18. Corrigan, What If I Knew You (Anaheim Stars Hockey #3)

18. Corrigan

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

CORRIGAN

S hit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

He’s going to kill me!

How could I have been so stupid?

There’s no way he’ll believe that I didn’t know who he was now.

The guys will tell him I know them all very well.

Fuck!

“Everything alright?” My dad eyes me from the across the picnic table as I pick at my food.

“Hmm? Oh yeah. It’s fine. Just…” I shrug, looking for any reason to give him for not being extremely talkative. “A lot going on in my head. Yesterday was a really shitty day and I guess my mind isn’t letting it go just yet.”

Total lie.

Well…maybe not a total lie.

But it’s believable, nonetheless.

“I can’t imagine doing the job you do every single day, sweetheart. Especially with kids. It’s always harder with kids.”

“It is.” I nod.

I really don’t want to think too hard about yesterday when I have way bigger problems right now. Ever since Dad and I walked into Harold’s for lunch and ran into the guys on the team—including Bodhi—my gut has been twisting and turning. I’ll never be able to unsee the expression on Bodhi’s face when he saw me with Dad. It was like I stabbed a dull knife into his chest and twisted it several times over. I wanted to apologize to him right then but there was no way I could do that with my dad standing next to me. And there was no way I was going to out Bodhi and the reason we’ve been together in the first place to his teammates. He’s new to the team this year. I get how that probably feels being the odd guy out. He’s trying to prove himself. The last thing I want to do is embarrass him in front of everyone. I considered sending him a quick text but this doesn’t feel like the kind of thing I should just push away with an insincere text message.

I lied to him for weeks.

Alright, maybe I didn’t lie but I omitted truths.

So did he, obviously, but I understand why.

I may not have known who I was talking to when we were just texting back and forth but the night we finally met, I knew exactly who he was. Any hockey fan would have recognized him and now that I think about it, he was damn lucky that nobody recognized him that night on the terrace.

I, on the other hand, I knew everything about him.

I know so far this season Bodhi has scored twelve goals with five assists. I know he’s only had a total of four penalty minutes. I know his time on the ice averages nineteen minutes total per game.

But he didn’t know I knew that.

He didn’t know I knew him at all.

My heart tumbles in my chest as a tear slips down my cheek and Dad is quick to notice before I can swipe it away.

“That bad, huh?”

“Yeah, Dad.” I push at my food. “I’m really sorry, I guess I just don’t feel much like eating today.”

“Corri,” he says softly before reaching his hand over to hold mine. “You don’t ever have to apologize for your job and how it makes you feel. You’re human. You spend your days helping and comforting tiny humans. Tiny humans with gigantic hearts. I would think it odd if none of what you do affected you. You are completely within your right to have feelings.”

Dad and I have always been close. Especially when Mom was diagnosed with cancer and going downhill in the end. Dad and I relied heavily on each other. He knew I sort of understood some of the medical jargon and how to care for Mom so I was his safety net when it came to explaining it all, but he was my safety net as I watched my mom deteriorate right in front of my eyes. She wasn’t just another patient to me. There was no way I could ever look at her that way and Dad knew it. I’ve always been able to talk to Dad. I could tell him just about anything. Hell, he was the one I called when I found out Leo had cheated on me. He was the one I cried to. He was the one who took the all-night flight to help me pack my things and then he was the one who flew home with me.

He would move Heaven and Earth to make me happy even if it means moving it all around for me. He was always good at putting out my personal fires before they spread into something wild but this time it’s different.

This time I started a fire inside my dad’s hockey team.

And I fear confessing to him about it would only fan the flames.

There was always one rule growing up around his hockey teams and it was to never get involved with one of them. When I was a young teenager I laughed at his stupid rule because duh, I was thirteen. At that time, he just didn’t want me to be alone with them when he wasn’t around. Was he overprotective? Maybe. But he also knew the language and conversation that grown men were known to have in locker rooms and he wanted to shield me from that as best he could. It was harder once Mom died.

Once I hit eighteen he was adamant about not allowing his guys to charm me into anything. I guess in a way he was still trying to protect me, but I think really, he just didn’t want anything to be awkward had I gotten involved with one of his players and things didn’t work out.

I followed that rule easily over the years.

But now…

I had every opportunity to step back and say no, and I didn’t.

I willingly walked into a physical relationship with Bodhi Roche.

I allowed myself to be wooed by his charm and his vulnerability.

I haven’t been able to get him out of my mind.

I crave him when he’s not around me and that scares me because I think I really like him. And not for his hockey playing or because he’s a player on my dad’s team, but for the raw, honest, compassionate man that I’ve come to know outside of the sport.

This whole thing, whatever it is between us, got very messy in a matter of seconds and now I have to somehow make this right.

“It’s okay if you want to cut our lunch short,” Dad says. “We’re all allowed to have bad days every now and then. As long as you don’t let it get you down too long. Better days are ahead.” He squeezes my hand. “I promise.”

I’m not so sure.

“Thanks Dad. Yeah I think I want to just head home and…I don’t know.”

Find Bodhi.

“Maybe I’ll just unpack another box or decorate a little bit. Something to bring a little of this sunshine into my mind.” I glance up at the cloudy sky. “Though it doesn’t look as though we’ll see too much sun today.”

“It’s California so you never know,” he says with a soft chuckle. “May as well be productive while you can, right?” He winks and I try to give him a convincing smile even though my mind is racing, my body is sweating, and my heart is pounding against my chest.

I have to find Bodhi and talk this out with him somehow.

I refuse to go home until I find him.

But where do I even begin to look?

I wrap my lunch up in the to-go bag it came in and toss it in the trash next to our picnic table. “Hey thanks for introducing me to Bodhi and Ella. They seem cool.”

Dad smiles. “Yeah. Ella’s a sweetheart of a girl. She’s a hard worker too. In fact, you should introduce her to Layken. I’m sure Layken could get her to show up at the hospital in costume for those kids.”

“That’s a great idea Dad. Did you say they’re living in the same complex as some of the other team members?”

He nods. “Yeah. August, Ella, and Griffin are in the same building. And thank goodness a place opened up and I was able to get Bodhi in there too.”

Yes!

I know where that is.

He has to be there.

And if he’s not, I can wait him out.

I’ve got all day.

“Oh, that’s good. I’m sure he appreciates that.”

“He’s a good kid. A little rough starting out. His head was a little bigger than the guys liked but they set him straight pretty fucking fast.”

“I suppose so with the pickle pants stunt and all.”

Dad chuckles softly, the twinkle in his eye telling me he cares for his team even when he has to be hard on them.

“Yeah. Fuck, that was a good one. They’re still calling him that too.” He grins.

“Well, I’m certain he’ll be a great asset to the team. You don’t pick just anyone when it comes to making offers to new players.” I reach down to give my dad a hug where he’s seated. “Thanks for the lunch Dad. And for giving me an excuse to get a little fresh air today. I needed it, but I’m exhausted.”

“You’re welcome. And if you need me…”

He doesn’t even have to finish his statement. “I know Dad. I’ll call you. I promise.” I place a quick kiss on his cheek and then move to my car and slip inside before taking a huge steadying breath.

I need to find Bodhi.

Right. Fucking. Now.

I’ve been sitting outside of Bodhi’s building for almost an hour. The doorman said he’s not home. For all I know he’s lying to me thinking I’m some kind of crazed fan wanting to see where the famous Bodhi Roche lives. I even showed him my ID to prove I’m Coach Hick’s daughter, but the man simply shook his head and apologized, explaining again that Bodhi wasn’t home.

So here I am on a bench outside his building because security is tight here for their own benefit. In the time I’ve been sitting here, I’ve watched clouds roll in off the coast, and then I watched as the skies opened up and it began to rain.

It hasn’t rained in weeks and now…it’s pouring.

I guess I deserve this. I’m drenched and sitting here all alone on this bench because I can’t make myself get up and leave. I need to talk to Bodhi. I need to make this right. Whatever I can do.

What if he’s sitting somewhere all alone, sad and hurt because I lied to him?

What if he’s mad at me, as he should be, and is purposely trying not to be found?

What if he felt so blindsided by me that he found someone else?

What if he hates me?

What if he tells my dad I used him?

Larger droplets of rain hit the top of my head as my phone dings in my pocket. There’s a spark of adrenaline in my chest at the thought of getting a message from Bodhi but when I see Layken’s name, my body deflates.

Layken

Hey. You alright?

No. Will explain later.

Layken

Can I assume this is Bodhi Roche related?

Yes. Why?

Layken

Because he’s standing outside our building drenched and looking for you. Are you not upstairs?

I shoot up from the bench and stare at Layken’s message before rapidly texting her back.

WHAT? No! I’m not upstairs! I’m sitting in front of HIS building…also drenched and waiting for him.

Layken

LOL. Of course you are. If you guys aren’t made for each other…

I start to head back to my car when my phone dings in my hand again.

Layken

Bodhi says STAY THERE! He’s coming to you.

I stop dead in my tracks. “Oh.”

Okay.

Layken

I introduced myself. Hope that’s okay. Also, I grilled him on what happened since he looked like a sad puppy dog and you are obviously feeling some sort of way as well. For what it’s worth I think he has feelings for you. Get it girl!

I hurt him, Layken. He knows I lied to him.

Layken

Babe, that was inevitable and you know it. Just be honest with him. Tell him everything. I think he’ll be understanding.

That’s all I can hope for.

Layken

He drove out of here like a bat out of hell. I can’t imagine he’ll be long.

Also, Sean asked me out.

Layken

Sean from Ortho?

Yeah.

Layken

Are you considering it?

I don’t know. Should I? At this point it would make things so much easier.

Layken

Would it though?

No.

Layken

Let me help you make an easy decision. He fucked Tish for like three weeks, gave her the syph, and then blamed it all on her. Trust me. You want to stay far away from that one.

How on earth did you hear that?

Layken

Giiiirl, I have ears and I’m all over that building. #yourewelcome

Thanks Lake.

Layken

Smooches babe. Good luck with Bodhi, whatever you decide.

Having nowhere to go to keep dry, and since I’m already soaked to the bone, I sit back down on the wet bench and pull my knees up to my chest while I wait for Bodhi to arrive. Rain drips down my forehead as I try to focus on the sounds of the water hitting the cement below me as well as the cars driving through puddles on the road.

I must be lost in thought because I don’t hear a car pull up and I don’t hear doors opening or closing but somehow Bodhi is here out of nowhere and is crouching down in front of me, his hands wrapping around the lower part of my legs.

“Corrigan…”

My breath catches when he says my name.

My actual name.

I lift my head and meet his gaze. “Bodhi.”

Tears immediately stream down my face though who can tell what’s rain and what’s tears at this point. The moment I take a deep breath we both begin saying all the things on our minds. “I’m so sorry, Bodhi. I didn’t mean t?—”

“I’m sorry, Corrigan. I should’ve told you from the begi?—”

“What? No.” I shake my head, my eyes growing in size. “You don’t owe me any?—"

“I swear to God I wasn’t using you,” he pleads. “I swear I didn’t know you were?—”

“Using ME? No Bodhi, I was afraid you thought I was using you and I?—"

“If I had just been honest from the?—”

“But I should’ve told you I recogn?—”

“You were just so damn nice to me and then?—”

“You trusted me with your secret and I never wanted to?—”

“You were all I thought about but?—”

“I wanted to tell y?—”

“I think I’m falling for you.”

“But then I…wait…” I cock my head to the side. “What?”

He shakes his head with a confused chuckle. “Why are we still out here in this downpour?”

“Because…” I tilt my head slowly in the opposite direction, studying his face. “Because you said?—”

“I’m falling for you?”

I nod silently.

He smiles. “Yeah. But I could be saying all this in the warmth of my apartment. I’m sorry I’m such a dick. I should’ve swooped you up and carried you inside and?—”

“You’re falling for me?”

He stands and reaches for my hand, helping me up off the bench. “Not really falling, I suppose,” he mumbles. Our faces mere centimeters apart, he smooths back my wet hair hanging against my cheeks. “More like…fallen.”

Fallen.

He’s fallen for me.

He said that, right?

It wasn’t the rain or some random wind?

He said he’s fallen for me.

“But you barely know me Bodhi.”

“Bullshit,” he answers. “I know more about you than you think I do.”

I shake my head in disbelief. “You’re just…I don’t know…infatuated. Because I’m the first girl you’ve?—”

“The first girl I’ve ever wanted to get to know even more than I know her right now,” he answers me with a piercing stare. “The first girl I’ve ever thought about for more than two minutes at a time. The first girl to make me feel things physically and emotionally that I’ve never felt before. Corrigan, if infatuation is the word you want to use, then okay, let’s use it.” He lifts his arms as he shrugs. “I’m infatuated with you.”

“But—”

“You’re a gorgeous woman Corri,” he scoffs. “Way out of my league if I’m being honest, but yet you gave me a damn minute when I least expected it. You didn’t pass me off like some sort of creep and you didn’t laugh in my face when I was most vulnerable.”

“But…” I shake my head. “We can’t be together, Bodhi.”

“The fuck we can’t. Is this about that guy? The one who asked you out? Because fuck him! No, wait, wait…I don’t mean fuck him-fuck him but fuck him.” I pat my own chest and plead, “I’m right here Corrigan. Pick me. Date me.”

“But my dad…”

He grabs my hands. “Your dad’s not here, babe, and I don’t care what he thinks. This isn’t between you, me, and your dad. This is between you and me. That’s it. Nobody else.”

But how can this work realistically without my dad knowing about it?

When I don’t respond, he continues. “The night we first met…you knew who I was. True or false?”

I nod slowly, a tear escaping down my cheek even though there’s no way he can tell with this much rain falling on us. “True.”

“So, you knew who I was and you didn’t turn me away or make fun of me. You didn’t scream at me and threaten some sort of lawsuit. You didn’t fangirl and treat me like some sort of sex symbol. You didn’t accuse me of lying. You continued to be who you are. The girl I started to fall for via text message.” He smiles. “You were sweet and kind and funny and compassionate and most of all confident. You were everything I didn’t know I needed but so fucking greatly appreciated and please don’t go out with that guy, Corrigan. Let me take you out. Be with me. I can make you happy. Please let me try.”

I don’t even know what to say.

For the first time ever, I’m completely speechless.

My mouth hangs open and his gaze falls to my lips.

“I’m going to kiss you now, Corrigan. Right here in the pouring rain. Because Ella and the guys told me earlier that it was supposed to rain and if it did I needed to kiss you in a downpour because apparently it’s fucking romantic and melts every girl’s heart. So, this is your warning, alright? If you don’t want me to kiss you, you need to tell me right now.”

He watches me for only a moment and I’m so flabbergasted by his words I can’t think of anything to say.

“One…”

“Two…”

He doesn’t wait for three. Instead, he pushes his hands through my wet hair, palms my cheeks, and crashes his soft warm lips to mine. His kiss is firm but with a gentle pressure as his mouth guides mine open. His tongue dips fervently inside, tasting me with a moan-inducing lick. My hands move to his shirt, gripping the material and pulling him tightly against me as if he is my lifeline in an unsettled sea of emotions. Slowly and gently, he pulls away, his forehead connecting to mine as we stand in the rain together.

“Come upstairs with me,” he murmurs.

“I’m soaked.”

“Right.” He smiles but his eyes are closed and then before I know it, he slips a hand underneath my legs and lifts me into his arms and carries me inside the building. When we reach the front security desk, he tosses his key to the man sitting there and says, “Tucker, will you park her for me?”

“Sure thing, Bodhi.”

“Thanks.”

Bodhi keeps walking toward the elevators but I watch Tucker smile at us as we pass by and I wave helplessly. He waves back with a friendly smile and then heads out to Bodhi’s car. Once in the elevator Bodhi kisses my forehead and then murmurs again, “Come upstairs with me.”

I let out a soft laugh. “I think I’m already on my way.”

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