When I Was Theirs

75. Fifteen years later - Emmy

The warm sand shifts beneath me as I lean back on my elbows, watching them.

Down the beach, a tall man is chasing two smaller figures in circles. The screaming laughter reaches me, carried along by the breeze as Jared scoops up Rissa and runs in the opposite direction. He swings her around in a circle before he tosses her over his shoulder.

The taller one runs straight for me.

Ben climbs into my lap, still giggling as he buries under my arm. “Hide me!”

Jared is puffing slightly as he catches up. “We have to stop feeding these pets, Em. They just keep growing.”

Rissa squeals as he turns so she can see me. Her hair trails down over her head where she dangles, a thick, dark blond plait. “I’m s’posed to grow, daddy!”

“Nope.” He gently sets her down in the sand, poking her until she’s giggling uncontrollably. “Not allowed. You have to stay this size forever.”

His eyes meet mine, warm and amused. The creases in the corners deepen as he hums. “I think we lost Ben, too.”

The choked laugh from under my arm has me biting my lip. “I have no idea where he’s gone. He just vanished.”

Rissa, who doesn’t understand the concept of a joke, points at Ben with every bit of righteous indignation a four-year-old can muster. “He’s right there.”

Ben reappears, his blue eyes glaring at his sister. “Riss!”

“Okay.” Jared is clearly trying not to laugh. “Did we forget the food? Maybe we should feed them after all.”

I dig around in the bag, pulling out what I need before I pass it to him. Jared’s lips brush mine, still smiling. “Thank you.”

My toes curl in the sand. “Thank me later.”

He glances at me in between effortlessly handling two small, very hungry children who insist on climbing him like a tree. “Go on. Take your time.”

Nodding, I get to my feet. Jared reaches for his guitar. “Who wants a lesson after food?”

“Me!”

“Me first!”

I make my escape before they notice.

Walking down the beach, I let my toes dig into the sand until I reach a group of large rocks big enough to sit on and cross my legs.

The envelope in my hand is a little yellow around the edges, but I can still make out my name, and the words underneath.

Open me when you’re happy.

I glance down to my family, watching Jared as he leans over Ben, pointing something out with infinite, gentle patience. I can’t see Ben’s face from here, but I know exactly how he’ll look as his fingers touch the strings. His little brow scrunched up, tongue poking out in concentration.

Another Ben.

Another life.

Fifteen years. Of travel, and fun, and laughter. Of building businesses, highs and lows. Small weddings, and even smaller babies.

Fifteen years of little moments with Jared. Smiling, I slip my finger under the seal of the envelope.

When I make my way back a while later, Jared is lying on his back in the sand, one arm propped under his head and his eyes closed. Rissa is curled up against him, Ben on her other side. Jared’s other arm is wrapped around the both of them.

I stand over them for a minute, taking them in. Sometimes it feels like my heart isn’t big enough. As if what I feel for them overflows, taking over.

Jared stirs when I settle in on his other side. My palm presses against his chest, feeling the steady beat underneath.

His heart is more than big enough for all of us.

Lips brush my hair. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” I breathe him in. “He really knew. And… he said to say hello.”

He knew this would happen.

“I think he knew us,” Jared says quietly. His hand strokes my hair. “He knew us well enough to know that we’d find our way to each other. He had far more trust in me than I had in myself, Em.”

I spread out my hand against him. “Well, you did take an awfully long time.”

My husband is smiling when I look up.

“I wanted to make sure I got it right.” He glances down at Rissa and Ben, his face softening. “You were too important not to take my time with, Em. I look at what we have every day, and I still can’t believe it. I’ll never take it for granted.”

He told me once that I’d always lived for other people.

My parents.

Arron.

Even Ben, because we didn’t have time .

But this is the life I chose for myself. The life we built together.

All the little moments brought me here.

And it’s perfect.