What If I Knew You (Anaheim Stars Hockey #3)

15. Bodhi

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

BODHI

“ H e was the sweetest little boy, but he was no match for the huge pick-up truck that rammed into his side of his family’s car.”

I watch as Corri takes a scoop of ice cream right out of the container, swallowing it down despite the tears still floating down her cheeks. My heart breaks for her. I know this is killing her but I knew she would need to talk about it.

“I can still see his sweet little face when the EMTs wheeled him in. He couldn’t speak. His parents couldn’t be with him because they were hurt too. He was all alone.”

“I can’t even imagine,” I whisper, listening to her recount her workday.

“I was the only one he had.” She shakes her head, crying a little more as she glances up at me with big round, glistening eyes. “I was all he had. And so, I held his hand and brushed his hair back and whispered to him that he was going to be okay, you know? I…I didn’t want him to be scared. I didn’t want him to feel alone so I held on to him while everyone worked around us.”

She sniffles quietly and then grabs for a tissue to blow her nose. “I was holding his tiny little hand when he left this world, Alan,” she cries. “I was literally holding him as he passed away.” She crumbles against me on the couch and I wrap my arm around her, my hand smoothing up and down her back. “Why does God take the little ones? They never do anything wrong. They’re kids! He was so little. So young.”

“I wish I knew the answer,” I tell her, knowing she doesn’t need me to say anything at all. She just needs to feel her feelings.

“And since my shift was ending before his parents got out of surgery, I waited”— sniffle— “I waited for them to wake up in recovery so I could be there when the doctors broke the news to them that their son was gone.” Sniffle. “I waited because I wanted them to know he wasn’t in pain and that he wasn’t alone and”— sniffle— “that the moment he left this world was peaceful for him.” Her breath hitches with every sniffle. “It was the least I could do.”

“And you did all those things because you are a beautiful, loving, compassionate soul, Corri. I can tell you care about people. You give your all to your job and the patients you care for, I can tell.”

“I love my job,” she whispers. “But I hate it at the same time.”

“I have no doubt. It’s okay to hate that part of your job. And it’s okay to feel it with every fiber of your being.”

God, what I wouldn’t do to take away her pain.

Her grief.

Her sadness.

I hate this for her.

She sits up and wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand. “I’m so sorry you walked into me being an absolute mess tonight. I’m not usually like this, I swear.”

My smile is faint but I study her face adoringly. The tears streaming down her cheeks, her partially wet hair, her face without makeup that allows a few freckles to show across her nose.

God, she’s pretty.

Even in this state.

She’s raw and vulnerable and isn’t trying to impress anyone.

“I think you’re gorgeous just like this, Corri.”

And I really mean that.

I don’t understand how she’s single.

She’s a ten.

The total package.

Any man would be crazy not to go after her.

I don’t get how some guy didn’t snatch her up the moment she moved back to the States.

And I have no idea how I could possibly tell her that I sort of, kind of, might have possible itsy-bitsy feelings for her.

Ugh. Yeah, okay. There’s nothing itsy-bitsy about my fucking feelings.

I like her.

I like her a lot.

Tenderly, I reach up and smooth her hair back from her face and then kiss her forehead. “It’s okay to have feelings around me. Big feelings. Small feelings. Good, bad, or otherwise. I promise you’re safe with me.”

We’re silent for a few minutes as I let her sit in her feelings because I know she needs that. I would need that if I were in her shoes. I kiss the top of her head again, noting the vanilla and coconut scent of her shampoo, and then I murmur, “I hope, for you, Corri, that when the sadness fades, you realize how much good you do for your patients. For those kids. For their parents and families. They’re really lucky to have you. The hospital is lucky to have you.”

“Thank you, Alan.”

She’s oddly quiet and not at all like herself tonight. Obviously she’s been through the ringer today but something doesn’t feel quite right about the way she’s looking at me.

“What is it?”

Biting her bottom lip her eyes stray from mine and I can tell there’s something she isn’t telling me. “Corri, whatever it is you can tell me.”

She closes her eyes briefly this time and takes a steadying breath then says, “Someone asked me out today.”

“Asked you out?”

“Yeah.”

“Like, on a date?”

“Yeah.”

What?

Is she serious right now?

She wants to go out with another man?

She’s literally sitting here with me right now and she’s thinking about someone else?

Fuck. I guess she’s within her rights.

We’re not really a thing.

But fuck I kind of want to be a thing with her.

I’m attracted to her.

I like being around her.

I would love to see if there’s something more between us.

But if she goes out with another man…

And then what if she…

Fuuuuuuck!

“Okay.”

Okay?

That’s all I have to say?

Okay?

I am so not okay about this.

“Is that what you want?” I shake my head not fully understanding. “Are you asking my permission or something?”

“No, I…” Her shoulders fall and she bows her head. “I guess I don’t know what I want right now. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. This is the wrong day to even be talking about this.”

I lift her chin with my finger. “It’s okay. I’m glad you feel comfortable telling me anything at all. I want to be here for you.”

As your boyfriend.

I want to be here for you as your boyfriend.

Because I like you.

Please for the love of Christ don’t go out with someone else.

“You have to do what makes you happy, Corri. You deserve all the happiness in the world. So, if going out with this guy is what you want, you should do it.”

Jesus fuck, what I wouldn’t give to cut my own lips off right now to shut myself up.

“I…I don’t know. I guess I need to think about it.”

Yeah. Think about it.

Think about it for a long, long, looooong time.

Or tell that guy to fuck off because I’m right here.

“Alright. What can I do for you in the meantime?”

She wraps her arms around me in a hug again and asks meekly, “Can we watch some television?”

“Of course we can. We can do anything you want.”

I’d do anything to be in your presence just a little longer.

“Wait, I don’t get it,” she says, gesturing to the television. “Cersei Lannister and Jaime Lannister are siblings, right?”

“Mhmm.” I nod.

She gasps and then cringes in disgust. “But they’re…”

“Yep.”

“Ew.”

“Right? I know!” I laugh. “But that’s what makes this whole show interesting. Well,” I say, bobbing my head, “that’s not the only thing. I imagine incest was a pretty major thing back then especially when it came to blood lines but just wait until season three. Oooh, and season four.” My eyes grow as a few amazing future scenes come to mind. “Fuuuck and season five. Honestly, there is so much drama that unfolds but I promise to try to answer any of your questions as we go.”

I’ll hope that we’re still sitting together in the future as we watch the final season of Game of Thrones.

“Is there more Peter Dinklage? Because I think he’s amazing at pretty much anything he does.”

“Oooh yeah. There’s a whole lot more of him. His character arc might be one of the best ones of the whole show.”

“This was just what I needed tonight, Alan,” she says with a sigh.

This is just what I needed too.

“The bloodshed isn’t too much for you?”

“Like this? Sword fights and beheadings?” she asks, her brows lifting. “No way. I can get into this. The drama alone is fun to follow.”

“Good. Shall we break open some snacks and watch the next episode?”

“Absolutely!”

Curled up on the couch, she’s covered in the blanket I bought her and leaning on me as we watch another two episodes and then switch to something I’ve never seen that Corri is introducing me to. A fair trade since I introduced her to Game of Thrones . This show is some kind of story about a woman who walks through stones and ends up in a different century.

“Oooh the plot thickens! Her husband ends up being the villain in another time?” I ask. “So, does this mean she doesn’t fall in love with him? And if that’s the case, does that change her future marriage then? Oooh or does he like, take her as a wife in this past life even though she doesn’t want it?”

Waiting for Corri to answer me with her knowing giggles, I glance down when she doesn’t respond to me and find her out like a light.

“Corri?”

Her hand rests on my chest as she breathes evenly, not disturbed by the sounds of the television, nor the sound of my voice. I trail my hand down her hair, letting it slide between my fingers as she sleeps and I smile.

I smile because she finally let her body relax.

I smile because she needed a relaxing night and I was able to give it to her.

I smile because it’s me here with her right now and not some other guy who would only be trying to get in her pants.

And I smile because there is a beautiful woman asleep on me and there is no other place I would rather be than holding her while she sleeps.

Because I actually care for her.

A lot.

Reaching for the remote, I turn the volume down a smidge and then slide down against the couch allowing her to rest her head on my chest rather than my shoulder. I pull her blanket over her shoulders and wrap my arm around her. I have zero problems lying here with her for however long she sleeps as long as she’s comfortable.

And somewhere between sleep and awake, before my eyes close for the last time tonight, I whisper softly, “Please don’t go out with him. Pick me.”