Where the Darkness Goes

Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

TESSA — AGE 17

“Garrett,” Britney repeats, looking back over her shoulder at me. She wads the paper up without showing us, and I know exactly why she does because I saw my brother’s name on that slip, not Garrett’s.

I should say something. Not that I want it to be Will, obviously, but in the name of fairness, I should make her redraw, right? My eyes linger between the boys, trying to think as Britney zips down the hall to the storage closet between her parents’ bedroom and the laundry room.

“Right this way,” she sings, holding out a hand, and I refuse to look at Will. The awkwardness of this moment—my brother watching me inch toward the hallway, knowing what I’m about to do—is finally settling in.

I could stop all of this right now, have a chance to be with the guy I came with, but…when I find Garrett’s eyes looking at me, I know this is a chance I might not get again.

A chance to kiss him without worrying about what he’ll think or what Will might think. And he seems into it anyway. Or at least not repulsed by the idea.

Everyone is silent as they watch the two of us meet near the entrance to the hall, Garrett’s eyes on me. “Are you sure about this?”

Britney rushes back. “Come on, you two.”

“It’s just a stupid game,” I say with a sigh. “And if we don’t do it, she’ll just find an equally stupid game to make us play.”

“That’s right,” Britney sings again, tapping me on the nose with her finger. She takes my arm and pulls me down the hall. “Now, we’ll start the clock for seven minutes when I get back in the living room. Have fun.”

I step into the closet first, followed by Garrett. The room is spacious, as far as closets go, and filled mostly with towels and bed sheets rather than cleaning supplies, which they keep under the sink. As far as places to spend seven minutes, it’s not the worst.

It smells of laundry detergent and stale air, in that order. When Britney shuts the door, I hear her footsteps fading as she hurries away.

“Should we turn on the light?” Garrett asks, and to my surprise, his voice is shaking.

“Why? Are you afraid of the dark?” I tease.

He huffs a shaky breath. “You know we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to, right?”

“Obviously.” My heart sinks with what feels like rejection.

“I’m sorry I’m not Brendan.”

“Are you?” I lift my face to look in the direction of where he’s standing, though I can only see a vague outline of him in the darkness as my eyes adjust.

“Are you ?” he challenges.

“I asked you first.”

“Fine. No. I’m not sorry it’s me in here with you and not him. If you want to know the truth, there it is.”

It’s impossible he just said that, isn’t it? Unless he just didn’t want me in here with Brendan because he doesn’t want me doing anything at all. I’m starting to think he’s more overprotective than Will and Mom. “But you…don’t want to do anything.”

“I never said that.”

My fingers are ice cold, and I wring them together in my palms. “You said we don’t have to.”

“Unless you want to.”

“Do you want to?”

“Do you?”

I press my lips together, thinking. “I don’t know. I mean, it’s a game. It’s just a game, right? And you’re just a guy.”

“And you’re just a girl,” he agrees.

“And it would just be a kiss.”

The breath he releases is loud, like he’s been holding it in for a while. “Do you want me to kiss you, Tessa?”

“Are you just going to tease me about it with Will later? Say I don’t know what I’m doing, or I have chip breath or something?”

His hands come to my sides, holding me so gently it’s like a whisper against my skin. “I wouldn’t do that.”

I know it. Despite the question, I know he wouldn’t. “Okay.”

“Okay?” His fingers flex against my skin, and I can see him a bit better now. “Okay what?”

“Okay, we probably just have a few more minutes, so we should get this over with.”

“What a ringing endorsement. Is that how you woo all the guys?”

“Just the ones I like.”

He steps closer until I can feel his chest against mine, each rise and fall of his breath pushing us closer together. “I meant what I said earlier. And I know you heard me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You look pretty tonight. You always do.”

I don’t know what to do with my hands—this is Garrett we’re talking about—but I can’t keep holding them in between us, so I put them on his shoulders like we’re about to slow dance. “Are you nervous?”

“Kind of,” he admits. “I, um, I haven’t, I just want you to know I haven’t, I mean, I don’t, like, I haven’t done this with a ton of girls, you know? I don’t want you to think it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Seven minutes in heaven?”

His hand lifts to my face, thumb caressing my cheekbone. “Kissing you.”

“You haven’t kissed me yet.”

“I’m aware.”

“Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

“Have you…kissed a lot of guys?”

“You’re seriously asking me that right now?”

He laughs, resting his forehead against mine.

“No,” I answer. “I’ve only kissed one other person besides Brendan.”

He nods against my skin. “Okay. Are you ready?”

“Been here waiting.”

“Can you not make me laugh right now?”

“What would you rather me do?”

“I have a few ideas.”

He’s either too nervous or worried I’m too nervous, but if one of us doesn’t act, we’re going to run out of time. I push up against him, shoving him harder than I meant to, and his back hits the wall of shelves. He groans and lurches forward as several quilts fall from their places, knocking us to the ground. Outside, I hear Britney squeal while Will teases, “Don’t forget you’re not alone if Jesus is in there.”

We’re both laughing from the impact and looking around at the damage when I realize Garrett is on top of me now, his body balanced over mine. Slowly, his head turns toward me, and we’re face to face, just inches apart. I can feel his warm breath on my lips. The rest of my body tingles with the same sensation I get when my arm falls asleep. “Are you okay?” he whispers, but he’s not moving.

“I didn’t mean to shove you that hard.” I’m whispering, too, but I don’t know why. We’re safe in here, in our cocoon. The world out there doesn’t exist. Consequences. Awkwardness. Dealing with our feelings. For now, everything can wait. All that exists in this moment is him and me and the racing of our hearts.

“I’m not complaining.” Slowly, ever so slowly, his arms bend and he lowers himself closer to me, stopping only when his nose is brushing mine. “I’m going to kiss you now before I chicken out.”

“I knew you were afraid of the dark.”

“Shut up.” He eases his body weight down on top of mine, silencing every single joke in my head as his hand brushes hair from my face, his thumb smoothing over my cheek. I feel his touch all the way down to my toes.

This is actually about to happen.

I’m going to kiss Garrett Campbell.

I close my eyes, despite the darkness, and hold my breath as I feel his lips inch forward slowly, too slowly. They brush mine, feather light and not nearly enough. My heart is racing so fast my chest is going to explode and then— light.

“Time’s up!” The door swings open, and our cocoon evaporates.