We Never Kissed

Chapter 20

Alex

Present Day

Ava wrapped her arms around me, held me tightly for several minutes. I wasn’t sure what she would say about the story I’d just told her—I could only imagine—but at one point guilt filled my gut, and I stroked her hair. It was a lot to lay down on someone, especially someone who cared about you.

Just when I thought she might not say anything at all, she pulled back and took my hands into hers.

“Oh my God, Alex,” she whispered but couldn’t quite meet my eye.

A tear streamed down her cheek, and I pulled one hand from her grip to wipe it away. “I’m okay now. Please don’t cry.” I brushed the hair out of her face and gave her a slim smile. “I just needed to tell you.”

She drew in a shaky breath and nodded. “I’m glad you did. I’m sorry I have to ask this but…are you saying that your mom was trying to kidnap you when that accident happened?”

I nodded. “I mean no one really knows exactly what my mother had planned, or what she would have actually done if we hadn’t gotten in the accident.”

As if she’d had a stake in the good name of my mother, she said, “She loved you. It was a terrible, terrible, thing, but maybe she would have realized it was wrong and brought you home.”

It was just like her to see the good in people, but that had never been me…thanks to both my parents. “I guess we’ll never know. Even if I ever spoke to her again, I could never be sure she wasn’t lying.”

“I don’t understand. Did she go to jail? Is that why she wasn’t in your life?”

“No, that was all my dad. He had all the power. Money, contacts, the best lawyers. But he also knew how California law favored the mother. Sure he could have pressed charges, but he wanted to make sure she never came back again…” I let out a shuttered sigh. Clearly I hadn’t thought this out, hadn’t realized how deep into this conversation I’d have to go .

“What did he do?” she asked hesitantly.

I stood then, made my way over to the window and gazed out at the Las Vegas strip. For all my mother’s faults, she wasn’t the only shitty parent. “Dad covered up the accident. Told me never to talk about it again. He made her sign away all rights to me, and then had her committed to a rehab program somewhere out of state.”

“That had to be a horrible time for you. So confusing.”

“Dad never gave me the details. Just told me she was leaving. Going away to get better. I only found out what he’d done after he died, and I went through all his paperwork.”

I heard her get up from the bed. “Oh, Alex. Why didn’t you tell us…Sammy at least?” She wrapped her arms around my waist, pressed her cheek to my back. For some reason that small gesture, the feel of her, knowing what it meant…it was the first time in a long time I got choked up, felt the sting of tears threaten behind my eyes. I’d made it through that whole damn story and a fucking hug was going to break me down. So, like the caveman I was, I turned in her arms, took her face in my hands and kissed her.

The kiss was desperate and sad, and before long I pulled back. “I’m sorry,” I said, feeling like I’d just used her .

She gave me a squinty smile. “Never apologize for kissing me.”

“You know what I mean. I had this whole romantic weekend planned, and now this…” I shook my head. “We can stop talking about this now.” I pulled away and wandered toward the table, opened the guest services booklet, but I felt her quietly watching me. “We can still go out…”

“We’ll get to that in a minute,” she said as she came up beside me. “Can I ask one more question?”

I glanced up and nodded.

“You never were curious when you became an adult, never thought to reach out to your mother?”

Part of me didn’t like how interested she was in this topic, but I was the one who started it, so I answered honestly. “No. My dad told me enough stories about her that I just figured there was no point in it. She never wanted me to begin with.”

Running a hand down my arms, she replied, “I might be overstepping here, but how do you know? If you’ve never really given her a chance to say her side of things…”

“Her side?” My tone was defensive. “ She was an addict who put her child in danger because getting high meant more to her than taking care of me.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry,” she said breathlessly. “It’s just you must’ve loved her very much to go in that car after her. You may have saved your mother’s life that day. And it sounds like she tried to stop you from getting hurt.”

Instinctively, I put a hand against my chest, feeling the raised bump through my shirt. “I don’t know… It’s just always been something that was easier to avoid than think about. She could’ve reached out to me as an adult, but she never did.”

“Maybe she was ashamed. Maybe your dad threatened her to keep her away… Who knows?”

I narrowed my gaze at her, wondering why she was pushing me on this. “Look, I appreciate you listening, but I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I only wanted you to understand why I reacted the way I did. It was a shock to see her. It all came flooding back.” I slammed the book closed, then regretted it. “I’m sorry I ruined our evening.”

Ava slipped her arms around my waist and gazed up at me. “Nothing’s ever ruined when I’m with you. I just want to be with you, Alex.”

Guilt suffused me. “Not like this… I had plans to—”

“Plans can be changed. We can order in…”

She was making this too easy, which made me feel worse. “We went from a romantic night, an exclusive restaurant, and now you’re perfectly happy with sitting in a hotel room with me, eating an overcooked burger?”

“Yep.”

I laughed. “That’s why I love you,” I blurted .

“I love you too,” she said as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

“No, that’s not what I mean.” Emotion tightened my chest, and I took her face in my hands. “Dammit, Ava. Yes, I’ve loved you half my life, but this is different. I am in love with you! And I have been for as long as I can remember. I just never allowed myself to think about it. And when all these feelings came flooding out tonight… It was right there, front and center.”

She smiled, widely this time, and her eyes glistened. “Do you know how long I’ve waited for you to say that?”

I pressed my lips to hers in a soft kiss. “About as long as I’ve been dying to say it. That’s why I wanted tonight to be special, not some…reaction to an emotional situation.”

She let out a sweet little chuckle. “Every time we’ve ever gotten close, it’s been when emotions are high. Don’t you know why that is?”

I shook my head, uncaring if I came off as the clueless male.

“Because, we’re not just attracted to each other. We need each other. We’re emotionally invested, and when one of us hurts, the other will do whatever we can to make that go away. So, if there ever was a time for us to be together for the first time, this is it.”

“You really believe that?”

“I do. We waited a long time to be together, and if you want to wait another day for you, I’m okay with that. But if you want to be with me, Alex, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

I pulled her close, buried my face in the crook of her neck and inhaled the fresh scent of her hair. “I don’t know how I got so damn lucky…”

We held each other for long moments, the only sound our deep breathing. And when we finally pulled apart, she said, “Why don’t we stay in, order room service…maybe watch a movie”—she grinned—“under a blanket…”

My mind shot back to that night on her couch, how she’d come apart from my touch alone, and I couldn’t help but smile. “So, that’s all you need, huh?”

“Um…no, that’s just the appetizer this time.”