14. Corrigan, What If I Knew You (Anaheim Stars Hockey #3)

14. Corrigan

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CORRIGAN

MONDAY

*Pic of fast food taco* That moment when you oversleep and barely make it to work on time, and then in your frazzled state, you drop the files you’re carrying for two different patients which equals a solid forty five minutes of putting said charts back together and then checking and rechecking about ten times to make CERTAIN each patient has their correct information, you work through lunch because you feel bad for almost being late, you haven’t had nearly enough to drink today, but when you finally get a restroom break you realize your period started so now you’re tired, you’re hangry, you’ve got cramps, and your best friend isn’t even working in the building today so you can’t cry to her about your day and then when you finally do get to leave you know your fridge is empty and you should order food but also you know your favorite restaurants are going to take too long because oh my God you need food like yesterday so you end your night on the living room couch munching on this soggy fast food taco that falls apart the moment you try to take a bite.

Alan

Oh man. That sounds like a super shit day. I’m sorry you had it rough today. If I were in town, I’d bring you something better to eat.

Is that an innuendo?

Alan

LOL Uh, no. Sadly I did just mean I would’ve brought you Mario’s…or Chinese. You did say it was your favorite. And I’d add all the chocolate for those cramps.

Yeah. I just didn’t want to go all the way across town because I’m cranky as fuck and should just put myself to sleep. Sorry for bothering you with my whiny text.

Alan

Your texts never bother me. Hearing from you makes me smile. Plus, I’m out of town for work for a few days so it’s nice to hear from someone a little closer to home.

So, what are you eating then? Or have you not eaten yet? Or are you in Switzerland or something and therefore it’s like middle of the night and I’m keeping you awake?

Alan

LOL. Nope not in Switzerland. But I am in Ohio. I hear there’s a little town about ninety minutes from here that calls themselves ‘Little Switzerland’. Also, the town has the world’s biggest cuckoo clock.

Interesting. What is good to eat in Ohio?

Alan

*pic of steak, side salad, and baked potato* Well I ate several hours ago but dinner was catered so I can’t complain.

*Salivates over your dinner* I hate you right now.

Alan

Hey, don’t hate on my food porn.

I think I could get off to that food porn right about now. That’s how good it looks.

Alan

Now THAT I would pay to see. Maybe we should Facetime.

Too bad for you. You don’t get to watch since you ate that yummy food without me. *shrugs* Your loss.

Alan

Fuck!

Night Alan.

Alan

Night Corri.

TUESDAY

Alan

*pic of runny scrambled eggs, burnt avocado toast, and two bruised bananas* For the record, hotel room service isn’t always the best. Hope your day is starting better than mine. At least the coffee is hot.

As I’m currently standing along the side of the fucking road waiting for the police to show up, I think I have you beat yet again.

Alan

Oh shit! Corri, are you alright? What the hell happened? What can I do?

I’m fine. Just a fender bender of sorts. Stupid kid was texting and ran right into me at a red light. I’m sure I’ll feel it later today but for now, I’m fine…except that I’m late for work AGAIN.

Alan

Are you sure you’re alright? Do you want me to call someone? I feel terrible I’m not there. I could have picked you up or…I don’t know…something. Anything.

You’re sweet but it’s okay. My car is drivable, so once the police get here to make a report I’ll be on my way. My workday hasn’t even started yet and already I can’t wait for this day to be over.

Alan

Hey. I know it’s late. Just checking in to see how you’re feeling.

Head hurts. Neck is sore. Took a muscle relaxer and am heading to bed. Sorry, Alan.

Alan

Never apologize for taking care of yourself. Go. Rest. Your body needs it.

WEDNESDAY

Alan

Morning Corri. Hope you slept well and are feeling better. I was thinking about you a lot last night. Hope you’re okay.

Alan

Missed hearing from you today. Hope you’re well.

THURSDAY

OMG I am SO SORRY I never got back to you yesterday. Work was a madhouse. We were understaffed and of course ended up with a full emergency room all day. I swear to God Mercury must be in retrograde or it’s a double full moon or something because we had all sorts of kids in yesterday for everything from a broken arm to a mother poisoning her kid with turpentine! My head just wasn’t into talking to anybody by the time I got home. I stuffed a PB&J in my mouth and went to bed.

Alan

Wow. What a week you’re having, huh?

Tell me about it. When does a girl get to catch a break?

Alan

What would you do with that break?

What do you mean?

Alan

I mean if you had a day off to do whatever the hell you wanted, what would you do?

Probably should unpack. I still have a living room full of boxes. I had to dive into a box in my bedroom just to find clean underwear because I’m that backed up on my own fucking laundry. My father would be so disappointed in my hot mess of a life.

Alan

We’ll come back and unpack your father and whatever hold he might have on your life later (because I get it) but you’re not allowed to say you’ll unpack on your day off. Tell me what you do for fun.

You mean besides meet men by accidentally texting them and then offer to teach them everything I know about sex?

Alan

Whatever guy takes you up on that offer is an asshole. Tell him to fuck off.

Are you kidding? That would be a terrible idea.

Alan

Why is that? He’s a total stranger who you don’t even know and you’re literally bringing him into your home and letting him do all sorts of ridiculously hot sensual things to your body.

*shrugs* Maybe I’m a stupid na?ve woman but 1. The guy is hot AF. 2. He seems relatively nice, and 3. He’s a virgin, which means he hasn’t been tainted by skanky-ass women. That makes him a hot commodity and I would be a fool to toss him aside.

Alan

Well, whoever that guy is, he better consider himself a lucky bastard because it sounds like you might be the best thing to ever happen in his life in a very long time.

*blushes* Well, I don’t know if I would go that far. I’m not a perfect person. Maybe I’m just a horny slut who is taking full advantage of the poor guy.

Alan

I seriously doubt that. But for the sake of argument, let’s say that you are taking advantage. Is he at least…you know…comparable? To past playmates? I mean I’m only asking because obviously you wouldn’t want to take advantage if the guy is less than stellar.

You know, I can’t lie…for a beginner, he’s far superior to any other playmate I’ve ever had.

Alan

Uh…wow. That’s umm, quite the compliment. That guy really is a fucking lucky man.

And I am equally lucky.

FRIDAY

I toss my keys onto the counter and kick the door closed behind me. The weight of this day, no, this whole week, has me wanting to curl up in a ball and sleep for days. I don’t think I’ve experienced a week this bad since the day I found Leo bent over Gale Wittindom in the on-call room back in London.

Fuck you, Leo.

I move down the hall toward my bedroom and search through one of the open boxes for the comfiest pair of pajama pants I can find along with an oversized sweatshirt and toss it on my bed. I grab a clean towel but before I head to the bathroom for the longest hottest shower I can stand my phone dings in my pocket. I pull it out to see a text from Bodhi. Well, Alan to him, but only because he still doesn’t know that I know who he is.

Maybe I should just tell him.

Having to remember to call him Alan instead of Bodhi is getting exhausting.

Ugh.

Nah.

I guess I don’t really care right now.

I just don’t feel like getting into it.

Not tonight.

I’ve had enough drama this week.

Alan

Happy Friday! You made it through the week! What are you going to do to celebrate?

Curl up in a ball on my couch and probably cry myself to sleep.

Alan

Oh nooooo. I was wishing you a great day all day! What happened?

Well, one of the male nurses asked me out but I don’t want to tell you that, so I guess I’ll tell you the worst of my day.

I lost a patient today.

Just typing the words out on my phone brings tears to my eyes.

Alan

Oh shit, Corri. I’m so sorry. Do you want to talk about it?

Maybe at some point but right now, I just want to stand in the hot water and cry. And then make myself eat something before I crawl into my bed and stay there for the next two days.

Alan

Sounds like a fair plan. Is there anything I can do for you?

No. This is all just part of the job I signed up for. Sometimes I win…and sometimes I lose.

Alan

I understand that more than you know.

I chuckle to myself because I know what he’s thinking, but losing a patient isn’t the same as losing a hockey game. I won’t tell him that though. I know he’s only trying to be sympathetic.

Alan

Enjoy your shower. Don’t come out until you’ve used up the hot water for the entire building.

I try to smile at his last text and then toss my phone onto my bed, grab my clothes and towel, and head for the bathroom. The water is scalding as I step into it but I refuse to turn it down. The heat feels good on my skin. A reminder to my body that I’m still alive. That although I can’t save every patient that comes through the doors, I statistically save more than I lose and I need to remember that.

Still, losing small humans is heartbreaking no matter how you look at it, so I allow myself as long as I need to cry for the little boy I lost today. To grieve the loss of a small innocent soul, to question why children are taken from this world way too soon. And when all that energy is gone, and those tears are shed, I finally allow myself the pity party I so desperately needed to have this week within the confines of my shower.

Because fuck this fucking shit week I just had.

It can all go to hell.

My shower turns into a nearly thirty-minute soak by the time I finally rinse my hair, wash my body, shave, and then switch off the water. I wrap my body in a fluffy towel and step out of the shower, cursing the air for not being the same temperature my shower was. I wrap a smaller towel around my wet hair and then slip into my comfy clothes, thankful to be without a bra for the rest of the weekend. Nothing says comfort like the oldest pair of sweatpants I wore while in college and a sweatshirt so well worn it’s tattered in spots. Once I have them on my body, I wrap my arms around myself and inhale a deep breath. It’s almost the same as a comfort hug.

Almost.

As I’m applying moisturizer on my face and neck, there’s a knock on my door.

Layken.

She might not be a nurse, but she’s the one person who understands what I need when I have a shit day like this one. She’s already seen me cry once today. Hell, except for Monday I think she’s seen me cry every day this week, so it doesn’t surprise me at all that she’s stopping by to check on me.

Padding down the hall, I grab the doorknob and pull my door open, completely taken aback when I see Bodhi Roche standing there with his hands full of bags.

“B-Alan…” I blink. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

He nods toward the stairs. “Someone was coming out as I was coming in so I didn’t need buzzed in.” He holds up a bag that is already making me want to drool. The savory scent alone makes me want to weep happy tears. “Thought you could use some comfort food and a friendly face.”

“Alan,” I shake my head, “I’m sorry. I just…”

How do I say this?

“I don’t think I’m really up for lessons tonight.”

He smiles kindly. “Good because I’m not here for that. I’m here for you.”

“What?”

“You’ve had a fucking hard week,” he explains. “And I thought maybe I could help make it even just a tiny bit better for you.” He holds up the bag of Chinese takeout that he remembered I love. “So, I brought dinner because you need to eat…”

He lifts another bag. “And I brought way more snacks than either of us can handle, including cookies & cream ice cream because you said it’s your favorite.” Then he gestures to the third bag on his arm. “And in here is a comfy blanket, a bottle of vodka and some cranberry juice because I remembered what you ordered to drink that first night we met. And if your television is working, I have a streaming account so we can watch any and all sappy movies that give you all the feels.”

I hold his stare as he lowers his arms and his smile fades. His voice becomes soft and tender as he says, “And if you don’t want to watch television all wrapped up in a comfy blanket, then I’m still here. I’ll sit with you in total silence if that’s what you prefer. So, you’re not alone.” He swallows. “There’s nothing worse than being in your own head after a shitty few days and I really just wanted to, you know, make sure you’re okay.”

The helpless expression on his face alone melts me into a gigantic puddle of overwhelming sadness. Not to mention the guilt that is building up inside me over possibly going out with another man when I have this…well, whatever this is with Bodhi.

Alan .

My eyes blur as my tears well, my chin quivers, and there’s a heaviness in my chest just before I burst into tears, covering my face with my hands. “You’re so sweet to me. God, I’m so sorry, Alan.”

“Hey, hey, hey.” His voice is even softer now. He steps inside and places the bags of food on the floor by our feet and then wraps his arms around me, his strong hand on the back of my head stroking my hair.

I’m not going to lie.

His touch is comforting.

“Shhhhh, it’s okay, Corri.”

“This has been the absolute shittiest week and I have nothing left to give.” My voice cracks and my body trembles as I sob big fat tears into Bodhi’s chest. “And I just can’t seem to stop crying no matter how hard I try.”

“Then don’t,” he murmurs against my ear as he holds me. “Cry it out. You never need to be ashamed of crying. Crying means you have feelings and having feelings means you’re alive. You’re human. You’re a person Corri. And you don’t have to hold the weight of the whole world on your shoulders.” His hand smooths up and down my back as I continue to cry.

“Let me hold some of the burden for you. Even if it’s just for one night.”

I give in and wrap my arms around him, wishing I could somehow cover myself in his comfort. In his peace. In the calmness of him.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” I sob. “You’re so unbelievably thoughtful.”

“I just wanted to make you smile. That’s all.”

My breath hitching against his chest, I try to nod. “I promise I’m smiling on the inside.”

“I’ll take that,” he says with a soft chuckle. I feel his lips press against the top of my head. “Can I put some food on a plate for you? You haven’t eaten much this week by the sound of it.”

“Not yet,” I answer meekly, grabbing onto his shirt. “I just…can you just hold me for a minute?”

He tightens his grasp around my body and it feels so good. Comforting and warm. I feel safe in his arms. Cherished even. Plus, he smells good. “There’s nothing I would rather do.”

This guy.

He’s been here for me all week even when he couldn’t be here in person.

He’s checked up on me every day.

I don’t know if it’s selfish of me to be thinking these thoughts or not considering the arrangement we have together but, fuck. I’ve been a hot mess all week and he hasn’t run from any of it. What has Sean, the nurse, done for me other than tease me at work or come on a little too strong because he has a penis and I have a vagina?

Why would I go out with him?

Why didn’t I just say no the moment he asked?

Bodhi has been nothing but nice and compassionate and caring and a part of me wonders if I might be falling for him.

It's totally the wrong move though given the fact that my father won’t approve, but I can’t help it. How am I supposed to control the way I feel when he’s here being all…Bodhi?

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