Who’s Your Daddy (Secret santa daddy, season four)

Chapter 13

Terrence

“Houston, we have a problem.” A big one that involved a lot of people.

Leander groaned just like I knew he would. “The last time you started a phone call like that you were in jail.”

“That wasn’t my fault…neither is this.” Some people did stupid shit. “Enzo’s cousins set up a playdate with the whole family and now I have to pretend to be boring or normal or something . Oh, and how do I explain my job?”

People just had to keep complicating my life.

“I thought we had more time for me to plan shit like this.” At least it hadn’t been Daddy’s fault?

“You’re going to start at the beginning. What playdate? Who’s Enzo?” Leander sucked in a breath and then answered his own question. “Wait. Is that your Daddy’s name ?”

Hadn’t I told him that?

Maybe not.

“Yeah, it’s good to finally know it, but I’ve just been calling him Daddy, so now I have to practice using his name. Enzo. Enzo.” I groaned as I imagined how bad that was going to be. “That’s going to be so hard. Most of the time he’s either been Bored Guy or Frowning Guy or Daddy in my head. Switching now is going to be painful.”

Once I got used to something, it stuck.

Leander snickered, clearly understanding the gravity of the situation. “Yeah, you’re totally going to call him Daddy when you meet…who are you meeting? Who’s having a playdate? Who are his cousins? Wait. Does he work with just his relatives? Were you flirting with them? God, Terrence. You’ve said inappropriate shit to his relatives already .”

Oh.

“Um, yeah. I hadn’t really thought about it like that…and they kind of saw me naked…well, I had a towel on. My water heater died. Evidently, that’s older than dirt too. The plumber might’ve lied so he could leave faster. It was a mess, but yeah, they’ve seen me in a towel and pajamas and I know they’re all hung like donkeys. Big dicks and preferences for tight pants run in the family.”

It was good to know I wasn’t the only exhibitionist Daddy knew, though.

Leander went back to groaning, so I decided to try to answer some of his questions. “Um, let’s see. Yes, he works with his cousins but the family breeds like rabbits, so there seems to be a lot more that I haven’t met yet.”

Judging by Daddy’s expression, it was a lot a lot.

“One owns that little Italian place you keep saying you want to go to.” Which was actually handy. “We went there for our first date last night and it was really good. The waiter was even really good at ignoring how wiggly I was.”

“You had noodles on your first date?” Leander’s shocked tone made me giggle. “Really?”

“Noodles and lemonade and we played toys later. It was supposed to be just for practice and he knew that, but I wasn’t at my biggest.” I didn’t think Daddy had figured it out, though. “He’s going to be a good Daddy.”

“You had noodles at a restaurant in public and he came back this morning?” Leander paused, then I paused, and then he sighed. “Your Daddy went home last night, right?”

Well, he’d stayed at a home last night…but Leander would get dramatic with that logic and I didn’t have time for anyone else’s drama but my own. “No. We had orgasms and then a sleepover.”

Giggling, Leander couldn’t seem to find his words for a few seconds. “God, Terrence.”

He said that a lot.

“I made him muffins this morning and got some work done and then the rest of the guys came over. The cousins guys. They had muffins. Then they tattled on themselves. Then I came down to complain about the water problem and then Daddy explained the family dinner problem. Then I told Daddy I wasn’t going to make them cookies because they’d been naughty. I gave him permission to spank them. He might not need it because they’re family, but not the naughty family kind of family, but hands on butts seems like something I needed to agree to first.”

Probably.

Daddy hadn’t said it was wrong, though, so I was going to stick with being right.

Leander was back to groaning. “You make me say the weirdest shit, but I want to know if he starts spanking his cousins. Naughty family or not naughty family.”

Leander was naughty too.

“Fine. I don’t think he’s the spank in anger type but he’s been glaring at them all morning and kissing my cheek every time he sees me. So he knows we’ve got a problem.” It was nice to have a smart Daddy. “His cousins must be dumber than I thought.”

Maybe I shouldn’t ask if Leander wanted one of them.

“ Did you tell your Daddy that you didn’t want to meet his family ?” Somehow Leander made that sound like he was in a scary movie and the monster was in the next room. “You didn’t. Tell me you didn’t.”

He was so strange sometimes.

“I don’t lie to Daddy unless it’s something I’ve done wrong.” That should’ve been obvious. “And he knew it’s a bad idea too. I’m not family ready. I can’t even remember which name goes with which cousin.”

I knew their favorite cookie flavors and what would make them laugh or blush but that wasn’t enough information to public with them. What if one of their mothers or weird relatives started quizzing me?

I’d fail.

That was not acceptable.

I was a straight A student no matter what.

“I haven’t practiced peopling around them.” We were supposed to do this kind of stuff in small steps. “I’ve just been me.”

And I was kind of annoying, so I needed to be eased into family member stuff.

Even my own family didn’t like me.

Leander was still horrified but he wasn’t in any state to explain it. “But you…that’s…we don’t…”

“We don’t be honest?” That would never work. “He knows I’m strange. That’s not a surprise.”

The fact that he knew I was weird and he still wanted to date me was a shock, but it was like a surprise party kind of startled, so it wasn’t bad.

Leander groaned for a few more seconds before he shoved his drama back. “First of all, it’s not polite to tell your partner you don’t want to meet their family. Period. I’m right. Don’t argue. I know more about social situations than you do.”

“Fine.” We’d already established that his social IQ was much higher than mine. But we couldn’t be smart about everything. It wasn’t how brains worked and everyone had something they were good at. Ordering coffee just right. Handling social situations. Knowing how to get the cheapest groceries.

Coupons were more confusing than people wanted to admit.

But Leander couldn’t use them right either, so I stayed on track. “I won’t do that again without talking to you so you can help me be subtle.”

We’d get a lot more done if he stopped groaning.

“I’ll take that. Okay, second. You are not strange. You’re just really smart and kind of awkward. That’s not strange, though.” He seemed ready to argue about that, so I just made agreeing sounds.

Letting him be right sometimes saved a lot of headaches in the long run…but it’d taken me a while to get to the point where I understood that.

“Third, if your Daddy is hiding you from his family, you need a new Daddy.” Leander was getting worked up again, so I jumped in.

“No. Daddy knew it would make me stressed.” That’d been very obvious. “We’ve only had one date and we haven’t even exchanged limits lists yet, Leander.”

Dropping my voice, I was careful not to offend Daddy with the next part. “He doesn’t even know what foods I don’t like and he thinks it’s okay to buy me noodles in public. He’s not ready to take me to meet family.”

Leander’s groan was less drama and more understanding. “God, Terrence. They’re an Italian family. You’re fucked. All they’ll probably eat is pasta.”

Oh dear.

“Why didn’t you tell me that to start with?” He always saved the biggest problems for last. It had to be his dramatic nature coming into play, but it wasn’t helpful. “I haven’t even been worrying about the right things.”

Just great.

I was going to have to be big and boring and polite while eating noodles.

I was totally screwed.

****

“Leander pointed out something I hadn’t thought about.” Cool and calm—it wouldn’t help the situation if I was as dramatic as he’d been. “Your family is Italian and they eat lots of noodles. Pasta. They eat pasta.”

Did grown-ups say noodles?

Did Italian grown-ups say noodles?

Daddy stood in the doorway blinking for a few seconds before he nodded. “Yes, I can see how that would be stressful from your point of view.”

I was really glad he wasn’t as stupid as his cousins.

“I think my family is just going to assume you’re playful and a bit interesting, though.” Daddy must’ve seen the skepticism on my face because he almost smiled. “I’m going to have Orlando tell his mother about how smart you are.”

Oh.

“Leander says really smart people see the world differently.” It almost sounded like a compliment but most of the time when he said that it was him muttering to himself and rolling his eyes. He and God kept having discussions about that too.

“I like how you see things and I think you’re cute.” Daddy shrugged. “But we’re going to use that logic to make my family ignore anything that might make them curious otherwise.”

Hmm.

“So I do something weird and one of your cousins is just going to shrug and say, ‘Huh, smart people are interesting,’ and we all move on with the conversation?” It might work.

Maybe.

“I’m going to try really hard to fit in and not be rude.” I’d end up being rude somehow but I was going to try.

Daddy gave me a sexy glare. “Come here.”

Yay.

I was all for snuggles or spanks or cuddles or attention.

It was a bit too close to the afternoon for me to be getting much done anyway. “Yes, Daddy.”

Bouncing up from my chair, I hurried around my desk and crashed into his chest. “We need a plan for when I call you Daddy instead of Enzo. I haven’t used that word enough.”

Daddy managed not to laugh but his chest jerked a few times and sent sparks through me.

Oops.

“You can’t laugh around them either. You know that, right?” I thought that rule would be very obvious but Daddy went very still. “You hadn’t thought about that part.”

“You need more comfy Daddy chairs around the house.” Daddy seemed to have decided to be stubborn and weird too because he ignored the new problem and picked me up like I was a pile of lumber. “Let’s go to the playroom.”

“Toys don’t fix everything, Daddy. Just most things.” And I wasn’t sure this was one of those things.

“Cuddles will fix the rest, though.” Daddy wasn’t even breathing hard when he reached the playroom, but he nodded toward the door. “I don’t have enough hands.”

Giggling, I was a good boy and opened the door. “There you go, Daddy.”

Ugh.

“Enzo.”

Yes, I could remember that.

Daddy snorted. “You’re never going to remember that.”

“It’d be nice if you lie to me about that. If you tell your brain positive things, it will be easier for it to remember to do positive things.” Scrunching my eyes closed, I took a deep breath as Daddy sat us down in his chair. “I’m going to remember to call Daddy Enzo. I’m going to remember his name is Enzo.”

He snickered.

The shiver he sent through me again didn’t help the situation. “That’s naughty.”

And he giggled.

“I know.” He was behaving badly, but he kissed my cheek. “You just look so cute, though.”

Curling into him, I sighed. “What will they say if I call you Daddy?”

“That you’re not as weird as this second cousin I have that spent most of his early teen years pretending to be a horse at every family event?” Daddy said that with such a relaxed tone it took me a few seconds to realize it wasn’t the answer I’d been expecting.

“Huh?” Sitting up, I frowned at him as he shrugged. “Really? But just like one of those kids who’s really into horses, right? I knew a girl like that who all she wanted to do was ride. I think horses might have one of those weird parasites that make you like them better. Like cats. But I just haven’t gotten around to learning how to study it.”

There just weren’t enough hours in the day sometimes.

Daddy blinked a few times. “That would actually make a lot of sense, but no. He didn’t ride and wasn’t pretending to be a jockey.”

Oh.

“What did the rest of the family do?” Had they been mean to him?

“Brought lots of carrots and apples to the family dinners and then worked the gossip grapevine to fix him up with a woman who wears a startling amount of leather. No one has asked what they do in their spare time but he’s not a pony at family dinner anymore.”

Because he was getting that need filled elsewhere.

“I’m a human even when I’m interesting.” So maybe they wouldn’t notice. “I like carrots and apples, though, so if they get confused, it’ll be fine.”

“See? There’s an upside already.” Daddy pulled me back against his chest and kissed my head. “We’re not going to worry about that, though.”

It was nice he was such a positive thinker.

It wasn’t helpful…but it was nice.

“Right now, I’m more worried about them overwhelming you and suffocating you.” Rubbing my back, Daddy gave me another kiss. “They don’t understand personal space or privacy or common sense. So I’m going to apologize right now for whatever rude thing they say or stupid question they ask.”

I was going to have to tell Leander about this…Daddy thought they were going to be the problem, not me.

“I can be patient.” Hopefully. “And I won’t tell them if they ask a stupid question and I won’t act bored even if I’m bored. I can do that.”

For a short period of time.

It was going to be fine…and I was going to keep telling myself that over and over.