We Never Kissed

Chapter 19

Alex

Not the most romantic choice for a getaway, but it turned out Vegas made the most sense for Ava and I to go to. That way she could tell her parents she was going to meet with her office, visit friends, and see one of her friend’s shows, which was mostly true. And given how close Sin City was, I didn’t think any of the Steadmans would even know I was gone.

My hand had been nestled between Ava’s shapely thighs for the last hour of the drive as we played Who Knows Who Better. The whole thing started when she’d tried to tell me that I didn’t like pizza the way most people liked pizza. And she’d actually convinced me she was right, giving several examples. Basically, I could take it or leave it. Then I’d clapped back with how she wasn’t attracted to male dancer bodies despite being a dancer. I was particularly proud of proving that one, given one male dancer she was living with.

“What about pets?” she said after a few minutes of just the sound of the car and radio playing.

I didn’t turn my head, but I also didn’t hide my grin as I moved my hand a little higher between her legs, brushing my thumb over her inner thigh, which was exposed from her short shorts. “You sure you want to go there right now? I wouldn’t want to get us in an accident.”

Pushing my hand lower, she said, “I didn’t mean that.”

We were both laughing, but my body was on fire at the visual and the thought of a hotel room in our very near future. I glanced at the clock. With dinner reservations and the show commitment, we’d have less than an hour to check in and get ready. That wasn’t enough time in my book for what I’d had planned for Ava. I’d just have to tough it out until the end of the night. Something that was getting harder and harder. Literally .

When we finally made it to the hotel and up to our room on the eighteenth floor, Ava went right to the window. “I always love this view. Kinda reminds me of being on stage with all the lights.”

I pressed up behind her and nuzzled her neck. “I wouldn’t mind seeing you on stage again.” She was so damn beautiful up there.

Turning her head to the side, she whispered, “Who says I can’t dance just for you?”

“ Fuck …” I’d meant to only think it, but somehow it came out. I captured her mouth with mine and gripped her neck, holding her in place to deepen the kiss. After a moment, she spun and rose up on her toes to wrap her arms around my neck, sighing in that sweet tune before I dove back in for her mouth.

All I had to do was back her up a few steps and the bed was right there. Tempting for more reasons than I could count. It was like this moment was fifteen years in the making, and I wasn’t sure how I could wait another second, especially with the feel of her soft curves pressed against me, the heat of the kiss, her heady little moans… On instinct, I suppose, I took those few steps, guided her back toward the bed.

But before I could ease her down onto the mattress, Ava pulled back. “Wow, um…” She laughed, her face a gorgeous pink hue. “I was just thinking…”

“That we should just stay in tonight?” I gave her a squinty smile, running my hands down her back to the top of her ass.

“As much as that sounds”—she slid her palms to my chest, a slight press that felt like a warning—“tempting… ”

“You promised Erin.” One of Ava’s dance buddies left tickets for us for the early show, and I wasn’t going to be one of those guys that alienated his woman from her friends. “We should go.” I kissed her forehead. “Plus…I’m going to need much more time than we have now.” I winked and released her. “I’m going to need to take my time with you, Ava,” I said, throwing a look over my shoulder to catch her eyes wide.

The little huff of air she let out was an added bonus for me as she grabbed her bag and scurried into the bathroom.

Erin’s show was one of those acrobatic/dance shows with a crap-ton of lights and something happening in every part of the stage. But what was more entertaining for me was after, when we went backstage, and I got to see Ava in her element. In my eyes, Ava was everything. The total package. But to watch her peers look at her, interact with her, it really hit home how special she was, and that filled me with a sense of pride I probably didn’t deserve.

The dancers had another show to get ready for, so thankfully, we didn’t stay long.

Next we headed over to The Forum Shops at Caesars because Ava wanted to shop before our dinner reservations at Nobu. Never letting go of her hand, I followed her to her favorite stores, taking note of every single thing that caught her eye. Something about the domestic feel of this scenario made me blissfully content—sure, the thought of what awaited me tonight helped, but just being with Ava felt so good.

Until we stepped out of a store and almost ran into someone I didn’t recognize for a split second—if it weren’t for those eyes that appeared in my nightmares… We stared at each other in shocked silence for what felt like long seconds, my heart lodging in my throat. I was only barely aware I was still holding Ava’s hand, when I felt it tense in mine.

My mother sputtered, “A-Alex…”

I shook my head, then pushed past her, hearing her call, “Alex, please, wait.”

Ava stopped short, our hands pulling apart. “Alex, wait.”

I turned back and stared at Ava, my mother’s blurry form behind her.

Ava stepped toward me, took my hand again. “Can’t you just—”

“No, I can’t,” I said matter-of-factly, darting my eyes for a beat to the woman who was basically a stranger to me, my pulse pounding and my anger building. “Come on.” My legs got me moving, but it felt like I couldn’t get us out of there fast enough.

Ava stayed quiet, even when we passed Nobu, and I headed to the exit. As we stepped up to the cab stand, I couldn’t even meet her gaze. I couldn’t think straight, didn’t know if I should be ashamed for how I acted or pissed that Ava didn’t back me up. Of course, I didn’t even know if she knew the whole story of what happened that day. So, when she moved in front of me, and I was forced to look at her, I blurted out, “You don’t understand. That woman tried to kill me.”

Ava’s jaw went slack as she registered what I’d just said to her. I knew it wasn’t fair to drop that bombshell on her, but at the same time she had to know. It was finally time to get this out. She and Sammy only knew part of the story, and even though the memory was so vivid it was like it happened yesterday, I just never could put words to it, never wanted to acknowledge it by sharing what happened that day.

Ava slipped her hand into mine, and I could see her eyes water; it was so like her to take on the pain of someone she loved. When a cab pulled to a stop in front of us, she touched my face and said, “Let’s go back to the room and talk.”

We exchanged no words as we sat there, driving by happy families on vacation, young men and women dressed to the nines, ready to party like they didn’t have a care in the world. All the while, Ava held my hand tightly in her lap, as if she needed me to know she was there for me .

Back in the room, I sat on the bed, and she sat next to me. Before I could say anything, she turned her body to face me and ran a hand down my back. “I’m so sorry you’re hurting. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to…but I’m ready to hear all of it.”

I nodded. “I know you and Sammy have wondered what exactly happened with my mother all those years ago.” I averted her gaze and shook my head, pointed my stare toward the window. “But you were around my father. You heard his comments about her. You know he kept her out of my life because she was a drug addict and never even wanted to be a mother.” I felt my own eyes burn at the thought my mom hadn’t wanted me. I drew in a deep breath and pressed on. “There was so much more than that, though.”

I felt her forehead press against my shoulder. “Oh, Alex, that must’ve been so hard for you.”

I forced myself to look at her. “Most of the time, I just live my life and don’t think about her. But when she pops into my head, I force her out…because the last time I was with her, it was one of the worst days of my life.”

***

Alex

Five years old …

I could barely make my legs move fast enough to keep up with my mom as she pulled me down the hall of my school. When she glanced back at me, she smiled, but I could tell she didn’t mean it. Her eyes were red again, and she just kept telling me to hurry.

Once we were in the car and we pulled away from the school, I heard the beeping in the front seat. My dad had made her carry a pager and a phone so he could keep track of her.

“Is that daddy?” I asked.

She didn’t answer, and when we missed the turn to our house, I said, “Mommy where are we going? Do I have a doctor’s appointment?” That was what they had told me when they took me out of class.

She glanced at me in the mirror. “No, baby. We’re going somewhere else, and it’s a surprise.”

“Is Daddy coming?” I didn’t like going places without my dad, even though he sometimes wasn’t nice to me or my mom. Even when she was sick or had trouble moving around, he would get mad. But I didn’t think I was strong enough to help her.

“No, Daddy can’t come.”

I noticed she was driving pretty fast, passing other cars, and I was scared. “Will we be home in time for dinner?” Dad had said he was bringing home pizza.

“Stop asking me so many questions.” She moved so I could see more of her face in the mirror. “We have to go away, honey.”

“Go away? From Daddy?” I’d heard them arguing many times before, both of them saying they were going to take me away somewhere, but they never did.

The beeping went off again, and I saw my mom pick up the pager from the seat next to her and then throw it to the ground. “Damn him. He’s not taking my son away from me.” She was crying, and the car was swerving some.

“Mommy, I’m scared. I want to go home.” I tried not to cry, even though Dad wasn’t there, but I didn’t want to get in trouble. He was always grumpy when I cried.

The car jerked to the side, and I heard a horn honk. Dad always asked me questions about my mom, and if he asked about this, I knew he’d be mad. Sometimes, Mom said, “Don’t tell Daddy,” and I bet she would say that about this too.

I didn’t know how long we drove like that, but my mom stopped answering me. It was like she was in a race, and she kept looking in the mirror.

I was watching her eyes in the mirror, so I didn’t know what happened—only that suddenly the car was jerking in all directions, my body being pushed and pulled, and I heard a loud screeching noise, then smashing and crunching. My mom screamed, and so did I. I squeezed my eyes shut until everything went still .

When I opened my eyes, I knew something very bad had happened because I was on my side and had slipped out of my seatbelt some. “Mommy!” She didn’t answer. “Mommy! The car is upside down!”

I couldn’t help it. I started crying. After a while, I heard my mom’s voice.

“Alex, get out!” She just kept screaming it over and over until I got myself moving.

I was able to crawl and climb my way out through the front where the windshield used to be, but when I got out, I didn’t see my mom. She was still in the car. I was on my hands and knees on the ground. I turned back around and saw her pressed up against her door in a weird, crumpled way. I called out, “Mommy, get out.”

“I can’t, baby. I’m stuck. We’ll have to wait for help.”

I wasn’t sure where we were, but I didn’t see anyone around. “Wait, I hear sirens.” But then I saw something else, the most horrible thing I’d ever seen. Our car had flames on it. “Mommy, the car’s on fire.”

“Oh, God. It’s okay, just back away, sweetie, as far as you can.”

I didn’t listen to her. Instead, I crawled closer and peered at her through the opening I’d come out of.

“God dammit, Alex, go back. Now.”

“No, Mommy, I have to help you.”

“It’s just my seatbelt. I can’t get out of it. Someone is coming to help. You have to stay back.” She shook her head as I stared at her, tears streaming down her face.

“I don’t want you to get burned, Mommy.”

“Oh, my God, no. Alex, please go back.”

I didn’t care what she said. I crawled back through the opening and didn’t notice a piece of glass sticking out until it scraped across my chest. “Mommy!” It hurt so bad.

“Dammit, Alex, why aren’t you listening? What happened?”

“Please, just get out, Mommy.” I reached over and tugged on her arm, but she yanked it free.

“Okay, listen,” she said, breathing hard. “See if you can get a big piece of glass, and I’ll try to cut the seatbelt.”

I crawled around, searching, feeling the sting of pain in my chest and my hands and knees. “All the pieces are so small.” I kept looking and then, I saw it. “Daddy’s pocket knife!” I snatched it up and handed it to my mom.

As she started cutting, she kept telling me to get out, but I couldn’t move. I was frozen, watching her sawing at the belt. The next thing I knew, hands grabbed my arms and pulled me back out of the car.