What If I Knew You (Anaheim Stars Hockey #3)

17. Bodhi

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

BODHI

“ I was watching a few tapes last night and I really think we can grab the advantage for tomorrow’s game. Take a look at this.” Oliver rewinds a few plays and then resumes the video he asked us to watch. This one in particular is part of Seattle’s game last night against Detroit, but hell if I’m paying any attention whatsoever.

All I can think about is Corri possibly going out with another man.

And Corri kissing another man.

And Corri being touched by another man.

And Corri fucking an?—

“STOP IT!”

I squeeze my eyes closed for a moment and try to shake the idea from my head. When I open my eyes again I realize the guys are all staring at me.

“Stop what?” Oliver asks.

“Fuck. Nothing. I’m sorry.”

Oliver’s brows furrow as his gaze moves from me to Ledger who shrugs helplessly and then he goes back to discussing the video.

“Their defense is loose with the puck so I think we could find ourselves a few opportunities to forecheck if we’re smart about it.”

August nods as we watch in the meeting room, his arms folded across his chest. ”Alright.”

Is he going to use tongue?

Is he going to have his hands on her the way I had my hands on her?

Is he going to taste her the way I’ve tasted her?

Is he going to get the pleasure of hearing her orga ? —

“FUUUUUCK!”

Oliver stops. “Dude, what the hell is going on?”

I bring my hand up to rub the back of my neck, my body tightening from the inside out. I’m so fucking hot I’m starting to sweat and my legs are restless.

I can’t stop the worst-case scenarios from running through my mind.

I can’t stop beating myself up for not just telling her how I feel.

For not begging her to just pick me instead.

“I can’t fucking DO this right now!” I shout before I start pacing the floor.

I need to get rid of this anxious energy.

I need to skate.

I need to run.

I need to punch someone.

Or something.

Anything.

I need to fucking figure out what to do.

“Do what?” Ledger asks. “We’re just talking about the game.”

“Roche?” Harrison says my name softly, sensing my consternation. “Talk to us.”

Treading back and forth in the corner of the room, I blurt, “She’s going on a fucking date and I don’t know what to fucking do about it!”

This is it, isn’t it?

This is how I go crazy and end up in some kind of insane asylum.

Griffin catches my eye and asks, “Who is going on a date?”

“My girl.”

His brows lift. “Your girl?”

“Okay THE girl. The girl. You know? The girl I’ve been…seeing.”

“You mean the fuck-tutor? The sex lessons girl? That girl?”

“Yeah. Her name is…fuck, it doesn’t even matter what her name is because she told me last night that some other guy asked her out and that’s not sitting well with me.” I push on my chest with the heel of my hand. “Because I think I like her and when she told me about this other guy I wanted to tell her to not to do it. I wanted to beg her to pick me instead.”

Everyone nods, finally understanding.

“Are you guys in that kind of…you know, arrangement?” August asks me. “Did you agree not to see other people while she’s, you know, helping you?”

I let out a long sigh. “No. Fuck! But I like her. I mean I really like her. And it’s not just about the sex. I mean, the sex is…” I shake my head. “Well, what we’ve done so far, it’s…it’s out of this world and I want so much more of it with her. But also, she’s kind and she’s compassionate and she’s trustworthy and she’s funny and I like who I am when I’m around her.”

“Sounds like you have a bit of a crush.”

“Yeah, maybe I do, but none of that matters because some other guy asked her out and if she goes out with him, I could lose her. Not to mention the mere idea of some other guy with his hands on her makes me want to throw up or kill someone. Or both!”

“Alright, so if you like her, tell her,” Barrett says with a shrug.

Finally, I plop down on the couch. “But what if she has me in the friend zone.”

“A friend with benefits zone, you mean,” Griffin corrects me.

“Yeah. Whatever. What if she doesn’t see me as someone who could be good for her? What if she thinks that simply because I’m not as experienced in the bedroom as she is? What if this guy is a pro at using his dick for all the fucking things? What if he’s God’s gift to women and has the world’s largest cock?”

Griffin and Ledger chuckle and wag their brows at each other. “I definitely want to meet that guy,” Griffin says.

Ledger nods. “Right? I wonder how I measure up.”

I raise my voice. “Would you guys please fucking help me? I’m going crazy here!”

Griffin nods. “I see that.”

“Look, there’s only so much you can do at this point,” he says, sitting next to me. “But you do have options.”

“What are they?”

“You can tell her how you feel and hope she sees you the same way, or you cannot tell her how you feel and watch her walk away.”

“Ollenberg’s right, Bodhi,” August says. “That’s basically the advice they gave me when I was in distress about Ella going on a date when I was crazy about her.”

“So, what did you do?”

“Well, she went on the date and it was the most agonizing couple of hours.”

Ledger rolls his eyes. “Tell me about it. You were beside yourself.”

“I was. And then she came home.”

“And?” I ask, waiting for the conclusion to his story.

“And lucky for me, she came home from a lousy date and was extremely upset so I saved the day by walking right up to her and kissing her.” He shrugs. “Then I ate her out, gave her an immaculate orgasm, and the rest is history.”

“Alright.” I nod. “So, you’re saying I should walk into her apartment tonight, eat her out until she screams, and stake my claim?”

The guys laugh. “Yeah. Something like that. Sometimes you’ve got to take what you want. Be bold. Put yourself out there. You’re not afraid of players on the ice when you want the goal, are you?”

“Pft. Fuck no.”

“Well, think of this girl as the goal. Now how are you going to score?”

“To Ella!” August says, raising his hot dog in the air. The team decided to grab lunch together at Harold’s today. We let Ella pick the restaurant though we didn’t tell her why.

She nearly spits out her food, covering her mouth with her hand. “What?”

“Well, we never really celebrated your one-year anniversary with the team. I know we’re late but better late than never, right?” He leans over and kisses her. “Plus, you’re my super-hot wife and I can celebrate you anytime I want.”

“Amen to that,” Griffin says, grinning as he raises his hotdog. “Plus, any opportunity to shove a wiener this large into my mouth is a good day. Cheers to the team’s cutest mascot. You have done an exceptional job if I do say so myself.”

“Wow. Thanks guys. I really appreciate the love,” she says, beaming at all of us. “There’s not a better team in the league as far as I’m concerned and I’ve loved every minute of working with you guys.”

“Every minute?” August’s brow piques.

“Okay, maybe not every single minute. I could do without those minutes in the locker rooms because woof! I’m pretty convinced that nothing smells worse than a hot sweaty hockey team after a long practice or hard played game.”

Harrison laughs. “You should smell our duffle bags.”

“Oooh trust me. I don’t even touch August’s bag. He’s in charge of cleaning it out and washing whatever is inside that smells like it laid down and died.”

August gets a bunch of fist bumps from the guys as Ella shakes her head, laughing.

“Dude, what hotdog did you get?” Griffin asks me as I take a huge bite.

“Uh, pretty sure it’s called a…what…the…fuck?”

“A what the fuck?” Griffin chuckles. “Do they really have a what the fuck hotdog on the menu?”

I don’t answer him.

I don’t answer him because my eyes are trained on the two people who just walked through the front door.

“Dude, Bodhi. You good?”

When I still don’t say anything the guys turn their heads to see what I’m staring at, and Ledger waves his hand.

“Hey Coach! Fancy seeing you here. You guys want to join us?”

Join us?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Coach Hicks walks toward our table, his arm around the woman he’s with.

The beautiful woman I’ve come to know quite well over the last month or so.

And suddenly I want to throw up.

Is she seeing him?

Is that the guy who asked her out?

Oh shit. Are they on a date right fucking now?

Oh my God! Did I…

With Coach’s girlfriend?

Fucking Christ!

“Oh hey, Corrigan,” Griffin says, smiling and waving at the girl I’ve only ever known as Corri.

Her name is Corrigan?

How does Griffin know her?

Her eyes find mine and then dart away just as fast when the rest of the team greets her like they’ve known her forever too.

“Hey guys,” she says with a kind smile. You know, the kind of smile that tells me she knows everyone at this table and they know her and the joke is on me.

What in the actual fuck?

“Ella, Bodhi,” Coach says, causing me to literally choke on my bite of hot dog. I start coughing loudly, until the bite dislodges and I can properly swallow. “You alright, son? You look like you’ve seen a ghost?”

“Yeah.” I nod and then clear my throat before grabbing my water. “Yeah, Coach. I’m good.”

“Well, as you two are the only ones at this table who don’t know my daughter, allow me to introduce you.” He wraps an arm around Corrigan again. “This is my daughter, Corrigan. Corrigan, this is Ella Blackstone, our new mascot, and Bodhi Roche. Bodhi is the newest player to our team this year.”

HIS DAUGHTER?

CORRI IS HIS FUCKING DAUGHTER?

Fuck, I was so wrong.

I didn’t tongue fuck Coach’s girlfriend.

I tongue fucked his daughter!

Corri shakes hands with Ella and then holds her hand out to me and kindly says, “It’s a pleasure to meet you Bodhi. I hear you’re quite the player.”

I stare at her silently.

I’M THE PLAYER?

ME?

Fucking hell, Princess, I’m pretty damn sure you’re the one who played me.

Griffin clears his throat and nudges me with his elbow. “Dude, shake her hand. Be nice.”

Acting on his words because I’m clearly not in my own body right now, I reach out my hand and wrap it around Corrigan’s. Her soft warm skin the way I remember it from this morning.

This morning.

Because I was just with her this morning!

“Pleasure to meet you, Corrigan.”

Fucking fuck.

I’m dead.

Like, dead, dead.

Coach is going to kill me.

My career is fucking over.

“Would you guys like to join us?” Ella asks them. “I hear you just got back from a few years in London? Welcome back to the States by the way.”

“Thank you. Yes. I guess I missed this big guy too much to stay away too long,” she says, hugging her dad.

Her dad, who is also our coach.

The coach who is going to chop off my dick and bury it under the ice when he finds out what I’ve done with his daughter.

How is this even happening right now?

How was I so stupid?

How did I fall for…

Wait…

Wait a minute.

Wait, wait, wait.

What if she’s just as shocked as I am?

What if she really didn’t know I played hockey?

If I’m new to the team and she’s been overseas, maybe she really doesn’t know me.

And so maybe she’s equally shocked and upset that I lied to her about who I was.

Fuck.

I told her my name was Alan.

Now she knows I lied about that.

Now maybe she thinks I’m a lying douchebag.

Motherfucker, what am I supposed to do now?

“Thank you for the invitation,” Coach says. “But we’re actually getting our lunch to go so we can eat at the park. You guys enjoy though. We’ll see you on the ice in the morning.”

The guys all wave goodbye and Corrigan looks at me one more time, her face expressionless except for a friendly smile to everyone before she turns back toward the front counter with her father.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” August asks, leaning across the table.

“Huh?”

“First of all, your face is white as fuck,” Harrison says. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Huh?”

“And secondly, you were kind of a dick to Coach’s daughter. She was just trying to shake your hand, man.”

My body has gone completely still on the outside but on the inside, it feels like every organ in my body is summersaulting, banging into each other and then exploding on impact. I’m staring straight ahead but I’m not seeing anything. My hands feel clammy and beads of sweat are forming across my forehead.

“I-I-I…Uh…”

“Auggie he really doesn’t look good,” Ella whispers. “Maybe we should do something.”

“No.” I shake my head vigorously, wiping the sweat from my forehead with my napkin and then pushing away my food so I can hold my head in my hands.

“Roche, what’s going on, man?” Griffin asks beside me. “Are you sick? Need to get out of here?”

Hell, yeah I want to get out of here.

Out of this restaurant.

Out of this town.

Out of this career.

Out of this life.

Fuck!

“I…I…” I shake my head and mumble, “I didn’t know. I didn’t know. I didn’t know. I didn’t know.”

“What didn’t you know?”

“Out with it Pickle Pants,” Barrett demands. “We can’t help you if you don’t tell us what the problem is.”

“She’s the girl,” I say softly.

Barrett’s brows pinch together. “What?”

“Corri-Cor-Corrrrrigan.”

Fuck why am I stuttering?

“What about her?”

I lift my eyes to meet Barrett’s. “She’s the…she’s the girl.”

God it’s so fucking hot in here.

“What girl?” Ella asks.

Tugging at my shirt to try and cool myself down, I try to answer her. “The…you know, the…”

Shit.

I’m in so much trouble.

It only takes one more helplessly fucked glance at the guys for them to figure it out. Griffin’s jaw drops and he stares at me in complete disbelief.

“Nooooo fucking way.”

“Yes fucking way.” I nod.

“SHE’S the girl?” Harrison whispers. “Corrigan Hicks?”

I sigh loudly because how the fuck am I going to get myself out of this mess? “She told me her name was C-Cor-Corri.”

Barrett nods. “Yeah that’s what everybody calls her. We’ve called her Corri for years.”

“Duuuude.” Griffin’s eyes are bulging and his mouth has not yet closed shut. “You seriously…like, honestly, you didn’t know?”

I shake my head as everyone else murmurs around the table.

“Know what?” Ella asks, completely clueless.

“I swear to God, I didn’t even know he had a fucking daughter, man. What am I supposed to do now?”

“What’s going on?” Ella asks again. August leans over and gives her a quick rundown and she gasps. “And his private tutor was Corrigan Hicks, Coach’s daughter?”

Complete silence falls over the table as everyone takes in the news of how fucked up my life now is. God, what I wouldn’t give for one of them, any one of them, to tell me that this isn’t as bad as I fear it is. Not able to look any of them in the eye, I bring my elbow to the table and rest my forehead on the tips of my fingers.

“Why aren’t they saying anything, Griffin?”

“Uh…” He chuckles. “I think they’re all equally as flabbergasted as I am, bro.”

August leans forward and quietly mumbles, “Bro, you fingered her? That’s what you told us when you first got together with her. You fingered Coach’s daughter?”

Feeling queasy, I nod. “I did a whole lot more than that with her since then.” Palming my forehead I murmur, “I’m so fucking fucked.”

He pats me on the back. “Chin up, Roche. Don’t be so hard on yourself…oops…I said hard on….which is something you got with the help of Corrigan. The coach’s daughter.”

I glance at Griffin, not at all amused. “Really?”

“I make jokes when I’m nervous, what can I say?” He shrugs. “It was nice knowing you?”

I slide down in my seat, begging the guys with my eyes to fucking help me out of this.

“What the hell am I going to do?”

Harrison sits up and leans across the table. “Okay, let’s talk this out. So, it ended up being Corrigan who texted you all those nights ago?”

“Yeah.” I nod. “She made spaghetti for her dad and now that I know who her dad is that all checks because the guy fucking loves pasta. I’ve heard him talking about Mario’s on more than one occasion in the front office.”

Ledger leans forward. “Alright so you two got to chatting via text. Did you not tell her your name?”

I shake my head. “No, I told her my name was Alan because why the hell would I tell a total stranger she’s talking to Bodhi Roche, pro hockey player for the Anaheim Stars?” I shrug. “Alan is my middle name, so I went with it in hopes she wouldn’t recognize me, and to my knowledge, she didn’t.”

August shakes his head too. “Yeah, I don’t buy that for a second. Sorry. Not that I don’t believe you. I do. It’s Corrigan I don’t believe.”

“Yeah, I think I might agree with you,” Oliver adds. “That girl lives and breathes hockey with her dad. She knows our stats better than we do. There’s no way she didn’t know who you were.”

What. The. Fuck.

“Are you shitting me right now?”

“Afraid not, man. I’m sorry, but I just don’t see a scenario where she doesn’t recognize you. I mean, at least not when you met in person the first time. Did she give you any indication that she recognized you at all?”

Shaking my head, I answer roughly, “No. She’s clearly a good fucking actress because she never gave me the impression that she knew who I was at all.”

“Do you really think Corrigan is that manipulative though?” Ella slips a potato chip into her mouth. “You guys have always said she’s such a cool girl. Funny. Razzes her dad. Great personality.”

“She is a great person, yeah.” Griffin nods. “Which is why this is all very weird.”

“What if…” I sit up in my seat, trying like hell to put the pieces together. “What if she thinks I knew who she was this whole time but wasn’t telling her that I knew? What if she thinks I used her for sex? What if she thinks I propositioned her? Coach will have my ass!”

“Did you?” Oliver asks. “Did you proposition her?”

“Uh…” My rolodex of memories spins in my brain. “Honestly I can’t remember. I know I said something about sex lessons but it wasn’t in the form of asking for them! It was an accidental text to begin with. I mean, I certainly didn’t come out and ask Corrigan to fuck me. I was trying to come up with something to say to her and I kept deleting everything except that one time I accidentally hit send instead of delete, and then she answered me. Then the next thing I knew, she was writing me and saying we start tomorrow.”

“So, you two have?—”

“No.” I bob my head. “I mean we’ve done other stuff. We were kind of starting off with other stuff first, you know?”

“Right. You did tell us about that.”

“And you guys aren’t a thing exactly because she said some other guy asked her out?” Barrett asks, taking the last bites of his hotdog.

I close my eyes and release a deep sigh. “Yeah.”

“Tell us more,” Harrison urges. “So, we know the whole picture and can help you.”

“I spent last night at her place because she had a super shit day at work. A shit week actually. I didn’t want her to be alone so I took her dinner and we watched television all night until she fell asleep on my lap.”

“So, no sex last night?”

“What? No! That would’ve made me look like a fucking douche. She fell asleep on me so I stayed there.”

“All night?” August asks.

“Yeah.”

“While she slept on you?” Elle adds.

“Yeah.”

She swoons. “That is so sweet of you, Bodhi.”

“Is it?” I nearly shout. “Because I’m not sure Coach is going to think that way when he finds out.”

“Shhhhh!” August raises his finger to his lips. “Bro, keep your voice down. People know us here.”

“Sorry.”

“Why does he have to find out?” Ella shrugs like this topic of conversation is the same kind we have when we’re trying to decide what shoes we’re going to wear tomorrow night at dinner.

“I…” My mouth hangs open. “I just assume he’ll find out. Surely Corrigan is going to tell him.”

“Mmmmm…” Oliver’s eyes narrow as he shakes his head. “Maybe not. It doesn’t make her look any better to tell her dad that she’s been messing around with one of his players.”

Ella places her hand over mine on the table. “The question is, Bodhi, do you have feelings for her?”

Yeah.

I think I do.

That’s what I want to say, but I feel like if I say them out loud, I’m damning myself to an eternity of hell from my coach. And that’s if I’m lucky enough to stay on the team. And even if I do say them, who’s to say Corrigan feels the same way? For all I know she’s just in this to fuck a hockey player.

My chest tightens and my stomach churns at the thought.

“Yeah, he does,” Ledger finally answers for me. “You can see it on his face. He looks the same way August used to look when we would talk about you.” He nods at Ella. “Plus, he told us as much earlier today.”

“What if I do? What would I do about it? I feel like I might be completely fucked at this point. And I don’t even know if she feels the same way. Between this and that other guy I feel like this is a double whammy.”

“You’re going to have to talk to her,” Barrett finally says. “The only way you’ll be able to figure all this out is to know exactly how she feels too. And then you can take it from there.”

“Bear’s right.” Ledger picks up his glass and takes a drink. “This can go a few ways. One, you tell her you have feelings for her and she tells you she feels the same and you navigate this relationship together. Two, you tell her how you feel and she doesn’t feel the same at which point you apologize sincerely for any confusion between the two of you and walk away. Or three, she tells her dad and blames this all on you and you’re utterly and completely fucked.”

I bow my head, accepting my fate even though it scares the absolute shit out of me.

“You’re right. I need to talk to her. If for no other reason than to clear the air and let her know I really had no idea who she was.”

“You’ve got this, Roche.” Oliver’s reassuring glance gives me a tiny sliver of hope. “August and I will tell you, we’ve had to get through a few hard days to end up with the partners we now have.”

“He’s right,” August says as he lays his arm around Ella’s shoulders and kisses the side of her head. “Ella and I were best friends before we got together. We had to have those hard conversations.”

Ella’s face contorts and she turns toward August. “Uh, I don’t recall it happening like that. If I remember correctly you fucking kissed me while I was crying over a horrible date and then told me I belonged to you.”

“Yeah but it was romantic as hell, you have to admit.” Ella blushes as she rolls her eyes, which makes August laugh. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

I push my chair from the table and stand up. “I’ve got to go.”

“But what about your wiener?” Griffin shouts, holding up my basket of lunch.

“There’s no way I can eat a wiener right now, Griff. You eat it. Eat my wiener. I’ll catch you later.”

“Hey wait!” Ella turns in her chair as I stop to see what she wants.

“What?”

“A word of advice?”

“Okay, yeah?”

“It’s supposed to rain later and if it does, you make sure you kiss her in the rain.”

I narrow my eyes. “What?”

“Do it! Trust me, Bodhi. It’s super romantic and she’ll love it.”

“Uh…okay…is that all?”

“Yep. That’s it.” August nods and offers me a fist bump. “Go get her big guy.”

I bump my fist with his and walk away but hear Ella mumble to him, “Oh my God, Auggie. Don’t call him big guy. He’s not a child. He’s a man.”