Where the Darkness Goes

Chapter 45

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

TESSA — PRESENT DAY

Something heavy sits on my chest, making it hard to take a breath. When I open my eyes, something bright shines in them. I wince, squeezing them shut. The world is so bright, and my head is full of concrete. I can’t…focus. Can’t…

I’m drifting again, floating.

In the distance, someone is talking. A TV maybe, but just one voice.

A man’s voice.

His voice.

“Not like this. He doesn’t get to win, Tessa. Do you hear me? That man took you from me once. I refuse to let him take you again. I love you too much for this to be it. You have to wake up.”

Garrett. My heart swells at the thought of him, warms as if touched by sunshine. Eyes still closed, I reach for him. His head is lying on me, and I run my fingers through his hair. He tenses under my touch, and after a few moments, I hear him whisper, “She doesn’t get to go like this. I can’t lose her, man. I’m not letting her go. This can’t be it for her.”

He thinks I’m Will. I open my mouth, clawing to find my voice, though the muscles don’t seem to want to work. My throat is dry and scratchy, like it’s filled with sand. I can’t seem to swallow. I clear my throat, forcing air out in the form of words. “It’s…not.”

His body goes still against me—completely frozen—then, slowly, the weight is lifted from my stomach. I force my eyes open again, needing to see his face.

“Tessa?” His voice is hesitant, like he doesn’t believe it.

How long have I been out?

The light burns my eyes, but I can’t close them because there he is. “Oh my god.” The words come out of his mouth on a choked sob. He clutches my face, pressing a kiss to my head, my cheeks, my nose, my lips. “Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. You’re awake. Can you hear me? Are you okay? Oh my god. Will!”

Sleep fights for me, clawing me back to its depths, but then my brother is in my face, and they’re both laughing and hugging and squeezing my hands.

“She’s okay. She’s okay,” Garrett repeats over and over, like he needs to hear it to believe it himself.

“We should get the doctor,” Will says, though neither of them move.

“Are you okay?” Garrett croaks. “Are you hurting?”

“Do you remember what happened?” Will sits down on the edge of my bed, and Garrett takes the spot on the opposite side.

The memories come in flashes. Mom. Garrett. Will. Pastor Charles. It’s all there. The truth and the lies, the heartbreak and the secrets. Britney is gone. Mom still isn’t better. Garrett loves me.

My eyes flick to him, a bit more of what he said moments ago coming back to me. “You love me.” It’s not a question. I don’t have to wonder anymore. It’s just a fact. A safe space to land. Mad and sad and hurt as I am, he is my soft place to land. My light in the darkness.

He kisses my hand. “I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”

Will pretends to roll his eyes, then looks at me again. “Did you happen to forget all the stuff about being mad at me?”

I fight to suppress my smile. Of course I haven’t forgotten, but none of it matters anymore. I don’t need to know how it’s going to work out to know that it will. I have the two men I need in my life—my two best friends—and the rest will come with time.

The guys spend the next few minutes taking turns filling me in on everything I missed: That Pastor Charles is being held in jail for attacking me. That Mom and Mabel have been conspiring against him together for years. That Britney was sleeping with Pastor Charles. That he killed her to protect that secret, as well as his others. That Sheriff Ward believes us. That Mabel has told Sheriff Ward she’s willing to testify and say Charles acted alone, leaving the boys out of the investigation into the stolen goods. That they’ve just been waiting for me to wake up, to come home to them.

“I think that’s everything,” Garrett says, tracing a line down my finger. “It’s a lot to take in.”

It is, but it’s what I needed to hear. “The victims in this are getting their justice. We did that.”

He places a hand on my stomach, and Fourth of July sparklers ignite under my skin. “I’m so sorry we left you alone.”

Alone. I remember that feeling with Pastor Charles at the house. How I was so completely alone. I never want to feel that way again. “But you saved me.”

“Hey, I get some credit for that, too,” Will cuts in with a smirk.

“Thank you, both.” I dust away a tear.

Will looks between us with a soft smile, then stands and runs his hands over his knees, sighing. “Alright, well, I’m going to let the doctor know she’s awake. Then I’m going home to shower. I’ll bring you a change of clothes from home, assuming you aren’t leaving her side.”

Garrett nods. “Thanks.”

“You’ll be okay?” He’s looking at me as he asks.

“I think I’ll manage. Will you do me a favor, though?”

“Anything.”

“Call Mom and tell her what happened. Let her know he’s going to go down for everything and that I’ll visit as soon as I can. She can hear us. It’s important she hears that.”

“I’d been planning to go tell her,” he says, “but I didn’t want to leave you.”

“She needs to know now. She doesn’t deserve to wait another day living with the fear of him. She needs to know the light won this time.” Tears prick my eyes.

“I’ll tell her.” Will kisses the top of my head, then points at Garrett with a warning glance. “Take care of her.”

“You know I will.”

“I know.”

Something unspoken passes between them, a moment of eye contact that I don’t understand, before Will leaves the room. When he does, Garrett rests his chin on his fists. “God, I really thought I was going to lose you.”

“I still had plenty of yelling at you left to do. What can I say?”

He laughs under his breath.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Anything.”

“Even when I was mad at you, I still knew it would be okay with us. I can’t explain it other than to say it felt…safe. I think I’ve always known we’d end up together.” I meet his eyes. “Does that make sense?”

He puffs out a ragged breath, running a hand over his mouth. “Does it make sense?” He shakes his head. “I’ve just been waiting for you to figure it out.” I dry his tears with my thumb, and he pulls my hand to his mouth, kissing my palm. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner about everything with Will and Charles. I should have.”

“Yes,” I agree. “But I understand why you didn’t.”

“You do?” He swallows.

“You were protecting me. Like you always have been. I know you.”

His eyes line with fat tears. “We know each other pretty well, don’t we, Little Bit?”

“Better than anyone else.” A new question forms in my mind. “I have to ask you something.”

“Okay, but I request at least a month off before I’ll agree to solving any more mysteries.” He strokes my hand, sending chills up my arm at the sensation. I never want him to let me go.

“Deal.” My smile fades away. I run my fingers through his, caressing his hand. “So, if I’m remembering correctly, for a while you thought we might be siblings, and that’s why you broke up with me?”

He scratches his neck, then nods. “But we aren’t.”

“Did you already know that we weren't the night of your graduation party? The night out on the deck?”

Scarlet stains his cheeks, and he looks down. “No, I didn’t.” The words hit me square in the chest. “And that’s pretty sick. Trust me, I know. I tried to stay away from you. I did. But I just…at that moment, I didn’t care. I couldn’t care. When it comes to you, everything else falls away. I did what I did that night with full knowledge of how wrong it might be, but I wanted you more than I wanted to be right. I don’t know if that’s a good answer, or if you’re going to need some time with it, or if you’re totally repulsed by me now, or whatever. Or maybe you hate me because I took that choice away from you. I should’ve asked permission, I should’ve told you everything, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t, and I couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t want to. That’s the truth. I promised you I would tell you the truth about everything if you just woke up again, so there it is. I would never have stopped wanting you, no matter what that test said. You are it for me, Tessa Becker. You’re inside me. A part of me.” He touches his chest. “As much a part of me as the blood in my veins and the air in my lungs. I don’t know that I could exist without you. I’m just really hoping I never have to find out.”

I release a breath, letting the truth sink in. I don’t need to think for long to know it doesn’t change anything for me. I can’t say I would’ve done anything differently if I’d been in his shoes. Knowing what Garrett was going through that night puts so much into perspective. I’ll never forget the strained look in his eyes—his mind clearly warring with itself—as he tried to maintain restraint, then the look of relief when he finally gave in. For better or worse, this man is mine. And I am his. No one has ever held me so completely as he does. “You didn’t take my choice away from me.” I stroke his face again. “There was never any choice.”

He squeezes his eyes shut with such palpable relief it kills me.

“I love you too, you know,” I whisper.

“No,” he says, the word carrying so much weight as his eyes go glassy. “I didn’t.” He leans forward and presses his lips to mine. His kiss isn’t everything I’m used to from him—it’s gentle and sweet and still utterly perfect. I’m realizing the lackluster kisses in my past were not about technique. They simply weren’t enough because they weren’t him. He’s a hard act to follow. “I love you.”

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Anything.” The response comes in an instant.

“Can you text Will and ask him to give Mom another message for me?”

He pulls his phone out. “Sure. What is it?”

“Could you ask him to tell her I’m staying?”

He starts to type the message but freezes when he realizes what I’ve said. “You’re staying?”

“Turns out we were no good at the whole long-distance thing.”

“Are you sure? I’ll move to you,” he blurts, his words rushed. “I know your mom and Will would love to have you here, but please don’t do this because of me. I will go wherever you go. Wherever your life is, I will be there. Whatever makes you happy.”

I lift his hand to my mouth and press a kiss to his palm. “ You make me happy. You are my home and my safe place and my very best friend. You’re all I need, and I love you. This—you and me—wherever we are will always be more than enough .”

I say those three words slowly, dragging them out to remind him of that night. Everything he told me I deserved is exactly what he’s given me. Despite all the heartache and the confusion, the years we spent apart and the things we still need to figure it out, we know what matters now.

Truth.

Love.

Happiness.

He kisses me again, this time with a bit more of the fire that I’m used to. He’s coming back to me. We always manage to find our way back. He bites my lip gently, and the butterflies in my stomach scatter.

“I hope you know you’re mine, Tessa Becker,” he whispers, and I know what he’ll say next. I close my eyes, thinking back on the moment that started it all as I hear the words I hope to hear every day for the rest of my life. “Because I sure as hell have always been yours.”

I guess Pastor Charles made at least one good point. What’s in our veins does matter, and at this moment, I know without a doubt Garrett Campbell will forever be in mine.