop.”

I pulled her a little closer, showing her I disagreed. “You got somewhere to be?”

“No…”

We stared into each other’s eyes without talking, but it wasn’t awkward at all. It felt like we were holding a conversation with our eyes…and our bodies. But then a su dden need to hear her voice took hold, and I said the only thing I could think of. “How’s the show going?” Before she could answer, I blurted, “You still seeing that tool, Eliot?”

She laughed because we both knew no one she dated would ever be good enough in her brother’s eyes or mine. That was one of the great things about being friends with Sammy. I could always blame my jealousy on him. And it was an added bonus that Ava was terrible at picking guys. “What if I am?” she said with a defiance in her eyes.

I pressed my hand firmly into the small of her back. Mine, I wanted to say. “I don’t like him for you.”

Ava leaned in until her lips were near my ear. “You don’t seem to like anyone for me, Alex.”

I breathed into her hair, wanting so badly to tell her how I felt. I’d stopped myself so many times from telling Ava I wanted her, had wanted her for so long, because I knew what a disastrous mistake it would be. But this night felt different. She’d just graduated college. She was a grown woman who could take care of herself. But you’ll never be good enough for her . And that was as good a reason as any.

Ava leaned back to catch my stare again. “Nothing to say, Alex? No smooth comeback?”

“You’re perfectly capable of making your own decisions. I need to stay out of it. ”

She coughed out a small laugh. “Wow, how politically correct of you.” Her expression didn’t match her words, and I could see the hurt in her eyes. Sometimes it seemed, Ava wanted the same thing I did, and yet…she never said a word either. Her silence was another reason.

“Ava…” Her name came out harsher than I’d meant.

She took her eyes away and glanced around the dancefloor. “Actually, Eliot and I broke up. So, maybe I need to have a little something with one of these eligible bachelors tonight. Help me move past him?” She gave me a pointed look. “Sound like a good idea to you, Alex?”

“Damn, Ava, really?”

“So it’s okay for you to be a… I won’t say manwhore , but oops—did I say that out loud?”

I shook my head, not wanting to let her goad me. “You’re better than that.”

Her brows furrowed. “Says who?”

“Me. And I’m just trying to protect you.”

Ava dropped her arms then, and we stood in the middle of everyone dancing, staring at each other in a standoff. She folded her arms and let out a sigh. “So, you don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to have me either?”

I almost gasped at her declaration. We didn’t say things like that to each other. Not directly anyway. “You don’t think I want—” I dropped my head and shook it .

“What, Alex? Just tell me for fuck’s sake.”

“You know I care about you, Ava.”

“Do I?”

I wanted to say it, so desperately it burned a hole in the back of my throat, in the depths of my gut, and pierced through my already struggling heart. I was just about to step closer to her when someone appeared beside us, and I felt a hand on my arm.

“Finally, I was about to cut in.”

I turned and found Elsie standing there.

Shit .

Elsie draped an arm around my shoulders. “Ava, you don’t mind, do you?” Ava rolled her eyes, but it didn’t deter Elsie, who added, “On second thought, why don’t we get out of here for round two.”

I watched Ava’s eyes narrow, first on Elsie and then on me, hatred burning in their depths. “You guys have a good night,” she said, staying focused on me so I knew exactly what that meant.

I should have chased after her; I wanted to, but I didn’t. I also didn’t dance with Elsie, at the wedding or between the sheets that night. All I cared about was that Ava didn’t hate me. But the truth was…it was probably better if she did.