We Never Kissed

Chapter 33

Ava

I slammed the car door and bolted toward my apartment, completely aware that Alex would follow. His heavy footsteps stayed behind me the whole way. He’d make sure I got in the door, then he would leave.

We’d been silent the entire way home, and I had flashbacks of being a brooding teenager with two overbearing big brothers, who always thought they knew what was best for me. I’d hated it back then, but this… I couldn’t even process the emotions whirling through me. He didn’t want anything to do with me, and yet he stepped back in to treat me like a child?

By the time I got the key into the door, I felt Alex at my back. I hesitated a beat, trying to parse the flood of emotions at his close proximity. When he stood fast as I opened the door, I said under my breath, “I don’t remember inviting you in.”

He ignored my statement, pushing in behind me, then shutting the door as I paced to the kitchen.

Opening the fridge, I was reminded that I had finished off the last bottle of cheap wine before I left.

Dammit .

“Haven’t you had enough to drink?”

His sarcasm fueled my anger and humiliation, and I shot him a glare. “Someone killed my buzz.”

Alex leaned back against the counter, folded his arms, and glared right back. I saw the twitch of his jaw as he clenched it.

“Why are you even still here? I thought you wanted nothing to do with me?”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Despite what’s going on between us, I had to make sure you were okay and didn’t do anything… stupid .”

Maybe it was stupid, but I wasn’t about to admit that to him or let on how humiliated I was, so I moved across the kitchen and went into the living room. “Well, I’m fine now, so you can see yourself out.” I didn’t know what hurt more: that Alex had ignored me for days or that when he finally surfaced it was in “big brother” mode .

A moment later, Alex walked through the living room and right toward the front door.

I practically gasped in anger. Yes, I had told him to go, but… I can’t believe he’s actually going to leave . I rushed across the room and slammed the door shut when he only had it a foot open. “You coward!”

He spun to face me, pointing his dark gaze down at me, but I didn’t waver, and I didn’t take my palm off the door.

“Me? You’re the one who was too afraid to tell me the truth, and then instead of facing what you did, you try to drink your guilt away.”

My mouth flew open. “No! You don’t get to say that when I tried to face what I did, but you shut me out. And I wasn’t drinking my guilt away. I was trying to drink you away.”

His eyes widened for a beat before he caught himself. “Yeah, well next time do it in the privacy of your own home.” His hand still on the knob, he pulled but not hard enough. He was strong enough to rip the damn door from the hinges if he wanted to, so he could certainly over power me. But I knew he wouldn’t, so I didn’t budge.

“Dammit, Alex, just talk to me. I’ll take whatever you dish out. Cuss me out, scream at me. I deserve it.” I knew I’d never be able to move forward with his silence, with the uncertainty of his forgiveness. But somehow, we at least had to get back to the way things were… before us .

His chest heaved deeply as he stared down at me, his anger apparent, even though I could see him holding it back. I took my hand from the door and placed it on his chest, my own heart stuttering. “You can walk out that door and never look back, but I’m not letting you leave until you talk to me. Tell me you hate me, that you never want to see me again.” My heart racing, I paused to catch my breath. “Say it, Alex!” I yelled.

Alex grabbed my wrist tightly, his mouth pursed. “This is what you want?!” He paced me backward.

“Yes!” I said, breathlessly but with no fear of him hurting me.

“I had everything in my life under control, and you destroyed that!” He stopped in the middle of the living room and yanked me against his chest. “You went behind my back, you lied, and you ruined us, Ava!”

“I know,” I barely got out, my throat closing up. “I’m sorry.”

“Even if I could ever trust you again… Now when I see you, I think of—” He turned his face away.

Risking his anger escalating, I said, “You can’t run from your memories, from her, forever.”

He returned his gaze to me but didn’t speak.

“And as much as your words say otherwise, you can’t run from me, Alex. We will always be a part of each other’s lives. I will not let you run from our family either.”

He released my wrist and stepped back. “Watch me.”

When he turned to leave I rushed around him, put both hands on his chest, stopping him. “No.”

“Move, Ava.”

“No!” He was either going to talk this out with me or tell me once and for all it was over. He’d yet to say those exact words, and I prayed that he wouldn’t. Our eyes were locked in a silent battle for what felt like minutes but was probably only seconds before I reached up and touched his cheek.

Then in an instant, he grabbed my shoulders, hard. I thought he was going to shove me out of the way but instead, he crashed his mouth down on to mine. It was an angry but desperate kiss, his mouth devouring mine as he continued to grip my shoulders.

I took it all, grateful for the connection, prepared to have him however he was willing to give. When he finally tore his mouth from mine and gazed at me, I saw the anger was still there. Anger mixed with pain. He panted, his lips mere inches from mine, then slowly, I reached for his belt. He held my stare as I undid it but as soon as I got the first button undone, he shoved my hand away, then yanked down the strap of my top. It didn’t take much to get me naked, given the outfit I’d been wearing. When I stood before him, his eyes feasted on me before his lips began tasting inch after inch of my body like I was his last meal, like it was the last time he would get to touch me.

My hands went to his hair, and I pulled his mouth back to mine. We kissed frantically before he moved us toward the back of the couch. Turning me around, he pressed up against me until I was wedged between him and the couch. I didn’t know if it was about control or him no longer wanting to look into my eyes, but I didn’t care. All I wanted was to be with him. I heard his clothes hit the floor, and seconds later, he was inside me. It was fast and rough and erotic, and when I screamed out his name as we both fell over the edge of ecstasy, my eyes watered with the uncertainty of this being goodbye .

As I calmed my breathing, my heart hanging in the balance, Alex surprised me by lifting me into his arms. He carried me to my bedroom, and there we made slow, sweet love all night long. We didn’t speak after, and I fell asleep in his arms, my head against his chest.

But when I woke up sometime before dawn, the space next to me was cold. And Alex was gone.