We Never Kissed

Chapter 9

Alex

Present Day

Her lips were so close to mine it wouldn’t take much to close the distance, to finally capture her mouth and show her everything I had been wanting. Everything I prayed she wanted too. I had fought it for so long I felt paralyzed as I wrestled with my decision. Just staring into her dark eyes tore me up inside. It was Ava, for God’s sake. The perfect woman. The perfect woman for me. But at the same time, all I wanted to do was protect her…and maybe that meant protecting her from me.

The thought grated against my desire for her. Why can’t I have her, dammit ?

I knew the reason, but I was quickly losing the battle. And when Ava reached up on her toes, snapping me back to her, it was all the motivation I needed. I bent to meet her, pressing my lips against hers, my palm brushing over her cheek as I slipped my other arm around her waist, pulling her closer. Her eager mouth moved in perfect synchronicity with mine, as if we’d done this thousands of times—and yet it felt like I’d never kissed anyone before. Her arms snaked around my neck, one hand caressing the back of my neck.

It only took seconds before her lips parted for me, and I deepened the kiss, hearing a quiet moan escape her. All other thoughts left me as I reveled in the moment, and we both instinctively pulled at each other to get closer, yearning for more. It was everything I’d dreamed of and more.

But an untimely cough behind me had us pulling apart.

“I, uh, I’m sorry to interrupt…”

I turned to find the captain standing there. He glanced at his watch. “I can give you a few more minutes…”

“Thank you.” I waited for him to go back to the cockpit before I faced Ava again. “That was unfortunate,” I said somewhat awkwardly. My heart was still racing, and my eyes whipped down to Ava’s mouth for just a beat before making eye contact again. We’d just had something momentous interrupted, and I was already feeling a sense of loss. I wanted to touch her, hold her. Would I ever get to again? She was still standing right there, but it felt like she was miles away.

Ava only nodded at my comment, so I had no idea what she was thinking. Did she regret it? Or maybe she was waiting for me to take the lead on the whole “us” situation. Instead of doing that, I took her hand in mine and gazed at her. Say something, you coward .

Giving me a slim smile, she said, “You don’t have to say anything.” She squeezed my hand. “We don’t have to jump into anything either.”

Was she giving me an out or was that coming from her gut?

“I know. I just…” I was flailing, and she knew it by the look on her face. I wasn’t prepared for this. Never thought this dream would come true.

Seeming to read my mind, she said, “Look, Alex, it took us fifteen years to have a first kiss…”

“So, what are you saying? We should wait another fifteen years to get to heavy petting?”

She laughed, and instinctively I dove in and pressed my mouth to the corner of hers. I was already taking liberties I shouldn’t, especially if I couldn’t back them up with the right words. I was so fucked. “That doesn’t count as number two.” I smirked. “Seriously, what are you saying? Where do we go from here?”

“Let’s not overthink it. We both know what this is.”

We do ?

“But, Alex, I have to go and end one life so I can start a new one.” She pulled the bag back onto her shoulder that had fallen off when I kissed her. “And I’m going to have Gunnar with me when I get back.”

Hearing his name, despite what she’d said about him, put me on high-alert. “Yeah, speaking of that guy, are you sure—”

“Seriously, he’s like a brother to me.”

I quirked a brow at her, pointing out the irony. “Really?”

“You know what I mean. Let’s just say Gunnar really loves fruit, like every kind of fruit. Even peaches. But his favorite is banana, see?” She showed me an adorable grin as she moved past me.

I grabbed her arm to stop her. “You said we don’t have to jump into anything. What if I want to jump…?” What the hell are you saying ? Ava and I together, like really together, was one of my biggest fears. I knew I’d screw it up, and where would that leave me? I’d practically be an orphan. I ran a hand through my hair, knowing I was already screwing this thing up .

Thankfully, her head tilt told me she wasn’t taking me seriously. “I just got out of a long-term relationship and you… Have you even ever had one?”

“Define long term.” I winked at her.

“Oh, yeah, you’re ready for this, Alex…” She shook her head. “Let me get my life in order. We’ll…keep in touch, see how things go, okay?”

Wow… Ava was calling the shots and so casually. I felt like I was riding the bench. I knew I’d think back on this when I was in bed tonight and wonder what the hell happened.

I saw Ava off, giving her a hug before she got into an Uber. Just for good measure I texted her moments after she drove away: Say hi to Gunter!

She replied with a laughing emoji, then wrote: You’ll love him… And you better call him by his correct name .

One kiss… That was all it had taken to throw me into a tailspin. Ava was right to pump the brakes. So, why did I feel like every emotion I’d ever felt for her…just rose to the surface and demanded to be acknowledged and accounted for? Everything I had pushed back and told myself wasn’t real suddenly consumed me.

I had to switch gears, though. I had a meeting with my clients, and despite riding the bench with Ava, I was the star player, running the show on this deal since day one. I couldn’t drop the ball now. Still, on my way to the hotel, I couldn’t resist texting Ava one more time. That kiss, though …