Where the Darkness Goes

Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

TESSA — AGE 17

I’m walking out of the school and toward the parking lot when hands fall over my eyes, cloaking me in darkness. I squeal, grabbing the fingers to pull them away, when I feel his breath tickle my ear.

“Happy birthday.”

A wave sweeps through the lowest part of my stomach. “Garrett?”

He drops his hands with a laugh, and I twirl around to face him. “You sound surprised.”

“Not in a bad way,” I tell him. “I just thought you were Brendan.”

His shoulders fall, and he drops his gaze to his hands. “Oh. Right. I saw you guys hanging out at my party, but I hadn’t seen you together since.” When he looks back up, he’s squinting one eye from the sun. “Are you, like, dating him or something?”

I smile to myself. While we haven’t actually said what we’re doing, it kind of feels like that. I wonder what Brendan has told him about us. “I mean, we…well, yeah. I think so. Sort of.”

“You think so, sort of?” His dark brows pinch together.

“Well, we didn’t say we’re boyfriend-girlfriend or anything, but we’ve been talking on the phone at night lately, and he walks me to class most days and sat beside me in church last week.”

“Right,” he says, glancing back at the school. “Well, cool, I guess.” His tone is flat, almost like he’s annoyed. He’s never really talked to me like this.

“What? You don’t think it’s a good idea? I thought you guys were friends.”

“No. It’s not that. He’s, I mean, it’s whatever. It’s not like I spend any time thinking about your love life.” He scowls, and now I feel dumb. This isn’t Britney. Garrett doesn’t care about whom I’m dating any more than Will does. “What are you doing for your birthday?”

My cheeks heat with flames of excitement. I finally have actual plans to share when he asks this. “I’m going to Britney’s parents’ cabin at the lake. They’re letting us spend the whole weekend up there alone.”

“Oh?” His eyes study me, and I know he can read my guilt like a book.

I cover my face and rush out the words. “Okay, and Brendan might stop by. No big deal. Like you said: boring.”

Something twitches in his jaw. “That sounds like a really big deal, actually. Does your mom know?”

“No, and you can’t tell her.” I warn him, wagging my finger in his direction. “Swear to me you won’t tell her.”

“Why should I?”

His harsh tone surprises me. Garrett has never been cruel to me. He teases me, sure, but he’s always been a friend first. And I’ve lied to Mom for the boys so many times.

He pinches his nose between his fingers. “Look, I won’t tell your mom. Duh. You know me better than that. Have you at least told Will?”

“No. It’s none of his business. Besides, it’s not like anything is going to happen. We’re just hanging out.”

“Fine. Then we’re coming, too,” he says, his voice as firm as if he’s stamped the words right into the concrete below us.

I stop short, jumping in front of him to stop us from walking any farther. “What? No! ”

“Yes.” He’s unyielding, his jaw tight.

“Garrett.”

“Tessa.” My name is soft and warm on his tongue. His eyes flick down to my lips and across my face before they slowly rise to meet mine again.

“Garrett.”

“Tessa.” He’s unfazed and, apparently, amused.

“Why?” I whine. “I shouldn’t have told you.”

“Oh, that would be a mistake because Brendan definitely would’ve told us.”

Warmth hits my cheeks again.

“We’re coming with you to make sure you’re okay,” he adds. “I’m not negotiating.”

“I’ll be okay. I’ll be better than okay, in fact,” I tell him. “Totally fine. He’s just coming by to hang out, and Britney will be there the whole time. It’s super casual. And, like we said, he’s your friend. More than that, he’s Will’s friend. Do you think Will will let him continue to live if he does anything to hurt me?” The attempt at a joke falls flat.

He looks like he’s either going to yell at me or throw up. Either reaction confuses me so badly. “We’re coming, Tessa. You two don’t need to be in a cabin with Brendan alone, whether he’s our friend or not.”

“Why? I’m alone with you all the time. What’s the difference?” I demand, stepping closer to him in what’s meant to be a challenge, but he catches my waist, and I feel more off balance than I ever have.

His eyes flick down toward my lips and linger there. Do I have food in my teeth? Jesus, why does he keep looking at my mouth?

“Guess we’ll find out, won’t we?” he mutters, barely a whisper. Then he releases me, and he’s gone.

When the weekend comes and Britney’s parents drop us off at the cabin with enough food to last two weeks rather than two days, we unpack everything and rush to get ready before the guys get there.

“I can’t believe we’re having a real party,” she squeals as she pulls a soft pink cami on with her black skirt. She’s only three months older than I am, but she looks closer to three years older with her thick, black eyeliner and long, tan legs. Being best friends with the pretty, popular girl means I’m usually the third wheel when we’re together. Guys we meet gravitate toward her first. Guys I like ask me if I could get her to go out with them. It’s just the reality, and it’s something I’ve become used to, but this time, for once, it’s me the guy is coming for. I’ll be the one with someone to kiss tonight.

At that thought, my stomach balls up in a knot, and I feel like I’m going to vomit. I look over the clothes I brought to choose from. Everything in my pile that’s name brand is a hand-me-down from Britney, and most of the rest came from clothing donations to the church.

It’s not a good feeling to walk through town and know that anyone you pass might’ve been the original owner of what you’re wearing. I’m far from the only kid in school wearing hand-me-downs, but it gets to me sometimes.

I know Mom does the best she can on her own, but just once I’d like to be able to afford what Britney can.

“Oh. Can I borrow this?” Britney asks, snatching a long necklace with a key attached to it.

I nod, not really paying attention. “Sure. What should I wear?”

She muses over my options, tapping her finger to her chin. “Oh, how about this?” She grabs a navy strapless top and some of her blue jean shorts.

“I can’t wear your shorts. You’re smaller than I am.”

“Please.” She scoffs, shoving them toward me. “You want them to be a little too small. Trust me, you’re going to look so hot, Brendan won’t know what hit him.”

“I don’t know. My brother is going to be here,” I remind her hesitantly.

“And Garrett.” She wiggles her butt. “Why do you think I picked this skirt?”

“Disgusting,” I spit out. It’s exactly how I feel, but not because I find Garrett disgusting in the slightest. It’s just that the idea of Britney and Garrett together makes me want to die. “Since when do you like either of them?”

“I didn’t say I liked them, but they’re hot.” She shrugs at my dramatic grimace. “Sorry, but they are . And Tyra says flirting with cute boys never hurt anyone.”

She’s wrong because I feel like I’ve been split down the center with a scalpel. “Garrett doesn’t really date anyone. Or flirt, for that matter. You can have Will.”

She pauses her process of sorting through jewelry to look up at me. “Why?” A smile plays on her lips, then suddenly she’s launching across the bed toward me. “Oh my god, Tessa Becker, spill. Right now. Do you like Garrett?” She drops to her stomach, fists under her chin as she waits for the hot gossip.

“Gross, no.” The response is instant and impulsive. And a complete lie. Except I didn’t realize it until right this moment. I’ve never let myself consider the fact that I might like Garrett. “He’s my brother’s best friend.”

“That doesn’t make him ugly.” She grins with her tongue pressed between her teeth.

“I mean, yeah, he’s not ugly,” I admit, my insides swirling. What does this even mean? How am I supposed to look at him again? How am I supposed to be in the same room with him? He’s going to see it all over my face.

“But?” Britney prompts.

“But I have a boyfriend.”

“Mm-hmm. So you don’t care if I make out with him tonight?” She rolls off the bed and stands. With a pointed look, she rests a hand on her hip and waits.

She knows the answer. I can see it all over her face. I’m positively mortified and don’t know how to process any of this, nor do I have time to. Why didn’t I see it before?

I stare at her, rage and fear washing through me as images of Britney kissing Garrett flash in my mind as if flicking through channels. “I mean…you can do what you want, I guess?—”

She bursts out laughing, mouth open, and smacks the air. “ Girl! Why did I not know this before? You’ve got it bad!”

“I do not!” I cry, but it’s no use. She knows me. I cover my cheeks with my hands, trying and failing to hide my blush.

She purses her lips. “Maybe we should cancel on Brendan and tell Garrett he was sick and couldn’t make it. After Garrett gets here, of course.”

“Don’t be silly. If Garrett and Will get here and Brendan’s not here, they’ll just leave. He’s the only reason they’re coming. Besides, I like Brendan.”

“Okay, sure.” She gives me a look of mock sincerity.

“I’m serious.”

“No, totally.” Her cheeks are pink with delight as she beams, then she rushes to her bag, grabbing a strapless bra and tossing it to me. It’s the kind of push-up bra my mom would never allow me to wear. “Here. Put this on. Garrett—oops, I mean, Brendan —will love it.” She winks at me.

I scowl, tossing the bra across the room. “You’re the worst.”

She picks it up and hands it back. “Trust me, you’ll be thanking me later.” Once I’ve slipped it on, she admires me like a proud big sister. “And so will he.” She whistles just as the doorbell rings downstairs. She doesn’t bother to elaborate on which he she means.